At midnight, I stand outside her room or to be specified her cell. The hospital room. I see the doctors gathering around us, Prim is telling something to them. Plutarch is ready with his camera. The whole world is eager to know about their Mockingjay. After her last interview with Cesar, she was completely out of the sight for this long. Coin agrees or not she is still their Mockingjay.
But I want to meet her privately. I'm not afraid of camera. But after all it will be our true meeting in the truest sense. I glare at Prim. But she ignores. It's Plutarch who comes and thumps my shoulder "I know it's odd, Peeta. But the world needs to know what Snow had done to their Mockingjay."
"It is not fair." I say, glancing at the doorway "She never likes to be advertised."
"But she is choosen." Plutarach smiles and disappears behind the one way glass again. The doctors assemble behind the glass, with clipboards and papers, pens poised. Slowly and painfully the glass door slides open. After the incident with Gale the security is stregntened three times. No one can go in her room now and then. When Haymitch signals me, I enter into the room.
And those grey eyes locks instantly upon me. She got no restraints but a tube that can dispense a knockout drug just in case she loses control. She doesn't fight to free herself, though, only observes me with the wary look of someone who still hasn't ruled out that she's in the presence of a mutt. I walk over her until I reach at the side of her bed. I'm still holding the doll in my arms like a baby. I gather my arms around it protectively before I speak, "Hey."
"Hey." To my surprise, she responses. Her eyes aren't as cloudy as they were in the morning or even wearing the murderous look. Instead her eyes moves towards the small bundle I am holding in my arms. She thinks something before I speak again.
"Can you recognize me?"
To my surprise, she nods again. "You…" she pauses, still not losing the sight of the doll in my arms "Peeta."
"Yes." I smile, reducing the distance between us before I sit at the edge of her bed. She observes me suspiciously as if she expects me to turn into a drooling wolf or something like that. Still she doesn't protest when I sit beside her.
"I thought you have knife." She says, to no one particular. I smile at her childish comment. I know she has been though hell and back. Still the innocence isn't snatched away from her.
"I don't have any knife." I put the doll down and show her my hands "Look I've nothing. You must trust me."
Her eyes narrow in confusion. "Why should I trust you when you don't trust me?"
My eyebrows are drawn together in confusion. I gaze into her eyes trying to figure out what she is saying. But she continues "If you really do trust me Peeta, then you will never have me locked here."
I look at her hands, fidgeting restlessly by her side. I can how much pain living in a glass room.. "You will have freed me." she smiles innocently. I feel the tears threatened to fall. But I can't let them fall. Or even free Katniss.
"I'm sorry." I get up from her bed "I can't free you."
"I know." her lips twist in the most horrible smile I've ever seen into anyone's face. Her eyes narrows in a terrible smile. "You are the one who killed my child. You want to kill me as well." She screams.
"I've never killed anyone." I know I'm ruining the plan but I can't stop myself running to the door. Haymitch keeps yelling at me in the earpiece but I don't know other way to escape. I can't see my Katniss in this condition. I want to run away, curl up in a corner and cry. Yes, I want to cry again.
"I remember the beach." Suddenly her voice stops me at the pace. I turn my face to see her flushing eyes "You and me together."
The pain wraps around my ribs like a vise. All I want to hug her tightly and kiss her confusion away but the burning hatred in her eyes stops me from the action. "Well." I stand almost a yard away from her "What else you remember?"
"I remember kissing you." She speaks aloud "You probably loved me then."
"I did." My voice chocks at the memory of the beach. How can I forget the moment or the kiss? It was the truest kiss I ever had from Katniss and our talks about the being the parents.
"You said that I'll be a good mother then?" she speaks my thought aloud.
"I did." I reply wearily walking closer. She doesn't stop me but watches me with interest. She gets up on her bed and hangs her legs at the edge. I gather courage and walk closer to her.
"I know you will be good mother, always." I kneel beside her, my hands touches her knees gently. This time she startles with my touch.
"Go away from me." all on a sudden she screams. I feel her muscles jerking beneath my skin.
"Katniss." I try to say. But she begins shaking like she did in the morning.
"Go away, you murderer." She screams, suddenly gets up from the bed and springs towards the nearby wall. She hit the wall instantly and falls on the floor. Blood begins sipping from her forehead.
Haymitch is yelling me to get out from there. But I can't. I rush near her to help her to get up. But she scrambles to the corner trying to hide from me.
'Don't kill me. Don't kill her." she keeps saying. Her arms are gathered at her chest as if she is cradling a baby. Her whole body is jerking violently as she tries to hide from me. Tears well up from my eyes as I see her shaking in that way . I know doctors will come to help her soon. But it will never help her. Medicines never helped her in these days. I know.
I can't let her to be finished her like this.
Quickly I grab the doll which is still lying on the bed. I rush beside her, she tries to melt in the corner but I grab her arm and quickly pull her in my arms, placing the doll in her gathered arms.
"No one killed your child. Our child." I whisper in her ear. She gives me a frightened look, tries to squirm away but I never lose my grip around her. "You must believe me Katniss."
I can feel her twitching. She clenches her jaw and her whole body twitches.
I hold her tightly, letting her tremble against me. "It's okay," I soothe. "It's not real." She is crying. Her hot tears are soaking the front of my shirt. "My baby." she hiccups between the sob cradling the doll. I feel her jerking slowly fading.
"No one call kill our baby." I murmur in her ears.
She opens her eyes long enough to take me in. Even her pupils twitch.
"Peeta." Her whisper is strained "How can I trust you? I've seen you killing my baby, drowning it into the sea. Your murderous laughter…"
"What can I do?" I rest my head on the back of her shoulder, and rub my hand down her arm. It's what I used to do comfort her when she woke up from a nightmare in the train. I hope it will have the same effect still.
"They are not real, Katniss." I keep saying in her ears as she holds me tightly, may be these is reviving her memory of our nights together in the train. She holds me until her muscle stop jerking. Her fingers clutch the doll protectively. She looks much calmer than before.
When I feel her muscles stop jerking, I help walk her to the bed. She collapses and I gently pull up the blanket to her chest. She is still holding the doll. When I turn to leave she motions for me to sit down next to her. And to my surprise she holds me. That's all she wants—to wrap her arms around me and squeeze. If holding me takes away the tiniest bit of fear or pain, then I'll stay for as long as I'm needed. She doesn't have to speak. Her pained eyes say it all.
As the time flies away I hear Haymitch congratulating me from the other side. I see Prim's smile at the opposite side of the door. I don't see Plutarch but I guess he is now dancing with joy.
I run my finger in her soft locks. Her eyes are closed and she looks so peaceful right now. Still like the old Katniss who used to sleep peacefully in my arms in the nights in train.
"You used to do that to me in the train." My head snapped with her voice. I thought she is sleeping.
"Real or not real?" she demands.
"Real." I say.
REVIEWS? FAVES? ALERTS?
So it's all before my next hibernation. It's mushy I guess. But don't worry Katniss & Peeta's relationship will not run so smoothly. More twist is waiting.
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