Once again, I do not own Jim Brass. But oh the things I would do with him if I did....
Jim was staring out of the window when they rolled into his room. "Jim," she said softly.
His head turned so quickly, it made him dizzy. But a huge smile broke on his face. "Catherine!" His eyes feasted on the sight of her in that chair.
"In the flesh," she answered, repeating his words from his visit to her.
His smile settled into his features as he studied her. "You look good."
"You look like you could use a shave," she teased.
He rubbed his hand over his chin. "Yeah, I guess I could." His eyes never left her face, his usual darker shade of blue bright and alive. "I um…wasn't expecting company…" Nervousness was pulsing through him. Had she come to laugh at him in person?
Aware of Phillip behind her, Catherine didn't want to say too much. But after his note, she wanted to talk, needed to get a sense of what his feelings really were. "I …got your note," she smiled.
She's smiling…good sign? You did?
"Yes and…we need to talk, I think." Her eyes were gleaming, eager even. Suddenly she felt very shy.
A life time's experience of reading people told him that she hadn't come to laugh at him. Sensing that maybe this was going to be a good visit, Jim reached his hand out towards her. His arm snaked through the openings in the bedrail but he couldn't reach her. He looked at Phillip. "You think you could let me out of jail for a couple of minutes?"
Phillip chuckled and stepped to the bed. Reaching down, he released the lever and lowered the rail. "But you don't get up," he told Jim with a stern voice. Then he stepped behind Catherine and rolled her chair closer until Jim could reach her. He watched as Jim claimed her hand and relaxed. "I'll be just outside, so no funny business," he told Jim.
Jim smiled at Phillip. "Thanks," he said to the PT as he disappeared through the doorway.
Turning his attention towards Catherine, he smiled. "Okay, so …we need to talk…"
"I um, what you said…asked…about dinner," she hesitated.
"Yeah, I meant it. But if you'd rather pass, I understand," he said sincerely.
Tears nestled in her eyes as she looked at him, seeking answers in his blue eyes. "I…don't know what to think…why now?"
Jim shrugged. "Why not now?" He saw confusion and disappointment sweep across her face. "Look, you always have guys around you…circling and…I've never been able to tell which ones were serious and which were just…distractions. A couple of times I thought…but, point is…you never looked in my direction that way. And I was okay with that, even though …look, I guess I'm just tired of hiding how I feel, Catherine. I've wanted to ask you out for a very long time, but I guess I was afraid. But…after everything that happened, I'm guess I'm more afraid of not asking, not trying to see if…if…there could be, I mean if we could…"
"Jim, why didn't you say something?" Genuine surprise was etched in her face.
"Would it have mattered?"
Catherine stared at him, perplexed. "I…don't know. I…have a habit of being attracted to the wrong kind of man. Would I have been open to something with you…I don't know," she answered honestly.
"And now?" his eyes sparkled with hope.
Her eyes opened wide, the full impact of what he was asking astonishing her. "I…I…" her muddled mind couldn't compose a response. Surprisingly, Jim just smiled at her. "Yeah?" he asked.
"Honestly, right now I don't…I can't…"
"You need time," he interjected.
"Yeah," she said relaxing. "There's so much to deal with, so much happening…I can't think straight."
"Okay," he answered lightly. "But while you're sorting things out, I'm still here. And I'm not going to let you forget it."
Catherine chuckled and a slight blush colored her cheeks, much to Jim's delight. "Jim, I…I don't know what to say."
Jim squeezed her hand. "Nothing. You say nothing. Just…keep an open mind, okay?"
She looked at him keenly. "Okay," she answered softly. Her head and her emotions were in a swirl. He was acting like…but it couldn't be, could it? This couldn't be…
Jim was grinning but the expression in his eyes was what captured her. There was such tenderness there, so much understanding…so much…hope? But what is he hoping for? What is it he wants from me?
That question ran through her mind in various forms for the rest of the day. Catherine knew what she wanted, what she was hoping for…at least what she thought she was hoping for. It was all so confusing. Not once in all the years that she had known him had she thought Jim Brass was interested in her…not like that anyway. He'd been a good friend through some rough times and, as she thought it through, she realized she'd come to depend on that friendship. He had q quiet way of just being there for her when she needed a friend.
And then she remembered when she'd gone out with Doc Robbins, doing him a favor and had been bitten by the rabid woman. Jim had gently chastised her for not calling him to go with. It was his night off, she mused. I never even thought about calling him. But…he was upset. She turned the conversation over in her mind time and again, looking for clues in his demeanor. But he'd just seemed like his usual self. But not really…the way he looked at me; the way he looked when he first got there…he was worried. His parting words, "next time you call me," echoed in her mind. The way he said it, almost like he was hurt that I hadn't called…hurt and maybe a little scared.
While Catherine was contemplating Jim, he was making plans. Badgering Joyce, he was finally able to get his hands on a phone book. She scowled at him as she handed it over but he mustered some of his off-handed humor to mollify her. "What, you don't want me calling anybody?" he asked. "Afraid I might call the Army and tell them they can have their Drill Sergeant back?"
She tried to glare him down but broke into a smile instead. "Well, if I'm a DI then you're my favorite recruit," she teased as she turned to walk out of the room.
"Yes Ma'am," he shot back at her before turning his attention to the phone book.
Late that afternoon, Catherine woke to find one, long stemmed red rose on her bed table. Attached was a red ribbon and a card. Who's sending me red roses?
Joyce peeked around the corner of her door a few minutes later. "You're awake," she said cheerfully.
"Yeah," Catherine smiled. "And there's this …rose. But I can't pick up the card to read it," she finished with frustration.
Joyce lifted the card and propped it in Catherine's hand. "Seems you have an admirer,"
Catherine was only half paying attention, however as she read the card.
Ole Blue Eyes said it best…
Who knows where the road will lead us
Only a fool would say,
But if you let me love you
I'm sure to love you all the way.
Jim
Her eyes filled with tears as she looked from the note to the flower and then back at the note.
"Wow, didn't expect a rose to make you sad," Joyce commented.
"It…no, not sad," Catherine choked out. "Just…" she looked at the flower again and was suddenly filled with bittersweet knowledge. "I looked in the wrong direction for so long and I missed what was right in front of me."
"Jim," Joyce said knowingly.
"Jim," Catherine repeated assuredly.
Picking up the rose Joyce suggested that she find something to put it in with water. "No," Catherine exclaimed. "I…I want to hold it for awhile…"
Carefully, Joyce placed the stem in Catherine's fingers and watched as she struggled to grasp it. "I'll be back in a little while," she told her patient and then she left Catherine to her thoughts.
"I was just in checking on your friend," Joyce told Jim as she entered his room. "Now it's time to give you a once over…"
Jim turned alert eyes on the nurse; eyes that questioned her without words.
"Oh, she's fine. She really liked the rose you had delivered. Although, I can't imagine what it must have cost for just one rose."
"She's worth it," Jim said happily. "Besides, it's part of a bigger order…"
Joyce's eyebrow shot up as she was checking his IV line. "You ordered more?"
"Yes…enough to last a few days."
Joyce gave him an appraising look. "You're really into this…"
Smiling like a Cheshire cat, Jim simply nodded. Then after a moment, he asked bashfully, "she really liked it?"
"Oh yeah…and whatever was written on the card….well, it got her."
Jim settled back into his pillows, grinning. "Good," he said softly. "Good."
Late that night, the entire hall was awakened by Catherine's screams. The night nurse, Maria, was in her room by the time Jim had managed to crawl out of his bed and scoot to her room, pulling his IV pole with him. "Catherine," he called breathlessly as he made it to her room.
"It's alright, Mr. Brass. She was just having a bad dream," Maria told him. "You need to get back to your bed."
Catherine was shaking, he could see from across the room. Shuffling closer, he also saw the tears in her eyes. "Catherine?"
It gripped his heart to see the fear in her eyes when she lifted them to him. "Jim…I …we were back in that house…they were…they…you were …dead, I thought…and they were…"
Making his way to her bed, he grabbed her hand. "It's okay; you're safe. It's okay." His panic was subsiding to be replaced by anguish. She was reliving it all in her dreams.
"Jim," she said hopelessly. "They…they…." A sob escaped. "They …hurt me."
Jim fumbled with the bed rail until it lowered all the way, amidst Maria's objection. He simply glared at her and then sat on the edge of her bed. "I know, honey. I'm sorry."
"They…oh Jim," she cried.
He leaned towards her and used his good arm to pull her close to him, hugging her gingerly, since they both were still sore. Maria complained again. Jim turned to her and snarled. "Leave us. She'll be fine in a few minutes."
"But…you aren't supposed…"
"I'm here and I'm not leaving until she's okay," he said firmly.
Maria backed out of the room, mumbling. Jim turned back to Catherine. "I've got you….and we're …safe," he told her, not really feeling that he could keep that promise. But he knew she needed to hear it.
She was like a limp rag, unable to hold herself close to him. Jim couldn't hold her long, his own strength in question. But he continued to sit and stroke her face and hair as she settled back into her pillows. Tears slowly continued to trickle down her cheeks and it was heartbreaking to see her so broken. They said nothing, simply sharing their grief, understanding the horror that no one else could.
Finally, she stopped shaking. Tears still made their way down her face but they were slowing. Jim continued to caress her, his thumb gently tracing the lines of her cheek and jaw. "You're safe," he told her over and over. "No one's going to hurt you." For the next few minutes, it was his mantra until her eyes slowly lifted to his and though she was still frightened, he could see her strength returning.
There was a flicker in her expression and then she turned her head to the rose that Joyce had finally put into water, after convincing Catherine to let it go. Jim saw where her eyes went and a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "You liked it?"
She turned back to him and nodded, almost imperceptibly. "I liked the card too," she said, her face taking on a glow that hadn't been there before.
Taking a deep breath, Jim decided to say what he was feeling. "Catherine, let me love you. I know that you aren't ready for…that you have to heal, but…in the meantime, let me hold you and take care of you. Please, just let me love you."
"But…you have to heal too. And…it wouldn't be fair. We don't know how long…if ever, before I'm…me again."
Rubbing his thumb along her cheek, just under her eyes, he smiled tenderly. "You're still you. They didn't take that away from you…or me, for that matter. As for the rest, I can be patient until you're done with the hospital and the therapy and…everything. I just need to be near you. I …can't walk away, Catherine. You know how I feel now and…I guess now that the cat is out of the bag, I can't ignore it. So please, just let me love you. That's all I ask. I know you aren't ready for…anything. And I'm not asking for any kind of commitment."
Her eyes grew wide. Then new tears began to roll down her face. "Hold me, Jim. Please, just hold me."
He scooted further onto the bed and scooped her closer to him, into his chest. "As long as you need, baby…as long as you need me to."
Nurse Maria returned a few minutes later to find Jim stretched out on the bed, next to Catherine. She was gathered in the crook of his arm, sleeping but Jim was wide awake. As Maria's eyes met his, she decided that she would leave him where he was. His expression warned her against interfering.
Words for the note from the song "All The Way" Frank Sinatra
I was told that I was cruel for leaving you with a cliffy. I hope this was more to everyone's liking...