Chapter Ten:
Jahi had felt something was wrong midway through his test. A sudden shiver, which he had never felt before, instilled a lingering feeling of dread. For some unknown reason his mind went to Sagira and the dueling deck in his school bag. He'd promised to duel with her upon arriving home. Jahi struggled through a test for the first time in his life. Usually, the answers came out fluidly, but this odd feeling was fogging up his mind. Jahi tried to appear normal. Being a wealthy, biracial seven year-old boy in a seventy five percent female, all Japanese seventh grade class, he was constantly watched. He didn't want people getting the impression that he couldn't handle being in the class. He could handle anything. But the feeling lingered in is body.
Shortly after the test, Jahi's name was called over the loud speaker. His fellow classmates weren't very enthusiastic, with the exception of the mother-type girls in the class who thought that Jahi was adorable no matter what he did. But for the most part, his classmates understood that when Jahi was called to the office, it was usually to receive some sort of prestigious award or it had something to do with his Baba's work. His classmates knew this and Jahi knew this as well, but today didn't feel right.
Jahi walked silently towards the schools main office and was intercepted by Rowland, who quickly escorted his in the opposite direction, towards the main doors out of the school. He didn't bother asking about being signed out or what was going on. Rowland looked very agitated. Once the both of them were in the backseat of the limousine, the driver took off. Only then was Jahi ready to ask the question.
"Rowland, what's going on? Did something happen at Baba's office?" Normally if Jahi got no answer, he would become angry. However, Jahi noticed how distressed Rowland looked and on top of his own feeling that something was wrong, his anger was replaced with fear. "Rowland, where are we going?"
"Young sir, we're going to the hospital. Your sister, she's had an accident."
Jahi was confused. What kind of accident could land Sagira in the hospital? For as far as he could remember, Sagira was crashing in to things and falling down steps. The idea that anything could land that girl in a hospital was too much to grasp all at once.
"She's alright though, isn't she?"
At that moment, Rowland's cell phone started buzzing. After a quick look at the caller ID, Rowland answered in a tone that was just as anxious as he felt. Jahi simply stared as Rowland's face went slack. He nodded stiffly, as though he was holding something back. Jahi wished that he wasn't wearing those sunglasses so that he could see his eyes, but Rowland pushed the glasses even closer to his eyes and let out a strangled sigh that made Jahi very nervous. After about a minute of nodding and a few 'yes I understands, Rowland flipped the phone closed and lowered the window separating them from their driver.
"Head back to the estate."
"Does that mean Sagira is back home already?" Jahi asked hopefully. Rowland gave no reply for a long, time. He simply looked out the tinted window. Jahi continued to demand an answer until they reached the gates.
"Your uncles should all be inside, young sir, so…"
Jahi couldn't take anymore of this. He wanted to see his sister. He'd prepared his deck and everything. Jahi stopped playing Duel Monsters the first time she beat him. It was too embarrassing being beaten by a toddler. He hated losing. He knew if he played her again, he would loose again, and that's why he refused to duel with her. But he was willing. He'd thought up a strategy all day. He wanted to play with his sister, and play well, and loose with dignity, and beat her up afterwards, and torture her by putting her toys in high places until she cried as payback for beating him.
As soon as the gates opened up a little, he bolted away from the car. He ran as fast as his legs could carry him, towards Sagira's room, where she would be waiting for him.
There were already two occupants in Sagira Kaiba's room. Odion tried his best to be strong for his brother's sake, despite his own feelings. Marik could do nothing of the sort. His pitiful moans and wails echoed in the large bedroom.
"Master Marik. I understand your feelings. I feel the same way. But we must try to control ourselves until this has been explained to Jahi." Odion insisted, wiping back his own tears.
"Why? Why the baby? Why Sagira?" Marik choked out miserably. He hadn't cried so hard since his sister's death. "She did nothing wrong! She was a baby! Aye Ra, why the baby? You've taken my sister from me, now you take the child that would have her face?" Marik screamed angrily towards the ceiling. "She was all I had left of Ishizu! There's nothing left! They've taken everything!"
"That's not true Master Marik! There is still Jahi, and we would not want to scar him by making this situation even harder for him."
"ITS HIS FAULT!!" Marik's angry shout reverberated off the walls. Odion looked at him in a mixture of shock, confusion, and anger.
"Master Marik, that is enough. You are upset. Surely you don't mean to imply…"
"That bastard Kaiba killed Ishizu. Now his son has done it to Sagira!
"Master Marik!"
"I heard it myself, Odion! You heard her too, struggling to speak her last words to that bastard! She said she wanted Jahi to be happy again. She said she saw her mother and ran to her because she was the only one who could make him smile. She wouldn't come to that conclusion on her own. He must've put that idea in her head!"
"You don't mean that!"
"SHE'S DEAD!! HE KILLED HER!! HE KILLED OUR BABY!! HE KILLED HER!! HE…" Marik was cut off by a sharp slap across his face. Odion stared at him with eyes full of anger.
"Stop saying things you're going to regret later! Jahi will be home any moment and we …" Odion made the mistake of looking over towards the doorway. His face dropped and the rest of the air left his lungs. Marik looked over and immediately felt the dread move through his body like a lightning strike. The pain was so immense, he feared he'd vomit or die in anguish.
Jahi stood petrified in the doorway, having heard everything they said.
He couldn't understand what they meant. What did they mean, Sagira was dead? When? How? Why? He didn't do anything! At least that's what he wanted to believe. Did they mean what they said? Was it true? Was he responsible for her death? He never asked her to find their mother! He never said only mother could make him smile! It was Sagira! Sagira was the only one he loved! She was the only friend he had, the only person in the world who loved him! Sure, he always wished that they had a parent that would stand up for him and comfort him, and protect him against Baba. He secretly wished for it, but he never told Sagira that. He could live without a mother, but how was he supposed to live without Sagira. He didn't kill anybody! They were lying! The tears streamed down his face. They burned like acid.
"Jahi…" Marik said in the most pitiful, most remorseful voice the boy had ever heard.
"SHUT UP! YOU'RE LYING!! STOP LYING!!" Jahi screamed. His entire body had turned beet red. He was hurt and angry and scared and confused and he didn't even know what else.
Odion made a move towards him, to which Jahi screamed in objection. Marik looked at the boy, thinking he looked a lot like a wounded animal; frightened and dangerous. Marik wanted to apologize. Odion was right. Maybe somewhere deep inside, he did hate Jahi and blame him for Sagira's death, but he never in a million lifetimes would have admitted that in Jahi's presence. It wasn't Jahi's fault that he looked like his father. He cared about Jahi very much, but at that moment, Marik was frightened of the seven year-old Seto look-alike. The murder of those who would threaten them was not an unfamiliar practice on either side of his bloodline, and no age was too young.
At that moment, Jahi heard the main door open and close. He recognized his Baba's heavy steps on the solid wood floor downstairs. Desperately, Jahi turned on his heels, raced down the marble steps and wouldn't stop until he ran directly into his Baba's legs. His tears were so that he couldn't even see. He couldn't see the look on Seto's face.
"BABA! WHERE IS SAGIRA? WHERE IS SHE?"
"She's dead." Kaiba's voice was monotone, as though reciting a script. "She was hit by a car. She won't be coming back." Kaiba walked into the living room with Jahi fast at his heels.
"NO! Stop lying to me! She's not dead! Tell me where she is! We were gonna have a duel today! WHERE IS SHE? BABA! BABA!!"
"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW ANNOYING THAT IS? GO TO YOUR ROOM! I CAN'T HANDLE LOOKING AT YOU RIGHT NOW!"
Jahi stopped. Angry and hurt, he turned and ran back upstairs. His Baba had confirmed it. That meant it was true. Sagira was dead. Jahi didn't know what to do. He instinctively ran into Sagira's room, like he normally did when he was upset, but now there was no Sagira to comfort him. It was only a room and the uncle who'd accused him of murder.
"GET OUT!" Marik did not protest and joined Odion outside the door just as it was slammed shut behind him. Jahi let out one painful scream after another until he couldn't breathe. He was having an asthma attack. He noticed one of his inhalers was hidden underneath Sagira's bed. No doubt she was preparing for another game of 'Hide Jahi's Stuff' earlier that day. He rushed under the bad, pulled the cap off, and took two life saving breaths, despite the layer of dirt. Jahi lay, unable to move from underneath the bed and screamed again, only stopping when he felt in necessary to receive another puff of his inhaler.
Downstairs, Kaiba sat in the living room, on a couch that at one point seated Ishizu, Jahi, Sagira and himself comfortably. Now, it was so large and empty and lonely. With Sagira no longer there to brighten his mood, the entire mansion seemed to turn a hazy shade of gray. Mona had been fired, hours earlier. She was lucky he fired her over the phone on his way to the hospital, because if he had seen her after what he witnessed in that hospital, she'd probably have gone the way of his step father and been pushed out a window or worse. His baby. She'd been in so much pain. He'd never be able to forget how she cried for him or the story she told him of seeing her mother in the street.
There was no one left to comfort him. All he had left was Jahi. Kaiba heard the boy screaming upstairs but didn't have the heart to go to him. Jahi was a smaller version of himself. Everything he felt, Jahi was vocalizing. He couldn't comfort Jahi, he didn't know how. Kaiba blamed himself for Sagira's death. He had hidden his guilt about Ishizu and now he was struggling over Sagira. By looking at his son's crying face, he would, in essence, be forced to face himself and his own feelings. Kaiba slumped from his position on the couch into a kneeling position on the floor. He pressed his face hard onto the floor and covered his head in shame.
Silently he wept. He apologized to Sagira for not protecting her the way he was supposed to. He apologized to Jahi because he was not strong enough to face him anymore without feeling ashamed of himself. Finally, he apologized to Ishizu for not loving her the way she needed to be loved and begged for her forgiveness. But most importantly, he begged for her not to take Jahi away from him too. Kaiba felt too much hatred towards himself and anything that reminded him of himself to think that he would ever feel comfortable around or even like Jahi very much, but Kaiba couldn't handle loosing another person.
Eventually, Kaiba was able to pick himself off the ground and wipe away his tears. Upstairs, Jahi's screams had turned into uncontrolled sobbing. Kaiba made no move to comfort his son. He would let Jahi cry as long as he wanted to. He would let Jahi cry for him too. Kaiba had no time to cry anymore. He had a funeral to organize and a company to keep running.
Kaiba let his son cry and barricade himself in his sister's room for three days. Sagira's wake had been on the third day, and although Kaiba had insisted, Jahi refused to go. However, the morning of the fourth day was the funeral. The Dueling world recognized a day of mourning on behalf of the passing of what they expected would have been the greatest duelist of their generation. The procession would be televised even though the actual ceremony was to be a private affair. Kaiba had given in and allowed Jahi to stay home the day of the wake because it was public. Even though Sagira was young and new to the professional dueling circuit, she had amassed a large number of fans. For their sake, he held a public wake for them and for business associates to pay their respects and because there were so many people, he allowed Jahi to opt out if he couldn't control himself. But Kaiba would not allow Jahi to miss his sister's funeral. He was already dressed when he pounded on Sagira's door.
"Jahi, get out of there now! Get dressed."
"I'm not going." Was Jahi's melancholy reply.
"Enough of this, Jahi. The limo will be ready in half an hour. Get dressed."
"I said, I'm not going!"
"Jahi, don't make me come in there!"
"Leave me alone!"
Kaiba had enough of playing nice. For Jahi's sake, he had refrained from simply barging in to the room since there were no locks. Now, he didn't care anymore. Kaiba didn't simply open the door; he kicked the door open. Jahi had been pushing his luck by behaving so badly towards his father the past few days, but Kaiba had let it slide. Not anymore. He walked into the room holding a miniature version of the suit he was wearing. Kaiba made no attempt to hide his distaste when he looked at the state of his son.
Jahi's school uniform had been crumpled up and discarded underneath Sagira's bed, leaving Jahi in only an undershirt and his underwear. His thick black hair was matted and disheveled and covered in gray fuzz. His eyes were swollen and crusted over. His nose, red and dripping. His lips were chapped to the point of cracking. Jahi hadn't bathed in days. It would seem that the few times Jahi had left the room, it had only been to use the toilet, and nothing else.
"Jahi, this is disgusting! Take a shower, get dressed and fix yourself up for God's sake! You're going to this funeral!"
"I won't go!" Jahi protested from his seated position on the floor.
"This isn't up for discussion. I gave you three days to come to terms with it. No matter how long you sit in this room she won't come back. You may as well see her and say goodbye with some dignity!"
"This is all your fault…" Kaiba had turned to leave, figuring the conversation was over, when Jahi muttered.
"What did you say?" Kaiba turned to face his son in disbelief and anger.
Jahi stood, looking at his father with eyes full of venomous hatred. Even Kaiba had to step back, and for a moment Kaiba wondered what kind of monster child he had created. No doubt, Jahi had the genetics of a Father Killer on both sides, but Kaiba wouldn't allow himself to fall victim to that.
"Everyone thinks I'm responsible for Sagira's death, cause she died trying to do something for my benefit…."
"Who told you that?" Kaiba was shocked that Jahi would get that idea in his head. He was unaware of what Jahi had heard Marik say. Had he heard it, Kaiba surely would have killed the man.
"But it wasn't my fault!" Jahi continued, "I never told her I needed a mother. That only our mother was allowed to touch me. I never put that idea in her head! YOU DID! YOU were the one who kept talking about our mother! You're the reason she would think she could see her. You're the reason she would think we would need her! It's because of you that I was upset as much as I was, and that's why she thought I needed a parent who would actually care about me! EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT!"
Kaiba felt as though he were being stabbed in the chest over and over again. The guilt he had always felt, Jahi was vocalizing it. Every fear and doubt he'd ever had was being thrust back in his face. Rather than cry, Kaiba protected himself by getting angry. Had Jahi been collected enough to understand what he was dong to his Baba, he might have stopped, but by now he could not. Tears flowed down his furious face.
"Sagira was the only person in the world who loved me at all, and you took her away from me! You killed our mother and you killed Sagira. Now I don't have anybody! I HATE YOU! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!! IT'S –"
Jahi didn't even have time to brace himself. He never saw his enraged Baba coming and therefore was completely unprepared when Kaiba backhanded him clear across the room. Kaiba was in too much of a frenzy to even control his strength. He'd hit Jahi at full power, and the result was Jahi careening through the air until he slammed into the opposing wall. The impact was strong enough to send the contents of the hanging shelf above him tumbling down on him. Kaiba looked down at his hand in surprise, and realized that he'd hit Jahi not with the back of his open hand, but with the back of a closed fist.
Slowly, Kaiba turned from his hand to look at Jahi. What he saw was a look of fear in Jahi's eyes he'd never seen before. The boy was beyond petrified. He couldn't even manage to cry in pain. The tears just came out of his wide unblinking eyes. His body was shaking in terror. Kaiba hadn't meant to hit Jahi at all, his body simply reacted to the verbal attack on it's own without regard to who the attack was coming from. Kaiba made a movement to go and pick his son up and apologize, but when he stepped towards him, Jahi shook violently and let out a whimper. Kaiba turned and walked towards the doorway, taking deep breaths as he did.
"You WILL go to your sister's funeral. You'll stop this childish act RIGHT NOW, UNDERSTAND?" Before Kaiba could leave he recognized an unpleasant sound and smell. "And make sure you take a shower. I don't want to be near a child that reeks of piss!" Kaiba tossed the small suit on the bed. He caught a glimpse of Jahi trying to hide the puddle that had formed around him and walked out of the room.
No one would ever see how Kaiba's hand trembled as he made his way down the stairs. Every day that Sagira had been gone, he realized more and more how the tiny child had maintained order in their home. Without Sagira to talk to about his frustrations with Jahi, there was no one to steer him back to the undeniable truth that he loved him more than anything else in the world. The result, Kaiba found himself wishing that it had been Jahi who'd been in that accident, rather than Sagira. When he would come back to his senses, he'd be disgusted with himself for thinking such a thing, but the fact remained that those thoughts were in his head more often than he felt comfortable with. Without Sagira, there was no one to divert attention away from possible conflicts. The result, Kaiba had assaulted quite a few members of his staff and now, his son.
Kaiba was not the type of father to shy away from more physical forms of punishment, but he never ever believed he would attack his son. Discipline, with warnings and consistency; never an unwarned attack. Discipline, to deter bad behavior; never used in rage or anger. Discipline, using an open hand with just enough power to get the message across; never an enclosed fist, never to go flying across the room, never to instill fear. The whole situation felt like a bad memory out of his childhood. It made him feel sick to his stomach. Kaiba didn't like the man he was becoming.
He needed someone to stay human for. At first, it was Mokuba. But Mokuba was grown now and couldn't remain his brother's pet poodle forever. He was making his own business ventures, making his own friends, and having his own heartaches and breaks. Ishizu had been dead for just over five years, and Kaiba didn't see any new women coming in to his life worthy enough to fill her shoes. Sagira was dead now too, so there would be no more hugs or kisses or chance of the name Kaiba carrying the title of King of Games. All these people who'd forced him to stay loving and human, were no longer by his side, and Jahi only goaded his anger, though many times, it wasn't the boy's fault. It was his face. That face that so closely resembled his own. When Ishizu and Sagira were alive, it was something Kaiba took pride in, but since then, Jahi's face had been serving as a reminder of how much Kaiba hated himself. It ensured that no matter how much Kaiba loved his son, he'd never be able to like him.
Kaiba didn't realize he'd been reflecting so long until he heard unsure footsteps from the staircase. Jahi descended the stairs in the black suit his Baba had left for him. In the shower, the young Kaiba boy managed to comb his thick mess of hair back into its infallible strait back look with only the wild bangs being resistant. He'd washed his face and removed much of the dirt, eye crust, and dried mucus from his face. His chapped lips had been treated with a thick layer of petroleum jelly, which would absorb in to his lips by the time anyone important saw him. The only signs of his ordeal were the redness of his eyes and nose.
Jahi stood at the foot of the staircase with a look just as wary of his Baba as he was upstairs, if not more suspicious. Kaiba could see the array of emotions Jahi was trying to keep hidden. He was angry, scared, frustrated, and mournful and like his Baba, he longed for a hug from Sagira to keep him from losing it. Kaiba motioned for Jahi to come closer. There was hesitation, but Jahi eventually did as he was told, keeping his eyes focused on the ground.
Jahi was afraid. He'd been afraid of his Baba for a long time, but never to such an extreme. He hadn't meant what he said at all. Like his uncle, he may have believed it deep in his heart, but mainly, he was trying to push his feelings on to the most convenient person.
"I'm sorry Father." The coldness of being called something as formal as Father rather than Baba did not escape either of them. They both became aware that no matter what happened from that point onward, Jahi would never see him as his Baba again. He was his father now. Kaiba couldn't take anymore of this; it was too much. He took a deep calming breath and placed his hands gently on Jahi's shoulders.
"Don't apologize, Jahi. You have nothing to apologize for." Jahi looked up at his father in confusion. Kaiba noticed his look and smirked, painfully. He was finally allowing Jahi to see his real emotions. "What you said was right. We're in this situation right now because of me and you have every right to hate me for it. I have some issues that I need to work on and rather than do that, I've taken it out on you. I understand completely why you would hate me.
"But for God's sake Jahi, I'm begging you," Kaiba lowered himself on to his knees so he could look at Jahi at eye level. Jahi was unsure of what to do. Now at eye level, Jahi could clearly see how worn and tired his father was. His eyes were red and teary as though struggling to hold back. Kaiba gripped him tightly to emphasize what he was about to say. "Please have mercy! Have mercy on me! I can't take it. I can't take looking at you this way, it just hurts. Looking at you, wearing my face, and seeing you scream and cry and knowing I want to do the same thing but I can't, it's just too much for me to take, so I'm begging you not to do this to me anymore."
Jahi didn't like seeing his father that way. It was confusing and saddening to see the mighty Seto Kaiba fall. The urge to cry arose in him yet again, which Jahi was trying hard to suppress. He thought he heard salvation in the form of a limo pulling up to the front door. Jahi turned to walk to the door, but Kaiba did not let go, which somehow made swallowing the lump in his throat even harder. Jahi tried once again to pull away, but once again Kaiba would not let him go.
"Stop it! Why are you saying these things? Father, let's just go to the funeral!" Jahi kept trying to pull away, each tug being more desperate than the last. By now, Kaiba had the boy in a tight embrace. Desperate, Jahi pushed against his chest, then his shoulders, and then his face, to get away. That's when Jahi noticed the wetness. The tears that his father had been keeping in were coming out. "NO!" Jahi protested, unable to stop his own tears anymore. Seto Kaiba was crying. There was no way Jahi Kaiba could feign strength anymore.
"I'm so sorry about your mother and about Sagira. It's going to be much tougher now. There's only you and me." Kaiba and Jahi finally managed to lift their heads. Kaiba wiped away Jahi's tears after wiping away his own. "We have to be strong. And even though I know we may not like each other I want you to know this, because it's very important," he held the sides of Jahi's face firmly in both hands and looked very seriously into his eyes, "as long as you are my son, I WILL love you."
That was the end of it. The driver came in shortly after, notifying the two Kaiba's that everything was ready. The weakness that Kaiba had displayed previously evaporated before Jahi's eyes and the intimidating presence he was used to, returned. The long drive was ridden in silence. Sagira's fans were held at bay as the two of them walked in to the church where the private ceremony would be held. Some looked on the brink of tears, others were already crying. Somehow, seeing their faces made Jahi very proud, and made his heart feel a little less heavy. Even though Sagira's life had been short, it had meaning to many people. Jahi started to understand how his father felt a little better. For Sagira's sake, and for the sakes of the all the people that admired her, he had to be strong.
The funeral was short and beautiful, much like Sagira had been. Odion sat by himself, so as not to be caught up in the flood of tears coming from both Marik and Mokuba, who were seated next to each other. More than likely, the double job of mourning his niece and urging Marik not to blame Seto for everything, fell on Mokuba, which is why they were huddled so close together. Jahi sat beside his father and did not cry. Just as the ceremony was coming to a close, Jahi and Kaiba walked beside the casket to say their last goodbye. It took all of Jahi's will power not to let out a sob when he looked at Sagira's peaceful face. She looked like she was sleeping and would wake any moment. Instinctually, Jahi leaned in and kissed her. Her lips were cold and reeked of formaldehyde. Inside, Jahi wanted to crawl into the casket with her and let them bury the two of them together, but Jahi kept his composure.
Sagira was laid to rest in a mausoleum alongside her mother.
At the end of all the proceedings, Jahi stood along side his father and accepted the condolences of many people. He felt numb. It was all over. Sagira had been laid to rest and there were no more funerals or wakes to attend. Life had to continue going. A large, aging man approached the two of them and shook Kaiba's hand and then Jahi's. He was most likely, a business associate. After giving Kaiba his condolences, the man focused on Jahi and smirked.
"You're a very strong young man. You truly are your father's son."
At that moment, something life altering began. Jahi was so happy, when the man said that, and formed a connection in his mind that would stay with him for the rest of his life. His desire to be like his father and his desperate need to be loved would intertwine into an obsession. Sagira was gone and now, Jahi needed to feel as though someone loved him. His father's earlier words echoed in his head, "as long as you are my son, I WILL love you." Although Kaiba meant that he would always love him, Jahi's warping mind was taking it in a much more literal sense. Whether it was meant as praise or an insult, Jahi would live his life in order to hear those words, "You truly are your father's son." Jahi WOULD be loved. He'd make sure of it. He would be his father's son.
I actually got a little teary writing this and the previous chapter! I hope everyone is ready because after this is the LAST CHAPTER and a prologue after that! OMG, I've been working on this story for such a long time and its finally coming to an end! Anyway, please Read and Review! Thanks.