Me: I knew that it was Zoro's birthday and I thought about doing a fic, but my friend's like, "...Fuckthat, there's millions already." So, happy late birthday, Marimo!
Month Seven Checklist: November
~Sign up for childbirth classes. ~Contemplate the breast versus bottle decision.
The Sunny was quiet and serene; the perfect day for a certain reindeer to gather the right class equipment. Zoro and Sanji agreed to taking the serious childbirth class (both earning three points) and would come to the aquarium before noon. It was at least nine in the morning, meaning Chopper had little time to prepare. He rushed up and down the stairs countless times, but deemed the effort completely worth it. If this poorly last-minute plan succeeded, he'd be killing two bird with one stone; readying for the baby and improving the couple's relationship.
Zoro groaned as he walked down the stairs. Being pregnant was nothing short of feeling heavy and spent all the time. It was impossible, he didn't know how much longer he could take of this. Someone like him who trained day and night, all of a sudden reduced to "taking it easy"; his body couldn't handle that drastic change. He itched to fight, to train, hell, to run around the deck without the risk of falling and hurting something delicate inside him. Two more months of this would seem like slowly passing years. And it didn't help that Sanji was there for him every step of the way!
Okay, maybe it was for the fact that Sanji was there every step of the way that he didn't already jump overboard, but he didn't want it. Zoro didn't want to be treated like he was fragile, like he was weak. It just wasn't for him.
Meanwhile, Sanji was directly behind him, keeping an eye out in case he tripped. He never knew he could be so possessive until now. Every little thing Zoro did whether it be dangerous or not freaked him out. He started to noticed how simple everyday items could be fatal. For instance, a book could give him a paper cut and it could get infected and it might affect the baby! A chair could topple over or break a leg at any moment! And don't even get him started on the captain! Sanji made sure Zoro steered clear of Luffy when he wasn't around.
Over all, his protectiveness, seriousness, jealousy, and affection increased tenfold since he found out about Ko. He knew Zoro probably felt like killing him on the inside for acting this way, but he was still happy that the swordsman let him anyway.
The aquarium room had a table, two mats, and the plastic Ko doll. Chopper came tumbling down the stairs a second later, carrying diapers and the like galore. He immediately spotted their outlines by the fish tank, squeaking in surprise. "Z-Zoro! Sanji! I thought I'd have more time."
"That's what I said, but the shit-cook dragged me out of bed," the first mate spat, rubbing the leftover sleep from his eyes.
Sanji crossed his arms leisurely, "What the hell are you talking about? I woke up before Chopper did! I let you sleep for another two hours! But I guess an algae's sleeping habit is different from a human's."
Before they could bicker, Chopper slammed his hand contents on the table purposely. Sanji and Zoro raised an eyebrow at him, but Chopper paid it no mind.
"Okay, from now on, no more fighting; it's stressful for you and the baby. For the next two months, if I catch you two fighting, you'll lose points. This class is extremely important, so if you both do everything correctly I'll add on nine points. But only if you do it right for the next two days. Now, Zoro sit on the mat in a way that you are comfortable," the doctor ordered. The swordsman did, scowling when he felt Sanji concerningly hold his hand steady. Once he was seated, Chopper motioned for the cook to join behind him.
"Alright, we're gonna practice your breathing. What you need to do is breathe in quick and easy. Like this: hee-hee-ho, hee-hee-ho." Zoro more or less got the hang of it after a while, repeating the mantra a little heavier than the reindeer. Chopper nodded once it appeared Zoro could remember.
"Next are some helpful positions when having contractions. Before you ask, contractions are tightening and relaxing of the uterine muscle, or in this case, the abdomen. Around labor, they usually last 60 seconds every five minutes."
"What do they feel like?"
"They...like how I imagined you got your long scar. But in one place."
Zoro winced visibly. Damn, did he feel that the next morning. Chopper began the positions that would help him cope; there were only first one being laying on either of your sides while breathing deeply. The second one was standing on your hands and knees while deeply breathing. Sanji huffed from his place on the couch, where he watched after being swatted away by Zoro when he ACCIDENTALLY brushed against his ass. He was on his knees; it was going to happen regardless!
Chopper stood up and walked over to the table. He grabbed the Ko doll, whose one eye widened, and gently set in on the edge. Motioning Sanji to join them, he announced, "Now, you two will be learning how to change a diaper. I'm fairly sure that neither of you have been around babies, so take your time."
Zoro hid his deranged smirked as he gathered the necessities. He had an advantage; he never forgot his time with Michael and Hoichael(1). As he shuddered at the thought of the dreaded Mama shirt, the swordsman wiped, powdered, and wrapped he diaper with ease, and in under ten seconds. Sanji stared at him speechless, he knew Zoro was fast, but in this sort of thing? He thought the marimo didn't know anything about infants! And how was he supposed to copy his movements if he couldn't even follow them?
The small doctor's eyes resembled shooting stars as he praised and gave three extra points to the marimo. Sanji cursed when Chopper called him over. How the hell was this going to work?
"Alright, Sanji. You know you...can start now," Chopper stated. The cook snapped out of his shock and glanced down at the doll, now naked and still in a ragged state. He took a deep breath, I can do this. No big deal; it's just a diaper. How hard could it be?
H{}H
"Wow, you managed to put it on backwards...and leave out a leg," Zoro chuckled. Sanji fumed as he angrily took the attempted diaper change off and threw it on the ground.
"Okay, fine! I give you that one! What's next Chopper?!"
"Oh, uh, next is swaddling. It's important to properly swadle so that they're warm, comfortable, and won't fall out. Zoro, you can start off."
The first mate nodded, picking up the fake Ko and placing him in a blanket. He never swaddled the babies, only carried them, so he didn't have a damn clue what he was doing. All he needed to do was wrap the doll up, right? What's the difference between wrapping and swaddling?
Sanji snickered, the poor doll looked like a mummy. Seems like Zoro isn't exactly fueled in this topic. Chopper appeared to be terrified, probably imagining the plastic Ko as the real one; that kind of thing could cause an expression like that. Zoro scoffed as he unwrapped the stupid thing. Okay, it was clear that he didn't do a good job. They didn't need to make it bluntly obvious.
The cook grinned smugly. The way Chopper demonstrated reminded him of a spinach wrap, er, swadle; anyway you want to think of it. Zoro crossed his arms, resting their weight on his bump. If he couldn't swadle, what made the shit-cook think he could? Sanji's skilled fingers quickly went to work, folding and folding until nothing but the doll's head poked out. Chopper clapped his hooves together and added on extra points for gentleness. Then, the small doctor did something that surprised and disturbed both men. He took out a type of pump with two suction cups connecting to a bottle.
"Zoro, the test results came back positive, meaning yes, you can lactate. You can use this, which extracts the milk, and you have the option of breastfeeding. Or would you rather use formula?"
"Well," Saniji thought, "It's not like we would run out of Zoro Milk."
The swordsman felt his cheeks heat up at the label. "Don't call it that!"
Chopper nodded, giving the first mate the odd contraption. "We're done for now, but we'll continue tomorrow. I wan to see progress!" Sanji and Zoro glared at each other; those damn points weren't going to get themselves!
Zoro: 30/Sanji: 27
Me: (1) Seriously, episode 318. Watch it if you haven't!