Chapter 10

It didn't happen the way I thought it would… not exactically anyways. Beck said he wasn't surprised. We took things slow to build up. Beck said we were better off that way, starting off with fingers and his mouth. That part was amazing, but when if finally came down to it I was nervous. Beck had a condom in his wallet that was in his pants. Beck kept saying to just try to relax as much as possible to make things easier.

It hurt. A lot. It didn't happen on the first try either. It took us a couple tries but I was determined to get through this. We were probably there all night. When we finally did though, I cried from how much it hurt. At first it felt like I was on fire. He just stayed there for a minute and waited. One I got used to it, it was ok. Then it was amazing. I never knew I could feel like that.

Every time I looked at Beck it made me want him more. He kept saying my name, holding me close to him, kissing my chest and running his hands through my hair. I just held onto his back and his neck. I loved feeling his back. I could felt all the curves and muscles as he moved.

Still we kept it slow and steady. Once we got it going we didn't keep at it for very long. Once we were done though we just layed there next to each other breathing heavily both covered in sweat.

"Damn…" Beck said with a huge smile on his face. I had never seen him smile that good, "are you ok?"

"Yeah…kinda," I felt really sore and well... awkward.

"Don't worry. The worst is over, from here on out it just gets better," Beck said and turned on his side to pull me close to him.

I think we fell asleep on that patch of grass; he kept close to me all night. I loved listening to his heart beat, and letting him play with my hair. I had never felt so complete in all my life.

The next morning we were fully dressed and made our way back to camp hand in hand. It hurt a little to walk, but I knew it couldn't get any worse. Leaving camp was sad. It sucked to pull down our tents and get everything cleaned up.

The next morning I felt…different. I figured that it was because I was now a woman. I feel like I should want to be around Beck all the time, or do it again but now all I felt like doing was taking a shower, I think I had a leaf in my hair. I also wouldn't mind sleeping my own bed. Was I not making a big enough deal out of this? I feel like I should be obsessed with Beck now and want it all over again, but it just didn't feel important to me right now.

"So where were you and Beck last night?" Cat said coming up to me as were we loading stuff into the car.

"Um walking…" I lied quickly.

"For the whole night?" Cat asked giving her a look.

"We sat down and just talked," I said. Not a total lie.

"Alright, what ever you say Tori," Cat said giggling and got into the car. We said bye to the boys and hit the road.

The drive back was quiet. I had so much on my mind. I was now a woman, and by Beck. I loved Beck, I honestly did, but how is something that's supposed to make me feel so complete…. Leave me feeling so empty.

I didn't talk much on the way back. I think Cat knew something was wrong.

"What happened Tori? Did you and Beck get into a fight?" Cat asked.

"No we didn't fight," I replied.

"Then what's wrong?" she questioned.

Maybe Cat could help me; she had been in the same situation. So… I told her to truth under the circumstances that she does not tell anyone. She squealed with joy and hugged me.

"Look Cat, I'm just so confused. I love Beck but I just feel…empty now, I don't know how to explain it," I replied, "did you feel like this with Max after wards?"

"Well with me it was different. It was hard because I never really saw Max after that, but you have Beck. I would think that it would be different for you," Cat explained

Cat wasn't much help; she didn't understand where I was coming from. I didn't even know what I was feeling. Maybe I should ask my mom… no. If she found out what I did with Beck she would flip. She dropped me off at home and I dragged my feet up to the house. I got a text from Beck, he was asking what I was up to. I didn't reply.

When I got into the house, my mom and Trina were sitting on the couch. Trina looked worried and Mom looked mad.

"Hey…" I said cautiously, "What's up?"

"Uh Tori…" Trina said nervously.

"Tori, you and I need to talk," mom said standing up to me.

"What?" I asked.

My mom pulled out a little plastic case, used to hold my birth control pills.

"What? Trina takes them!" I yelled.

"Bye!" Trina said and rushed upstairs.

"Tori, I found condoms in your room," my mom said awkwardly, "are you and Beck…?"

"Wha-? Mom! Why were you going through my room?" I questioned.

"Look, Tori just tell me the truth," she said.

"No…" I lied, "we just talked. I just got em…ya know just in case."

My mom mentioned for me to come sit down. I went and sat on the couch awkwardly. I could feel how sore I was when I sat down.

"Look Tori, are you sure you haven't done anything…yet?" she asked.

What kinda of question was that?

"Yeah…" I lied again.

"Look, don't do anything with him right now," she said seriously

"Why?"

"Because, it's just a summer love. Once it's over it's over. You're going to go back to school and this year you're going to be a senior. You should start looking into colleges. That's a different story and besides I don't think you should be doing anything right now," she explained.

"Why?"

"Because you're upset about me and your father. I can tell you are, when you're angry you get reckless, I just don't want you to do anything that you'll regret later on. Just wait until the end of the summer at least. Wait for things to get back to normal and then see if you two are still going good together, things could change."

I couldn't believe her I didn't realize it until now. She was right; I just wanted to do something to get back at my dad. I knew he didn't want me dating…well anyone at all. I just wanted to make my dad angry and upset because that's what he did to me and what's worse…Beck was caught in the middle of it all

I could feel the tears coming fast, but I managed to hide them. I mumbled something about needing sleep and went to my room. I couldn't believe I did this to Beck… I had to tell him the truth.