Chapter 10

It didn't take long for Arthur to show Gwen all there was to see in Esentor. And it felt very strange to them both to be walking and talking as they were – both acutely aware of the imbalance between them, with Gwen knowing so much about the two of them, both as individuals and a couple, and Arthur knowing neither. Tilly, for the most part, just walked happily between them, looking up occasionally at Arthur or Gwen, and Gwen listened politely to the information that, in truth, neither of them was particularly interested in when there were so many unspoken and pressing questions that were filling both of their minds. And finally, when Arthur had exhausted all he had to say about the small village and the land around it, he glanced at Gwen again, and said, "I know there's not a great deal to see… but it's all I know – well, this and probably no more than an hour's walk in each direction." He looked away and down again as he continued, "Nothing compared to a place like Camelot, I'm sure."

Gwen gently asked, "You remember nothing of it?"

And without looking up, Arthur gave a little shake of his head, and it seemed to Gwen as if a great sadness had suddenly descended on him, which he voiced with the words, "And I'm so sorry I don't remember you."

The feelings of impotence and ignorance that arose from his lack of memory had reared their heads again, but this time, Arthur made a decision to shake them off – and to turn his attention to something that was of greater interest at that moment than the loss of his memory. He lifted his head, and turned to look at Gwen again, and studied her for a moment before speaking. She smiled encouragingly at him, and he could see why he – his other self, the person he still didn't remember – would like her. She did seem very "nice"... although that word seemed wholly inadequate to describe someone of such beauty and kindness. A little worrying thought raised its head just before he spoke however – would she still like him, when he was no longer the same prince she had fallen in love with? He quickly banished the question and asked instead the one that he had been intending to ask. "So how long have we been courting?"

Gwen paused for a moment as she tried to work out the answer to what was, in truth, a more difficult question than Arthur would have guessed. "It's hard to say exactly – it's been complicated. But we've known each other all lives." She paused again, realising her need to qualify her remark, and Arthur could see the laughter in her eyes as she raised her eyebrows slightly as she said, "Well, I've known you all my life certainly!" And with each word she said, his heart and his mood seemed to lighten. Gwen continued, "We both grew up in Camelot….," and she smiled as she explained the next little detail of her past: "….I think I was in awe of you when I was a little girl. Your father dressed you as a knight of Camelot, even when you were young, and….," - she spoke laughingly as she went on - "….when I saw you coming along the street I'd run inside and watch you from the behind the door!"

Arthur smiled at this picture in his mind, and then added wryly, "And now it seems the tables have been turned…"

Gwen stole a glance at Arthur, and was pleased to see the little smile that had finally made its way onto his face. The fact was that Arthur was beginning to enjoy Gwen's company and was, as a result, also beginning to relax and feel more confident about meeting her eyes. He went on, "I was certainly in awe of you when I saw you earlier, Gwen."

As he looked at her, however, he caught the funny little expression that suddenly came to her face as he spoke, and it was obvious to him that she was not telling him something. "What is it?"

"You're the only person who tends to call me Guinevere…"

Arthur looked puzzled: "Why do I do that?"

It was then that Gwen actually laughed out loud, causing Tilly to look questioningly up at her, "I don't know! I've never asked you."

Tilly finally decided that she had something to add to this adult conversation, and she piped up suddenly, picking up on Gwen's words earlier, "Because it's a pretty name, like you."

Arthur smiled down at the young girl, who was still holding both of their hands: "Good answer, Tilly! I think you're right!"

This caused a broad smile to light up her face, and she gazed up at Gwen, though the mind of the not-quite-four year old couldn't fully cope with either Arthur's new name or the longer version of Gwen's: "I think William likes you, Gwennie!"

The two on either side of her both smiled, and once again stole little looks at each other. As they walked along in silence - but at ease with each other - for a while, a question came to Gwen's mind. Would she have fallen in love with this Arthur – the one who wasn't the noble first knight of Camelot and its heroic prince? And she smiled to herself, as she answered her own question – if anything, she may possibly have fallen in love with this Arthur sooner. Maybe this was what the real Arthur was like, the Arthur who was stripped of all that the role of being prince and heir to the throne of Camelot imposed upon him, and free from the barriers that his title and position erected between himself and all those around him. Maybe this, more gentle, Arthur was how he would have been, had he actually grown up in a more normal existence with a loving family around him.

But any further musing on her question was brought to an abrupt halt when Gwen saw Arthur's smile fade, and the troubled expression returned to his face once more. Arthur had also been doing his own thinking, and he suddenly stopped, wanting to voice something but needing Gwen to be able to speak freely and openly. The other two, still linked to him through their hands, also stopped, and Arthur put on a smile and crouched down to speak to Tilly, pointing to some flowers that were several paces away. "Look, Tilly, do you see those flowers over there? I think it would be lovely if you went over and picked some for Guinevere. Do you think you could do that?"

She nodded happily and ran off, and when she was out of immediate earshot, Gwen looked at him enquiringly, as he blurted out his fear with a look of pleading on his face. "Please be honest with me, Guinevere - what sort of a man am I? I know I have killed many…. "

Gwen paused once again in order to choose the right words, understanding the fear that lay behind Arthur's question. And when she spoke, it was firmly and gently, but with a quite passion in her voice: "Arthur – I have never known you to kill anyone, except when you have to and when there is reason, and that reason has always been to protect your people and to stop those who are evil."

Arthur looked down at his feet, feeling ashamed of the blood that was on his hands, "And does that make it right?"

"It does to those whose lives you have saved – and there are many, including mine which you have saved more than once."

Arthur was still not entirely convinced, and he thought for a moment before speaking again. "But am I am tyrant like my father?"

Gwen gave a little laugh at the incongruity of the question. "Arthur, you are so different from your father!" The tone in her voice made Arthur look up at her, and when Gwen continued, she was able to say her next words with pride, looking into his eyes; "You asked what sort of man you are. Arthur, you are the best man I have ever known. You have such a good heart. You are fair and kind, and you care about your people more than about yourself. Again and again you have risked your life to help and save others. You are strong and courageous and your people are proud of you and love you….. and it is why I love you, Arthur! And you have made me so happy by giving me your love in return, even though I am just a servant."

And when Arthur looked down again, it was because there was a little bashful smile on his face. "It sounds a lot to live up to….. I'm not sure I can be that man."

"You will be, when you remember!"

Arthur gave a little non-committal grunt at this, but any further exchanges on the topic were prevented for a moment by the return of Tilly, with several crumpled flowers in her hand. Gwen crouched down to take the gift that Tilly proudly held out to her. "Those are lovely, Tilly, thank you!" and her gratitude caused the young girl to beam back at both her and Arthur.

When Gwen had straightened up again, the three of them resumed their walk, once again with Tilly in-between. Arthur finished their topic of conversation with the comment, "Thank you for your kind words. I feared I might be a monster."

Gwen smiled warmly back at him, but Tilly interjected "But you are a monster sometimes William!"

Gwen raised her eyebrows, and looked quizzically at Arthur, who gave a little laugh as he explained, "It's a game….."

Gwen turned her attention to Tilly, "Well, in real life, Tilly, he's not a monster, but he does fight them!" causing the young girl to look up at him, wide-eyed.

When Arthur spoke, there was an incredulous tone in his exclamation, "Please tell me you're joking!"

Gwen laughed, "I'm not! Dragons and gryphons and trolls and others - and you've lived to tell the tale. You're quite the hero!"

Arthur also laughed as he replied, "Please! I've had quite enough expectation laid on me for one day!" They both walked on in silence for a while, but both had little smiles on their faces. It was Arthur who was the first to break the silence again. "It's very strange, you knowing everything about me – far, far more about me than I know myself. So tell me about you, Guinevere - I want to know."

"There's not a great deal to tell – at least before we started courting. I grew up in Camelot where my father was the blacksmith. My mother worked for Sir Leon's family…."

Arthur interrupted, "The same Leon who's here?"

Gwen nodded. "Yes, I also knew him well as I grew up. But my mother died a little while after Elyan was born….."

Arthur interrupted again, "Do you mean Sir Elyan?"

Gwen gave a little sigh and shook her head, and then asked in a slightly exasperated tone, "Did they not tell you that Elyan was my brother?!"

Arthur also shook his head, and Gwen made a mental note to berate the knights of Camelot for their disgraceful oversight. She then continued, "Anyway, it was just the three of us for the rest of my childhood. I learned to be a seamstress as I grew up, but when I was old enough to work, I was given a position of service in the royal household and have worked there ever since." The fact that she had served Morgana, Arthur's half sister, seemed a painful detail that Arthur didn't need to know at that point – as was the fact that Uther had been responsible for her father's death. She also omitted the fact that Uther also had almost put her to death because of her relationship with him. Gwen wisely didn't want to cause Arthur any pain that was unnecessary, and so she went on instead to describe more about general life in Camelot's court, and Arthur listened with rapt attention, although that was actually more to do with the person who was speaking than his interest in what she was saying.

When Gwen had finally shared as much of her story as she felt was wise and had fallen silent, Arthur commented, "We're almost back at the village – it's just over this little ridge."

Gwen looked down at the little girl between them, and then back up at Arthur: "Is it alright for Tilly to go back by herself from here?"

Arthur nodded: "Yes, she plays here all the time."

Gwen once more crouched down to be on the same level as her, and held out the little posy of crumpled flowers towards her: "Tilly, do you think you could take these flowers back to your house and put them in water for me, please?"

Tilly nodded happily, took the flowers and wandered off, leaving Gwen and Arthur alone. Arthur began to feel slightly nervous, but only because he was alone with a beautiful lady who he was, by this time, totally smitten by. Gwen stepped closer to Arthur, and he felt his heart beginning to pound in his chest as she laid her hands on his arms and looked up into his face. And very gently, she smiled and reached up slightly towards him, as she said, "May I?"

Arthur gave a little nod, and with that, both of them closed their eyes, as their lips made contact. And to him it felt like the first kiss he'd ever had, and there was something about this beautiful woman that left him feeling giddy inside. And for Gwen it did feel like their very first kiss again. She always treasured that moment in her memory: the time when Arthur had suddenly and unexpectedly kissed her with such tenderness and feeling, finally acknowledging his feelings for her that had been growing over a period of time. And now here he was again, kissing her with the same tenderness but also the same uncertainty as to what to do with his feelings for her. But Gwen was also thinking of another kiss – another one she treasured, but which had also freed him from the enchantment that had compelled him to fall in love with the Lady Vivien. And she desperately hoped that this kiss might have a similar effect.

When they both finally opened their eyes again, Gwen continued to look up into his eyes, and Arthur knew that she was searching for a look of recognition - but his memory continued to remain closed, and he looked down at the ground, with his brow furrowed; "I'm sorry, I still don't remember…."

Gwen hid her disappointment, and smiled encouragingly back at him instead, "Don't worry, Arthur, it will come back to you."

But Arthur looked up suddenly, with a deeply troubled look in his eyes, as he finally voiced his deepest fear to her: "What if it doesn't? What if I never remember?"

Once again, Gwen paused to choose her words before speaking tenderly to him: "….then we can start again from the beginning….. if you'd like that."

The troubled look on Arthur's face gradually melted away, and was replaced instead with a little smile, "I think I'd like that very much."

They stood silently for a moment, looking at one another, and then began to bend forward to kiss again, but at the moment their lips touched there was, however, a little rustle of leaves and a giggle. They both suddenly pulled away from each other, and Arthur sighed before putting on a jokey, scolding voice, and going over to where the giggle came from: "And I thought you were meant to be going back to the house!"

Tilly duly emerged with a little grin on her face, "I saw you kiss Gwennie! Are you going to marry her?"

Arthur decided that the best way to avoid her embarrassing question was to change the subject entirely. "Do you know what, Tilly? I think there might just be some … MONSTERS!"

And that was enough to start Tilly screaming happily and running away from him, and as the youngster was pursued by Arthur, Gwen smiled to herself. She definitely liked this Arthur!

~~~~~ O ~~~~~

As Arthur and Gwen walked back into the village, looking happy and relaxed with each other, Edric and Helma looked on as they stood near the entrance to their house. They had been attending to a sick neighbour's animals when Gwen arrived, and had had to be updated by Kay on all that had happened since her arrival. As the three walked towards the house, Tilly was, by this point, riding on Arthur's shoulders, and putting all her concentration into messing up his hair with her hands, and Gwen, for her part, was still clutching the small posy of crumpled flowers. Helma smiled as she looked at what could have been a young family together, and slipped her arm around Edric's: "It suits our young prince," and Edric squeezed her arm in agreement.

But they were not the only ones watching Arthur and Gwen with interest. Merlin glanced at the knights, with a smile on his face: "Now this looks more hopeful!" But as Gwen came closer, she caught Merlin's eye, and gave an almost imperceptible shake of her head that Arthur wouldn't notice. The smile faded from Merlin's face, and he sighed deeply, turning away to face Lancelot, and shaking his head. Lancelot lowered his voice, and spoke quietly to Merlin, so that the others couldn't hear. "What are we going to do?"

There was a look of deep concern on Merlin's face: "I don't know…," and he then paused as he turned over various courses of action in his mind. Then – having decided upon one – he nodded to himself. ". ….. but I know someone who might! I'll be back as soon as I can." And with that he slipped off surreptitiously, before anyone would notice.

Author's note

Sting in the tail approaching….