Severus had spent the remainder of his day considering Dumbledore's words and deciding what to do. However, although he'd reached a conclusion, he couldn't stop the anger and betrayal that had been brewing in him for years. It had simply, finally reached it's tipping point. The emotion in him brimmed, spilling over so that he no longer had control. "You're still here." It was a statement rather than a question. He should have been surprised, seeing as it was after dinner and late into the evening. But, given her tenacity, he had fully expected it. "Haven't you been…bored?"
Lily gave a half hearted shrug, barely lifting her shoulders. She seemed meek under his measured voice. "I feel safer here, hidden away. Mulciber's threat was-"
"Vile, abhorrent…typical. The Dark Lord's followers enjoy a little free sex, particularly when their victim can't fight back. Mulciber is one of the worst."
She blinked at him. "After what he did to Mary, I can't say that surprises me. But, you've never?" Her eyebrows fell, only the inner corners coming up.
"It's a choice, not a requirement. I would never." His voice was tight, offended that she would even ask, but he didn't push it. After everything else he and his comrades had done, he supposed anything was possible.
"I still have nightmares, every night, about the attack. Last night, being here with Harry, was the safest I've felt in years. It was the first time I slept a full night without waking up in a panic. I know they can't find me here."
Severus sat beside her where she was curled on the couch with Harry. There was a new distance between them, but he laid a hand on her knee. "I wouldn't put any stock in what Mulciber said. When the Dark Lord returns he wouldn't be pleased to learn that his followers have messed with your family in particular. The Death Eaters won't be able to touch you until then."
The words had meant to be a comfort, but the look she gave him proved otherwise. "But, after that?"
"The Dark Lord won't allow any of us to harm you. You and Harry are his game to finish. I don't think it needs to be said that he'll be bitter about Harry finishing him off. You need to prepare yourself for when that day comes." His voice was softer than before, his thoughts of the day having done him some good after all. "Now." He exhaled. "You wanted to talk?"
She looked at him with relief in her features that he even wanted to entertain the idea. "You were right, about all of it. I should have believed you. It was stupid of me to believe that you could ever truly feel what you told Mulciber." She dropped her gaze from his face, looking anywhere but at him. "Sirius betrayed us. I thought he would keep us safe, but instead he's the reason that James is dead. He was one of our closest friends and he turned us in without a second thought. Maybe I was afraid you'd done the same."
"I understand." He placed a finger beneath her downturned chin and tilted it upwards. "I swore I would keep the two of you safe before I ever dreamed of this moment happening. I took the job because I meant it, not because I believed it'd bring you back. It's my duty to keep you safe and that isn't going to change, no matter who I have to lie to."
"I know that, now…I shouldn't have doubted you." She looked around what he knew was a very depressing place to live. It didn't help his mental state any to be locked in this place. "I know you'd never willingly choose this life."
Severus agreed with a bob of the head, following her gaze. "Why has it always been this way? Even as children, with all the evidence pointing to me, you believed Petunia."
She looked back at him then, running her fingers absentmindedly through Harry's stick straight, yet eternally messy locks. "I was afraid you'd be wrong, that beside the fact I could fly and grow flowers in my hand, I wasn't magical. It was much more practical to prepare myself for the possibility that you were lying, than to believe you and be disappointed."
"And every other time? What about the incident with Remus? You didn't even ask me what had happened. You were too caught up in the fact that James had 'saved' me."
Lily nodded sadly, chewing on her bottom lip. "Explain it to me now."
Severus watched her, not quite sure if it would be a wise thing to do when she'd grown so close to the Marauders. He eventually decided it needed to be said and drew in a large breath. "You knew I had my suspicions about Remus. I let my curiosity override common sense. Sirius was sick of me trying to prove their secret and took advantage of it. He told me to meet them at the shack. After everything they put me through I was determined to find some way to get them expelled, to lessen my burden, and I foolishly listened. I wasn't aware that the tunnel ended with such a gaping entryway. Remus was inches away from biting me when James yanked me back. He did save me, but he shouldn't have needed to."
Lily squeezed her eyes shut in shame as he finished. She breathed heavily before shaking her head. "They made it seem as though all of it was your decision. I wasn't told that Sirius had pushed you into doing it."
"If I had died, Lils, it wouldn't have been just my life that Sirius destroyed, but Remus' as well. They never understood that what they did was wrong. There were several snide comments over the years about my gullibility and that Remus would get me eventually."
"Sev, I-" She stammered.
He tucked a stray piece of deep red hair behind her ear. "I wasn't looking for your forgiveness when I came to Gryffindor tower. I didn't expect it after what I'd said. But, I'd hoped that you'd at least listen. When you ended things you took the last piece of light from my life. I was stuck with the very people you despised. I don't blame you for what I chose to do with my life. It was my action alone that caused me to join the Dark Lord. I just wish you could have heard me out over the years instead of blaming me for everything that went wrong."
"I should have, I get that, I made plenty of my own mistakes and I'd like the chance to make it up to you, if you'll have me." She gave him a hopeful smile, the corners of her lips turned upward in a slight grin.
"That's something you've never been able to understand either." He returned the smile with a slight one of his own. "That's all I've ever wanted." His hand went to the back of her neck, digging into her hair. She drew closer to him, her eyes closing. They melted in each other's touch, lips moving in sync as they forgave one another wordlessly. Severus let slip a low, guttural groan at her loving touch.
A small voice broke through the trance, uttering in confusion at what he saw. "Dada?"
Severus froze, his entire body stiffening as he broke contact with Lily. He swiped a hand across his mouth, wiping away the shared spittle. He was horrified. She watched him, her mouth having turned into a hard, flat line, her dimples deepening. He was expecting her to burst into tears, to correct Harry, when she burst into laughter instead.
Severus' horror was intensified at the light sound. "You find this funny?"
She shook her head vigorously, unable to contain her laughter long enough to speak. The noise reverberated off of the empty walls, filling the room. As her giggles died down several long moments later, she spoke again. "The fact that he said it? No. The look on your face? Extremely."
He glared at her, scowling as the laughter resumed. Placing a hand under each of the child's armpits, he lifted Harry gently, holding the boy on his lap. Harry sat so that he was staring up at Severus' face in awe. "I hate to break it to you, kid, but your mother's gone mental."
Lily swatted him playfully. "Don't be so mean."
Severus couldn't help the coy smile that he gave her in return. Her gaze flickered downwards again, going to his hands that still held the small boy. Her face grew serious, the easiness of the moment disappearing. "Where did the bruises come from?"
He too looked down at his own hand and the marks that they bore. "I'm sure it comes as a surprise, but I have a bit of a temper…and a hole in my wall."
"You're right, I had no idea." She smirked momentarily. "What about the others, in the memory?"
The small smile that had still remained on his face fell entirely. He remembered that day far too well. "The Dark Lord. The cruciatus curse, among other things, I'm afraid."
"He did that to you? Why?" She adopted a horrified look which surprised him. Lord Voldemort wasn't known for his hospitality.
"I failed my mission. I'm not sure if I told you before, but he'd desired for me to work here for some time. Albus, understandably, turned me down immediately."
"You-know-who tortured you because you weren't qualified for a job?"
Harry gripped Severus finger tightly, breaking him slightly out of his despair. He found himself growing attached to Potter's child and he wasn't sure how to take that. "He isn't a reasonable man."
Lily bit her lip again. "I had to change you last night-"
"I'm aware." His voice flattened again into an even tone. Even though it had happened for purely platonic and kind reasons, he wasn't entirely pleased that it had happened.
"-I noticed that the scars are still there. Why didn't you heal them? Surely you know how."
It was like he could feel the wounds etched into his skin at her comment. He became hyper aware of the marks that covered his body. "It certainly isn't from a lack of knowledge, merely what I feel I deserve." He flexed the fingers of his bruised hand, having the same reasoning for those.
"That's mental, Sev. You can't honestly believe-"
"I do. I don't expect you to understand. The pain is a reminder of the things I've done. I'm no stranger to it after all these years. When I was a child I couldn't heal them. Mum no longer used magic and the doctor was out of the question."
Lily shook her head. "You've paid enough." She pulled Harry off of his lap and into her own arms. Standing, she made her way to a cot Severus hadn't realized was there. He assumed she had conjured it the night before. She placed the now fussing, but pajama clad child inside of it despite his protests before making her way back to him.
She sat closer to him than before and he leaned back against the cushions. She followed suit, laying her head on his chest. His arms came up around her, holding her tight. Her head of hair was so close to him that the scent of jasmine and vanilla radiated off of her and to him. He breathed in her heavenly scent, one she had had her whole life. His eyes fluttered shut and he relaxed beneath her, suddenly feeling tired. The relaxation was dampened only by Harry's occasional cries.
"When do you have to leave?" Her voice was soft, having taken on a loving and hopeful tone.
"Not for some time. My patrol starts at midnight."
She shifted her head against him so that she was looking up into his face before freeing herself from his entwined grip. Lily leaned closer to him again, this time going for his mouth, rather than back to their snuggled position. She kissed him gently, but there was a passion burning under the gesture that surprised him. He returned the affection eagerly.
Her tongue slipped inside his mouth suddenly, taking him by surprise as it drew expert circles on his own. She stood clumsily from not allowing the contact to be broken and tugged at the fabric of his clothes. Severus allowed her to guide him, allowed himself to stand and follow her in a trance like state. She backed up slowly, in the direction of the bedroom as she still clung tightly to his robes.
A bulge began growing in his pants as he realized what was about to happen. It pressed against her leg and he expected Lily to jump backwards, to regret what she was eliciting in him. Instead, her kisses grew more passionate and they backed into the other room.
When the door was shut they worked furiously at each others clothes, undoing buttons and clasps and leaving a puddle of fabric in their wake. He backed her up further still until the backs of her knees hit the edge of the bed, causing her to buckle and fall onto it. He fell with her, leaning over her naked body.
Severus pulled back, examining her. His eyes traveled down her smooth skin, taking in her supple breasts and wide hips. He sat up straighter, a knee placed on each side of the bed over her. His hands grazed her figure lightly, ever so gently touching her skin. They moved downwards slowly, causing her to shiver, stopping when they reached her love handles.
His eyes found her face and he noticed she was looking at him in what he assumed was a similar way. He felt self conscious suddenly, knowing that his own body was less than perfect. He leaned forward again, capturing her lips in a kiss in an effort to distract her.
His mouth wandered from hers to her cheek and down to her earlobe. He nibbled gently on the sensitive skin behind her ear before dipping lower and moving down the curve of her neck to her shoulder. Her hand grabbed his dick suddenly, causing him to take in a sharp breath of surprise before smiling greedily against her.
Her fingers dropped then and she placed her palms on his side, urging him to change positions. Severus did as he was told, sliding a hand beneath her and flipping the two of them so that he was on the bottom.
Her knees were at the sides of him then and she hovered over him teasingly. His fingers went to her tits, feeling at the firm underside in revenge. She dropped her body so that he slid inside of her. A moan escaped his lips at the sudden change in events.
Lily began rocking her hips against him and an overwhelming sensation took over. A tingle of satisfaction spread through every cell of his body as she moved up and down, back and forth. His hands moved higher, feeling her areolas before finding the hardened bumps of her nipples.
He began to twist them and she threw her head back, hair hanging down between her shoulder blades. Her mouth was open and a gasp escaped it. "Sev…" His name was dragged out slowly and he found himself impossibly even more turned on at the alluring sound of his name rolling over her tongue.
He fought for the control that he knew was slipping , having no desire for this moment to end. The thrusting stopped suddenly and her head fell forward again. The controlled movements turned into sporadic jerks as she began to shake on top of him. Her moans grew louder and Severus was glad that they had placed a silencing charm on the room. She shuddered as he fingered her nipples still before finally letting go inside of her.
Lily remained on top of him a minute more before collapsing beside him on the small bed. She curled up in the crook of his arm, sweaty and exhausted. She breathed heavily beside him and Severus couldn't help but smile at what they had just done.
He shifted on the mattress, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she ran a finger softly over one of the many scars that filled his skin. "Merlin, you're gorgeous." He whispered in her ear with a gentle blow of breath. Lily smirked beside him and in the dim light he could see a brilliant red filling her cheeks. "I'm not sure if I accept your apology, we'll have to do that again in order for me to decide."
She pushed him. "Very funny. Your wit is sharper than ever." She rolled over so that her still bare backside was pressed against him. He moved to his side too, draping an arm across her slender waist and drifting off peacefully.