Your name is Cronus Ampora, and you're hoping and praying that Kankri might look at his husktop.
- [CA] began trolling [CG] -
CA: kan.
CA: kan, please answver me.
CA: im sorry.
CA: im so fucking sorry, you dont even knowv.
CA: just let me explain, please.
CA: yeah, i cheated on you.
CA: i made a horrible mistake, you have to knowv that.
CA: but i swvear, i didnt mean to hurt you.
CA: she just cornered me and convwinced me that youd nevwer find out and i believwed her.
CA: i swvear kan, it wvas an accident. i didnt wvant to do it, but then she just kissed me and got me a little too excited and i lost control.
CA: shes like a fucking wvitch or something.
CA: kan, please just respond, i feel terrible and i just wvant to make things right wvith you.
CG: Cr9nus.
CA: kan!
CA: kan, oh thank fucking god!
CG: Cr9nus, st9p.
CA: stop wvhat?
CG: St9p trying t9 c9nvince me it was an accident. It was n9t an accident.
CG: This is the reas9n I didn't want to jump int9 a quadrant with y9u.
CA: please, kan, im sorry. i made a really big mistake.
CG: Yes, y9u did. I tried t9 take it sl9w with y9u, I tried t9 make sure y9u really meant all the things y9u said, and I th9ught I was sure that y9u really l9ved me.
CA: i did really lovwe you, i still do! please, just listen!
CG: N9, y9u listen.
CA: ...
CA: okay.
CG: I spent the l9ngest m9nths 9f my life making a6s9lute certain that y9u were w9rth it, and t9 6e perfectly h9nest I th9ught y9u were. I th9ught y9u really l9ved me, and I gave y9u everything I had, and y9u t99k it with a "thanks". Y9u were my first kiss, y9u were the first and 9nly pers9n t9 t9uch me in that way, and I let y9u take the 9nly thing I can't get 6ack. I th9ught y9u l9ved me, and I can't 6elieve I was stupid en9ugh t9 let myself fall in l9ve with y9u. Please Cr9nus, y9u've d9ne en9ugh. Just leave me al9ne.
CA: ...
CA: kan, im so sorry.
CA: i wvant to make it up to you and i dont knowv howv.
CA: i really do lovwe you kan, i lovwe you more than anything in the wvorld.
CA: please givwe me a second chance?
CG: Why sh9uld I d9 that?
CA: ... i dont knowv.
CA: i knowv i havwent done anything that wvould make you evwen consider givwing me a second chance, but i wvant to make it up to you. it wvas just an accident!
CG: IT WAS N9T AN ACCIDENT! Y9U PAILED WITH DAMARA!
CG: Y9U CHEATED 9N ME!
CA: i knowv, and i regret it.
CA: i really do.
CG: Yes, and I regret it t99.
CA: wvhat?
CG: I regret letting y9u 6e a part 9f my life, I regret pailing with y9u, and I regret believing y9u when y9u t9ld me y9u l9ved me, 6ecause t9 d9 s9mething like that tells me that clearly, y9u d9n't.
CA: ...
CA: kan-
CG: Please never 69ther me again.
CG: G99d6ye Cr9nus.
CA: kan, please wait-
- [CG] ceased trolling [CA] -
Now your name is Cronus Ampora, and you're sitting at your husktop looking at the last words Kankri will say to you in weeks through eyes blurred by purple-tinted tears: "G99d6ye Cr9nus".
You're starting to think you may have really destroyed him. Wait- starting to? No, you're positive you destroyed him.
"Figure that out and then decide," Porrim says angrily when you come to Kankri's hive after giving him a few days to cool down. "Because you know damn well you can't have both." She slams the door in your face and you're stuck. You have no ideas anymore. She won't even answer you on Trollian and you don't blame her, you broke her moirail's heart and you feel absolutely shitty about it. The guilt is burning you from the inside out and you just wish you could fix this.
You start out by staying in your hive for a while, not doing anything but feeling shame and regret as tears run down your cheeks. You cry for the first time in sweeps, you cry for your destroyed matespritship, for making that mistake with Damara, and most of all for Kankri, who's probably still buried in the tears and blankets Porrim told you he was in. You hate that you did that to him, that you made him feel terrible enough- no, that you hurt him enough to make him cry. You know you probably did far more than make him cry but you don't want to think about him being any sadder than you know he is.
You go to everyone you can think of for help, anyone with any idea at all on how to fix your broken matespritship, but no one offers you any advice. They all tell you that you don't deserve his forgiveness, and you know that they're right. Then you remember something that Porrim told you when you went to his door, she said that if you saw it from his perspective then you wouldn't have let Damara anywhere near you. You think about that for a moment.
You picture yourself as innocent and naive as Kankri, isolating yourself from people you're sure hate you and only talking to a handful of people. Then one of the few people you actually talk to tells you that they want to fill a quadrant with you, a quadrant you've sworn off, and for some reason which you can't comprehend you say yes. Then you spend your time building up your trust for that person and give them everything you have, including your body to use as they please, and a few days after you lose your virginity to them you find out that they cheated on you with the biggest whore of them all. You can only imagine how Kankri must feel, to have you cheat on him, with Damara of all people. She's the easiest troll there is to get in the sack and you can only wonder if Kankri feels the way you would. You hate yourself more than you ever have, and you're fairly certain he feels the same way.