The next couple days passed by miserably.
Yes they got to see the amazing country side of Portland. They even hiked the Multnomah Falls, which was beautiful and breathtaking beyond belief

But they just couldn't enjoy it.
It was like trying to appreciate sugar when you were dying of diabetes. The thrill was meaningless.

Their Portland show went good enough.
It went great actually.
But they just weren't connected anymore. They were just four men on a stage instead of a band.
Apparently the crowd didn't sense their division because they got the same admiration and idolization that they'd been receiving everywhere.
They got invited to several after parties.
They didn't go.
…Not even Davy.

The reminder that that they were falling apart was written on their faces.
On Peter, Micky and Mike's eyes.
They were black, due to the punches thrown that god-awful night in Seattle.

A joke went around that the Spirit crowd that maybe they should change their name to The Raccoons.
They didn't find it that funny.

For some reason, nobody brought up the fact that Micky had been kissing on a man. Plenty of people had seen, including Phil and Michael and one of The Archies.
Chris had seen too.

Maybe they didn't bring it up because they sensed that it had something to do with the war going on between the guys that were once so close that not even death could separate them, and they didn't want to fuel the fire.

Or maybe they didn't say anything because they were just real upstanding and didn't want to spread rumors.

Or maybe they just didn't think anything of it.

…Or maybe they were saying things and the things they were saying weren't making their way back to the guys.

.

That was what Micky thought. He had a gut feeling that everyone was talking about the 'queer-o' in their midst. He could imagine the things they were saying.
He almost wished that someone would just come right out and say something. At least then he could face this thing head on. At least then he could attempt to explain himself.
But no one did. No one said anything.
And that made him feel even more isolated.

.

He was in pain.
He couldn't think about Peter anymore.
Thinking about him hurt too much.
Thinking about what he'd done to Pete. Thinking about how Peter wasn't the man he'd though he was. Thinking about how he'd let himself be so vulnerable. How he'd done things with Pete that were so against his nature. That he'd opened his heart like that… his soul.
He couldn't stand it.
He felt empty. friendless. misunderstood and angry.
He also felt guilty.
He'd alienated Peter… and Ty
…And even Mike.
Sure, He had Davy. Davy was neutral… but Davy knew too much.

He was lost.

.

He found himself drinking again… although he didn't let it get too out of hand.
And he grew closer to Lin.
He clung to her.
He put all his energy and emotion into her.
She was the only one he felt like he could trust anymore.

He felt connected to her. It was like she was a new woman.
She was still Lin of course with all her sarcasm and her adventurous spirit but she'd finally let him in. She was talking to him. Opening up. Telling him about her thoughts and dreams. Her childhood.
Her life.
He finally felt that closeness he'd been longing for with her.

They had amazing sex. Better than when they had first met.
It was slow and sensual. Looking into each other's eyes.
And Lin told him over and over that she loved him more than anything and that she thought they were soul mates.

It was what he'd always wanted…
It was the way he'd always wished things would be with her…
But he was miserable.
He couldn't sleep.
He constantly felt sick to his stomach.
And he threw up almost everything he ate.

It was the day of their Sacramento show.
They'd spent the night before camped out in the southern Redwoods. The rest of the tour had gone on ahead, minus Terry and Jon from The Swinging Androids and a girl Jon had picked up in Portland. They were all very much into nature and decided to stay behind and catch a ride in the RV.

It had been an uncomfortable night. 9 people trying to sleep in 14x7 foot space.

Luckily Terry had brought a camping mat and had allowed Jon and his girl to take it out into the woods where they had made loud passionate love until the wee hours.

Peter had been snuggled up tightly against Ty on his tiny sleeper while he watched Micky and Lin fool around on Micky's sleeper directly in front of him.
Micky had only been kissing her but suddenly Peter felt like he couldn't breathe. He pushed himself up over Ty and got up. He grabbed his moccasins and exited the RV.

He went out into the woods and leaned against a tree while he listened to the unfamiliar sounds of the wildlife nearby… as well as the moans coming from Jon's girl in the woods.

Ty eventually joined him.
"You okay?" She asked.

"Not really."

"Do you want to tell me?"

"Not really."

"Okay."She leaned up against the tree with him and held his hand.

"I'm sorry Ty."

"For what?"

"This was supposed to be different. I wouldn't have asked you to come if I'd know I wouldn't be good company."

"Oh Peter… you're fine company."

Peter shook his head. "This was supposed to be about us. It was supposed to be about you. About you experiencing a place you've always wanted to go. And me experiencing it with you. It wasn't supposed to be about all this mellow drama and bullshit."

"Peter, I'm still experiencing it with you. It still counts."

"Does it?"

"Sure."

Peter looked into her eyes for a few moments. Then he laughed bitterly. "I don't know Ty. I don't think it does. I don't feel it. I mean I've been so caught up in all this negative shit that we haven't even made love yet."

"Well we should probably fix that Pete."

Peter nodded.

.

And so they'd gone to Ty's car. They'd laid out in the backseat like high schoolers and attempted to make love.

…But Peter hadn't been able to get it up.

It was the first time… the very first time that something like that had ever happened to him.
He almost hyperventilated as tears rose up in his eyes.
"Oh god Ty." He'd said, covering his face.

Ty was understanding. She'd taken on the understanding and comforting role…but not before Peter had seen the hint of bewilderment and hurt in her eyes.

"It's okay Peter." She said. "You've been under a lot of stress. I probably wouldn't be in the mood either if I were you."

.

So Peter had gone down on her. He'd pulled ever trick he ever learned, trying to make up for his inadequacy. He'd certainly succeeded. Ty had reached a pitched climax louder than Jon and his girl combined. He had no doubt that everyone within a half mile radius had heard her cries of pleasure.

They spent the rest of night in the car and now it was Monday, the day of their Sacramento show.

.

They'd all woken up early as anyone does while camping. They had a few hours to kill before they needed to get back on the road.

They headed out on foot to explore and came upon a sign saying 'The Tallest Tree in the World' with an arrow pointing the way. Obviously they took the path.

After a couple miles, and 3 more arrows, they decided to take little break and smoke a joint.
They formed a little pot circle in a small clearing and smoked to their hearts content.

When they started up again Peter lagged behind, saying he had to take a piss.
He walked down a little game path and found a secluded spot.
As he was re-zipping himself, he felt a presence behind him.
He whirled around.

Micky.

His negativity immediately resurfaced and he glared. He began walking back up the game trail.

"Pete, please." It was nothing more than a whisper but he heard it. He stopped dead in his tracks but didn't turn around.

"I miss you." Again a whisper.

He suddenly felt like he couldn't swallow. He slowly turned around.

Micky was standing there with such a need in his eyes that Peter had to physically force himself from running over to him and wrapping his arms around him.
Instead he took several deep breaths through his nose.

Micky continued to look at him.
Peter noticed that Micky looked skinnier than usual and had dark circles under his eyes that didn't have anything to do with the fading black eyes Peter and Mike had given him.
He looked downright depressed.

But then Micky must have seen Peter's receptiveness because there was a small flicker of hope that flashed over his face. He glanced towards a very wide tree off the path a ways and began walking towards it.

Peter followed, ignoring the voice in his brain that reminded him that Micky had hurt him.
He followed his heart instead. He followed it and Micky into a large opening in the tree, almost like a doorway. Wide enough and tall enough for a man to walk through if he ducked his head.

As his eyes adjusted to the dimness of the inside of the tree, he looked up and realized the tree was just a shell. That it was hollow. He could see the sky above him.

"I saw this earlier." Micky said softly. "I wanted to go inside."

"It's incredible." Peter said still looking up. He could hear his voice echo up the shaft.

"It's dead." Micky said in a strange voice.

Peter's attention on the inside of the tree suddenly shifted back to Micky.
He saw that he was crying.

"Mick?" Peter stepped forward a couple steps.

"The tree is dead Pete."

"But it's beautiful."

Micky wiped at his eyes and looked up. "Yeah… it is." He seemed to get lost for a moment in the eerie echoing sound and lighting. "But it's still dead."

Peter stared at him as light filtered through the tree's hollow shaft and created a glowing halo around Micky.

Suddenly Micky crumpled to the ground. "Everything dies, Pete. Even ancient magnificent creatures like this. Everything does." He sobbed into his hands.

Peter immediately knelt beside Micky. He watched him, perplexed by his emotional outburst.

Then Micky grasped Peter's hand. "I don't want us to die, Pete!"

Peter's breath caught in his throat. He pulled his hand away from Micky's grasp and covered his eyes. He rubbed roughly against them, willing them not to become emotional.

"We're just getting started, Pete. We can't be done already!" Micky cried out. His cries echoed.

Peter gritted his teeth, trying not to let Micky's words have any effect on him. Finally he got himself under control. "You hurt me a lot Mick."

"I know." Micky sobbed.

All Peter wanted to do was reach out and hold him but he had to get some things out first. "I don't understand how you could do that to me. How could you kiss that man like that?"

Tears leaked from Micky's eyes. "I don't know" He whined.

"I mean god, Micky! You almost killed yourself over kissing me. And I'm your best fucking friend! But you hardly bat an eye at kissing a man who's a total stranger!"

"I know."

"Do you understand how much that hurts?"

"Pete… I don't know why I did that! Okay?! I mean I was drunk and-"

"-And Lin put you up to it!"

"No!" Micky looked at him in surprise. "No! She didn't! It was that man! He just started kissing me! I don't know why! I don't know why he did that!" He hastily rubbed his hand against his face. "And I don't know why I kissed him back. –The only thing I can think is that I had to have been thinking it was you! There is no other reason in the world! No reason in the world why I would have done that! But it wasn't you! And I feel sick Pete! I feel so sick!"

Peter swallowed. He knew Micky was telling the truth. He knew that was what he believed. He knew that Micky had no clue that Lin had coerced that man to do what he did.

And Peter couldn't tell him.
Davy's words came to mind- "If you try to come between them it will push him further."
And he was right. Even if Micky was a pile of rambling pleas right now, if Peter tried to turn him on Lin there would be no chance of reconciliation.
Lin's claws were too deep.

Instead he wrapped his arms around Micky and hugged him.
"I've missed you too." He said against his hair.

Micky's hand's clutched at Peter. "I'm so sorry Pete." He cried against Peter's chest.

Peter held him tighter. "I am too, Mick." His hand moved up Micky's back to the base of his neck.

Micky looked up at him with wet eyes. "For what?"

Peter's hand moved to the side of Micky's face and he tenderly fingered the fading bruise under Micky's left eye. "For this."

Micky looked down. "I deserved it Pete. Besides I hit you too."

"Well, I'm also sorry about the things I said to Lin."

"So you did say them?" Micky said in a small voice as he looked back up.

Peter nodded.

Micky eyed him for a moment. Then he grabbed him again. "It's okay. That's not about us. That's between you and her. As long as you really do love me, I don't care. I just need you to love me... honestly."

"Of course I love you! What do you mean honestly?!"

"I just don't know, Pete. I mean I don't want you to ever manipulate me." He said. "I love you and I need you and I trust you... I really do. Just please love me back the same way."
He looked at him desperately.

"Micky," Peter shook his head. "I would never manipulate you. You're my heart man. Don't you know that? My heart. I don't think I would be able to not love you."

Micky suddenly relaxed in Peter's arms. He leaned in and sighed heavily against Peter's chest.

Peter cupped the back of his head and dropped his own head against Micky's shoulder.
He breathed deeply.

They stayed like that for several minutes, taking in each other warmth, feeling each other heartbeat, reconnecting.
Finally, Peter kissed Micky's temple and withdrew, exhaling contently.

Micky smiled slowly and did the same.

Peter looked again up the shaft of the tree. "You know Micky, I don't think this tree is really dead. I can still feel the energy in it. It still has life… and while maybe it's a different kind of life, it's going to be around for a long, long time."
Peter looked back into Micky's eyes. "And so are we Mick. Whatever happens, I'm gonna love you for a long, long time."

Micky smiled faintly. "Forever."

Peter nodded. "Forever."