Darkness.
Initially, it was all Caroline could make out upon entering Klaus's room, barely any hint of the anemic moonlight entering through the drawn curtains. Merely enough not to fumble around blindly. So, wide, terrified green eyes darted to every corner of the room, searching for any intruders.
None were to be found.
A heavy breath of relief was released that no murderous psychopath had decided to cross her threshold, at least for the night. That feeling was short lived though, because another desperate roar rasped through the night's thick blanket of silence, making her hair stand on end.
It had undoubtedly come from Klaus's lips.
Focusing all of her attention on him, Caroline could just make out his figure. Thrashing in bed, feverishly mumbling something between screams, fists tightly clenched as if he were fighting an imaginary opponent. Losing miserably too, by the looks of it.
Another broken wail pierced Caroline's heart like a dagger. The pain he emanated was so overpowering, that Caroline could swear it was seeping into her chest as well, constricting it. Seeing the once perfectly poised man reduced to a whimpering mess, shook her more than she'd ever imagined.
You have to do something, Caroline!
Not wasting another precious second in which Klaus would remain a prisoner of his own treacherous mind, Caroline raced to the bed, determined to pull him out of the clutches of his tortured subconscious.
"Klaus," she whispered gently. "Klaus, can you hear me? You have to wake up."
His only response was an ever stronger and more defeated scream. Moreover, the man started to claw at the silk sheets, then proceeding on his own chest, nearly shredding the thin, white t-shirt he was wearing. Like a caged animal struggling senselessly to regain its freedom.
This was no normal nightmare. No, Caroline had witnessed this before in the hospital. Night terrors- usually brought on by extremely traumatic events. Immediately, her curious mind started to wonder what was causing them in this case, yet remained wary of actually finding out. All that faded though, compared to the dire need to rouse the tormented man. Her medical knowledge served to remind her that people in this situation could present a danger to themselves. Or those around.
But the last part was thoroughly ignored. Only after he was safely out of harm's way would she worry about herself.
"Klaus," she tried raising her voice. "It's Caroline, please wake up."
Still nothing.
When his hands reached his own throat, leaving angry red marks in their wake as if he was trying to tear out his windpipe, the surgeon made a decision to ignore her training and try to rouse him in any way possible.
Too bad her brain could only come up with the most moronic one of them all.
Her own hand clamped down on his shoulder as she towered over him, attempting to shake him into awareness. Safe to say that, like every other plan in her life lately, it backfired.
Horribly.
Instead of coming to his senses, Klaus appeared to perceive her as a danger, fingers clamping tightly on her wrist, nearly breaking it in two.
"Klaus," she tried to pull back, but to no avail, the grip only growing stronger. Using her free hand, the surgeon attempted to unclasp his digits one by one. That turned to be useless as well. Klaus Mikaelson was simply too strong, filled with too much hatred and- was that panic?-to be shaken off.
"NO…" the man kept writhing in bed, sweat glistening on his forehead. "Marcel…H-Henrik… don't!"
Marcel? Henrik?
Caroline had no idea who these people were.
"Klaus, open your eyes, please. It's Caroline and you're in Mystic Falls, in my apartment. Safe, you're safe."
Her assurances did little, if any good, the man not letting up and showing no sign of waking up, lids pressed together so hard wrinkles marred his forehead. Attempting to free herself once more, all Caroline did was worsen the situation.
Her desperate tries to break his vice, must have plunged him even further into the realm roamed by the opponents he was vainly fighting.
In a second, he'd effectively pulled her into bed, straddling her, a hand keeping both of her own captive above her head. Immediately afterwards, a fist was forming around her throat, squeezing, nearly snapping it as if it was a fragile twig. His movements were feral, without a trace of the man she'd grown to know.
For the first time since meeting him, the blonde actually feared for her life. He was so far gone that Caroline had little to no doubt that he would go through with it.
"K-Klaus," she struggled to get out, her voice cracking under the pressure as she gasped for air.
No reaction. Klaus remained motionless, confident that killing her was the best way to proceed. The one thing that'd changed was his eyes.
Gone were the closed ones, making room for enraged blue ones. Hate shone brightly in them- a fire few possessed. The only problem was that he was directing it at Caroline of all people. Although he was seeing straight through her, her features morphed into that of the people who'd hurt him so.
Every gulp of air was rarer as he proceeded to literally squeeze the life out of her.
Everybody had been right after all: Klaus truly would be the death of her. However odd it may be, Caroline couldn't find it in her to hate or even blame him. If he truly wound up killing her, it would be without intent, both falling victims to his past.
"Please, you're…" she fought for even an ounce of life-giving gas," k-killing me."
Black spots were appearing in her peripheral vision making it clear that her attempts to harvest oxygen were unsuccessful. Slowly, her limbs were losing their strength to fight back, numbness taking over and she could feel unconsciousness loom closer.
If she fell asleep now, Caroline was aware that death would most likely be the outcome awaiting her, so her last bit of stubbornness tried to avert it; shiny emerald orbs connected with blank, mercury ones. Trying to help him crawl back to reality, but not even the feelings poured into her final glance were enough.
Nothing seemed enough to help pull Klaus back.
I forgive you, she tried to convey nonverbally, knowing that Klaus would most likely not remember. Slowly, her lashes landed on her cheeks, lead instead of lids making it impossible to come to again, but the woman could still feel warmth trailing down her skin.
Tears of helplessness, of unspoken affection for the very man responsible for vanquishing her life.
Precisely then, the grip loosened, only to be removed entirely in a matter of seconds. Panting, Caroline struggled to crack open her eyes, a burning sensation lingering in her throat, intensifying with every thirsty gulp of air. Immediately, her hands went to her neck, clutching it protectively and slowly trying to massage the pain away.
It only took seconds for the woman to remember that she was not alone. Klaus- the reason why she found herself in this predicament in the first place- had crawled away to the farthest side of the mattress. Her concern for him returned, increased tenfold after taking him in.
Savouring another mouthful of air, Caroline focused entirely on him.
Klaus appeared a shell of his old self, back pressed against the bed post, hunched in on himself, head tilted down. Clearly, he was avoiding looking at her, instead channeling his attention on his violently shaking hands.
For a brief moment, the woman was at a loss as to how to proceed. The memory of being at his mercy, on the brink of death for the second time in a few weeks, was still freshly embedded in her mind and it left her hesitating.
A few seconds went by, Klaus ignoring the woman who was still catching her breath, not acknowledging her existence or even moving a muscle. A statue, save for the arms which were still wracked with bouts of tremors. Seeing him in this state was enough for Caroline to forsake her physical wellbeing. Again.
"Klaus," she said his name for the umpteenth time that night, wincing at how croak her voice came out and at the pain speaking caused. The answer remained the same: nothing. Not even a twitch of a muscle to show that he was aware of her presence.
You have to get him through to him somehow, Caroline. You can't leave him this way.
With that in mind, she inched closer to him, a mixture of fear and worry bubbling. Her nerves were soothed by the reminder that this was the man who'd saved her life, his presence always a symbol of safety.
You don't know a lot about his past, even he's warned you before, sharply reminder her inner.
Still, she knew, somehow, that Klaus Mikaelson would never willingly harm her.
Shortly, all that separated them were millimeters. "Klaus, will you look at me?" she found her voice again. Still, it was like he was not entirely present or simply refused to address her- the second option more plausible if she were to take into account that she was still breathing.
"Klaus, I can understand if you don't wish to talk to me right now, but please, I need to know if you are alright."
That seemed to do the trick. Immediately, foggy sky blues lifted to incredulously stare at her.
"You want to know if I'm alright?"
"Yes," she declared as convincingly as her abused vocal chords allowed. "I just…" her slim fingers went to reach on his shoulder, offer some comfort to the distraught man while she fumbled for appropriate words.
Klaus recoiled from her touch and jumped from the bed. "Stay away from me!" It sounded like a command, but Caroline caught the broken undertones. Copying his movements, the surgeon went to stand on shaky legs and had to grab the wooden bed post for support during the brief moments of dizziness.
"Don't come any closer, Caroline!"
It had been meant as a warning, the woman knew, but lacking Klaus's usual bite, it had sounded much more like a plea. The plea of a shattered shadow of a man.
"Okay, I won't if you don't want me to, but you have to talk to me. What's wrong? I can't help you if you don't talk to me."
"Help me?" he repeated after her in disbelief. One glance in her determined eyes confirmed her statement. This time she would not back down. Standing her ground, she nodded.
Shaking his head, an incredulous, grim laugh accompanied his words. "You can't help me. Nobody can," with that, he turned on his heels and literally ran out of the room, making a beeline for the apartment's exit.
Like hell you run out of here without us talking about why you nearly bloody strangled me.
The blonde immediately followed him, willing herself to go as fast as she could as to not let him slip through her fingertips. She doubted he would be back if she did.
Sheer luck is what made her catch up to him as he fumbled to unlock the door. Her hand rested on his, interrupting his erratic movements.
"You don't get to walk away after nearly choking me to death. I deserve an explanation."
A strong tone of voice was mellowed down by the pain still lingering in her throat, but it seemed enough to sabotage Klaus's plans to bolt. The woman did not miss his flinch at the mention of his actions towards her.
"Please," she added.
"You're right," he agreed after a long consideration time, wrestled free and took a seat on the couch. Following his lead, Caroline plopped down on the leather cushion right next to him, positioning herself between the man and the door, in case he wanted to make a run for it.
A game of silence began after they both sat down, neither really sure as to how to proceed. The woman continued to rub soothing circles on her throbbing neck muscles, a ruthless migraine already beginning to build.
Continuing to stare at Caroline, who was now chewing on her bottom lip, a thin line of blood contrasting with her pale pink one, Klaus was drawn to her unconscious hand movements. She was trying to relieve the pain he'd caused.
He had been so lost that he was sure Saleem was the body he was slowly draining of life. Meeting Stefan had dredged up all of those memories that he struggled to keep at bay. Only by pure miracle had Caroline's voice reached him, awakened him before he could add another blood-coated name to his long list.
"I'm sorry," he ventured first, compelled to apologize –a feat he hadn't done in months.
"It's fine, "Caroline rushed to assure. "I'm a doctor, I knew the risks of trying to wake you up," a coughing fit interrupted her.
"You should've left me alone, Caroline. When these things happen I'm…not in control of myself."
It took a great toll on him to admit that, his voice tight, eyes filled with self-loathing.
"I know, Klaus, I know, but you were nearly ripping out your larynx. I couldn't stand by and allow you to hurt yourself."
"So you would rather I hurt you?"
"I… didn't exactly think it through," the woman sheepishly admitted, astounded at how stupid it sounded. "All that crossed my mind was to make sure you were alright."
Please don't ask me why, Klaus. I don't know myself.
"Well, don't ever do it again," he hesitated briefly before choosing to continue. "If there is ever a choice between me and you, always choose yourself, Caroline. I'm not worthy of more."
Seeing all of that hatred directed at oneself left Caroline breathless. What had hurt this man so much that he believed himself worthless?
"No," her mouth protested before her brain even processed the rebellious words. "No, you don't get to order me around without telling me why. I promised myself I would respect your past and I will, but you cannot say something like that without offering a good reason. If you can't give it to me, you can be sure that the next time I'll still try to help you."
"You don't understand…"
"Then make me, Klaus!" she screamed as loud as her voice allowed, standing up. "For once, stop speaking in riddles and explain. Explain why you despise yourself, why Stefan hates you so much, why Lucien tried to kill me to get back at you."
The man remained still as a sculpture, making it crystal clear that he had no intention of telling her all of that. Wrapping a protective arm around her torso, Caroline could feel her heart unexpectedly break at the realization that he didn't trust her enough to say something, anything to her. To him, she was probably just the idiotic girl who got caught up in his tangled life.
"At least tell me why you tried to strangle me," her raspy voice was merely a whisper. "I deserve to know that much."
"It wasn't you whom I was choking," he finally said after an extended staring contest while the woman was holding at bay tears or frustration.
"I know as much," she bit back for stating the obvious. "Regardless of what you say, I know that you wouldn't hurt me. Consciously, that is."
"Yet that's all I've done since coming into your life," he reflected aloud. In that split second, with everything she'd suffered because of him, he decided to come clean. At least with what he could. Some skeletons had to remain buried for her safety.
"Please sit down," he motioned to the seat across from him, aware that she would probably need to put as much space as possible between them. "What I have to tell you is a pretty long story. One I've never told before."
This was it, it dawned on Caroline. Truth would finally come to light and he was trusting her enough to tell it to her. The mystery, the paradox that was Klaus Mikaelson would finally be solved. Heeding his words, the blonde surprised him again by sitting next to him, leaving barely inches between them. When it was clear she had no intention of moving away, he drew a long breath, steadying himself.
" Tonight, I was back in Syria, reliving my final tour, the final mission before being sent back home."
Syria? Tour? Had he been in the army?
Her questions must have been obvious on her face because he nodded. "Yes, it was my second tour in Syria, fighting against ISIS. My best friend, the only friend I had left, Marcel, was there with me."
After that shaky beginning, word upon word left his lips, describing apocalyptic scenes, the horrors of war that one like her only glimpsed at in movies. Every sentence cleaved at her heart, burning a hole of anguish through it. When he first mentioned Saleem, pity seeped into her body. Another innocent soul wracked by senseless fighting.
As he went on, Caroline understood that she, like Marcel and those in his unit would have fallen victim to the monster hidden behind the guise of a young boy. At the word 'landmines' her blood ran cold. Klaus was painting such a vivid picture, helping her imagine herself in that scorching desert, running for her life like they had.
By the time he got to Marcel's final moments, tears were freely rolling down her cheeks, leaving shiny tracks in their wake. What he was recounting was more than a human being should ever have to live through.
"I respect him, I guess," Melanie's words finally made sense.
"Marcel gave his life so that I could live," he finished the story. "Ever since, night terrors have been my most trusted companion. That's why I drink Caroline, to keep these demons and everything else I've lived there at bay. I haven't had them in a few weeks, but seeing Stefan again –the former friend who held me responsible for Marcel's death- dredged this up."
So it was her fault. All of this, him hurting again this much was because of her. She'd been the one to push until he agreed to come with her. Perhaps he hadn't been trying to kill the wrong person, after all.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," was all that she could mumble weakly between debilitating sobs.
Knitting his eyebrows in confusion, Klaus finally lifted his gaze from the floor to look at the woman before him. She was violently crying, her entire body shaking and looking ready to collapse under the weight of her agony.
For him. Unlike others- himself included- there was no blame hidden behind her forest-green eyes. Instead, all he found was woe for all he'd lived. This extraordinary woman was shedding tears for him.
She doesn't know everything, Niklaus, a familiar voice reminded him.
"Don't cry for me, Caroline, I'm not worth it, I'm truly not. People have lost their lives because of me." You almost became one of them.
Out of the blue, in a typical Caroline fashion, knocking all air from his lungs, she lunged forward in his arms, hugging him, whispering relentlessly that she was sorry while continuing to weep. Hesitantly, his arms wrapped around her tiny frame, holding her. His own sight had grown blurry by tears he still refused to spill.
Once she'd somewhat calmed down she pulled back. "I'm so sorry. If I had known what wounds I would be reopening for you, I never would have asked you to come back with me."
Little droplets continued to silently roll down her ivory skin. Horror accompanied the understanding that she was blaming herself for this. It couldn't be further from the truth.
"You have nothing to apologize for. I returned to Mystic Falls with you because I chose to, because I felt like you might be in danger if you stayed any longer in New Orleans. This –everything in my past- I brought upon myself with my own hands."
"No, you're not to blame for Marcel's death. Do you understand me? I'm sure that if he were here, he would agree with me entirely."
"Perhaps, but he was always too selfless for his own good, like you, Caroline. That's why you have to stay away from me. I destroy people like you two. I never learn, do I?" a dark laugh followed. "I should have known better and kept my distance from you," he stood up. "I'll get my things and leave immediately."
What? He was leaving? After everything did he really believe she wanted him to go?
Grabbing his hand as tightly as she could, Caroline exclaimed: "Wait! I don't want you to leave."
"Caroline, I nearly killed you tonight. How can you possibly want me near you?"
"I…" she found herself at a loss. He was making a fair point. "I can't explain it, but it would hurt me more if you were to leave like this. You're my…friend. Stay until after the wedding and, if by then you still desire to depart, I won't hold, nor will I come bothering you again."
Klaus found himself at a crossroads. Going away was the easiest decision. The safest for them both. That way, the people after him would not acquire a new target and he would not have to face Stefan and all they'd both done every waking second. He could go back to avoiding his past and drowning his days in liquor. Waiting for a chance to extract a vengeance that would never come.
On the other hand, there was Caroline. This stubborn, infuriating woman who had started to claw her way to his heart, tearing down layer upon layer of protective shields he'd put up. Utterly crumbling his walls. The mere fact that he'd even said this much of his past stood evidence to the effect she had on him. Slowly, she was making him a better person.
He could linger in Mystic Falls, face his demons and maybe, just maybe have a chance at building this 'friendship' she spoke of.
Once his mind was made up, he found himself resenting his selfish nature for he did not elect what was best for Caroline. No, he had to listen to that stupid voice that screamed that whatever was being put together by them was worth the risk.
"I'll stay," he voiced his greedy pick. The smile with which it was met served to both melt another part of his frozen heart and to tear another chunk of it apart at the possibility that this might end up hurting her.
"Thank you," she beamed and hugged him for the second time.
Just like before, Klaus was clumsy, cautious in showing too much emotion, but still he had to bask in her warmth. The softness of her hair and her aroma: vanilla combined with a fruity essence- was enough to make him inhale deeply, desperate to remember the feel of her body, so trusting and molding perfectly into his own. He longed to memorize it, etch it into his brain forever because once the two weeks were over, the illusion would fade and he would be forced to return to his wretched excuse of a life.
So she can enjoy her own.
Disappointment was inevitable when she finally let go.
"I'm going to make myself a cup of tea. Would you like some or are you going back to sleep?"
Truthfully, the tea was to help let up the pain that still enclosed her throat like barbed wire, not that she would ever admit it.
Reluctantly, Klaus agreed to accompany the woman to the kitchen, aware that returning to the realm of dreams was impossible tonight. Motioning for him to take a seat, Caroline put the kettle and waited for the water to reach the perfect temperature before pouring it in their cups.
Meanwhile, his gaze remained focused on the angry red marks still on her porcelain skin. Bruises had already started to appear. Because of him. He'd been the one to cause her harm, he noted with disgust.
"Now," she chirpily pulled him back from his reverie. "I've got black, green, lemon, jasmine, forest fruits, pomegranate…I have pretty much every possible kind of tea on the market. What would you like?"
"Whatever you're having is fine."
Caroline narrowed her eyes at the dismissive answer, but proceeded to put together two jasmine teas in the hope that it might calm them both down, however distant that possibility seemed. She decided to put some milk, sugar and honey between them, in case he wanted any and took a small sip of the scalding concoction.
"I'm better at making tea than cocktails, I promise," she tried to lighten the mood upon seeing him lost inside his head once again.
"I have no doubt of that," and he did taste it, but remained otherwise captive inside his own shell.
To be fair, this recess of sorts, gave her more time to process all he'd said to her. Klaus Mikaelson had been through so much; it was a wonder he was still standing. Most would have been reduced to a bawling mess had they been put in his position. Hell, she'd probably not even be able to get out of bed in the morning, were she to live through half of what he'd unfairly endured.
However, there were still some things that did not add up to her. Some missing pieces of the puzzle, but she doubted this would be a good moment to push for even more answers.
He's given you so much already. Have patience, Caroline.
A tired sigh drew her attention. "Whatever's on your mind, you can ask me, Caroline." Her eyebrows shot to space in bewilderment that he'd grown to know her this well in such a short period. Still, instead of trying to try to contradict his appraisal of her, she complied.
"Who's Henrik?"
Whatever he'd been expecting, this was most certainly not it.
"Where did you hear that name?" he fired back in a tight voice, feelings under wraps because this was an even tenderer subject than Marcel. Henrik was his biggest regret.
Caroline sensed that she'd hit a soft spot immediately and cursed her big, insufferable mouth for running amok again.
"You were screaming his name in your sleep, along with Marcel's, but you don't have to talk about him now. Forget I even mentioned it."
Klaus wanted to do just that: keep quiet, like he always had when it came to Henrik, but there were so many secrets between him and Caroline still that he did not wish Henrik's existence to become one too. An unreasonable compulsion pushed him to divulge more and more of himself to Caroline.
"He was my younger brother."
Was? Oh God, I've opened another can of worms, haven't I?
"Is he…" she stopped unsure whether or not to proceed.
"Dead?" he finished for her. "Yes, he died almost two years ago, but I'd rather not go into any more details."
"Of course, I'm sorry I even asked."
Feeling dumb for bringing up an even more painful subject for Klaus, however unwillingly it had been, Caroline sipped her tea wordlessly. By the time she was ready to go back to her room, most likely to toss and turn for the remainder of the night, haunted by images of Syria and mangled, disfigured bodies, an idea popped into her head.
"How would you feel if we were to go to Malibu earlier? Get out of Mystic Falls, escape all of the tedious people in here and just unwind for a bit before the grand wedding?"
The man in front of her read between the lines. This was Caroline's attempt to get him away from Stefan- the live remainder of his past. For some beguiling reason, she felt the need to make up to him, like she was accountable for how broken he truly was.
"You don't have to do this, Caroline. I'm fine, really. I'm sure you want to spend some time with your friends and mother."
"I'm doing this for me too. I need some time away from the happy couple. I know it sounds silly, but it still hurts seeing them together, doing everything I used to do with Stefan. Whenever I see that woman, all I can think of is her naked body in my bed. Besides, I have all the time in the world to spend with my mom and friends after all this ordeal is over."
That was how Klaus found himself acquiescing to her proposal before they each returned to their rooms, under the pretense of sleep, when they both knew that was not going to grace either of them.
Tomorrow, they would go to Malibu, on what resembled a holiday.
You must be insane, were the words on both of their minds. They were venturing into the unknown, Klaus slowly cracking himself up, allowing brief moments of vulnerability and not remaining a prisoner of his threatening ghost anymore and Caroline for still trusting the man who almost killed her.
Moreover they both felt something they could not explain or ever utter aloud, an undeniable pull between them that defied all logic, but that neither could disobey.
What neither one knew was that this choice of theirs set in motion a mechanism that could either lead to their happiness- be it together or apart- or to both of their destructions.
The demons from Klaus's past grew nearer and nearer and now, their tentacles were reaching out towards Caroline as well.
A reckoning was coming.
And not all would be making it out alive.
A/N: First off, I apologize for delaying this chapter so much and I promise I will try to get the next one out sooner, because I have a lot planned for this story and no plans of abandoning it. All I ask is that you, please, please try to bear with me.
Secondly, I would like to thank every single one of you who took the time to leave any kind of feedback, be it a follow, favourite or review. It means the world to me that you are still sticking by this story and you guys are the reason why I try to deliver something worthy of your time and response every single time. So, if you have a moment, please let me know what you thought of this chapter, as well. Because hearing your thoughts on the story makes a huge difference.
One last thing: Merry Christmas everyone!