Chaos: Hey, look at that: ten reviews for chapter nine! Guess my musings struck some of you, huh? (laughs) Anyway, much thanks to you all, nice reviews are what make me write faster! And if I may say, this chapter was absolute murder to write. MURDER I tell you! And personally, I still cringe at it. But it's the tenth chapter, and that's a nice milestone – not to mention an indication that I should get moving with the next fanart. (sweatdrops) As always, commentary upon request.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
When all but the faintest sounds of his progress had faded, the Wild chanced looking up, gaze flying around to room to check for his absence.
He breathed a sigh of relief, letting himself relax and finally turning to the storm of confusion inside him. He had been waiting for a punishment, a rebuke, some kind of admonishment for biting the pet that had attempted to come near him, and was bewildered when nothing came but an offer of food.
It stirred up all the pained chaos that had swelled the previous night and he hid his eyes for fear of the dark Lord noticing the weakness. He wanted to hate him, he wanted to snap at him and prevent any opportunity for the trust to grow again.
For that was what it had been that made him return and not dash for the south and probably freeze along the way; some thin kind of trust that expected assistance from the black hedgehog.
When he had been locked up again, or so it had seemed, the pain of betrayal was far sharper than the usual resentment, and it had nearly made him finally break down – anger had been the only thing he had fallen back to, for the passion of it kept him fighting.
But he couldn't hate when the Lord had looked at him so… the emotion, he couldn't place it, but there was such a longing for forgiveness! He could have been bitter, could have metaphorically turned his shoulder to the older hedgehog and made him feel the same pain he did.
Yet he didn't. The inevitable trust had risen again, somehow, against all his efforts to fight it, and now it was too late. It was even stronger than before, feeding off his dependence; he couldn't care for his shoulder properly without the Lord's assistance, though he hated to admit it.
He couldn't protect himself any longer. He couldn't keep up a shield of hostility any more, it had been so long now that a part of him leapt at anything that might not be a threat and clung.
He couldn't cope by himself, though admitting it made him want to bite something again. Hatred and silence was his last resort, his last option to stop himself being broken into obedience. And he couldn't hate the black hedgehog.
What he betrayed him? Tried to hurt him?
He trusted too much already. He would shatter into a thousand pieces if the Lord turned on him, and he hadn't even heard his real name yet. He longed, he ached to speak again, to have a friendly face to talk to, somebody that would join him and not force him to work or fight or glare. He had subdued the pain and grief too long, it was eating him inside!
What if the black hedgehog, the closest he had to an ally, cast him aside? How could he afford to trust him any more than he already did? How could he ever keep his promise if he didn't?
These strange people, they were too strong and too many in number. Being captured after his escape from the other Lords so quickly, and so easily, had taught him that. He could never find his way home without some kind of help.
He brought his hands over his face, but even that couldn't stop him from quaking in terror.
He couldn't do this by himself any longer. He just couldn't.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Small rippling waves scudded across the lake, stirred into motion by an icy breeze. Even with his cloak on, Shadow could feel the chill of it pushing like icy fingers through his fur, but the cold sharpened his thoughts enough to make him stay on the stone bench.
He watched the black water, the edge of which was encrusted with a thin layer of ice, and tapped slender red-splashed fingers against his chin.
He was thinking about the hedgehog, of course. He couldn't avoid dwelling upon it no matter how hard he tried, and he knew he couldn't hide from his thoughts forever.
Was he really nothing in its eyes? Why else would it ignore him? The creature's nature was bewildering to him; every move it made seemed to contradict the previous one.
It returned to him, then hated him, then ignored him completely.
Try as he might, he couldn't make any sense from that. Maybe the hedgehog was mentally ill? But no, he knew, he could feel that it wasn't. He sighed into the chilly air, causing his breath to cloud into view.
It was a mystery, and the unpredictability of it kept unseating him, pushing the boundaries of his self-control to points that he couldn't have imagined. What was it about the creature that so fascinated him that he couldn't let it alone?
He shook his head slowly. There was no way he could work it out now, not with this new baffling twist. He might as well make as much of the hedgehog's stay as he could, since it would no doubt want to leave once it was healed.
He tried to resign himself to that, but he couldn't help a little lurch somewhere in his chest, as though there was nothing below his heart and it was treading air.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
He went around in a half-distracted way for the rest of the day, not really paying attention to what was happening around him. He was avoiding going back to his room, or the crypt, and though he berated himself for it his feet wouldn't turn towards either.
Finally darkness stole over the horizon and he quashed his nerves and moved back up the stairs.
The hedgehog was already asleep, curled up rather like a cat, and he breathed a silent sigh of relief, moving to his bed. He was being a coward, he knew. This was not a solution. But, dare he admit it, he was scared to face the Wild again, to find out why it was avoiding him as much as he was avoiding it.
With that uneasy realization, he dropped into a light sleep.
And thanks to that, he awoke with a start. The room was pitch black to his eyes for several minutes as they adjusted, and he tried to pinpoint what had disturbed him.
A second after he had begun to shut his eyes again, the sound came. It was a quiet whimper, and immediately sent a shiver up his spine. The drowsy warmth of sleep vanished, his senses jumping to full alert, and he silently sat up to survey the grey room.
Nothing was out of place, but then the sound came again and he nearly jumped for the door, breathing quickening. There was a note in it that set his fur on end and made him feel icy cold, and his eyes darted almost feverishly to pinpoint the source.
It came again, lasting longer this time, and he realised that it was the hedgehog that was making the noise, trembling almost indiscernibly in the shadows. It was a shock to hear the noise come from the creature, which had always remained stubborn and strong, and he was suddenly anxious to have it stop.
It wasn't right; it didn't fit. He slid to the floor, moving to the creature's side but then pausing. What could he do? How could he calm it down? It was shivering harder as whatever nightmare it was suffering increased, and the whimpering started again, louder.
With a movement that was shaky with something bordering panic, he put a hand to its spines, and when that had no effect started stroking them a little awkwardly. He had no idea what to do; he had never been in a situation like this before and he was treating the Wild as if it would explode at any moment.
The hedgehog moved under his hand and he almost jumped back. Its eyes flashed open, bright with terror, and it suddenly clung to him, desperate for some comfort in the echo of the nightmare.
Shadow froze, heart thundering with alarm. He hadn't been close to anybody since his early childhood, and the warmth of the hedgehog's body was something alien; his first instinct was to throw it off, almost expecting some kind of attack.
It was holding onto him tightly, face buried in the fur of his shoulder and still shaking, and he didn't know how to respond. It had been too long since he had had close contact with anybody, let alone his Wild, the last one he had expected to come near him.
He stayed still, shocked, and it slowly calmed. The grip on him gradually faded as it returned to its senses, leaning back to meet his eyes.
For a long moment it looked only faintly surprised, a toned-down version of what his face must have shown, and then a sudden flash of fear crossed its eyes and it quailed in alarm.
It expected punishment, Shadow realised faintly. It was waiting for him to strike it, furious at this transgression. There was no hate, no contempt – how could there be, in the light of that last action?
He still didn't know what to do, stunned, but his body remembered what his mind could not.
As though the movement was perfectly natural, his arms encircled the hedgehog just under its backspines and pulled it close once again. He felt a ripple of surprise move over the other creature, so close that he almost experienced it himself, and then suddenly all the tension went out of its shoulders and it relaxed against him.
There was some kind of immense relief in the movement, as though it had been on edge for every second that he had known it and had finally let down its guard.
And though he wasn't sure why, suddenly he felt as though a great weight had fallen from him too, and a cloud of little joyful bubbles had risen in its place.