If you want, skip the next two paragraphs. (I think it's better to read them, though, cuz they've got some important stuff In them. But who ever actually listens to V D of O?)
I, Virtual Dragon of Oban, am pleased to announce that I have finally awakened from my hibernation to about three million truckloads of snow! And I am happy happy HAPPEEEEEE! Happy as could be! Happy happy happy! So happy I could-SQUEEE! Anyhoo, this is why this chapter is so late: I wrote it, then it went through a big renovation. Then I lost the chapter and had to rewrite it again. Also, my beta-er and Royal Idea Bouncer told me that the original wouldn't work, so I had to rewrite and renovate it AGAIN! Gahh…rubs temples. I worked VERY hard to get this to all you, so be happy! … I said BE HAPPY! NOW!
Unfortunately, since this chapter is supposed to be just a bit of comic relief, it's been chopped in half. Also, I noticed that in this fic there's a coupla gaps in the storyline, cuz the first chapter was after Optimized Like Ondai, and it skipped in ch. 6 to after Secret Like Sul. So basically Aikka and Eva made up somehow after their fight. I just didn't bother to add that part cuz it would only clutter the fic and make it boring. So, YES, Aikka fans, Aikka is in this chapter.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fic that happens to be copyrighted. GOT IT, LAWERS?!
On with the Fanfiction!
Chapter 9 (I think…): A Marauding Blender and A Maraca with A Headache
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"TIC-TAC MONKEY!" Eva screamed in Jordan's ear as she poured a cup of toilet water and fruit juice on his head.
"NO! NOT THE DRESS! GET AWAY, STUPID ALIEN!" Jordan shrieked. He jumped out of bed and ran down the hallway, howling "GET AWAY!" over and over and waking everyone else up before realizing that there was no dress-selling Scrub chasing him.
"And I thought I had problems." Eva giggled.
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That morning, as Aikka and everyone in the Earth Team (except Don Wei) sat outside the Nourasian temple eating the Earth equivalent of plain tofu (hasn't touched a marinade or a frying pan) and spinach (extra-firm raw tofu is AWESOME, and spinach is good, so I personally wouldn't have a problem eating that stuff), Eva noticed something wrong with her shoes. They were soggy and had some sort of mold growing on them. She pulled them off, and a wet squelch was heard. Jordan sniggered.
"Jordan, what did you do?" Koji chuckled, nudging Jordan with his elbow.
"Hey, Eva's the one who dumped watered down orange juice on my head this morning!" Jordan pouted.
"Actually, Jordan, it was onion and banana juice mixed with toilet water." Eva giggled.
"Really? I thought you were trying to get him to put on a dress or something. That's what it sounded like." Stan shrugged.
"What a wakeup call." noted Aikka.
"Yeah, Jordan, I didn't know you liked dresses! … As a side note, I sure don't." said Eva.
Meanwhile, Jordan was futilely trying to sniff his hair. "Hey! It was all because of that stupid Scrub back on Alouas. It tried to sell me a dress, and It's been haunting me ever since." Turning to Eva, he asked, "Does my hair smell like onions?"
"No, but your face is making me cry!" The entire assembly (excluding Jordan) laughed.
"I gotta hand it to you, that was a pretty good joke. But your shoes aren't going to be dry in time for today's race, especially with that mold on them." Jordan pointed out. "Aikka told me that stuff's a real pain in the ass to get off."
"Aikka?! You too?! Come on, you guys. Jordan got the stuff out of his hair; but I have to deal with wet shoes? You're mean." It was Eva's turn to pout.
"Well, there is one way…" Jordan smirked. This was going to be fun.
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"No! I refuse!" Eva turned away from the offending substance.
"It's either mentos and diet coke or moldy shoes."
"It'll explode!"
"I thought you liked to see stuff blow up."
"Yeah, but my shoes?! I want to be able to actually wear the damn things when this is over with."
"Eva, there isn't enough pressure to blow your shoes up. Now watch me." Jordan drilled holes in about eight mentos and threaded them onto a string. Then, he opened the coke bottle, making sure the soda didn't fizz yet. "Hold this," he said, handing the open bottle of soon-to-be "explosive" to Eva. He dropped the strung mentos into the bottle and slammed the cap onto the top. He didn't secure the cap, though. "Hold the cap on as hard as you can." Jordan let go of the bottle cap as Eva held it in place. "Good. Shake it and aim the open end at the shoes, then let go of the cap and keep your hand out of the way. Got it?"
Eva nodded. She shook the bottle so hard that it probably felt like a maraca with a headache after. Then she let the stuff go.
The fizz shot out of the bottle and hit the shoes, sending them a few feet back. Eva kept the bottle of coke trained on the shoes, and soon the mold was gone. She smirked. There were still eleven other cokes (they had a twelve-pack) and a whole pack of mentos. Eva picked up another bottle of coke and about seventeen mentos. She dropped the mentos in the coke, shook it like a marauding blender, and aimed the mouth of the bottle at one person…
…Jordan…
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"CHAMPAIGN FIGHT!" Eva squee-ed as she nailed Jordan in the back with a powerful stream of soda fizz. It was so strong that it knocked him flat on his face.
Stan, Koji and Aikka immediately grabbed one coke bottle each and a handful of mentos and started spraying coke fizz at each other.
"Aikka! Over here!" Eva had capped her coke bottle to save fizz. Aikka and Eva doubleteamed on Jordan and soaked him. Then Stan and Koji got "Team EA" right in the face. Meanwhile, Jordan had gotten up and sneaked back into the temple. He grabbed tape, another pack of mentos, and a six-pack of cokes, and got to work.
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Teams EA and SK both called a momentary truce so as to catch their breath. Eva squirted some of the remaining unfizzed coke from her bottle at Stan, who caught it in his mouth. Koji flicked a mento at Aikka. He caught it in his hand. Then he chucked it in the air, and when it came down, it landed on his tongue.
"Beginner's luck." Koji muttered.
All of a sudden, a large stream of fizz hit Eva in the back of the head. Aikka immediately launched a new bottle in the direction of the blast, but capped it off when he realized that no one was there.
Jordan stepped in front of the group armed with a six-bottle-diet-coke-mentos-fizz-launcher type thing. Basically, it was just six bottles of coke taped together with an open pack of mentos taped to the top. Jordan had already set two off at the same time. He blasted Aikka in the face.
"Geeeeaaaad!" Apparently, this was the Nourasian equivalent of "Ack!".
"Guys, grab the coke and mentos! We gotta get outta here!" Stan cried.
"Follow me!" said Eva. "We still got one more trick up our sleeves."
'We do?' thought Koji as he ran. 'I don't even have sleeves!'
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Eva led Aikka and Team SK to Kyrra's hideout. "KYRRA! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!"
"One more minute, mom…Whoa, jeez!" Kyrra yelped when she saw them armed with fizz-shooting coke bottles. "Don't shoot! Take the wallet! It's in my left pocket!"
"Kyrra, there's a madman named Jordan on the loose with a six-bottle-diet-coke-mentos-fizz-launcher type thingie! Do you think we would shoot you?!"
"Well, it kinda looked like you were, with the busting in and screaming "get your ass down here" and all." Kyrra said sheepishly, rubbing her neck. "But if Jordan's actually out there with a fizz launcher then I guess I'll just hafta give you all a tip: RUN! Oh yeah, and take these." She tossed them some wooden shields. "I never use the old things, cuz they're wood and all, but if someone's shooting fizz at you then they may come in handy."
"Thanx!" Eva threw over her shoulder as the EA and SK Teams bolted for the kitchen. After all, they needed more ammo, and if they cut Jordan's supply off, he'd have to surrender.
When they reached the kitchen, the SK Team grabbed a table and barred the door so that Jordan couldn't get in. Also, the door served as a bunker of sorts that both teams could shoot Jordan with fizz but he couldn't shoot back. Team EA blocked off the other door and claimed it as their territory.
"Someone's coming!" Eva whispered.
"Battle stations, people!" Stan called. Both teams got their fizz ready.
As a certain racing manager walked cheerfully towards the kitchen for some breakfast, he was shot down by four streams of fizz.
"Lalala-AAAAUGH!" Don Wei fell like a sack of bricks.
"Oops…" Eva said.
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Meanwhile, Jordan stalked the hallways, searching for four particular people. He made his way to the kitchen, then ducked behind a wall when he heard the fizz go off. He looked around the corner and saw a drenched Don Wei lying on the floor. Jordan also heard someone say, "We're busted now!".
Jordan snuck over the EA Team's now unguarded barrier (EA Team was too busy looking at Don Wei). He readied his coke bottles and fired. Both Teams were Drenched. Whatever parts had been dry at all were now Very, Very Wet.
"We Surrender!" SK Team cried.
"Yeah…what they…said…" mumbled Eva before she came off her sugar high. "snore…snore…hic…snore…"
Just then Don Wei decided to get up. "You are in deep trouble, young lady! And…Actually, you're all in trouble. And what is Aikka doing here?!"
"Eh…we had a soda fight…sorry for blasting you…we thought you were him." Koji pointed at Jordan.
"I can't believe this all started over a stupid cup of onion banana juice and toilet water and a Scrub selling a dress!" Jordan complained.
Eva woke up at the sound of onion banana juice. "Yeah, can't we all get along?"
"I'm too old for this…"Don Wei muttered. "Get all this cleaned up this instant!"
"What about me?" Aikka asked.
"Leave, unless you have anything better to do."
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By the time Aikka left; ALL the coke and mentos had been cleaned up; and all members of the Earth Team had showered and gotten the fizz out of their clothes, there was only about two hours left before the next race. Eva, Jordan, Stan and Koji were exhausted, so when a considerably less fizzed-up Don Wei entered the Earth hangar (where the Arrow was, if you can call that a hangar), they were all sacked out against the wall. Stan and Koji were huddled in a corner, and Jordan had his arm about Eva's shoulders as she leaned on him. Don Wei decided not to disturb the sleeping teens; they looked tired (wonder how they felt). Although, he did feel a twinge of "parental protectiveness" when he saw Eva with Jordan.
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And that's all she wrote! Literally!
Basically, this was my stab at comic relief, since it'll be more serious from now on.
Gahh, I have bronchitis. That means that I stayed up late when I was sick! Bad! Bad bad bad! slaps self with melty rice krispies O yeah, something really random: I found something funny on a nutrition chart from a cereal box. It said 0mg (zero milligrams)! Get it! 0mg! AM I FUNNY OR WHAT! crickets chirp sigh
-V D of O