Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder
pt10
* * *
I never asked where the men went at night. It sounds silly now that accepted the locked door and nightly outings so passively. It became normal for me to do my homework after dinner so I could spend as much time as possible with my roommates before they went out at night. My only objection was when Nagi was tired on the way to our school. When out of earshot of Uncle and Shuldich Nagi always called me "Sister" and I always called him "Brother", in English so no one knew what we said. When Nagi was too exhausted in the mornings to do anything but sit I wanted to demand of my Uncle that he allow my little brother more rest. But I never did.
School became an automatic thing for me. I began waking without Nagi's help and sometimes I even woke him. I ate scrambled eggs that always needed salt and left. Nagi and I would hurry to the train station where people would ignore us. I was lucky that teachers always gave me extra time to translate in my head while others simply left me alone.
I wondered sometimes why I didn't get lonely. One would think being alone so often and being avoided for most of the rest of the time would make me cryingly lonely but instead I began to thrive on silence. Uncle seemed to notice the change the most, he had never seen me before my parents died when I was a loud leader who loved to laugh, but he seemed to notice I had turned into a walking husk of the girl I once was. He avoided the empty eyes I know I had. Shuldich also noticed the change and he too avoided me. Only Nagi didn't shy away from me. When I began to spiral into myself like before, he always showed up, asking me for help on things I knew he could do better without me.
* * *
"Why don't you make friends?!" Uncle yelled at me one evening when I sat at my desk doing my homework. I looked at him dumbly, wishing he would repeat it in English, I was tired. But he didn't so my mind was forced to scramble to translate it.
"I see no one I wish to befriend," I told him, in Japanese.
"You are nothing but a walking corpse," He roared and clenched his fists, "Leave. Go back to wherever your soul is, or I will find a grave for you to lay down in." He stomped off before I could answer. I knew he was threatening me, but I didn't care. It didn't even phase me.
"I have already laid in a grave," I told the empty doorway, "You need not find one for me."
* * *
My Uncle and the others did not go out that night. Nagi came in and sat on my bed, helping with my computer work, I don't understand computers. My Uncle came to the doorway and watched us. After a minute Nagi stood up and left. He didn't say anything, just left. My Uncle came into my room and sat on the bed next to me.
"I'm sorry," He said in English. "Please stay, I want you here. I just want you to be yourself, to be happy."
"I'm [1] happy," I told him, "Being here makes me happy."
"Good," He said and lay back on my bed, "if there's ever anything I can do, tell me."
"Just be here," I told him and for the first time in a long time I smiled a genuine smile. A smile of the me that I'd left behind. Deep inside something shifted and I was happy. For a minute as I sat on my bed with my Uncle laying his head on my leg I was happy. [2]
* * *
Author's Notes: [1] - You can usually tell if Calli is speaking English of Japanese (if I'm too lazy to tell you) by whether she uses conjunctions or not. She calls her Japanese stunted and her father had only been teaching her for a little bit so she speaks very properly (I AM, DO NOT, ect.)
[2] - O.o Crawford is laying on her, who wouldn't be happy? Ok. I'll stop with the fan girl stuff.
pt10
* * *
I never asked where the men went at night. It sounds silly now that accepted the locked door and nightly outings so passively. It became normal for me to do my homework after dinner so I could spend as much time as possible with my roommates before they went out at night. My only objection was when Nagi was tired on the way to our school. When out of earshot of Uncle and Shuldich Nagi always called me "Sister" and I always called him "Brother", in English so no one knew what we said. When Nagi was too exhausted in the mornings to do anything but sit I wanted to demand of my Uncle that he allow my little brother more rest. But I never did.
School became an automatic thing for me. I began waking without Nagi's help and sometimes I even woke him. I ate scrambled eggs that always needed salt and left. Nagi and I would hurry to the train station where people would ignore us. I was lucky that teachers always gave me extra time to translate in my head while others simply left me alone.
I wondered sometimes why I didn't get lonely. One would think being alone so often and being avoided for most of the rest of the time would make me cryingly lonely but instead I began to thrive on silence. Uncle seemed to notice the change the most, he had never seen me before my parents died when I was a loud leader who loved to laugh, but he seemed to notice I had turned into a walking husk of the girl I once was. He avoided the empty eyes I know I had. Shuldich also noticed the change and he too avoided me. Only Nagi didn't shy away from me. When I began to spiral into myself like before, he always showed up, asking me for help on things I knew he could do better without me.
* * *
"Why don't you make friends?!" Uncle yelled at me one evening when I sat at my desk doing my homework. I looked at him dumbly, wishing he would repeat it in English, I was tired. But he didn't so my mind was forced to scramble to translate it.
"I see no one I wish to befriend," I told him, in Japanese.
"You are nothing but a walking corpse," He roared and clenched his fists, "Leave. Go back to wherever your soul is, or I will find a grave for you to lay down in." He stomped off before I could answer. I knew he was threatening me, but I didn't care. It didn't even phase me.
"I have already laid in a grave," I told the empty doorway, "You need not find one for me."
* * *
My Uncle and the others did not go out that night. Nagi came in and sat on my bed, helping with my computer work, I don't understand computers. My Uncle came to the doorway and watched us. After a minute Nagi stood up and left. He didn't say anything, just left. My Uncle came into my room and sat on the bed next to me.
"I'm sorry," He said in English. "Please stay, I want you here. I just want you to be yourself, to be happy."
"I'm [1] happy," I told him, "Being here makes me happy."
"Good," He said and lay back on my bed, "if there's ever anything I can do, tell me."
"Just be here," I told him and for the first time in a long time I smiled a genuine smile. A smile of the me that I'd left behind. Deep inside something shifted and I was happy. For a minute as I sat on my bed with my Uncle laying his head on my leg I was happy. [2]
* * *
Author's Notes: [1] - You can usually tell if Calli is speaking English of Japanese (if I'm too lazy to tell you) by whether she uses conjunctions or not. She calls her Japanese stunted and her father had only been teaching her for a little bit so she speaks very properly (I AM, DO NOT, ect.)
[2] - O.o Crawford is laying on her, who wouldn't be happy? Ok. I'll stop with the fan girl stuff.