Hey white liar

the truth comes out a little at a time

and it spreads just like a fire

slips off of your tongue like turpentine

and I don´t know why, white liar

-Miranda Lambert

Chapter 10: White Liar

Deep breath. The door was heavy like every year, but never with the guilt I couldn't help but feel. Voices were soft from the mentors as I heard them place things in boxes and finish cleaning out the control room. I pushed on the door again, and found it swing open on my light touch.

Haymitch was there, ready for me with a box tucked under his arm. He most likely had been packed for days, ever since the Cornucopia bloodbath. He just wanted to get home. "Hurry up and say what you need to in here. I want to talk to you alone." He brushed by, stopping to lean up against the hallway wall.

I crossed the threshold silently, looking around for Finnick. His jaw was tightly set, eyes slightly bloodshot as he turned off the screen at his station. The knowledge that he had watched the death once more did nothing to ease my guilt.

"Finnick, you know I sent that bottle, right?" The room turned to look at me quickly, eyes shifting back and forth between the District 4 mentor and myself.

"Kid, you had no way to know a perfume bottle would be the perfect weapon in the arena. So, District 6 sprayed my kid in the eyes to momentarily blind him enough to cut his neck. That's what happens in the games." He was right, death happened all the time and I assumed he knew my guilt wasn't at the boy's death. It was the Games, but Capitol blood leads me to keep my Game deals and bet.

"I promised you to be his main sponsor and I betrayed you with that bottle. Like it or not, I cost you a victory and barely held on to my own." Finnick crossed the room swiftly, poking my nose like always.

"You just feel guilty you let me down. I'll just get them next year and I want a full dinner twice for my kid in return, deal?"

"Deal." In a moment, the guilt was gone and my bargains were ready to be made again. Promise is a promise, and though the boy meant nothing to me he meant something to Finnick.

He wrapped me in a light hug, the other mentors turning away from our conversation once they knew what District 4 was gaining for next year. Two meals were nothing from me, and they knew it.

Haymitch appeared I'm the doorway once more, clearing his throat loudly. "Didn't we agree this good bye in here would go quickly?" He looks back and forth from Finnick and I as Finnick gave my shoulder a final squeeze. "See you on the victory tour." without another word he turned back to his station.

Haymitch jerked his head towards the hall and I followed him away from the control room. His pace was quick, and I had to jog slightly to keep up.

"You still planning on doing the Victory Tour?" The question caught me in surprise and it took a moment to form an answer.

"Haven't missed it in almost 5 years. Why would I now?"

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to go, that's all."

His soft tone stopped me suddenly. "Why?"

"You do enough that could get you locked up by your father already. You are talking with me, after all." There was no sarcasm in his voice, only the steady truth that sent shivers down my spine.

"He likes me on the Victory Tour. It's publicity thing." I crossed my hands over my chest, staring at him back.

"How great would it be for publicity matters when you get caught running around the Districts with some boy?"

"You are still mad about me sneaking out in 11." I was shocked; the words barely still a whisper.

"You thought I had forgotten that one? I'll tell you something, little one. I don't forget when someone disappoints me." Haymitch pushed me through an open door, locking it behind us. The room was small and I knew no one would come this way.

"And how is it that I disappointed you, of all people? You always say that it's important I make the Districts know I care. Now, one family in District 11 in convinced of it."

"One family? I thought I was just one boy?" Haymitch grabbed the collar of my shirt and pushed me up against the wall.

"He asked me if I wanted to meet them and I said yes." I met his cold eyes, trying to push the fear away from my own.

"You are a foolish child, little one." His tone was sneering, breath thick against my face and the smell of liquor overpowering. "I've spent years setting you up for your future and in one night you could have ruined all of it."

"My future? You have nothing to do with my future!" He let go of my collar, throwing my whole body back against the wall as I tried to push forward.

"Do you really think you live with perfect free will? Nothing's ever been you choice since you were born. Tell me, December, did the District boy talk politics with you? Did he mention your brother?"

I froze, Thresh's words echoing in my ears and trying desperately to block them out. His comments about Cory, the succession line and meetings in back rooms, just like the one I was having now. "Any boy would be a fool to say anything against Cory to my face. One word from my lips and I could have him dead."

"Not this boy though, you'll keep him alive to be your little toy. Don't deny that you like him, you like the way he tells you that you are different from the others. It makes you feel special." Haymitch spit the last word, the droplets landing on my face.

For a moment, I didn't know what to say as I looked into his eyes. Usuaully, he was like my father; when one looked hard enough there was feeling somewhere inside, but not today. Today was simply cold disgust.

"He cares about me, for me. Anyone around here works through me to get to my father. Thresh is different because he has nothing to gain. No matter how hard I tried my father would never pay attention to a District boy unless he was in the arena."

"And what happens when this one gets reaped, little one? Do you sit on the sidelines like you do for the others and bet on his survival, or do you try to save him? What happens when you can't?"

"He won't be reaped Haymitch. He won't be." I turned my head away from his face as I spoke, trying not to see the doubt on his. Haymitch hit his nerve, the way he always did when speaking of something I hadn't bother to think of before. Always one step ahead.

"Tell yourself that, little one. When he does, he'll use you just like the others do. Then what will you do but deny the boy you've been playing with freedom and he'll realize there is nothing you can do. I need you to trust me, little one."

He pulled my face back towards his and for a mere second warmth flooded his eyes before he pushed it back. "Why? You've dragged me off to some little room and pushed me against a wall? Why trust you now?"

"Because like it or not, I'm the only left who isn't using you, and won't ever use you."

"Use me? You already are Haymitch! Aren't you the one who spoke of setting up my future! Didn't you start the talk about Cory years back and that I would be behind him? I see the way you smile at the camera when we are on the screen together, and I know it's to get back at my father. You use me the most of everybody!"

"Not against your father like you think. I use you by pushing you towards the people so that if other arrangements don't work out we might have you to pick up the pieces of this country. I use you, little one, for your potential, not against your father. He's already using you enough against me."

Before I could say a word, a loud rattling pounded on the door. "Haymitch, trains are leaving for the Districts in five minutes and if you don't show up soon they'll start looking for you!" Mags' voice was loud, vibrating painfully against my ears.

"Go. If I'm right, you're already late for school. First day of classes since reaping and you have already messed up." I wanted to hit him more then anything, but instead I clenched my fists and ran from the room. Because he was right, Haymitch was already right though it burned more then any lie.