Therapy
A few days have passed, and Rachel insisted that Chandler spend the night at their apartment, so they could all leave together, for therapy. "Do we really need to go to therapy", Chandler asked as they gathered at the dining table, and Phoebe said, as she poured another cup of coffee "Yes, we really need to go". Rachel sat down next to Chandler and tried to explain to him that therapy would be good for all of them, as they needed to start the healing process. As they were having breakfast the telephone began to ring as Rachel went to answer it, in the living room and spoke with Joey, and a few minutes later, handed the phone to Chandler.
"Hey dude", Joey said on the other end, "I just haven't talked to you guys since a few days ago and just wondered how everybody was holding up". Chandler said they were getting ready to go to a therapy session and Joey said "That sounds like a good idea, dude". Chandler said it was hard enough talking about this to his closest friends, much less a complete stranger. There was a pause and Joey said, "If this is what it takes to get passed all of this, then this is what needs to be done. You know we all love you, but there is only so much that we can do and you need to try and meet us half way. And I know that Monica would want you to move on, as well"
In the background Rachel is saying for Chandler to hurry, as they need to leave. "You need to run", Joey said to Chandler and they said goodbye. They leave the apartment and pile into Phoebe's taxi as Chandler sits in the back, not looking forward to where they were going and wished that something, anything would happen that would prevent them from going. He knew that the others were right, and he needed to find a way to deal with everything, but for Chandler, especially for Chandler, it was easier said than done. Phoebe had told him that this would be a group therapy, so at least he knew that he would not be there, all alone. Much to Chandler's dismay, about an hour later, they pull to a rather un-assuming building on the other end of the city as they all get out and head for the lobby.
They wait in the lobby and a few minutes later and a middle-aged gentleman wearing a shirt and tie, and wire-frame glasses approaches the group and introduces himself as Dr. Hart. He lead them to a large conference room and said that during the first session, he usually liked to talk to his patients one-on-one. Chandler stood up, looked at Phoebe and said "You told me this would be a group thing". Dr. Hart said that it is a group therapy session, but for the first time, wanted to speak with everybody individually. "I'm sorry, I can't do this", Chandler said as he got up and walked out and Phoebe followed after him, catching up with him in the parking lot.
"What's wrong", Phoebe said, already knowing the answer, but wanted to hear him say it. "I can't do this", Chandler sighed, "I was never good at this kind of thing". Phoebe tried to tell him that it was not as bad as he built it up to be, in his mind. "It's not just that", Chandler continued, "It's hard enough to talk about this kind of stuff with you guys" Phoebe nodded and said "I know it's hard, but this is something we all have to do". Chandler nodded and as they walked back inside Phoebe asked if he wanted to get some ice cream, after they all finish. Chandler chuckled and asked if he could get a double-scoop and Phoebe said "You got it". As they return to the others, Dr. Hart was patiently waiting and said "Chandler, I'd like to speak with you first". Chandler turned to look at the others as Phoebe nodded and softly said "Go on, it'll be ok".
Chandler follows Dr. Hart to his office, which is bright and colorful with pictures and paintings on the wall, as well as chairs and a leather sofa. "Should I sit or lie down", Chandler joked as Dr. Hart settled down at his desk, chuckled and said "Whatever makes you more comfortable, Chandler". As Chandler sat down on the sofa, Dr. Hart took out a pen and paper and made some notes. "So", Chandler said, "What'd you want to talk about". Dr. Hart replied as he made some more notes "Whatever you'd like to talk about". Chandler tried to dodge the issue and started to ramble about books he had read, and movies he had seen. Dr. Hart let him talk, making some notes and when he was able to get a word in, he said "So, it sounds like you've been keeping pretty busy. How have you been the past week? I understand you've had a pretty tough week"
Chandler stared at the walls, and does not say a word as Dr Hart said "Whatever you tell me, will not leave this room" Chandler still does not respond and the doctor asks "Are you angry, Chandler"? Chandler shakes his head and says he wasn't angry any more. "Anymore?", Dr. Hart said, "So you were angry? Why don't we talk about that. What were you angry about"? Chandler tries to fight the tears as Dr. Hart handed him some tissues. "I was angry at my wife", Chandler said as he wiped his eyes. Dr. Hart made some brief notes on his tablet and said "Why were you angry at your wife, Chandler"? Chandler took a deep breath and paused for a few seconds and said "She died last week". Dr. Hart looked up from his notes and said "I'm so sorry to hear that, Chandler". Chandler broke down and started to cry and said "I hated her for leaving me alone and I hated myself".
"Why were you angry with yourself", Dr. Hart asked. Chandler regained his composure and said "I was working in Tulsa a few days a week, and Monica begged me not to take the job, and she was on her way to the airport to pick me up, when she had an accident and she...". Chandler could not bring himself to finish the sentence and after a few moments, Dr. Hart spoke and said "I want you to know that what you are feeling is perfectly normal and rational. What you are experiencing is often referred to as Survivor Guilt, which is often what happens when somebody very close is taken and the others wonder if they could have done something differently to prevent it. And while that is a very common trait, you do need to understand that you are not at fault here. I know that you are very confused right now and looking for answers, and we'll look for the answers together"
After all of the sessions were done, Dr. Hart approached the group and said "I think we made some great progress today, and starting next week we will be having the group therapy session. When I talked with some of you, I got the impression that there were things you wanted to say to Monica, so for this week, I will be giving you an assignment". Chandler looked up and said "Homework"?
Dr. Hart chuckled and said "In a sense, yes". Chandler rolled his eyes and said "Dammit, but I wanted to hang out with the guys" Rachel flashed Chandler a glare and shook her head. Chandler took the hint and remained quiet as Dr. Hart continued and said "What I would like each of you to do is write a letter to Monica. It doesn't have to be anything long or fancy" Ross asked what they were supposed to write and Dr. Hart suggested they just write from the heart
They leave the office and drive to an ice cream parlor and Chandler gets his triple scoop. After they eat the ice cream, they all go back home and Chandler goes over to the sofa and turns on the TV, but Rachel yanks the remote control out of his hand and says "No. You need to start that letter, no matter how hard or painful it is, and I need to start mine". Ursula was putting Chandler Jr. back in the crib and said "What letter"?
Rachel replied that Dr. Hart wanted each of them to write a letter to Monica and asked if she could trust Chandler to work on the letter and said he owed it to Monica. Chandler sighed and said he would work on it. "Sweetie", Rachel said as she hugged him", "I am so sorry I snapped at you just now. I just want so bad for all of us to move past this, no matter how hard or how much it hurts inside".
Rachel and Ursula left as Chandler took some paper and a pen and put the photo of him and Monica in front of him for inspiration and began to write
Chandler's Letter: My sweetest Monica, ever since the first day I met you, I knew we were destined to be together. Even when you told me that I was not boyfriend material, I knew we were destined to be together. I never believed in destiny until I met you and that's when I knew we were destined to be together. I never believed in love at first sight until I met you, and I knew we were destined to be together. And even when other people said we would never make it, I knew we were destined to be together. They say love hurts and now I know exactly what they mean. You were the key that opened my world and I don't know how to function without you. Being without you for just one minute, is one minute too long. But I know that I will see you again. We're destined to be together
Rachel's Letter: Monica, everything that's good in my life is because of you. It was you who took in a selfish, spoiled brat, and gave her a home, love, and confidence. You were there to pick me up when I fell and taught me things like loyalty and friendship, which I will carry with me the rest of my life. I don't know where I would be or who I would be if you were not there. For the first time I can look myself in the mirror and be proud of who I am and what I have done and all of that is because of you. And because of the encouragement and confidence you have inspired in me, you have convinced me that I should follow my heart and never settle for second best. None of this would have been possible without you and will always treasure our friendship and you will forever have a place in my heart.
Phoebe's Letter: Monica, I know you're with us and I know you're going to come and visit, but it's just not the same. I am going to miss watching you freak out over bread crumbs on the floor or drinks without coasters, but more than that, I am going to miss you. You gave of yourself so unselfishly and that always amazed me, and I know that you're in a better world, but cannot help feel how our world is smaller, because you are no longer here.
Ross's Letter: Monica, you were the best sister a guy could have. I used to pick on you when we were kids, yet when I needed help, you were always right there. The last time we spoke, I never got the chance to say I love you, so I'll say it now. I love you Monica and could not be prouder of you and I will miss you more than you will ever know and tell Mom and Dad that I said Hi.