Friday morning, Amanda was in bed. When she had gotten home the night before, she told Audrey she wasn't feeling well. Audrey offered to take Jesse overnight so Amanda could get some rest, but Amanda said that wasn't necessary. Audrey did say she would be by first thing in the morning and would be taking Jesse out for the day so Amanda could rest if she still wasn't feeling well.

So here it was, 10am and Amanda was in bed. She didn't even have the guts to call into work, so she texted Liv instead. The reply was short but formal with hopes Amanda would feel up to coming in on Monday.

She was avoiding everyone and for good reason. After all she and Sonny had been through, she couldn't bear to look into his eyes and for him to see her deceit. She knew Fin would be disappointed in her for reacting the way she did with Sonny yesterday and most of all, she knew Liv would think this was another world class Amanda Rollins mistake. She couldn't bear the guilt that came with her decision about last night.

A knock on her door brought her out of her thoughts. Was it Fin or was it Sonny? She knew once the guys heard she wasn't coming in; one of them would be at her door. She padded barefoot through the living room and peeked through the peephole. It was Sonny.

Amanda opened the door. "Hi," she said meekly.

"Hey. Missed ya at work this morning. You feeling okay? Everything go okay last night, you never called. I know you're probably mad over the whole Sadie thing and I promise ya, 'Manda, I was gonna tell ya about her but I never expected to see her again," he rambled on like he was nervous.

Amanda didn't say a word, she just wandered back into the apartment and Sonny came in behind her. When she sat on the couch, she noticed he had a paper bag in his hand. He saw her looking at it.

"It's soup, my ma's recipe. Some of the best in the world and perfect for making you your old self again," he said as he set the bag on the coffee table. Amanda still wouldn't look at him. Sonny sat down beside her.

"I know you're pissed at me and ya got every right to be but can ya at least talk to me?"

"Sonny, you can't be here right now," she said in a small voice resembling a child. She still couldn't look at him.

"'Manda, I love you and I want to make you feel better."

"Nothing is going to make me feel better."

"Why, what's wrong?"

"I can't tell you, you're going to hate me."

"I could never hate ya, 'Manda. I love you."

"You won't after you know."

"After I know what?"

Amanda took a deep breath. She finally looked into Sonny's warm and caring blue eyes. They were full of love and adoration. "Something happened last night."

"With Murphy?"

"Yeah."

"He spent all night trying to convince you to go back to him?"

"Not exactly."

"Then what?"

"We slept together."

Sonny was silent. He got up from the couch and began pacing the small living room. Amanda could see he was trying to control his anger, but there was something more than that. She could see the hurt within him. To him, Amanda had betrayed him. Amanda had destroyed everything they were working towards – being a family with Jesse and having a life together.

Sonny must've paced for at least half an hour without a word. Amanda couldn't take the silence anymore. He needed to yell at her or something.

"Sonny, say something."

"For once, I'm speechless. Actually no, I have lots of questions. How, why, when, where?"

"Are you sure you really want to know?"

"No but I think I need to. Why did this happen? I thought we had a really good thing here."

"We do, I don't really know why this happened. I know I was feeling jealous because of Sadie and I went to the bar early and started drinking. I had to have been there for a while before Declan showed up. Then we went to a table, he got another bottle of whiskey and before I really knew what was going on, we were outside."

"So you brought him back here? Had sex with him in the bed we make love in?"

"No, it was in an alley near the bar. I can only remember bits and pieces but I thought it was you."

"Yeah, cause Murphy and I look so much alike," Sonny said with a snort. He was not amused.

"No, I thought it was you because I would never want to be with anyone but you. Nobody has ever cared about me or wanted me like you do. Most of the time, guys are only interested in the broken Amanda. Nobody wants to take the time and muddle through the crap in my past to get to a future with me; Nick didn't, Nate didn't, Declan didn't. They all just wanted to Amanda they had to save because who doesn't love being a knight in shining armor? But you're not like that. You love me for who I am, you feel my past doesn't define me but makes me who I am."

"I've always thought that about you. You're such a strong woman and I've never met anyone with the resilience you have. Well, maybe my ma, but that's not something to talk about right now."

"Is there anything else you want to know about last night?" Amanda asked, feeling the pit in her stomach starting to go away.

"Did you want to have sex with him? Cause if ya didn't, then he raped ya."

"I didn't say no but I did have a lot to drink. Declan did too but I doubt it was as much as I did."

"So he raped ya."

"I wouldn't go that far. It was definitely a mistake and I told him that once I realized what had happened. I told him I never wanted to see him again and I only want you. If you'll still have me," she added in that small child voice again.

Sonny just looked at her. As much as he wanted to take her in his arms and tell her everything would be alright, something still nagged at him. He really thought they were at the point in their relationship that they could talk their problems out. He had to wonder if that was the only mistake she had made last night.

"What else happened last night?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Did you gamble last night?"

"No. I wanted too, thought about leaving the bar and going to the nearest casino about 10 times. But every time I went to get up, Jesse's face came to mind, yours too. I knew if I went back down that rabbit hole, I would never get out. I couldn't do that to Jesse or to you."

"But you could sleep with Murphy?"

"Sonny, it wasn't like I planned on that happening. I can make all the excuses I want but in the end, I acted like a child. I was jealous of Sadie and rather than being an adult and talking about it, I just went off the deep end into a whiskey bottle.

Declan knew that and he used that to his advantage. Again, I wouldn't say he raped me because I don't really believe he did but he definitely knew that I was drunk and probably an easy mark. He was probably counting on getting me drunk and getting me in bed."

"So where do we go from here? I told you before that I love you and I want to be with you and Jesse, but how do we get past this?" he asked her, sounding almost defeated.

"I don't know. I love you too and thought this could be the forever kind of thing. I never really thought about having that before but with you, it was different and now I've fucked it all up."

"It wasn't your fault; Murphy knew what he was doing. I still think you should press charges or at least tell IAB."

"I can't do that to him, he'd lose his shield. Declan is a good cop, he just saw an easy opening."

"He's a user and a manipulator."

"Yeah he is."

"But is he gone?"

"I told him I never want to see him again. If I have to get a restraining order, I will."

"What about Jesse?"

"He's never really spent time with her and he's never seen her in person. One day I will have to explain to her about him, but right now he's nobody to her."

"She needs a father."

"I know, I was a Daddy's girl and I always hoped Jesse would be too. But Declan isn't right to fill that role in her life."

"Then I will."

"What are you talking about?" Amanda asked.

"Jesse needs a father and I'm willing to be that for her. I want her to grow up with better, more positive influences in her life. My family is better than anything Declan could give her."

"Sonny, I can't ask you to do that."

"'Manda, I want to do this. You know I love that little girl and I would be proud to be her father."

"Sonny, I'm not ready for marriage, you know that right?"

"'Manda, I would marry you in a heartbeat."

"Marriage was never something I could see myself doing. I know you and your sisters grew up differently than I did but my parents' marriage was a sham from the get-go. I don't think they every really loved each other. My mother probably just saw someone else to take care of her when she met my dad. I don't want Jesse growing up like that, thinking she needs a man to take care of her because that's the example I set for her. She needs to grow up to be strong and independent."

"I know all this but what does this mean for us?"

"Can you find it in your heart to forgive me for what happened last night?" she asked.

"Again, what happened last night was not your fault."

"So are we still together?"

"You really think I would leave you over something like this?"

"Anybody else would."

"I'm not just anybody. I'm me, Sonny, the man who is completely crazy in love with you."

"Thank you," she said, sliding next to him and wrapping her arms around him.

"For what?"

"For being you."