"Without a doubt," she tried not to let panic touch her tone.

I smiled grimly when she shivered, either from my words or from the wind, I'm not sure.

"But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near dome – I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong – and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving."

I continued, running through the memories in my head with disgust. Not at the memories, but the fact that I, at some point, wanted to kill this human being who completed me.

"By the next morning I was in Alaska. I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances… but I was homesick. I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back…"

I looked off into the distance, remembering how betrayed I felt by my own self that I could not, at the time, handle a girl. How could I let myself be so out of control that a mere girl could override my sense of morals?

"I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again." I paused, remembering how crazy I looked in my family's eyes. "I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it.

"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simple read your thought to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind… her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that," I added. I was still wondering why Bella was still friends with a double faced person such as Jessica. "And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating."

"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions… and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again."

I took another breath, much like I did that very first day. It was a delectable scent, even now, and yet I was in more control of myself than I had been than when I first met her.

"I guess that's something to be proud of."

"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment – because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we were. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her'."

I closed my eyes, my memory rerunning over every thought, thing I saw, every smell and reminding what I could have had. What I still can have if I just into my temptation. I clenched my hands against the agony that I was feeling right now.

No matter how long I stay with this person, I will always feel like I did that first day. I will always feel the thirst, the hunger that lurks beneath still waters.

"In the hospital?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

I looked back up into her warm, endless brown eyes, "I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power – you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you," I involuntarily flinched, unable to take back the confession. "But it had the opposite effect. I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time… the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice."

By the mention of her name left myself with the visual of Bella's dead body covered in blood. "No, I will not let that happen." She will not become one of us and she will not die. Not if I have any say in it. She is so fragile, so loving, and caring; I do not know what I would do if she longer looked up at me with those chocolate eyes, and smiled at me with those soft supple lips.

Lips that I never realized how much I wanted to kiss until now. Kiss her? Was that even possible without hurting her? Without killing her? Was I strong enough to control my anger without tearing her to shreds?

"Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay. All that next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day that perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair… it hit me as hard as the very first day."

I looked at her again, and every time that I did so, I realized that I loved her more than the last. She was an incredible creature; someone I would do anything to keep safe. And yet…

"And for all that, I'd fared better if I had exposed us all at the first moment, than if now, here – with no witnesses and nothing to stop me – I were to hurt you."

"Why?"

Emotions swirled around me like a cloud as I gently touched her hair, "Isabella. Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me. The thought of you, still, white, cold… to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses… it would be unendurable." I looked into her eyes, unable to fully show the love that I feel for her. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

I let that sink in; I could tell she was having a hard time comprehending it. I could also tell she was contemplating what to say next. Her words were as delicately chosen as one would pick a needle in a haystack.

"You already know how I feel, of course." She added, as if she expected me to know how she already felt. "I'm here… which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you."

My dead heart soared; I had to reel it back in before my emotions got too out of hand. I have wanted to hear these words since the day I met her. How could I not be joyous by the fact that she feels about me like I do?

Of course, she could never be capable to love me as much as I do her, but it was enough. "You are an idiot," I laughed; glad that I could hear her laughing along with me.

I felt many pounds lighter.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…"

She sighed, "What a stupid lamb."

"What a sick, masochistic lion."

But as much as the lion might love the lamb, he cannot help but feel his natural instincts arise.

"Why…?" Bella started, brining me out of my thoughts.

"Yes?" I smiled.

"Tell me why you ran away before."

I frowned; I thought I had already explained this, and I did not want to go into any further explanation, "You know why."

"No, I mean, exactly what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example," she stroked the back of my hand to prove a point, "seems to be alright."

I smiled; of course she thought that she was doing something wrong, "You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you." She insisted.

"Well," I thought about it for a moment. "It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness… I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your throat."

I paused to look at her as the venom rushed down my throat again, as if trying to tempt me. Bella did not seem deterred in the slightest.

"Okay then, now throat exposure," She tucked in her chin, trying to help me in any way she could, which made me laugh.

"No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else."

I picked up a hand and placed it on the left side of her neck; not only could I hear her heart and pulse beating, but now I could feel it as well. And yet, I did not have any other feelings besides love towards Bella.

"You see, perfectly fine." I watched as her cheeks grew a bright scarlet color, "The blush on your cheeks is lovely."

And suddenly, I wanted to touch her, I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't as weak as I originally thought I was, "Be very still." I murmured.