Author Note: This chapter is short, but I promise good things. You all have been so good to me.
If you want me to break down and give you the keys.
I can do that but I can't let you leave.
Oh please don't go.
I want you so
I can't let go.
For I lose control.
– Barcelona "Please Don't Go"
Twenty days. Kagome had been in the Feudal Era world for just over 20 days. She knew that she would need to return soon, if nothing but to reassure her family she was still alive. The question would be how to convince her wolf demon to take her back to the Bone Eater's Well. She hadn't given up on her quest to locate the relocated monk, demon slayer and kitsune. The only problem was finding them, or any trace of them.
Things around the den were mostly quiet for the next few days and Kagome avoided physical contact with Kouga as much as possible after their second almost kiss. That was too close for comfort and Kouga's physical advances were much too quick a pace. Not to say that avoiding physical contact was easy. Whatever physical tether that pulled her to him yanked around her heart and squeezed every time he passed and like there was a rope around her middle pulling her towards him.
They couldn't be intimate yet. No matter the stupid rope pulling feeling or their attraction to one another or emotional breakthrough she had. Before they tried any of that again, she needed to explain going back to her village.
Other than that, Ayame stayed mostly out of the way. Kagome felt bad about the way Kouga had man handled her, but she figured wolf demon bodies were much more resilient than humans.
The weather today was a bit warmer, the sun bright in the sky. Kagome had hardly noticed she was even walking before Kouga stood right in front of her. He had just barked orders at a set of his pack who ran off to accomplish whatever task the wolf prince had requested.
His long hair down beckoned to her hands, but she held them to her sides, no matter how compelling, determined not to be controlled by this idiotic physical tether.
He really is gorgeous.
The heart clenching feeling returned with a vengeance, almost making her double over in agony at the thought, her heart thrumming in her chest.
And gods I'm weak for him.
"Kagome," he said with relief and a little bit of exhaustion, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, crushing her to him. He smelled like pine and mandarin, and despite the anguish of her heart, she smiled against him. She wondered if he had the heart crushing feeling whenever she was around, too. She imagined he did with the way he always breathed her in like he had been holding his breath.
"Kouga, can we go for a walk?" she asked, pushing her hands against him. "I need to discuss something with you."
He nodded, scenting her unease. They began walking and moved in silence through the trees. "You've been avoiding me," he said matter of factly.
Well, he sure doesn't beat around the bush.
Kagome sighed, wordless. This wasn't how she planned this conversation to go. She blinked, determined.
"Kouga, do you understand how the Bone Eater's Well works? The well that returns me to my village?" she asked.
The wolf prince shook his head.
"It returns me to my village, my time through like…. a portal."
"You're asking me to bring you back." It wasn't a question and reality dawned on him. "You said it doesn't always work. You said it took you 3 years to come back. And then another five!"
He was angry and Kagome sighed. This was about how she expected this conversation to go. She sighed.
"What if it doesn't let you return, Kagome?" he asked, growling, stopping her with a hand around her arm. "I can't…" You never admit weakness in front of your mate. Never. "I can't lose you again. I won't."
Kagome was astounded by his affectionate words. "Kouga…"
"I can't. I won't take you back there, Kagome," Kouga said roughly, resolute. "What if you don't come back? If you didn't come back, do you understand what that would do to me this time?"
This time?
Kagome's eyes brimmed with tears. "Kouga, I – "
"If you didn't come back, I would lose my mind. I would die from the heart ache!"
Kouga turned from her and punched a tree and it snapped in half, giving with little force. He turned back to her, his eyes heavy with sadness. "Your scent is everywhere! It's in the spring, in my bed, in the trees, on me. I can't wash you off and believe me I have tried."
Kagome's tears fell quietly down her cheeks. "Kouga, I have to try and go back. My family, they – they know I'm here but I've been gone for almost 3 weeks. My mother will start to worry."
Despite her reasons for going back home, she sympathized with her wolf demon. His fears weren't entirely unreasonable. She knew there was a possibility of the well closing up, perhaps forever.
"I have to let my family know I'm alright, okay? It won't be for long, I just have to – have to let them know. I'll come back as fast as I can, okay?" Kagome would have promised anything if it made Kouga see reason. "The well will work. I'll come back. I won't leave you again."
No.
No, you can't leave.
No, I need you.
No, I love you.
These are all things Kouga wanted to say, but didn't. His anger ebbed and he sighed.
I won't leave you again.
Her last statement calmed him immensely. He trusted his woman, he had to. He wouldn't think about her not returning. She had to.
Kouga enveloped her in his arms again in a telling embrace. "If I… If I bring you back to the well and you don't return," he said, pulling away, his hands cradling her face, his eyes bright and alive. "I will spend my entire existence tearing through the universe looking for you. I will never stop running and I will never stop looking for you. Do you understand?"
His sincere words only made her cry more and he remembered their conversation about humans who cried when they were happy. He couldn't tell if this was one of those times.
Kagome felt like the wind was knocked out of her. The heart clenching feeling wouldn't let up. No, she was positive. It was worse.
Why do I feel like this? This hurts!
Kouga sighed, his hand sliding down her arm and took her hand in his. Kagome realized she had said it out loud.
"It feels like my heart is being crushed and I feel like I don't even move of my own accord anymore."
She lifted her lashes up at him. "D-do you - is this what it feels like for you, Kouga?"
For the first time, he wouldn't grace her with eye contact. She leaned in towards him.
I knew it!
The tether like feeling she had, the urges to be near him, to have him close, to be intimate with him were real, and it was real for him, too.
Kagome wiped her tears off her face and sniffled. "Kouga, years ago you told me that wolves m-mate for life. That once they do, it's almost impossible to be separate from one another."
He shifted uncomfortably, his fingers brushing against the pulse of her wrist. It felt like a hummingbird.
She remembered me telling her that?
Kagome carried on. "You asked me if I knew what going home would do to you, and I know we aren't mated, but Kouga, what will happen to you if I go through the well and can't come back?"
Kouga found he was unable to let go of her hand. "You said that wouldn't happen."
Kagome shook her head. "No, I'm gonna come right back. You'll see," she promised, knowing she might not keep that promise.
It was afternoon when Kouga made it to the well. He insisted on holding Kagome bridal style as he ran and she didn't argue. He ran fast, faster than he thought he could move. The faster they ripped this band aid off, the faster that perhaps it might be over and she would be back in his arms. Or maybe Kagome would get stuck in the well and wouldn't be able to return to him.
His pace slowed at the thought, just a little as he relished the feeling of having her in his arms for possibly the last time.
Kouga stared at the Bone Eater's Well for about ten minutes, Kagome still in his arms, as if willing it to explode.
Her gentle voice brought him back and he placed her gently on the ground. Kagome had never been so disappointed to see the old well.
"I'm going to go and I need to… I need to talk to my mom and check on my grandpa and brother, but you'll see, I'll be back before it gets dark here. I promise to come back, I -"
His lips connected to hers, his body slamming against hers, shoving her against the body nearest tree. He kissed her as if he would never see her again, as if he was always meant to. She sensed his need and desperation in the air, in the way he kissed her, the way his hands caressed her neck, the way his hips pressed against hers, and the pained expression as he pulled away.
His voice was hoarse when he spoke, "You should go."
Kagome looked at him and tried to siphon strength from his azure eyes. More than ever, she wanted to be selfish and stay, but she had to do one last thing before she came back.
"Kagome, if you come back I won't… I won't let you return to your village," he said, his voice dark, his lids hooded. A growl of finality rumbled from his chest.
Kagome nodded. "Just a few hours," she whispered. She reached up to touch his face, to give him reassurance, but he backed away from her. His eyes were cast beneath his lids and his fangs were bared.
She retracted her hand to her side and nodded, willing herself not to feel hurt. "Did we… by kissing, di we make it – this – worse?"
"No!" he barked and then softer, "No. It could never be worse. Just… more difficult."
Kagome pretended to understand.
"Just go," Kouga ordered gruffly.
If she touches me again, it will be impossible for me to let her leave. And she will hate me for that.
"Come back quickly, Kagome," he added, his voice low.
She looked at him one last time, nodding with a smile. "Be back before you can blink." She threw her legs over the lip of the well and disappeared.