MickieMelina4Eva- yeah what Ashley did was scandalous. You'll have to read on to know why! Thanks
IsebellaVamp- I don't think there was anything that Ashley could say to Spencer to make her listen. The damage was already done. Thanks
Domino lavendel- the way it ends may surprise you. Thanks
Elly1212- if you had a general idea of where this was going then I would think you hacked into my computer and read the story! Lol Thanks
Knockudown- Thanks
Fumbling Towards Ecstasy- thanks! I think the song just kind of sums up everything and it fit the situation perfectly.
Jono14- I think if Spencer died it would ruin the story so no I couldn't do that. You will have to read to find out the rest. Thanks
...Voice- thanks! You gave me some great advice.
Southofnowhere2010, jono14, Hotcutii3, islndgrl07- thanks for the alerts!
Hey readers! This chapter will be in Ashley's point of view. Everyone wants to know what is going on so I hope this chapter explains it. Enjoy!
Two Sides To Every Story
It has been three months since I officially met Spencer Carlin. We have been getting closer every since we went to her brother Glen's basketball game. Going to sporting events is not really my thing but I would do anything to spend time with Spencer. I haven't really known her all that long but once I got to know her it felt like I had known her all my life. I know there are some things that Spencer isn't telling me but she doesn't know that I already know what they are. I have been debating the last few days if I should tell Spencer what I know and how I feel about her. I have had feelings for Spencer since the first day that I saw her. Maybe if I tell her what I know and then tell her how I feel about her that will lessen the blow somehow. I don't know. I just know that I need to tell her soon before everything blows up in my face. My Spencer daydreams are soon interrupted by my phone ringing. I look at the caller id and frown. God what does she want now?
"Hello Judy. How are you?" I answer with a fake smile plastered on my face but I remember that its not like she can see me so I instantly drop it.
"Hello Ashley. Do you have any news for me today?"
"No I don't"
I hear a sigh on the other end before she speaks again. "Ashley you have been at this for months. It shouldn't take you this long to get her to tell you about the accident. Have you forgotten why you are even hanging out with her?"
"No Ms. Tyler I haven't. What do you want me to do? I can't just come right out and ask her about it. If I did that I don't know how she would react."
"Yeah your right. We can't just force it out of her. Just remember Ashley that I am her therapist and you are just my intern. If you want that job across town then you are going to have to get her to talk. I will give you one more month and if you cant deliver then I will have no choice but to fire you."
"Okay. I will try my best."
"Oh and Ashley remember that you can't tell Spencer about any of this."
"I understand. Goodbye Judy." As I hung up the phone I yelled in frustration.
"Wow what's up with you?" I turn around to see Kyla standing in my doorway.
"I just got off the phone with Judy."
"Judy. As in Judy Tyler your boss?"
I nodded "Yep. The one and only."
"Let me guess. She wanted another Spencer update."
"You guessed it."
"I don't know why you put up with this woman Ash. She is practically black mailing you to do all her dirty work."
"I know Kyla but she is the best Psychiatrist in the state and if I can get a recommendation from her then I am sure to get the big job that I want across town."
"Yeah but is this recommendation worth your sanity and dignity? Is it worth hurting Spencer over?"
"No but I kind of brought this on myself Ky. I should have never got caught looking in Spencer's file."
"That's true but I think that she set you up. She knew how you felt about Spencer so she gave you her file knowing that you would look at it. It was so obvious that you had a crush on Spencer."
"Maybe. I can still remember the first day that I saw her. She was leaving Judy's office and I remember thinking how beautiful she was but she looked so crestfallen. Her eyes that looked like they were once full of life now looked dull and lifeless. Since that day I made a promise to myself that I would do anything I could to put life back in her eyes."
Kyla looked up at me with admiration. " Wow Ash. I didn't know that you felt that strongly for her."
"Ky I think…. I think that I may…love her."
Kyla was about to respond but was interrupted by my phone. I looked at the caller id and smiled.
"Hey you"
"Hey Ash" as soon as I heard the tone in her voice a frown replaced my face splitting smile.
"What's wrong Spence? You sound like you have been crying."
"Glen and I just got into a fight. Do you think you could come over?"
"Sure. I'll be there in a few minutes."
"Thanks Ash"
Before I could respond I heard the dial tone. Wow I wonder what the fight was about. It must have been really bad. I haven't heard her this upset since the day in the library.
"Who was that Ash?" Kyla asked with concern laced in her voice.
"That was Spencer. She had a fight with Glen and she sounded really upset. She wants me to come over. Will you be alright here by yourself?"
"Yeah I'll be fine. Go take care of Spencer."
"Thanks Ky. I owe you one." I hugged Kyla goodbye and made my way to Spencer's.
About 20 minutes later I am knocking on Spencer's door. Once Spencer finally opens the door I get a good look at her. She looks like she has gone to hell and back. She moves so that I can come in. as soon as come through the door I put everything down I hug her as tight as possible without hurting her. She buries her head into my neck and sighs. After a few minutes I reluctantly pull away to look in her eyes.
"Are you going to tell me what happened?"
"Glen and I got into a fight and it got pretty intense."
"May I ask what it was about?" I ask timidly.
"Just family stuff." As soon as she says that I know not to press on. Spencer's family is a touchy subject that we just don't talk about.
"Oh. Ummmm…..where is Glen anyway?"
"He decided to stay at Madison's tonight."
"Are they like together?"
"Yeah they just started dating"
I see that talking about Glen is making her sad so I quickly change the subject. "Well okay enough with the heavy. I brought movies and snacks. You sounded so down on the phone that I thought that I would cheer you up!"
"Thanks Ash. What movies did you bring?"
"Well I have 10 Things I Hate About You, The Hangover, and Superbad. I figured you needed a good laugh. So which movie do you want to look at first?"
"uuummmm….. I think I'll start with 10 Things I Hate About You."
"Nice Choice. Julia Stiles' vapidness made her totally hot in this movie."
"I couldn't agree more"
Halfway into Superbad Spencer seemed to have loosened up. Her head is on my shoulder and she is sitting halfway on my lap. Throughout the night we have shifted closer towards each other and every now and then I contently sigh happy to be here with her. All of a sudden she shifts into my lap and lays her head in the crook of my neck. I stiffen not knowing what to do next before relaxing and deciding to wrap my arms around her. As I hold her in my arms I realize what I have to do. I can't continue to lie to her. I have to tell her everything and tell her how I feel about her. How much she means to me.
"Spence?"
"Yea?" she looks up and looks into my eyes. I see a look of fear in her eyes but try to ignore it.
I am so nervous right now that I can barely form words. "I-I have t-to tell you something."
"You can tell me anything Ash."
I take a deep breath to calm my racing heart. Well here goes nothing. When I open my mouth to speak my phone rings. Who could that be? I pull my phone out of my back pocket and check the caller id. Judy. What does she want now?
"I'm sorry I have to take this. It will just take a second." She nods and watches me disappear out of the room. I walked into a bedroom and answered the phone.
"What is it Judy? I'm with Spencer."
"Well that's good to hear. Has she told you yet?"
"Not since the last time that we talked." I said voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Well I thought of something that might help you. Since you like her so much you could sleep with her. What's more intimate than sex? If she sleeps with you then she will trust you more and thus telling you about the accident."
I instantly got mad that she would even suggest that. " Are you serious? There is now way that I am doing that. Do you do this with all your patients that don't open up?"
"Listen here Ashley. I have worked too hard to get where I am and I am not going to let some blonde bimbo ruin it. I have been working on her case for two years and she never says anything about the accident. You have to put your feelings aside. So if you want that recommendation you better get her to talk."
That's it. I am so done with this. Kyla was right. It's not worth it. "What do you want me to do? I didn't mean to fall for her so fast. You knew how I felt about her when you asked me to do this. I'm not going to pressure her to talk about the accident if she doesn't want to. It is so hard to lie to her all the time and pretend like I don't know about the accident. So you know what I quit."
I angrily close my phone and turn around. What I see next nearly breaks my heart. Spencer is standing in the doorway with tears in her eyes. Shit. Did she just hear what I said?
"How long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough"
I try to take a step towards her but she puts her hand up to stop me. ""Look Spence I can explain"
"You knew this entire time and you didn't tell me? How could you do that?"
"I wanted to tell you but I couldn't. I would have lost my job."
"So you lie to me instead? You know what just get out."
"Spence just let me explain."
"Get the fuck out." She yelled. I was about to say something but decide to just leave. She is so mad that she is shaking. I walk past her and look at her once more before leaving the apartment. Once I get into my car I break down. I scream profanities at the top of my lungs and bang my head against the steering wheel.
I finally pull out of the car park and turn on my ipod to drown out the silence. The Goo Goo Dolls blast through the speakers as I think about everything that happened tonight.
And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
I cant belive that Judy wanted me to sleep with Spencer just to get her to tell me about the accident. Not that I would mind sleeping with Spencer, I just don't want to sleep with her for the wrong reasons. Spencer is so fragile right now. Maybe I should go back.
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive
I stop at the red light and listen to the song that is playing. I just sit a let the words soak in.
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
In that moment something in me clicks and I realize something. I have to let Spencer know who I am. I have to explain everything and make her understand that I love her. I make a u-turn in the middle of the street and make my way back to Spencer. I get there in record time and knock on the door but no one answers. I knock again and still nothing. I put my ear up to the door and hear music playing. Maybe she just can't hear me. I then check to see if the door is unlocked and find that it is. I guess I forgot to lock it when I left.
"Spence? Spencer?" Still no reply. I guess she is in her room. I walk back to her room and see that the door is closed. I knock and get no reply.
"Look Spence. I know you hate me right now but I need to explain. There are some things that I really need to tell you. May I come in? Spence?" When she doesn't answer I take her silence as a yes and enter her room. What I see when I open the door nearly kills me. Spencer is lying on the floor with a pool of blood surrounding her and razors. I quickly make my way over to her and see that both her wrists are cut deeply and there are little small cuts there too. " Spence? What did you do? Oh my god. There is so much blood." I quickly grab onto her and check her pulse. It is faint but it is there. I grab the sheets from her bed to stop the bleeding and then I call 911. I just hold her in my arms until the ambulance arrives. All that I can think as I rock Spencer back and forth is this is my fault.
What have I done?
Well there you go. I hope I explained everything. I don't know how long it is going to take me to recover from surgery so the next update won't be for like another week. Sorry. I hope you enjoyed it. Please review. It will help me recover faster. (: The song used in this Chapter is Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls.