Letters From Nii-San

- Uchiha Problems -

"You are supposed to say 'Fuck Me! I want you to fuck me,' not 'I want you to grow your hair out!'" screeched Ayame, wielding the voices of all the fan-girls on tumblr. Naruto's blunt statement had shaken her out of her blessed yaoi-induced reverie and just when it was about to get good! She brandished a heavy metal pot at the two blushing ninjas .

"Oh my, you think you'd be able to get a bowl of noodles without having to fuck someone, or grow your hair out..." said a teasingly smooth voice from the far right side of the booth.

Ayame blushed and put the pot down, innocently folding her hands behind her back. Kakashi gave her a wink and glanced back down at his book.

"Kakashi sensei, when'd you get here, you creepy stalker!?" bellowed Naruto pointing yet another accusatory finger at the older man.

"I was always here, Naruto-kun, you were just too pre-occupied to notice little old me in my usual green jacket, no mouth-wateringly sexy grey sweaters... " he replied nonchalantly. Naruto blushed and tried to formulate a response to Kakashi's embarrassing point while Sasuke self-consciously folded his hands over his body. It is most definitely awkward when a teacher calls his ex-student hot.

"Relax, Naruto, you two are very cute and I wish you all the best. Although, I'm not sure what Sakura would have to say on the matter."

"So you're okay with this?" asked Sasuke, looking up to hear their sensei's opinion.

The jonin nodded jovially and flicked another one of his book's pages. Naruto grinned and punched the air and Sasuke smiled a bit too, his approval was one of the few that actually mattered to them.

Suddenly, Naruto took a step closer to Sasuke, slid one hand around his waist, another onto his shoulder and his chin on top of that.

"Naruto... this is fine, but I'm not comfortable with PDAs in general."

"..."

"Eh, we can kiss a little bit too if you really want!"

"..."

At this point Sasuke almost pouted, Kakashi and one waitress were alright if they were just going to touch hands or even lightly kiss but anything more was just unacceptable to him. He was just about to voice his opinion when he felt Naruto sigh dejectedly into his shirt, turning his face into the pale skin of Sasuke's neck.

"Naruto, what's wrong?" asked the taller of the two, pulling out of the embrace and scanning the blonde's eyes. Kakashi had said that he approved of this, and had even called them cute, so what was Naruto so worked up about? What did he say that could have put him in such a-? Oh.

"I just, well, I just never really thought about Sakura during this whole thing," he said, sitting back on to his seat. He began swirling his chopsticks around in the salty soup. "Well like, I considered asking her for advice on what to do with you being an emotionless teme and what not, but I knew she had feelings for you so I didn't. But I never figured that you'd actually do something romantic for me, and properly confess. Now, I don't know what to do, I want to be with you so badly but I won't hurt her either!"

Sasuke stood dumbstruck, rooted to the floor where he stood.

He had degraded himself into asking Ino to take him clothes shopping for something nice to wear, cut his hair which he had worn in the same style for all 18 years of his life, found a guitar, learned how to read music and play this guitar, actually sang, threw his pride to the wind and even confessed how insecure and awkward he really felt and how much he wanted to make this work.

And Naruto did not 'know what to do,' because Sakura maintained a schoolgirl crush on him.

Kakashi scouted over and patted Naruto on the shoulder still keeping his eyes trained on the book in his hands.

Sasuke looked up at the ceiling and ran his fingers through his hair. He really did not know what to say.

On one side, he was eternally grateful to the pink-haired girl; for her (however badly executed) empathies, perpetual belief in his abilities and for trying to make team seven more of a family when it felt like everything was falling apart. He still liked and respected Sakura nowadays. The girl had become the head medical ninja at the Intensive Care Unit and he had even read and helped her with many of her medical papers using Itachi's findings.

However, on other occasions; he really just wanted to shake her until she came to her senses.

He was not really sure what exactly he did to get her (and most of the female teen population) so infatuated with him and who exactly thought that he, at eight years of age, would appreciate ridiculous Valentine's Day cards, random glompings in hallways and professions of undying love?

He understood that he was good looking, his entire family was known for their looks, but he did not believe that one could fall in love with looks alone; maybe lust, but not love.

Since his first day as a genin, Sakura had claimed that she really liked, and was always inviting him to random places or to her own house. However, Sakura had never once just sat down and asked him why he was so depressed, what he actually liked to do in his spare time, or even what his favourite color was.

Sasuke figured that she had started off as having a crush on him (similar to Ino's) and then progressed onto liking the idea of Sasuke; the dark handsome mysterious smooth-talker who would come and sweep her off her feet into realms of intimate love and adventure. However, Sasuke was not that person; he was a reserved, logical, focused and simple man who very rarely got worked up after the emotional whirlwind he had experienced a little over a year ago.

Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose.

He was also gay.

Internally swearing at the incomprehensible logic of women, he turned to face Naruto. The depressed teenager was slumped over his ramen bowl and Kakashi still had a comforting hand on Naruto's shoulder.

"Sensei, what do I do?!" Naruto whined.

Kakashi giggled a bit and said, "If Gai was here, he'd give you some advice about throwing everything else to the wind and enjoying your time with Sasuke. He'd also say YOYLO."

"What's YOYLO?"

"It stands for, 'You Only Youthfully Live Once.'"

"Ew," said Sasuke and Naruto simultaneously. Even Ayame, who had passed out after Kakashi's wink, nodded in agreement."

"Kakashi sensei!" yelled Naruto, "I'm asking you what I should do, not bushier-brows sensei!"

"Hmm, I don't actually know. I've never been good with dealing with these issues."

"Thanks a lot, sensei..." Naruto mumbled, resting his head back on the counter.

Kakashi hmm-ed apologetically and said, "Let's see what Itachi-san has to say on the matter!" flipping the book to Mission # 280 and smiling in that upside-down 'u' way of his.

Sasuke did a double take. "WHAT?!"