Chapter Ten: Mail
Cole didn't know why he had let that reporter do a small story on him, but ever since he had given her his number, his inbox had been submerged under a deluge of fan mail, marriage proposals, business opportunities and death threats from every corner of the galaxy. It was likely she had given out his number, but for the moment he couldn't track her down.
"No, I don't want to wire funds to a desperate Theelin prince," he thought, deleting and blocking the number. "I know that scam: it was around back on Earth, so why should this place be any different?"
He scrolled down the list. "Ah, another Twi'lek asking me to be hers," he mumbled, rubbing his forehead. "That makes number four hundred thousand or so, I believe? Never mind the millions of humans, and thousands of other alien species calling out for me. I especially don't want to marry the guys: I don't swing that way."
He continued scrolling down, deleting messages for a revolutionary new kind of protocol droid, deals on ship repairs and even challenges for a duel. Cole knew whoever had done it was either foolish or had done it to impress someone: likely both. Either way, he knew his opponent would lose, since it was kind of hard to beat an extremely powerful human light socket with a knack for surviving impossible missions. "Death threat, death threat, marriage proposal, death threat," he muttered, rattling off the title of each message. He was becoming increasingly frustrated until he just began deleting on sight.
Cole further scrolled down the list, with the number of spam mail becoming increasingly long until Cole wanted to shout. "Cash4Cortosis, Bank of Muunilist, Kessel's Jewelers, Bantha King, McDuros... Why are there so many advertisements for services?! I've never even heard of half these places!" Cole shouted at his datapad, thinking it would be better to just erase the whole thing without looking at the rest of it.
Scrolling down to the bottom of the list, his eyes stopped at one particular title. His expression became inscrutable as he opened the message and read the offer. The room became so quiet you could have heard a fly's wingbeat.
Outside the barrack's headquarters, Shadow was flying by in a newly refurbished gunship when something flew through the air out an open window. With a great metal clang it stuck into the gunship, the force actually driving it into the durasteel shell. Looking outside as the gunship made an emergency landing, Shadow was able to discern a few words on the cracked and rapidly-fading screen of a familiar-looking datapad.
"Penis...Enlargement," he said, feeling he knew whose datapad this was.