Disclaimer: Stephenie still owns everything.

IAmToWait beta'd, I edited. Any mistakes are mine.

This is the last chapter, I'm still working out if it needs and epilogue or not. Thank you all so much for reading.

Dear Bella,

I can't apologize enough for hurting you. I keep writing to you; it's always the same words and I know I'll never send any of the letters. Maybe one day you'll read them and you'll know that I loved you but… I was so very stupid. I was afraid of how you made me feel. How it felt like you and I couldn't live without each other. It was scary considering what would happen to you had something ever happen to me. I listened too much to what others said and I thought I would be missing out on life if we got too serious. The only thing I missed out on was you. I'll never feel for anyone else what I felt for you. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. I don't deserve to know… but I do hope that you're happy.

Love,

Edward

Eventually Bella read all of the letters that Edward had written. While the letters helped her to understand why he acted the way he did, it still hurt. Bella knew from Edward's letters that he cared for her, loved her. What Bella couldn't comprehend was why he was so afraid, when she went into their relationship completely fearlessly.

After the initial shock of Edward's death, Bella would visit his grave twice a week – any day she had free from class or work. Her schedule and workload changed, and soon her visits became weekends only. Then she settled for once a month. For one day a month she would go and talk to Edward. Bella was slowly beginning to realize that it was better to spend wi the living, not the dead. She was starting the Master's Program at Washington State, she got a cat, Esme called her once a week, just to check in… Bella didn't date; she claimed she was too busy.

Edward would probably laugh if he knew she was there, talking to a stone – to his body in the ground while his soul was so far away. That was part of what made her go each month, the thought that he did know. And that maybe, just maybe, he would have liked it.

Bella adjusted the bouquet of wildflowers she'd placed on Edward's headstone then stood and brushed the grass off her jeans. She touched the stone gently before turning to walk away. Living or not, Bella hated saying goodbye to Edward. Goosebumps rose on her skin and it wasn't until she reached for her car door that she turned around and realized she wasn't alone.

"Bella?" A young man asked. She wrapped her arms protectively around herself and nodded.

"Yes?" Her voice was small as he approached. He was nice looking with short blond hair, tanned skin and the bluest eyes she'd ever seen.

"I saw you, out there." He looked toward the cemetery and Bella noticed he had a small package of flowers in his hand and a small American flag. "At Edward's grave," he explained when she didn't respond.

"He was my friend," she said softly. The boy smiled.

"He talked about you a lot. I've seen your picture, that's how I knew it was you," he said as he held out his free hand. "I'm James Collins. We were in Iraq together."

"It's nice to meet you. I never met any of Edward's friends." She shook his hand and smiled at him but deep down she wondered if he was one of his friends back in Texas. If he was a friend that tried to get Edward into trouble.

"I've… I've never been here. I just got back from my second tour and my home base in is Virginia. I just – didn't know how to handle it."

Bella watched him fumble over his words and her heart broke again, only this time for someone else. She held out her hand again and he took it willingly. Together, they walked back to where their friend lay.

They sat and spoke to Edward for hours. Bella listened as James talked about Iraq and fought the urge to hold him close as he did. She watched him rake his hands through his short blond hair and wondered if it was as soft as Edward's.

When the sun began to set, they left the cemetery and anchored themselves on an old wooden bench at a park across the street. James noted the way the sun caught in Bella's hair and remembered a drunken Edward rambling about Bella in Iraq; Edward was right – the sun brought out the red highlights in her dark brown locks.

Bella listened to James talk about growing up in Virginia, how he only ever wanted to join the Army. She liked hearing about Edward and how brave he was when they were stationed in the desert. Bella also liked knowing that Edward spoke of her, showed her picture to people. It was that little bit of information that assured her he cared. As silly as it was, it helped her feel a little bit better about herself.

"We should go," Bella whispered as the park lights came out. She had nearly forgotten she was spending the night at her parents' home before going back to school the next day.

James nodded and stood, holding out his hand to her. She gladly took it and he pulled her into a hug once she was standing.

"Thank you," he whispered into her hair. She nodded against his shoulder and hugged him back just as tightly.

"Thank you," she replied honestly. Bella was thankful. She was thankful for the reassurance that Edward did, in fact, love her. Something that she was scared had never been true at all.

They walked back to the parking lot, hand in hand, and when they parted he kissed her softly on the cheek before walking away.

"James?" She called and he turned quickly, almost eager to hear what she needed.

"Yeah?"

"I come out here on the first Sunday of the month. Maybe… if you'd like… we can meet? That way you don't have to do it alone."

"Oh. I'm heading back to Virginia tomorrow. But – can I call you? If I ever want to talk about him?" James' eyes were sad and he shoved his hands in his pockets.

Bella felt her heart drop a little. She'd already forgotten that he lived clear across the country. It had been so nice talking to someone who knew Edward differently than anyone else in her life that her memory seemed to escape her.

"Yeah. That would be nice." She reached into her bag and quickly wrote down her number on a scrap piece of paper.

"It was nice to meet you, Bella." James took the paper and folded it into a neat square before slipping it into his front pocket.

"You too." Bella smiled and got into her car. She felt lighter than she had in months.

She drove to her childhood home with the windows down and her hair blowing wild around her. Edward's ribbon caught her eye hanging from the rearview mirror. Bella carefully removed it and pressed it to her lips gently. It was time to let go.

"Goodbye Edward." She whispered as the silk slid through her fingers and into the wind.