Title: Reconfiguration
Summary: A few minutes delay is all it takes to change the course of lives, and Atem is not certain if he should thank the gods or curse them for this shift in his destiny. For what did it mean for his fate, this chance to know the world again in his own flesh? What good might come from this chance to linger so solidly in a world he was meant to leave? [Puzzleshipping, Canon Branch-Off]
Rating: T for Teen.
Author: Phoebe Delos
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! DM
Spoilers: Pretty much the full series (manga edition).
Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! isn't mine. Neither are any of the games I mentioned in here.
Notes: Here's my belated FFN upload of this chapter! Apologies for the wait.
:: Monday, June 22 ::
"Whoo, no cheap discount bentos for me today! You're the best, Bakura! Getting stuff from your kitchen is like getting to eat like a king!"
"Haha, it's really nothing, Jounouchi-kun. If you wanted me to make you a home bento before, all you had to do was ask. I would have said yes anytime."
"Be careful, Bakura-kun. If you offer something like that, Jounouchi will instantly take you up on it and expect the same everyday."
"Hey! Stop acting like I'm taking advantage of him or something, Anzu! –And stop discouraging him, that sounds awesome!"
"How is that not proving my point?!"
"Are they like this every morning?"
"We don't usually walk together to school," Honda answered Otogi instantly and easily… even as his head kept tilting to the side so that he could eye the two behind them.
The gathered friends were walking to school together after their long weekend at Bakura's, but they had strung themselves out pretty loosely along the road due to their varying strides and energies: some rushing ahead, some hanging back… and the shortest two of the group were trailing behind at quite a distance. And no matter how Honda strained to hear what they were saying over Anzu and Jounouchi's banter and Otogi's comments, he couldn't make out a thing.
But if Honda had been closer, he would have realized Yuugi and Atem weren't talking at all.
Their friends' squabble echoed back at them amongst a spray of outside noises– passing cars, people talking, some distant construction, the whole lot of it hummed in the narrow distance between former vessel and spirit. A mere few inches marked one bent elbow from the other, the hand Atem wasn't supporting his duffel with stuffed in his pocket, Yuugi's own two gripping the straps of his school bag. Clenching them, really, as he kept his face turned forward… but his eyes kept skimming to his right.
To Atem.
He wasn't looking back at him, though. Atem was glowering hard at the sidewalk, as if caught in some deep, troubling thought, not even aware of Yuugi and his staring… so, it was perfectly natural for Yuugi to trip a little when Atem suddenly shot a glance his way.
And if Yuugi instantly dodged his gaze– that was just ruffled shock.
Even when the shock wore off, though, Yuugi couldn't bring himself to look back… even as he felt Atem's eyes burning on his cheek.
Even as he spoke.
"Aibou?"
"Ah… yeah?"
"It's fine. You don't need to look at me like that."
Yuugi grimaced, face heating with the proof that Atem had noticed because of course he had. They… they hadn't had a moment alone since they got up that morning, everyone too focused on cleaning up their weekend mess, eating breakfast, and prepping for the school day to notice Yuugi quietly tossing glance after uncertain glance at his lookalike as they went about their business… but of course Atem himself noticed!
Thus called out, Yuugi finally looked at the other, uncertainty hanging in his eyes even as Atem smiled for him– even as he broke their gaze again himself to face forward, his expression… draining, eyes caught on some far-off point. On some horizon Yuugi couldn't see– even as he recognized that focus itself all too easily. "I didn't mean to surprise you like that… but you really don't need to worry about it. It was an impulse move, and I won't do it again if it bothers you."
Yuugi pressed his lips together against a would-be, sharply frazzled outburst.
To hear Atem talk, you'd think they were speaking of some sort of nervous tic or something!
And– and honestly… it was never what Atem did that mattered. It was… it was how he had looked at him when he did it.
It… it was…
…
But Yuugi didn't know how to say it. Couldn't even focus on finding the words to try when his mind fogged over with the slowly rising realization that… that Atem hadn't– denied anything. Hadn't even… even excused it.
He was just… trying to let it go. As if… as if that was all he could do, because–
Yuugi gulped, and followed Atem's example. Faced the street ahead and… and tried to answer, even as his mind raced a hundred miles an hour in the other direction. "I'm not worried or anything."
"You're not?"
Yuugi shook his head, glowering at his other self's quiet, flat, unconvinced tone. "No, of course not! You didn't do anything wrong, I just–"
–!
Yuugi stopped, eyes wide and blind, every muscle in his body, every limb frozen stiff.
Es… especially… his hand. The hand pried gently away from his bag strap.
Into Atem's grasp.
Caught, but cradled, just… just like how Yuugi had held his… last night.
He didn't dare even twitch, but he turned his head, just a bit, to look at Atem. So that he could see him– turn his blank, struck gaze on him.
But Atem was already looking away, the opposite way, frowning a frown that made Yuugi's swirling guts crash and drop. Before he could react, Atem let go of him, stuffed his hand back into his pocket, and started forward again.
Away from him.
"Sorry, that was uncalled for."
"What, it– no!" He couldn't think, didn't even have time to think, but perhaps that was for the best. If Yuugi had stopped to think about it, he might not have actually rushed to catch up, grappled for Atem's wrist, or slid his grip down to his hand when it came loose from his pocket. He might not have ended up standing there, in broad daylight, holding the man's hand as he insisted, "It's fine, mou hitori no boku! It– it's fine…"
The last words came out so quiet that they were practically a whisper… but everything else around them was a hum, too, as Atem stopped. Stalled, went still… and didn't pull away.
Just turned around on slow, stiff feet, and looked back at him… his gaze just as lost as Yuugi's.
Just as confused.
Just as breathless as he looked down at their caught hands… and then slowly back up– at Yuugi.
So confused.
And Yuugi had no answers for him. He had no idea what he was doing, either. But… but, he found that he really wasn't troubled by that. He was confused, too, that was true. But he felt no fear or alarm for the feeling that beat in his chest as he stood there, caught in the twin traps of Atem's warm hand, and soft, puzzled eyes… eyes that asked what he was doing.
Yuugi didn't answer. He just held on, pressed his fingers into the center of that rough palm until… until slowly… slowly, Atem's fingers folded around his, too.
And a shiver crawled up Yuugi's spine, old and new and chilled and so, so sweet.
"Hey! Yuugi! Atem!"
Yuugi jerked back.
His hand was free and his face was burning even before the voice fully registered, but conscious recognition prompted him to trip around a once again stiff Atem to holler back at a waving Jounouchi, "W-what is it?!"
"Come on, guys!" his best friend cried, his voice sharp, impatient, and clearly ignorant of what had just been happening. His view, it– it must have been blocked by Atem's body, and– "I had to double back when we saw you were missing! Come on, we're going to be late! You want to try and jump the gate or something?!"
"–You should go."
Yuugi blinked, everything moving too fast for his shaken mind to keep up with, but still– two seconds late, he jerked about to see Atem stuffing his hand back into his pocket and walking away, the direction they had just come, and– "What– what are you–?" Yuugi swallowed, grimacing. Damn it, his voice was way too strained there!
But it seemed like his struggle was worth something as his other self stopped and gave a quiet little chuckle, looking over his shoulder to shoot him a smile– a soft thing that made Yuugi's stomach turn with warmth and suspicion both. "I need to get back to the shop. You go on ahead. Jounouchi's right, you don't want to get locked out, do you?"
"No, but–"
"Guys!" Jounouchi called, cutting into Yuugi's protest and making him flinch with his scattered focus. "What's up?! Is everything okay?!"
"Yeah, we're fine!" Yuugi insisted, his head whipping back and forth between the two. "I'll be right there! I just have to– w-wait–" he finished quietly as he turned back, making the retreating Atem stop again as he asked, "Can we… talk after school?" Yuugi felt his own throat close up as he asked, but the idea of Atem walking away like this–
Yuugi swallowed his tension as Atem looked back at him again, expression… solemn this time, completely still even as a frenzy of emotions played across his eyes… but just as the pressure in Yuugi's gut felt like it was too much, something gave in Atem's face– and he nodded. "After school."
Yuugi didn't know a person could relax and tense at the same time, but it sure felt like he did both as he nodded, mumbling a "Good… good…" as he stared at his own feet… only to throw himself headfirst into turning around and running after Jounouchi. "I'll… see you later, then!"
Atem didn't answer… but he was still there. Yuugi saw that when he glanced back just as he reached his best friend. And after he finished assuring Jounouchi that he was good, that Atem just needed to go back to the shop, and they should hurry and run to catch up with the others? Just as Yuugi turned a corner some blocks ahead, he glanced back one more time…
And Atem was still there, watching him go.
"What's your hurry, huh? The shop's not open for another hour, there's no need to rush!" Sugoroku laughed, pausing his sweep of the front step as his adopted temporary family member made for the household door. "Come on, tell me what you were up to this weekend! Hanging out with your friends, and Yuugi– and a sleepover with a girl present to boot! You think I'll accept 'it was fun' and leave it at that?"
"I'll be happy to share the details," Atem assured, managing at least a twitch of a smile in the face of the older man's good humor. "But I should put up my bag and change first. I can always tell you more in the store."
"Right, right," Sugoroku allowed with a sigh. "There's always the quiet hour before lunch kicks in…"
Atem knew he should reply at least somehow, but… but he didn't want to press his luck. Sugoroku didn't seem suspicious yet, and with something of a half-opening before him, Atem took it, heading into the house while the older Mutou was lost in thought about the day's likely activity.
Coming inside, he heard Yui moving about inside… and shut his mouth against the impulse to call out his entrance. Instead, Atem moved as quietly as he could to remove his shoes and climb the stairs, bypassing the open door of the family room as quickly as possible.
She didn't catch him.
Less than a minute later he was upstairs, the bedroom door shut behind him, an empty room before him… and he was finally alone.
And for a few seconds he just stood there, taking in the solitude… and then, slowly, he lifted his hand and stared at it.
The hand that had been holding his partner's less than an hour ago… and last night.
If he concentrated, he could still…
Atem's jaw started to ache from the clench of his teeth, and he countered the pain by clenching his hand.
What had he done?
The thought had been beating through his head all night, louder and louder and clearer with every minute, and every time he looked up that morning to find Yuugi there, staring at him but refusing to meet his eye? That question had screamed anew in his ear, because–
What had he done?
Why had he done that?
He knew why, of course, at least on a purely logical level. Atem had been too caught up in his own head, the things he had realized too raw in his thoughts when Yuugi touched him, and… and he had had no time to build up a front to his reaction to that. He had just… acted.
And now his partner knew. There was no way Yuugi hadn't guessed something of the truth, and Atem knew himself well enough. If Yuugi asked him about it, confronted him directly? Atem wouldn't be able to lie… and he couldn't avoid the issue now. Yuugi would… Yuugi wouldknow… no, likely already knew.
And he… he had…
Atem opened eyes he didn't remember shutting to stare unseeing at his partner's desk as he thought, because… what did Yuugi think?
He had… humored him, at least. At the very least Yuugi hadn't pushed him away, wasn't put off or anything, that much was clear. He was…trying… and… and back there, Atem could have sworn… Was it… was it nerves or the idea of it all that had made Yuugi blush, and look at him like that? Or…
…
But he was troubled, too.
Even if he had seen Yuugi blushing back there, his partner was… was nervous around him now, and uncertain. Uncertain how to face him. Uncertain how to deal with him.
The thought rolled in Atem's stomach and threatened bile beneath his tongue.
He swallowed back the reaction with a grimace and an angry thought as he moved further into the room, tossing his duffel onto the bed before slumping down beside it… staring at his own hands.
What did he expect Yuugi to do, exactly? Push him away and turn his back in anger or disgust? No, however he might actually feel, Yuugi was never cruel. And it was in his nature to reach out, not push away. Even… even if Yuugi recovered from his shock only to find himself uncomfortable with this, he would do everything he could to… to make it right. Hide his distress in favor of fixing this.
And Atem couldn't stand that. Couldn't stand the thought of his partner hiding more pain and worries for his sake, and– and if Yuugi did do that? Buried his true feelings? Atem would never even be sure of it. Yuugi… he could be so hard to read when it came to something he didn't want to trouble anyone over. He always wore his heart on his sleeve, but a smile over his tears. And if he grew upset over this, he'd do thatnow for sure… for Atem… He was just that kind, and considerate, and…
Atem's fingers caught tight in the fabric about his knees as he looked up, his eyes finally focusing again as they caught on a picture, sitting on his partner's low bookcase… a picture of Yuugi smiling between Anzu and Honda, caught under Jounouchi's arm.
It was taken nearly a year ago, last summer, well before Atem had started properly talking to his partner… but still he smiled at it. At the memory of that happy, simple joy ricocheting loudly through that soul, not a single complication or bittersweet strand of emotion present to sour the emotion.
Yuugi was so happy then… and he had looked so happy last night, with him.
Atem had underlined what they were, made Yuugi smile, only to… and how could they ignore this? How could he expect Yuugi to forget what he did, and not think about it? Go back to that ease they had just found?
What would happen to them now? To them and their… bond…
And…
Atem breathed in a tight, struggling breath, and dropped his gaze back to his hands, suddenly sharply aware of his own skin. Of… of his ownhands, and what they could touch.
What they had touched.
…What… what if… what if Atem was wrong, and Yuugi's shock didn't turn to distress? What if his partner actually didn't mind, and… and his blushes, and his glances, and his grip, it all meant… it all actually meant…
…
Atem wasn't sure why it occurred to him, or why it seemed the best, most logical thing to do in that moment, but all the same, as he struggled to find some steady ground for his heart? For something to distract him from dangerous, flailing hopes?
His gaze caught on a long, bright tin box tucked into the bottom right corner of that bookcase… and he went to it.
He had never touched it before, but knew well enough what he would find inside. It was a box of memories, after all, not secrets, of things Yuugi wanted to remember. And so, Atem remembered, too. And as he opened it up, a splash of nostalgia probably too personal washed over his heart for the things inside. Little bits and knick-knacks that would likely mean nothing to anyone else…
A handful of old ticket stubs Yuugi's grandmother had kept from their earliest trips to the movies, passed on to Yuugi after she died, stuffed in a basic cheap ziploc bag.
A little handheld game, gifted to and then handed back broken by Anzu back in grade school.
A red glove with a clunky wristband with a bunch of golden stars stuck in it.
A pack of birthday cards all tied together, sent by Yuugi's father, one for every year.
And a bunch of other things, but the cards were on top, since the latest was sent just a few weeks ago, and Yuugi had made a point to put it away as fast as possible, lest it get lost or thrown away.
But… but what Atem was looking for was just below it, added only a few months ago.
Just a tiny slip of paper, white, folded down the middle, but… but it was special, because it was the only thing in the box that was solelyAtem's.
Even if Yuugi was the one who made it.
Finding it easily, Atem pulled it out– gaze catching and hanging briefly on the solved white puzzle just below it before he shut the box and put it back, leaving only the piece of paper in his hand… which he unfolded after a long, hesitant pause.
He didn't really need it. He had memorized the little note long ago, but… but Atem still found himself leaning against the side of Yuugi's desk, eyes catching on the familiar script, and reading the sweet words all over again.
Mou Hitori no Boku, I never expected to find someone like you, but I am so happy that I did. And I just wanted to give you these to say, I really liked making them with you. Which isn't any surprise, because I like doing anything with you, but I just wanted to let you know. And to say, let's just keep doing stuff like this, and spend every day we can together, okay? Because nothing could measure up to the time I get to spend with you.
The note Yuugi had left him on Valentine's Day that year, when he made treats for all of his friends, Atem included.
The chocolates that had come with the note were long gone, eaten well before White Day approached and Atem returned the favor with a gift and sentiments of his own, but… these words remained. The feeling remained.
And Atem remembered the feelings that had struck him when he first read this– as bittersweet as the chocolate that had come with them. But… but Yuugi had just smiled for him, and never spoken of the note.
It had said all it needed to on its own.
He had just… Yuugi had treasured their time together, the same as Atem, and knowing that had been all Atem needed, and… and that was what they had already, now! At… at least until yesterday, before… and then Atem, he…
Atem rolled his jaw, grimacing as he let his hand, note and all, fall into his lap.
Had he… messed up?
"Atem-kun, are you– ah, there you are. What are you doing down there?"
Atem looked up to find Yui in the door, staring at him.
He flattened his expression into nothing as well as he could. "Reading. Sorry, am I late coming down? I'll change and be right there."
"What? Oh, no, we're still not opening for a while." Yui frowned, glancing over Atem and around him as if in search of… something, though by her continued expression, she didn't find anything. "There's a phone call for you downstairs."
"For… me?"
"Yes, long distance, too. Overseas, I think. The operator said it's a call from an 'Is-tar' something from Cairo, Egypt."
Atem's brief, honest surprise fell back into guarded calm in an instant. "Ishtar?"
"Yes, I think so. Will you come take it?"
Atem glanced down at the paper in his lap… and folded it back up as he stood. "Yes, I'll come."
He left the note on Yuugi's desk.
Yuugi couldn't stop staring at his hand.
Around him his class was taking notes, staring off into space, or looking at the blackboard as the teacher droned on with his history lesson, but– but Yuugi was barely even conscious of that, because without his friends or the movement of settling into class, there was nothing left to distract him from the thoughts in his head.
Not… not even a suspicion that he was off base or imagining things anymore, like last night, because… because, this morning, Atem had…
…Well, honestly, he hadn't done much of anything. Yuugi was the one who…
...But that was neither here nor there.
The point was, Atem had… he had… they had…
Yuugi shut his eyes, just long enough to shake his head a little, then looked down at his notebook, took up his pencil… and stared at nothing.
Still caught in the memory of last night.
They had just been talking, then Yuugi had nodded off, and when he woke up and saw Atem was upset, Yuugi had reached for him, the same as always, and… Okay, not the same as always, but they…
Yuugi gulped a bit, grimacing as he felt heat rise in his cheek, praying there was no visible flush.
Okay, but still, they touched all of the time now. Or, well, not all of time, sure, but still! It wasn't rare enough to be weird on its own… But then Atem had looked at him and… he buzzed. Yuugi's skin had buzzed while their hands touched, and… and his whole brain had buzzed just from… from seeing Atem look at his mouth and–
And he was definitely blushing now.
Yuugi shook his head, then– then turned to the opposite page in his notebook, blindly drawing a quick Sudoku game and filling in some random numbers before starting to try and solve it properly.
It wasn't enough to quiet his thoughts, but as they raged on, he slid through them naturally, half-numb to his own emotions.
The fact remained– the same moment had been on repeat in Yuugi's head since last night. He hadn't slept much at all, replaying that moment over and over until it was burned into his mind… that glance, and Atem's following run from it.
And then just now this morning–
…He didn't know what was happening.
What had happened to them? What had changed?
…Nothing. Nothing had changed.
Nothing had… really been different.
He wasn't sure what was going on in Atem's head, what made him look at him like that last night, or that morning, if he actually… but Yuugi wasn't blind. He had seen it, and he was sure of it. Atem… he had stared at his mouth. Had reacted to Yuugi touching him, and… and returned that touch and–
…But he had thrown up his walls, too. Atem had called an end to that moment on the balcony before it even really began, and… and on the walk to school, he had tried to dismiss the whole thing, tried to make some sort of 'point' by touching him, only… only for the whole thing to repeat again when Yuugi touched him.
He had reacted, yes, but Atem didn't… whatever he was thinking, or feeling, he didn't seem to… want to share it… and, on top of that, what about all of the things he said last night?! About not understanding these kinds of feelings? H-how could Atem be thinking anything like that if he–
–Yuugi blinked, and looked down at his foot.
A pencil had rolled into his toe… with an apple shaped eraser on top that he recognized.
He looked up to see Anzu looking back at him over her shoulder.
She made a vague gesture at her face, but it was her troubled eyes that made her question loud and clear.
Was he okay?
Yuugi couldn't help it– he grinned, the pleasant shock of the concern buoying his smile long enough for him to give her a convincing nod, which Anzu mirrored back at him before facing the front again, before the teacher noticed.
But as Yuugi leaned down to grab the pencil, his expression slid back into nothing again… and then down lower, into a quiet distraction. He turned the pencil in his hand, looking at the eraser… considering the one who had tossed it at him.
How crazy was that? Anzu of all people asking Yuugi if he was okay, as he tried to sort out his feelings for–
Yuugi shook his head, then took a second look at his Sudoku game… then snorted as he set aside the pencil.
There were two sevens in the same line from the start… He had set up an unwinnable game.
But it didn't really matter, because no matter how he tried to keep his mind off of this, he still… he still couldn't run from it.
From what he himself felt.
Whatever Atem was thinking, Yuugi had felt that buzzing in his own gut when they touched, and Atem looked at him, all on his own… and it had been shocking largely because it wasn't unfamiliar.
It was… it was terrifying how not unfamiliar it was…
It wasn't about feeling a new sensation, but being suddenly conscious of an old one, staring it in the face and feeling it straight on after… after a week of little touches shocking him and leaving him dizzy and Yuugi had just blamed it all on the sheer weirdness of his other being solid flesh, and– okay, yeah, his other self was… really amazing to look at at times, there was nothing weird in itself about noticing that. And it was… it was nice when Atem touched him, but Yuugi had put that down to an interest spawned by the weirdness of this whole situation, and… But, that shock had worn off really fast, and… and the weird dizzies had only got worse…
And it… wasn't just this last week… He had just said it, hadn't he? To himself. It was familiar, and it was as much the way Atem looked at him as the touch itself, and Atem– he had always looked at him like that.
Or, not always, but… but going back a really, really long time… and it had made Yuugi like… like that for a long time, too. But all of that? That feeling of his other self smiling, so warm and proud and delighted and bright with fire and focus and– and all of that Atem-ness of his? It had never been right there before! Right in his face, and before Yuugi couldn't–
Yuugi sniffed, squeezed his eyes shut, opened them again, but… but even as his face and palms warmed, he couldn't run from the thought.
Because before, he couldn't… couldn't feel Atem. Couldn't touch him and– and didn't know he could touch him, if he wanted to, and… and that knowledge? It was… it was too… too similar to the sweet dizziness that always came with Atem's smiles and praise and sheer presence, and… Yuugi didn't know what to do with that.
Yuugi… turned his eyes back on his own hand, and closed it slowly, imagining his still there, caught in his grasp, that cheek at his fingertips, those eyes he had stared into, and…
His stomach floated on air.
The same as always.
Only now he thought about it… and it terrified him.
It wasn't normal.
But… but he knew that much all along. After all, Atem was his other self! They shared a bond Yuugi had never known before, so of course he felt things with him he didn't feel with anyone else! It just followed! It– it was never something he needed to think about before! Why… whywould he try to understand something so… one-of-a-kind…
…But now… he had grounding in that feeling. The natural warmth of a solid, real person who he could touch. Had touched. Had… felt things while touching… And that feeling, it… it wasn't so unique. Honestly, it wasn't all that different from what he felt with Anzu or… or with others, if only in passing. But those feelings had all been a pleasant hum in his belly and a rush of blood to the face, whereas this roared in his ear, and…
…And this was crazy.
And even more than that, Atem was a guy! And yeah, sometimes Yuugi did note a guy was particularly pretty, or nice to look at, just like a girl… and that was always a bit weird, and he didn't like to linger on those thoughts much. Didn't like to consider what might be involved if heever seriously considered a guy like that– the added obstacles to the already colossal concept of liking somebody.
And– and he had never had to consider this before, because he had never liked one guy in particular before! Not– not like with Anzu!
And did– did he actually want that… with…
…
…And besides all of that, Atem was not just any guy! He was his other self! His partner! The one who once shared his memories and his body and his very name! His other half! His… even knowing who he really was now, Atem was still a part of him, and quite literally up until a week ago! And they wouldn't even have long to get used to this new norm, because Atem was leaving! Yuugi was going to lose him and– and…
…
Yuugi leaned back, let his eyes slide to the window… not seeing a thing as he considered the one part of this whole thing that truly wasn't new at all.
All… all too familiar…
…
But that was neither here nor there.
It didn't matter. Atem leaving had nothing to do with what Yuugi… felt … for him…
…
Yuugi shut his eyes, and breathed out.
No hint of shock in his heart.
Just… just, a surrender.
…
But… it really, really didn't matter what he thought, or what was to come. None of that changed the answer to all of this, and as terrifying as it was, there was no other answer for all of this. This wasn't just a crush on a suddenly present friend, or the confusion of a bond too unique to understand. This… this was… Nothing else could explain what Yuugi felt back there or… or all along… save for his feelings for Atem notbeing that simple… or as unique as he thought.
…How though?
How , if this wasn't just Atem's realness confusing things, but something much deeper, that went back much, much farther… How had he notnoticed?! Was he really that blind to himself? That deaf to his own heart, and–
"Mutou-kun!"
"Ah–" Yuugi jolted up– and flinched, sitting back down hard as his knees screamed where they hit his desk. "Y-yes?"
"I know there might be something very interesting outside that window," the teacher allowed, not an ounce of sympathy in his glower. "But I would appreciate it if you kindly listened when I'm speaking to you."
"Y-yes, sir…"
"Good. Now, if you would all turn to page ninety-one, you'll see–"
Yuugi quickly shifted his book to the top of his desk pile and turned the pages, taking up his notes… careful to keep his eyes on the page as he came to a conclusion to his own thoughts.
He just needed to talk to him.
That was all there was to it. He wasn't going to get anywhere wondering and wondering on and on alone like this, and he was scared he would just… just convince himself of something that wasn't even true, thinking about this all on his own! One… one way or another… he could still somehow be wrong after all. If not about his own feelings, then…
…
…He just– needed to talk to Atem. Be honest, and say he was confused, and that he didn't know what to think, or what he wanted, but that there was something … something there that wasn't anything Yuugi had ever felt for someone he saw solely as a friend. And… and it wasn't just that they were partners, and he… he wanted to understand it. What it meant. What he should do about it. If… if under the circumstances, they should do anything about it.
He wanted to know if… if Atem really did feel it, too.
He… had to, right? Yes, Atem had… he had seemed so confused yesterday, about this very thing. Acted like he'd never… but he had still been caught up in that weird moment, the same as Yuugi. No, he had started the whole thing, holding onto him like that, looking at him like that? They had never lingered in their stares like that before when they touched, so… and they had both reacted to it! Both tensed and stared last night, and there on the street that morning, the air crackling between them.
So… so Atem had to feel it, too… right?
…
He… Yuugi had to know.
He– he had to be sure that it wasn't just him feeling these things. That he wasn't wrong or tricking himself somehow.
Even if the thought of asking made him grip the edge of his school book until his hands stopped shaking.
They would work through it, though.
Whatever it meant, however lost Yuugi felt, and whatever Atem might feel about all of this, he was still his other self. They had gone through worse than this, after all, and Yuugi… he trusted him.
So they would figure it out.
Yuugi could be brave for him, and for himself. Face it with Atem…
They would face it together… just like with everything else.
Just like always.
"Yes… yes… I will do that. Thank you for covering the costs, it means a lot," Atem said into the Mutou house phone, marking a few more things down on a notepad Yui had passed him in the middle of the call… keeping his face turned down towards the paper, away from the woman.
"It is the least we can do, my pharaoh. It's only right that your friends should all be able to come with you."
"Atem," he corrected without much thought, marking down and… after a hesitant moment, underlining a date and time.
"Of course, Atem–" Isis corrected herself, a smile bright and clear in her voice. "You're right, after everything, it is only right to use it… But yes, we can go over the full details once you are here, and I can share some things with you face to face, but I will contact you again while you are in Domino. I have to arrange your identification and passport, after all, and then the flight can be set for certain. I don't foresee any issues with presuming the date, though."
"Is that a prophecy, Isis?"
The woman chuckled a touch before answering, "Not at all, just a logical presumption."
Atem's lips twitched, though a proper smile never touched his face… much less his eyes, as he focused down on the paper, and the date. "Thank you for going out of your way to arrange all of this."
"Not at all. It is my duty, and I am happy to do it. And it will be good to see you again– along with everyone else."
"Likewise. Say hello to Malik and Rishid for me."
"I will, thank you. Until next month then, Pharaoh Atem?"
"Until then."
Atem heard the other line cut off just as he put down the phone himself, and he stared at the receiver for some moments, the words echoing back in his ear.
Next month.
"So that's it, then?"
Atem turned around– stared uncertainly at the woman still focused on folding clothing at the family room coffee table. "What?"
"Your trip home." Yui folded what looked to be the last of Sugoroku's shirts, then set it aside in favor of pinning a steady stare on Atem. "That was you arranging your trip home to Egypt with your friend there, right? Your… 'crossing over' as Otou-san put it?"
"Yes," Atem confirmed, turning his back on her under the guise of picking up the notepad. "I will take the Millennium Items back – this Puzzle, and the others – and put them to proper rest."
"Along with yourself."
"Along with myself, yes."
"I see."
Atem nodded, his mind so caught on the stated facts and the details summed up in a few bullet points on a piece of paper, that… that it was some moments before the present caught up to him enough to prompt a blink, and slow, baffled glance at Yui.
She had just used her mom voice on him.
She didn't look up at first, having moved on to folding some towels into a basket, but after some moments she noticed his silence and looked up… right into his stare. "What?"
"You just… what did you mean by that?"
"Mean by what?"
"By– the way you said that," Atem grimaced, straining to keep his confusion from making his tone sharp with his partner's mother as he waved vaguely between them. "Asking about me going."
"I didn't mean anything by it," Yui insisted, glowering a touch as she whipped another towel out flat, Atem's efforts at lightness apparently in vain. "I just wanted to confirm that yes, indeed, getting rid of those 'items' and that demon that's inside one of them means you are going, too."
That wasn't quite right. Technically, Zorc was in at least two of them– or maybe not, Atem wasn't certain how the destruction of Akhenaten's spirit affected that.
And really, it didn't matter, Yui likely didn't care about details like that. But… but the fact that she cared at all surprised him, left Atem uncertain as he confirmed, "I… it does."
"Alright."
One simple word, focused down at her laundry… and yet Atem felt, awkward, like he hadn't satisfied her somehow. And he found words spilling out of him, explanations Yui had never asked for. "I am tied to the Puzzle, so if it goes, it only follows… I'm only here in the first place because of some fluke. I should still be inside of it, because… I died, and the only reason I'm here in the first place is I needed to stop Zorc."
Somewhere along the way, Yui stopped folding. She stalled with a dish towel on her lap, hands still, eyes focused on Atem, steady and calm, but… but then, when he finally stopped, she looked down again, folding the cloth. "And so you did."
Atem watched her work, the motion of her hands folding it just right, tucking the edges under the way she always did… there was something oddly comforting about it, among it all. "…He's still in there. He won't be gone until the Puzzle is."
"And you think when the Puzzle goes, you go."
"Yes," he insisted, a fire he hadn't noticed building in his gut finally rising up, lighting each word ablaze, even as he never raised his voice. "I'm dead. I'm not meant to be here. I– I belong wherever this takes me."
Those were the facts. What had been true all along, even before Atem knew it, and… and…
"I see."
Atem opened his mouth, a frustration rising up to demand what did she want from him, but… but there was something oddly tired beneath Yui's steady gaze, and as she rose with her full laundry basket, she left out a sigh that threw all that Atem knew off-kilter again. "Well, if that's how it is, that's how it is. It will be surprisingly sad to see you go, but if you are going where you feel you belong, than I wish you well for it."
Atem opened his mouth… and shut it again.
It wasn't that simple.
But… but how could he say that? How could he explain that he was torn between two forces pulling him in opposite directions with all their might? He was finally getting a chance to leave, fulfill his destiny and find himself, take his place at the end of this twisted road and see friends he had lost and forgotten. He might even get back the memories he was denied the first time around!
But… but that all meant straining that opposite need to stay. To remain. To be with the friends he knew now, and the family he was just beginning to know, and the skin and the days and the life he was just getting used to, and… and the partner he already knew like the back of his hand, but who had just made him see parts of himself he barely understood, and–
"Atem-kun?" He blinked, turned his head as he realized Yui wasn't at the couch, where he had been staring, but standing in the doorway… looking straight at him.
She didn't ask, but the question was clear enough in her eyes… along with the concern.
…He couldn't tell her. Not any of it.
She was… she was a good person, as kind as his partner in her way, and if she heard anything but acceptance from him, she would worry. Be dismayed for him. And she didn't even know him! Not… not like him.
…
He had to leave. He knew that. Fate and destiny and security and his own basic need for identity demanded it.
So… so what good would come from not embracing that?
From not fully, openly embracing that?
From… building up new reasons for regret…
"…Nothing," he finally said, shooting her the best smile he could. "Thank you."
Yuugi stood in the doorway staring at the back of Atem's neck a good thirty seconds or so before he finally worked up the courage to walk inside and speak.
"Hey!"
Atem instantly looked up, but instead of immediately turning around, he put some slip of paper in the book he was reading, then shut it. Onlythen did he swerve around in the desk chair and smile at him. "Welcome home, aibou."
"Thanks!" Yuugi answered with a grin, anxiety and anticipation both clearly warring across his face as he shrugged out of his bag and set it at the foot of his bed. "Sorry I'm so late, I had clean-up duty after school, and I couldn't find anyone to sub in for me."
"That's alright. I was in the shop until half an hour ago, anyways."
"Right, right, you would have been unavailable…" Yuugi agreed on a distracted mumble… gaze caught completely on the man lounging before him with an unhurried, yet somehow still expectant glint in his eye.
The sight of it made Yuugi roll on his heels and stretch into a turn towards the bed, sitting on its edge as he focused on wiping his hands on his pant legs. "So um, about this morning? And… and last night?"
"Right," Atem breathed, almost as if to himself, and… so quietly that Yuugi froze, raised his eyes to stare uncertainly at his other self– and watched him frown at his own hands. "I wanted to say I'm sorry for that."
"–It's fine!" Yuugi flushed as he heard the volume of his own voice, especially when his other self flicked surprised eyes up at him. "I told you already, mou hitori no boku, I'm not–"
"No, that's not what I meant," Atem corrected, expression hollowing back out to the same quiet calm as before. "I just mean… I was overwhelmed. I still get like that sometimes, since I have my own body now, and– and we can touch."
"…Me too," Yuugi mumble, eyes dropping down to his own lap with the whisper, just as Atem's own expression flickered. Something– something not dissimilar to the rush of feeling that had struck him out on the street and Bakura's balcony flashed across his face… and then it was gone, the light in his eyes dimming as much as it had sparked just a moment ago.
And he dropped his eyes for a moment, breathed… and raised them again, his composure back in place.
"What I meant was… I would have never let myself act like that if I had stopped to think about it."
…Yuugi… looked back up. Not a thing changed in his wary, uncertain expression from a moment before.
Save for the question there in his eyes.
Atem ground his teeth around the words he struggled to say, then finally sighed them out, voice… surprisingly gentle around his quiet insistence. "Aibou… Do you remember what I said before? About 'movie love'?"
Yuugi's cheek twitched a tic, but otherwise… "Which part?"
"The part about how I feel more than satisfied with what I have, even if I haven't known that in particular," Atem explained… only to get silence in reply. Yuugi understood, he was sure of that much, because… because there was no confusion or hesitance in his eyes. No understanding or dread or even resignation, either. Just… just the gaze of a player experienced enough to recognize the moves already unfolding before him, out of his hands.
Atem's heart beat his sympathy.
"I still think that," he breathed… falling into a consolation smile as he admitted, "And I know Honda means well, truly, thinking I should consider it more. But I don't think it would be wise to consider it seriously… for myself, at least." His hand twitched on his leg, fingers raising towards his partner– only to fall back less than an inch from his skin. Yuugi probably never even saw it. "Not now."
The room… fell silent. Atem staring expectantly at Yuugi, Yuugi looking right back… both expressions completely blank.
"…I see," Yuugi breathed, eyes dropping back to the floor and freeing Atem to properly emote again, brow furrowing as he frowned, and– and searched in vain for a reaction from his partner, tense with dread of what it might be.
But it was… it was just like with Yui. Yuugi barely reacted– and Atem found himself talking.
"I don't mean I wouldn't want to–" Yuugi's eyes raced right back up to his, wide and sharp with focus, and Atem choked on his own words. He looked to the side, clearing his throat to cover the wash of dizziness that hit him, and glowered at his own struggle… only looking back when he could soften the expression and look at his partner gently. "I just mean… I spoke to Isis today, and it looks like I will be leaving before August after all. July 24th, just after your summer term is over." Yuugi's expression flickered, caught on some– some reaction, only to reset back to nothing but pure focus, the boy staring unblinking as Atem strained to smile through that wall. " And it made me think about this weekend, and how happy I was, and how I really am thankful for my friendship with everyone, and I just… You were right. I would rather spend every chance I get this next month celebrating that, because that is what would make me happiest in the end."
He smiled like it made his teeth hurt, and Yuugi… Yuugi just stared right on through it… until Atem couldn't hold it any longer, his true uncertainty starting to crack through.
"…Aibou?"
Yuugi blinked… then smiled, so fast it was like a switch was flipped somewhere. "Yeah! Yeah, of course… I'm glad you feel that way. That you enjoyed the sleepover, and want to do more stuff like that. That you're enjoying your time so much with us."
Atem echoed the stiffness of Yuugi's earlier expression in his shock, not reacting or saying a word in answer. But Yuugi didn't seem to mind. He just kept on smiling and talking, looking right at him, and– and yet– "Everyone will be happy to hear that, and me too. I'm glad we can spend this time with you, and that you don't think you're missing out on anything."
Yuugi's grin spread wider with the last, even as Atem opened his mouth to say something, only to choke on it… and in his struggle to recover, Yuugi found an opening to rise to his feet. "And while I'd love to hang out right now, I should probably go take my bath before Mama calls us down for dinner. I have a lot of homework to do tonight, after all. It'll be good to be free to focus on that until bed, without any interruptions."
"That's a good idea, but–"
But… what? Atem had spoken out without thinking, the words the only thing curbing his impulse to reach out and grab the edge of Yuugi's jacket as he passed right in front of him.
And Yuugi paused at his words, one hand already on the drawer of the chest beside the desk as he looked down at him… right within Atem's reach, but… "Yeah?"
Atem… stared up into those expectant, opaque violet eyes that he knew so well, and loved, and… turned away. Back to his book, reopening it with numb hands. "Nothing. I forgot."
"Ah." Even with Atem's eyes off of him, Yuugi offered only fogged smiles, and even those only briefly as he focused on getting fresh clothes from the drawer. "Well, if you think of it, let me know."
Atem didn't answer. Or nod. Just kept his faced turned to his book as Yuugi moved about beside and behind him… left the room without another word.
…Distantly, he heard the bathroom door close, and water start running.
…Gently, hands shaking just slightly, Atem pulled the little slip of paper out of the book, and set it carefully aside on the desk.
Task thus done, he closed his book again… and threw it.
The Rise and Fall of the New Kingdom slammed into the wall and toppled down onto the bed, but Atem didn't watch it fall. He kept facing the desk, fingers clenching its edge as he looked down.
Down at the Puzzle hanging around his neck.
Glaring so hard his eyes watered.
Yuugi held his hand under the water, testing its temperature… then looked up and stared at the door.
Something had just thumped somewhere. Hard, and loud.
…The seconds ticked by, and no sound followed… so he let it go. Focused on the motions– on checking the water, laying out his fresh clothes on the counter, stripping his current ones and tossing them in the hamper, gathering his personal shampoo and washcloth from the closet…
Finally, he sat down on the stool, the shower head already running in his hands, the water warm and ready for him to scrub down in preparation for his soak.
…But he didn't move.
Yuugi just… sat there… perfectly still… smiling.
Smiling, as tears ran unchecked down his face.