#Tuckson #SlowBurn #TwoStepsFoward #OneStep...
Olivia breezed into the one-six, eyes ablaze. It was just after lunch when her cell phone rang with Fin saying she needed to come in to the office for a bit. He didn't give her much of an explanation, just that it was urgent. Knowing he wouldn't have made that call if he didn't have to, she reluctantly called Lucy to come stay with Noah, threw on work attire, and made her way down to the station feeling nothing but frustration and a tiny bit of worry about what was waiting for her.
"Why am I here?" she barked, looking around at each of her detectives and narrowing her eyes. Fin jumped up, hands in a defensive position.
"Whoa, Liv, hang on a sec," he said, before nodding towards her office. "You have a visitor…"
Olivia looked through her blinds, noticing her office was open even though it shouldn't be, and she saw Chief Dodds pacing.
"What the hell," she mumbled, her eyes softening at Fin but they were still curious and frustrated. "Fine."
Without saying another word, she marched into her office and closed the door, leaving behind three wide-eyed detectives.
"Can I help you, Chief?" Olivia said, her tone meaning business and her posture stiff. He knew she was home with a sick child, and she couldn't possibly figure out what would have caused him to summon her down to the precinct without an explanation.
"Yes, actually," he said as he straightened up and gestured for her to sit. She kept her eyes narrowed at him as she rounded her desk, pulled her laptop out of her bag, and sat down carefully. "I need your detectives to get me more evidence now that these cops have been charged…"
"Chief, all due respect, but if you called me down here to tell my detectives to work harder…"
"That isn't all," Dodds said, interrupting her and earning yet another Benson glare. "1PP is breathing down my neck about you being a physical presence with this investigation…"
"I've been out for less than a week. My son had pneumonia."
"I know that," he assured her. "And they do too. But, this case involves NYPD officers…and you know how that goes…"
Olivia let out a reluctant sigh and rubbed her brow. She had a feeling this was coming, given that it was now Thursday, and she had not been in the squad room since Noah was placed in the hospital the previous Saturday.
"Chief…" she began, her tone softer but there was something else Dodds noticed in it. Exhaustion? Surrender? Reluctance?
"Olivia," he said, once again interrupting her in a way he knew she hated, but he had to get his point across. "I know you are in a tough spot. I'm going to try and keep you covered…but you gotta give me something here…"
"Understood," she said, giving him a tight smile and nodding. It wasn't clear to Dodds whether or not she was still upset with him, but she seemed to at least understand what he was saying. "I'll see if Lucy can stay with Noah for a few more hours today so I can be more hands on."
"Great," Dodds said, standing up and walking towards the door. Before he turned the knob, he froze and looked back at her. "Don't stay past five…"
As he closed the door behind him, Olivia dropped her head into her heads and took some deep breaths. She knew that it would only be a matter of time before 1PP was demanding her back at work, given they were now working to prosecute three highly decorated officers, but she hadn't expected it this soon. And she definitely did not expect her reaction to be as strongly rooted in anger as it was. But when she got that call to come down, while her son was curled on her lap watching an episode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates, her blood began to boil.
Now, sitting in her office, she tried to calm herself down and get back into the headspace of work. Lucy was fine with Noah for a few hours, and with the insistence from the Chief to leave by five, she wasn't feeling the pressure to stay more than those few hours. None the less, this was a different feeling for Olivia. It was still a tug, pulling her between her child and her work, her personal life and her job, and ultimately a possible pull from Ed again. But her mindset felt slightly different this go around. And she couldn't pinpoint why.
"Fuck," she whispered, feeling it all crash around her. It was so easy to get caught up in the moments during the blizzard when no one had anywhere to be. They could just exist stress free, aside from Noah's illness, and feel like they had all the time in the world to just be together, the three of them. But now as she began to ease herself back into working full time, the reality of why she pushed him away to begin with came barreling into her mind.
Ed had been so amazing with her and Noah over the last few days. To Olivia, the last twenty four hours in particular felt like he had never walked out of her apartment. Like she had never pushed him away. Steady, comforting, and providing that wall of support that she needed as she worried and fretted over her little boy, Ed Tucker was everything that she remembered him to be.
Then there was the kiss. She had stood there, watching him head to the door, and it was like their break up all over again. The fear and panic she felt as he put his boots on and reached for his coat, the small slump in his shoulder as he likely also worried about whether or not he would see them again, it was too much for her. Olivia didn't want Ed to walk out her the door that time, at least not that way. Thinking back, she was surprised she had taken that initiative. It was unlike her to get that clenching need in her gut, but that is what she felt for Ed Tucker. And as far as she was concerned, he had more than earned it.
The question in her mind now, was whether or not she was going to be able to find that balance she so desperately craved. That Ed had made clear he needed from her, in order to make their relationship work. That balance that would also provide her son with two strong parental figures to depend on and to love him.
The ringing of her office phone startled her out of her trance and she blinked a few times, before picking it up.
"Benson," she barked, straightening up her shoulders and shelving all of those unanswered questions until she could get home again.
Further downtown, an exhausted Ed Tucker sat at his desk with similar thoughts and worries playing through his head. In fact, he had overheard chatter in the conference room about whether or not Olivia had been back to work and it took everything he had in him not to burst into the meeting and give them a piece of his mind.
He could see it coming. The pressure from the brass for her to get back to work, at least part time, while Noah was recovering. And he knew Olivia well enough to know that she was going to struggle a lot with that.
The real question in his mind was where he came into play on her radar. Sure, things felt like they were heating up again when they were literally trapped inside of her apartment during a blizzard. But what would to happen to that feeling when their lives returned to normal? Was she going to push him away again?
That thought terrified Ed Tucker. It caused his entire stomach to clench with such a trepidation that it almost took his breath away. If there was one thing he learned, or was reminded of, during the twenty four hours he spent at Olivia Benson's apartment, it was that he was head over heels in love with her. And he was determined to not let her push him away again. Unless he could tell that was what she really wanted. But even then, he wasn't sure he could walk away from her again. At least not willingly.
He shook his head, remembering back to that fateful night in her apartment. How he had just given in to her excuses. How, despite even saying that he is good at reading people as a way to agree with her reasoning, he could still tell she didn't really want him to go. That he was getting the characteristic Olivia Benson defense mechanism. Their relationship got bumpy, it got hard, and instead of waiting for him to break her heart, she did it for him.
"Dammit," he whispered to himself, running his hand over his face and trying to stop his mind from racing, but it was to no avail.
Those first few months after he walked out of Olivia's apartment were hell for him. He consistently questioned whether he made the right decision, whether she was okay, did she miss him as much as he missed her. Last night on her couch, he got his answer in the way she gravitated towards him. But despite the fact that he was elated at this possible second chance, his gut told him to be careful. Because they wouldn't be snowed in together forever.
"Tucker bringed cookies?" Noah asked as he sat in his booster seat at the dining room table. His mother sat at the head of the table and Ed sat on her other side, across from the little boy.
When Ed had called Olivia a little before five, her voice had seemed strained and that was when she told him the chief had called her in for the afternoon. He felt his heart drop, fearing she was going to cancel their plans, but she surprised him.
"No," she had said after he questioned whether he should still grab dinner for them. "Please do. Maybe some kind of hearty soup from that corner deli you like?"
Soup from the corner deli was exactly what Ed set out to get. In fact, he got several different kinds just in case Noah was not up for one of them, and then Olivia could freeze the rest for the next few days.
Now as they all sat around the table, he could sense that she was having some kind of internal struggle, though she was trying her best not to let it show. The couple focused their attention and energy on Noah as he picked around some of the vegetables in the minestrone soup and continued to take just enough bites to earn a dessert reward.
"Tucker did bring cookies," Olivia said with a smile before reaching over and scooping up another good bite of soup for him. "But I need you to take three more bites just like this before you can have one okay?"
"Dey choc-lit?" he asked, his eyes narrowed as if he were trying to strike a bargain. But Olivia just returned his look and leaned her head down, causing mother and son to have a little stare-off.
"Chocolate chip," she said before she raised her eyebrow. Noah looked at her a bit longer, before he eventually saw the eyebrow raise and immediately took a bite of his soup. "Good boy," Olivia said, her voice had softened and she ran her hand through his hair.
Ed watched with amusement. He had no doubt that Olivia was an amazing mother. She loved Noah with every fiber of her being, but she was also strict and Noah knew that. The best part, to him however, was watching how she raised Noah to be just as head-strong. So it was almost as if he was watching the little boy counter-part of Olivia Benson take on the actual, female adult version of Olivia Benson.
Eventually, Noah finished the required amount of soup and was granted a cookie. In fact, Olivia even allowed him to eat it on his bean bag chair while watching a movie. Once he was content and quiet, she returned to the table.
"Want a top up?" she asked, grabbing the bottle of red that her and Ed had opened upon his arrival.
"Sure," he said, holding his glass up and meeting her eyes as she poured him what was left of the sweet beverage. Sitting back down, Olivia grabbed her glass and took a sip, still under the watchful eye of Ed.
"So they had ya back at work, huh?" he asked, sitting back a bit and settling in for a conversation. But he saw her tense up a bit and his eyes narrowed in confusion.
"Yeah," she admitted, putting her glass down and letting out a sigh before mumbling her next phrase. "Pressure from 1PP…"
"The cop case?"
"Yeah," she allowed. "Apparently the higher ups want to make sure a commanding officer is present for all of it…"
"They can't expect that," Ed said softly, with annoyance in his voice, though he didn't bring up his overheard conversation. "That's ridiculous."
Olivia just shrugged.
"I thought the same thing," she said. "Dodds at least softened up before he left, making sure I knew to leave no later than five, but…"
"Gotta wonder how long he will push for that," Ed finished for her.
"Exactly."
"Liv…" he said, his voice a soft but gruff whisper and his eyes pleading. She looked up at him as he reached over to grab her hand, squeezing it comfortingly, as she read his thoughts.
"I know…" she breathed out, understanding exactly where his head was in that moment. She brought his hand to her lips, kissing it firmly, before resting them back on the table, still joined. Giving him a small smile and keeping her hand firmly locked in his, she didn't say anything right at first. He could see the gears turning in her brain, and he couldn't decide if it scared him or gave him hope. Eventually, in an odd sense, he decided it gave him both. But she still wasn't responding, despite the loving look she had in her eyes for him.
"Olivia, I will be whatever you need me to be. I will give you as little or as much space as you need. I would do anything in the world to keep you, and Noah, in my life. But I just need to know it is gonna be different this time. For us."
Are they going to figure it out this time, now that life is back to normal?
You know what to do...