Chapter 10

It was safe to say that Enjolras had not had been having the best week so far. He knew he was being childish. Éponine was carrying his child and he couldn't just ignore her forever. Yet it almost physically pained him to look at her. He had never felt this way about anyone before and she did not return his feelings. He didn't know what to do, so he avoided her eyes at the Musain and when they saw each other on campus.

His efforts were fruitless however as she was still all he could think about. He was worried about her. He knew she should be gaining weight but she seemed to be losing it instead. He could barely sleep at night as he wondered whether she was eating enough or sleeping enough or taking her vitamins. He knew she was still sick but he didn't know how often and he cringed at the thought of her throwing up alone in her tiny bathroom. He tried to appease his worry by sneaking her food and enlisting Combeferre's help in buying her groceries and making her dinner. But a little voice in the back of his mind wondered what good eating was if she was going to throw it up anyway.

He knew his friends were worried about him, he barely spoke and he was tired and grouchy all of the time. Even Grantaire had stopped trying to get a rise out of him because it just wasn't working. Bahorel on the other hand seemed more worried about Éponine, and had started glaring at Enjolras as if he had done something wrong. Enjolras was glad that someone was angry with him, he was angry with himself for ignoring Éponine when she needed him.

Marius was getting the brunt of Enjolras' frustration. He knew he couldn't blame Marius for Éponine's feelings for him, the man was engaged for god's sake, but that didn't stop Enjolras from snapping at him at every opportunity. Enjolras had always prided himself on his logical mind and his ability to keep a cool head under pressure, but at the moment he didn't feel that he possessed either of these qualities.

By Wednesday he had started to feel a little more like himself. He resolved himself to talk to Éponine and plan a time to speak. She may not feel as strongly for him as he felt for her but he would just have to get over it. This was bigger than the two of them.

He went to speak to her at the counter but she was deep in concentration cleaning out one of the machines and he didn't want to bother her, so he left her a banana on the counter. She looked up at him a few minutes later, a grease stain on her forehead and appearing a little dazed. He felt a familiar longing for her and then a rush of hurt when he realized she did not feel the same way. He focused all his energy on willing her to eat the banana. She looked down for a second, as if deep in thought. After a moment she looked back up and caught his eye. The corners of her mouth turned up and she smiled so radiantly that it almost blinded him. He couldn't help but smile back. He had the sudden feeling that everything would be alright now.

But almost as soon as that feeling came it was rushing away.

Éponine took a step forward but faltered. Enjolras saw the fear in her eyes and felt his mouth go dry. He knew something was very wrong and wanted to go to her, but it seemed to take a second for his body to comply. He stood up quickly as she made eye contact with him. He started to move towards her as she flung out an arm and grabbed onto the counter. Enjolras felt like her body was speeding up as his was slowing down. He finally managed to reach her as she lay on the ground. He faintly heard Musichetta yell Éponine's name and movement behind him as the Amis stood up and hurried to Éponine's side. He put his hands on her shoulders as he looked into her eyes that were mercifully open. "Sebastian?" she said softly. She suddenly looked very calm while he felt like his chest was caving in. "Éponine? Please stay awake, I'm going to..." but it was no use as he watched her eyelids flutter closed. She had passed out.

There was silence for a moment. Or at least that was all Enjolras could hear over the sound of the blood rushing in his ears. He stared at Éponine's face. She looked so peaceful. Then it was as if the sound had been turned up to full volume. The gravity of the situation came rushing back at him. He turned to Combeferre but he was already on the phone calling an ambulance.

"Enjolras? I think she's... bleeding," came Grantaire's timid voice from somewhere behind him. He looked down and saw a dark stain on Éponine's jeans. It seemed to still be spreading. He touched part of the stain on her thigh and when he pulled his hand away it came back bright red. He came very close to gagging.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. Joly was kneeling beside Éponine as well. The worry in his eyes told Enjolras that he had already grasped the situation. "Is she?" Joly started. "Yes, she's pregnant," Enjolras responded. He sounded robotic to his own ears.

He heard a few gasps behind him from the Amis and faintly recalled that Éponine had wanted to keep this a secret, but he knew it was ridiculous to think about that at a moment like this.

"An ambulance will be here soon," he heard Combeferre say. He was unaware of how much time had passed, had it been seconds or minutes?

Joly had pulled up Éponine's shirt to look at her stomach. Enjolras was relieved to see that the bump was still there. He even thought it might have grown a small amount in the few days since he had seen it. Would it still be there if...? He didn't let himself finish the thought.

"How far along is she? Enjolras can you hear me?" Joly was looking at him intently. It occurred to Enjolras that Joly had already asked this question multiple times.

"Uhh, about 12 weeks. Almost 13 now," he heard himself say. Did you know that in your twelfth week of pregnancy the fetus will develop fingernails and toenails? He felt detached, like he was standing somewhere outside his body.

Joly pressed lightly on Éponine's stomach. "That sounds about right," Joly said softly, almost to himself. "I think I might know what this is but I can't be sure without an ultrasound. I'll talk to the paramedics when they get here." Enjolras felt himself nod. He didn't ask Joly what he thought, he was afraid of the answer.

He heard the Amis asking him questions about the pregnancy but he couldn't understand what they were saying.

He ran a hand through Éponine's hair, pushing it away from her forehead. He did this for a few minutes. He was vaguely aware of the Amis trying to crowd around him but Combeferre held them back.

"There's nothing we can do until the paramedics get here," he thought he heard Combeferre say. "Joly has it under control. I think Enjolras might be in shock, just let him sit there for now."

Enjolras just kept stroking Éponine's hair, he felt completely useless. He wondered if she was cold with her shirt hitched up like that. He wanted to give her his jacket but he didn't want to interrupt Joly's examination.

After what felt like an hour he finally heard sirens. The paramedics entered quickly and suddenly everything was chaos. Everyone was yelling and Éponine was being strapped to a backboard and Joly was talking to the paramedics. Enjolras felt like he was in slow motion. He was afraid the paramedics would leave with Éponine before he could speed back up again.

Combeferre touched his shoulder cautiously. Enjolras looked at his friend and time seemed to go back to normal. "They're taking her to the hospital. The paramedics have room for one more if you want to ride along."

Enjolras nodded and walked forward as Éponine was carried into the ambulance. "Are you the father?" a female paramedic asked him. "Yes," he said softly. His throat felt raw.

She gave him a hand up into the ambulance. He immediately sat by Éponine's side and took her hand. He was relieved to find that it was still warm.

"We'll meet you at the hospital, okay my friend? Take care of her until we get there," Combeferre called to him. When he saw the blank look on Enjolras face he added, "It will be okay." But his voice cracked at the end.

The rest of his friends were all standing behind Combeferre. Their faces held a mix of shock, worry, and pity. Joly was holding a crying Musichetta. He watched as Grantaire took a swig from the beer he was still holding, almost as if on autopilot. Before he knew it the doors to the ambulance were shut and they were pulling away from the café.

The ambulance ride was a blur to Enjolras. He had called Dr. Moore and was sure that he was fairly incoherent, but she merely asked which hospital they were going to in a calm voice. He realized he wasn't sure. One of the paramedics had then taken pity on him and seized his phone, telling her where they were going and updating her on Éponine's condition. He heard the words 'placenta' and 'possible miscarriage'.

He felt a second away from hyperventilating, and just concentrated on holding Éponine's hand. She was so pale. At one point her eyelids fluttered but they didn't open. The paramedics asked him a few questions and he answered the best he could, but he must have been pretty unresponsive because one of the paramedics actually asked him if he was okay and shined a light in his eyes for a few seconds.

When they reached the hospital Éponine was rushed back to one of the rooms but Enjolras was held back from following. "You can wait here," a male doctor said to him kindly. "We'll come update you soon. And your doctor called, Dr. Moore? She's on her way. Your girlfriend is in good hands." He walked away before Enjolras could correct him.

Enjolras wondered if they would have let him go back with Éponine if he had been functioning like a normal human being. Cool head under pressure my ass, he thought to himself.

Enjolras looked around and realized he was in a waiting room covered in plastic chairs. He thought back to the last time he had sat in one of those uncomfortable hospital chairs. He had been with Éponine. He didn't want to sit down. Some of the other people waiting were looking at him in pity. He turned towards the wall, which was white and unobtrusive.

Before he knew it his friends were rushing through the door and surrounding him. He realized he had been simply staring at the wall for minutes.

"Enjolras?" Combeferre said tentatively. He turned around and was suddenly on the receiving end of dozens of questions from his friends.

"Is Éponine okay?"

"When did this happen?"

"Did she lose the baby?"

"Were you going to keep the baby?"

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"What is going on?"

Enjolras looked down from their questioning gazes and suddenly the only thing he could concentrate on was his hands, or rather the blood that was still caked onto his hand from where he had touched Éponine's thigh. He felt the bile rising up in his throat and he couldn't stop it this time.

He ran to the bathroom and just made it to the toilet. He gagged a few times and then sat up and flushed. Someone handed him a wet paper towel and he looked up to see all of his friends crowded in the bathroom.

"Thanks," he said as he wiped his mouth, though he wasn't sure which friend he was thanking. He felt horrible; he didn't know how Éponine did this everyday. He winced, just thinking her name hurt.

He stood up and began furiously washing his hands, trying to get the blood off. He could see his friends staring in the reflection of the mirror.

"I think you've got it Enjolras," Combeferre said quietly after a minute, turning off the tap and handing him a paper towel.

He dried off his hands and walked back into the waiting room. He wondered how he had found the bathroom so fast. It must have been some sort of survival instinct.

He started pacing. He felt a little more alert, but with that the worry increased tenfold. He almost wished he would go back into shock but he knew Éponine needed him.

His friends all looked like they were bursting with questions. Combeferre looked at them all critically, as if to say don't overwhelm him again.

He heard a voice from the back of the group. It was Grantaire, who seemed to have lost his bottle on the way to the hospital. "So, just to clarify, Éponine is pregnant. And you are the father."

Enjolras nodded and resumed his pacing.

Grantaire seemed to take a second to absorb this information. "Okay then," he said softly.

"What did the doctors say Enjolras?" This was Joly.

"Um, the paramedics said some things in the ambulance about the placenta or something? And the doctors just told me to wait here. Oh and her doctor is coming, Dr. Moore." He didn't mention that they had also talked about a possible miscarriage. He didn't want to say it out loud.

Joly nodded as if this is what he had been expecting.

"And this fight you were having with Éponine, that was because she told you she was pregnant?" came a booming, angry voice. Enjolras looked up, it was Bahorel. He thought getting punched in the face might actually feel good right now.

"No, she told me weeks ago," Enjolras clarified.

"Then what were you fighting about?" asked Feuilly.

At another time Enjolras might have protested these personal questions but he was too exhausted to care.

"I told Éponine that I liked her and I wanted to be with her but I was worried she still liked Marius. She didn't correct me. We weren't so much fighting as avoiding each other."

Some of his friends looked surprised at this news. They had probably figured it would have been the other way around, that he would have broken Éponine's heart.

"Where is Marius?" Enjolras asked. If Éponine cared for him so deeply he should be here for her.

"I think he was with Cosette. I texted him and they're on their way, though I didn't really explain the situation," Combeferre replied.

"Okay," Enjolras answered. His friends seemed to be out of questions, and now that he had nothing to do the events of the last hour were replaying themselves over and over in his mind. He resumed his pacing. Maybe Bahorel would punch him in the face if he asked politely. It would certainly be a nice distraction.

"How long has it been?" he asked. "It's been about 15 minutes since we got here," someone answered. Was it better if the doctors took a short time with her or a long time? He guessed shorter was probably better.

He paced up and down up and down. In a way it was almost soothing. Almost.

After another 10 minutes Marius suddenly appeared, Cosette fast on his tail.

He took in the Amis sitting solemnly in their chairs and Enjolras pacing back and forth. "What's going on? Is Éponine okay? What happened?" he looked nervous.

The Amis looked at each other, unsure how to respond.

"I impregnated Éponine at your engagement party and now she's probably losing the baby," Enjolras heard himself say, surprised he had voiced his biggest fear aloud. Enjolras supposed he could have broken the news more gently but he found that he didn't really care at the moment.

"What?" Marius said. He was almost smiling, as if it were a joke. When no one corrected Enjolras he frowned. "Wait, seriously?" His mouth had fallen open in shock. "I didn't even know she was pregnant... why didn't she tell me?"

"None of us knew," Jean Prouvaire spoke up. "She just collapsed at the Musain and started bleeding."

Marius looked like he was trying to absorb all of this information.

"Éponine wanted to wait until we had everything figured out to tell anyone. Combeferre only knew because he found a baby book at my apartment," Enjolras stated, running his hands through his hair, which was already in disarray.

Everyone whirled to look at Combeferre. "You knew and you didn't tell us?" Bahorel growled. Everyone felt too bad for Enjolras to be angry with him, but Combeferre was fair game.

"Hey, I was trying to respect their wishes. Besides, I am the godfather," Combeferre said somewhat proudly. He then realized that there might be no baby over which to be the godfather. His face deflated a bit.

The Amis looked like they wanted to protest the news that the godfather had already been chosen when a voice sounded out to their right.

"Sebastian?" Dr. Moore called.

Some of the Amis looked confused as Enjolras took a deep breath and walked slowly towards her. He felt as though he was either walking to his death or his salvation. Some of his friends made to follow him, but Combeferre held them back. He felt this news was only for Enjolras' ears for the moment.

They watched as Enjolras nodded along with the doctor's words. He looked worried, but they couldn't really tell what the doctor was saying from Enjolras' face. After about a minute, without warning, Enjolras suddenly flung his arms around Dr. Moore in a hug. The Amis were all speechless and Courfeyrac audibly gasped. Most of them had never seen him hug anyone before, let alone a random doctor. Dr. Moore sort of awkwardly patted him on the back and he released her. Enjolras followed her down the hall without so much as a backward glance at his friends, his mind clearly on one person and one person only.

The Amis all stared at the spot where Enjolras had just been in shock. They were all open-mouthed. After a minute Grantaire vocalized what they were all thinking, "So was that hug a good sign or a bad one?"

"Good I think," Combeferre replied as a smile lit up his face. "Definitely good."