Chapter 10

Author's Note and Disclaimer: I'm so happy. I haven't gotten this far in a story in such a long time. Hopefully I don't run out of steam. You know what will keep me going besides ice cream, Gundam Wing music and drinking my body weight in tea? Reviews! Huge thanks to Jenni Jupiter who keeps pushing me forward with her awesome reviews!

As always I do not own Gundam Wing, sadly.

All she heard were voices, panicked and worried voices. Feeling hands grab at her almost made her snap out of her sleep. Except her body felt so heavy, she could hardly breathe. Let alone move. Ayame heard people calling her name, they almost sounded like her parents, but deep in her mind she knew it wasn't them. They had been dead for almost ten years.

Just thinking about her parent's death shocked her awake; gasping for air Ayame bolted out of bed with a slight of terror to her scream. Trowa was out of his chair in seconds, grasping at her shoulders.

"Ayame, it's alright." Trowa coaxed, "you're safe."

She took in a few deep breaths and relaxed back into her bed. Automatically, she felt hot and sticky and knew she was just wearing her underwear.

"Don't get mad." Trowa said as he handed her a cup of water. "Your fever was so high we almost put you in a bath of ice water, luckily it broke early this morning."

"That explains why I feel like shit." Ayame said rubbing her temples; her head felt like someone had hit her with a hammer a couple of time. "How long have I been out?"

Trowa returned to hit chair, "for about five days. Quatre was the one that found you; he freaked out when he saw the blood." The usual quiet pilot pointed to her head. "You hit it pretty hard, ten stitches."

"Please tell me Duo didn't take all of the Excedrin for his hang over a few days ago." Ayame rubbed at her sore spots. Remembering the copious amount of alcohol the idiot pilot had consumed, if he were a woman he would be considered one of those loud and annoying girls in the bar that liked to dance on top of tables with their shirts off.

Trowa shook his head, "I'll ask Quatre to get some and some food. You're probably starving."

"Surprisingly no, I'm not hungry." Ayame answered and she wasn't lying. She couldn't put her finger on the emotion that was keeping her from eating, but it felt like guilt, shame, anger and hyper-vigilance all rolled up into one tiny package. It almost felt like the stomach flu, but at the same time it wasn't the virus.

When Quatre came to the door, he snuck a small smile pass the tall one and to Ayame. He mentioned something about forcing her eat if Ayame didn't eat on her own, meaning it was more of a promise than a threat.

Ayame had attempted to move to the edge of the bed, but as soon as she was able to swing her legs over her world began to spin. Trowa crossed the room in long strides and caught her just before she collapsed head first, again, onto the floor.

"You shouldn't move, at least not too quickly. Your body is still weak from your almost week long fever." Trowa was glancing down at her. He hadn't noticed it until now, but Ayame looked horrible. From a far, she looked ordinary, but being this close her Trowa could easily make out the dark, baggy circles underneath her eyes. Her skin was pale, glossy and dead. Her eyes mimicked the same dead look, but they were also cold. Duo was right. She was just putting on a show for Wufei and the rest of them.

"Trowa how long are you going to hold me?" Ayame's question snapped the clown back to reality and made him realized that he still had a hold around her thin frame.

He apologized, "where were you going?"

"For starters, the shower," she answered dryly. "I feel like I've been stuck in my cockpit for a week in the middle of the dessert."

"Don't you want to eat first?" Trowa asked, but he already knew the answer.

"No, I'd rather be cleansed and less smelly." Ayame joked as she hobbled to the bathroom, but she stopped abruptly and slightly turned her head to hear Trowa's voice. "Does Wufei know?"

Trowa lowered his eyes to the ground and shook his head, "no. He had to lay low for a while, but he is safe. Wufei got a hold of us a few hours ago, we couldn't tell him over the vid-phone; he should be back tomorrow night."

Turning her completely, facing him, Ayame smiled at him, "thank you for being honest with me."

It was the saddest smile Trowa had ever seen.

Now the next struggle was staring at her, well it would if it had a face, but it just sat there. Quatre was staring at her, making sure she ate every last crumb. The peanut butter and jelly sandwich that he had brought up thirty minutes ago hasn't been touched, but she had about ten cups of water and poked at the apple sauce with her spoon. She couldn't handle it; every time Ayame thought she could eat her stomach told her otherwise by doing flips and began to burn with rage.

"Ayame you need to eat." Quatre said shooting a worried glance towards Trowa, who remained in his chair.

"I know, but it's a little difficult." Ayame squirmed as far away from her food as much as she could.

"Why is it difficult, Ayame?" Quatre asked making her back stiffen. She had never seen Quatre's business man side, the cut throat and terrifying side that made Heero cringe. He was challenging her.

And she wasn't one to turn down a challenge. "I don't have to justify my lack of appetite to you Quatre."

Quatre countered, "what about Wufei?"

In returned Ayame shot him a death glare and growled, "Leave him out of this."

"Then explain it to me, Ayame. Because we're all convinced that you're slowly killing yourself up here! You never come out of this room, you don't eat and you don't sleep! When you do sleep you have terrible night terrors that wake the whole damn forest! You're more agitated than you've ever been and more angry at yourself than the monster that attacked you!"

"Shut up, Quatre." Ayame quipped.

"No!" Quatre snapped getting to his feet and grabbing Ayame by the shoulders. "You need to talk about what's going on with you! And you're going to do it right here, right now!"

Trowa attempted to step in, but Quatre shot him down with a warning. "No, no more coddling her Trowa."

"What do you want Quatre? Do you want me to bare my soul, spill my guts? Do you want me to be honest with how I'm feeling? Do you really want to know, Quatre?" Ayame asked pushing the blonde off of her. "Do you really want to know how it felt when that asshole dominated me and completely took over my body? How, no matter how much I fought back, I was powerless!"

As soon as she felt the tears staining her cheeks Ayame turned away from her audience and wiped them away. "I can't stand being here."

The two pilots looked at one another, completely shocked. "What do you mean, Ayame?" Trowa asked.

"Do you know how long it's been since I solely relied on someone other than myself?" Ayame rhetorically asked them, "My parents were killed in front of me ten years ago, I was five. Ever since my old rebellion's leader taught me how to use a gun and pilot a mobile suit at the age of seven I was on my own. I had my own back and occasionally carried someone else's. I haven't been a part of a family setting in so long I've completely forgotten how to function like a normal person.

"Don't get me wrong, I love being here with all of you. And I appreciate the things you have done for me. But given the situation and then being here with all of you constantly watching my every move, I can't help but feel smothered."

Quatre's cheerful disposition disappeared, hearing her true feelings made his heart ache, "does that go for Wufei as well? Are smothered by him, also? Be honest Ayame."

Ayame sunk her head, "yes. I love him and I know he would do anything to help me get through this, but as much as I want to rely on him. I can't. Call it stubbornness or habit, but I just can't seem to truly show him anything. I'm afraid if I do, I'll lose him forever." Ayame's knees caved as the weight of the memories of the loved ones she had lost destroyed her balance. "I've lost so many people and I don't think I could handle loosing Wufei."

Quatre knelt down to Ayame's level and rested a hand on her shoulder, she shooed it away, but only to have him repeat the gesture. "What do you need, Ayame?"

"I need to disappear, by myself, so I can work on things." She replied softly sobbing.

"What about Wufei?" Trowa asked.

"I hate to say it and as much as I love him," Ayame answered sadly, her eyes adverted to the floor, "but Wufei can't come with me."

Wufei has been with her from the very start, he held her while she cried and was there for her when her nightmares woke them both from a dead sleep. He made sure she was safe and kept her spirits up and the thought of leaving Wufei behind made Ayame's stomach turn with nervousness.

Quatre's arms enveloped his friend tightly as he let her cry out her frustrations. Trowa remained standing, watching as the scene unfolded before him. He caught someone standing outside the door, their elbow barely showing. He removed himself from the situation and met the person at the threshold. Trowa's heart sped up and his breath hitched in his throat. Wufei was leaning against the wall and looked as though he had been there for a while. There was stillness in Wufei's eyes that, for some reason, made Trowa feel extremely uneasy.

Author's Note: WOO HOO CLIFFHANGERS! I'm thinking that this story is only going to be 12 chapters long. Chapter 12 might be an epilogue of sorts. Who knows what will happen in chapter 11, I mean that in a very sarcastic way. Because I'm actually the only one who truly knows. Please review!