He can't move anything. He can't control anything, not even his thoughts. All that's left is emotions, or really, impressions of emotions and one in particular: fear. He's back in Ultra Space within the Ultra Beast he'd tried to capture. All there is, is a sheer unrelenting terror. And a despair that this is it. It's over and this is all that's left. To just exist in this purgatory at the mercy of this creature.
But then he's not there anymore. Now he's back at his parents house. He's hiding under his bed, beckoning for his Wimpod to follow him under. He can hear his dad yelling in the hallway, looking for him.
"Come on!" he tells the terrified pokemon. "Please, please come here." But it doesn't move.
The door is thrown open so hard that the doorknob leaves a dent in the wall. Guzma winces and retreats further under the bed, tears streaming down his face. His room is dark, and he sees his dad's legs silhouetted in the light from the hallway.
He takes a step into the room. "Guzma, I know you're under that bed. Get out here now!"
Guzma stays put, hands clenched in fists, his eyes fixed on the Wimpod.
His dad takes another threatening step forward and the pokemon lurches up, attacking his dad's legs. He yells, then reels back a foot and kicks the bug, hard. Wimpod hits the wall with a loud thud and lays in a crumpled heap on the floor.
"No!" Guzma yells, clawing at the carpet and dragging himself out from under the bed. He's just about to reach his pokemon when -
"You're absolutely useless, you know that?" From beneath her blonde hair, Lusamine's green eyes show nothing but disgust. When she gives him looks like this, it brings out some new and strange hurt. For a short while in the beginning, she'd been so kind and he'd come to rely on that kindness to feel any kind of worth. She was important, wealthy, powerful, and hauntingly beautiful and for her to acknowledge him made him feel like he wasn't just a complete fuck up. But this? The cold, hateful looks and words full of venom? It makes him feel absolutely crushed.
He says nothing; just sits there as she paces. He had learned reacting to her often seemed to make things worse. But then, sometimes not reacting seemed to be the wrong response too, like now.
"You don't even have anything to say? Isn't that just typical. Your stupidity is really quite astounding, as is your complete lack of skills. I can't even count on you to hold off a couple kids and their babysitter. Absolutely pathetic."
"Lusamine, I -"
She slapped him, hard, across the face with the back of her hand. He's stunned. She hadn't escalated her ranting and raving to physical violence before.
He rubs his face with a hand. She stares at him, glowering. He decides this is the breaking point and gets to his feet. "Forget this," he tells her and begins for the exit from her office on Aether Paradise.
"Then you can forget about your freedom."
He stops.
"Or have you forgotten just who has ensured your ass hasn't been locked up?"
Yes, Lusamine was important, wealthy, and powerful, and part of their deal was that she would use those things to get certain authorities to look the other way as he and Team Skull took over Po Town and other misdoings.
"Now, come back here," she says, her voice suddenly returning to it's usual slow and alluring tone.
He curses and turns around. She brings a hand to his face where she'd slapped him, and he flinches, but she just lightly touches the swollen red mark. Then she kisses him on the cheek and says, "Next time you'll take care of them."
"Yeah," he mutters.
But now it's Plumeria he's looking at. And she's angry. "You're just gonna leave this all behind? Leave us all behind? That's it?"
"Plumes, I just can't anymore. There is no more Team Skull. It's over."
"What are we supposed to do?" she looks desperate.
"I don't even know what I'm supposed to do."
"So we'll all figure it out! Like we always do."
He knows he can't make her understand. He doesn't have the will to try to explain. After the Ultra Space ordeal, he's shook. He just wants to get away from what he's become and try to start over if it's even possible. "Not this time, Plumes."
Her face hardens. "If you walk away from here, don't you dare come back."
"Guzma! Hey! Are you ok?" She's shaking him.
He sits up quickly, startled. Breathing heavy, he takes in his surroundings, reorienting, trying to fully wake up and leave the dreams behind.
That's right, he's back here now, in her apartment. Well, at least there's one happy thought. And he's in her bed, so that makes two, and -
She's looking at him in the dark with a face full of concern. "You were tossing and turning and... yelling in your sleep."
He swallows, feeling embarrassed. "Sorry."
"It's ok!" she says. "Were you dreaming or -"
She stops when he gets up from the bed. He doesn't look at her. "I just need to get some air a minute, ok?" His heartbeat is entirely too fast and his mind is racing suddenly. He needs to get out and breathe. Grabbing his jacket, he leaves her room, and exits the apartment, heading for the roof.
It's still the middle of the night. It's a good thing she doesn't have work tomorrow, or he'd feel guilty for waking her.
He sighs and breathes in the night air, leaning on the roof railing and looking out at the rest of the city. He hopes that she isn't too freaked out by this. He'd been worried it would happen. Of course he occasionally had nightmares before, but ever since that ultra beast had possessed him for just that brief moment, they'd become far more vivid. It wasn't every night he had them, but when he did, they were so real and almost always memories - ones he had no interest in reliving.
He closes his eyes as the night wind hits his face and tousles his hair. One night, one round of nightmares, and it feels like that tiny matchstick flame has gone out again. He can't feel its warmth anymore. He should have known it would only be temporary. He wonders what else is temporary.
He feels a hand gently touch his back as she appears next to him. "Hey," she says apprehensively.
"Hey."
"You ok?"
He realizes suddenly that he has a choice. He's torn between telling her the truth, that no, he's not ok and may not be for a while because he's got entirely too much on his mind that he can't fix. Or, he could just brush this off, go back to bed, and postpone any emotional conversation that he's not sure he can navigate. "Um," he starts, hesitating. He rubs the back of his head. He looks over at her, and can't hold back a little laugh at her expression. He's not used to someone being quite so concerned about him. And she does look very concerned, and very tired. This can wait. "Eh, I'm alright."
She takes his hand and pulls him toward her for a hug. "I know you're lying," she says teasingly in his ear.
"Me? The gang leader? Lie? Never!"
She laughs, and there it is; the flame is back. Small as ever, but there.
They pull apart, and she shivers. "What, no jacket?" he says.
She crosses her arms. "I was worried and came rushing up here to find you, so I didn't think about it."
He takes off what was formerly his Team Skull hoodie and puts it around her. It's comically too big. He laughs as he pulls the hood up over her head and it covers her eyes. "Cute. Kinda wanna fuck you in it."
She rolls her eyes, putting the hood back. "Well not out here."
"What, you're not into that?"
"You want someone to come back on a Charizard to find the two of us having sex on the roof?"
"I mean, we'll make it a good show."
She shoves him. "You're gross."
He laughs and throws an arm around her as they make their way back inside.
He's not really ok, and you know it, but it's not like you can force him to open up. So you let him joke around and talk his way out of it. Still, you worry how long this can build up in him; how long it's already been building. You wonder what more you can do to make him comfortable talking to you. Sure, you'd sat on the couch with Tapu Cocoa a couple times and talked, but he always seemed to tell you as little as possible, and he never got emotional about it.
You go back to bed, and fall asleep against him. The rest of the night is peaceful.
It's incredibly nice to wake up with someone else in the bed. You sleep in late, given all the late night activities, and laze about for a bit. When you finally try to get up, Guzma pulls you back down toward him. You give in. It's too tempting to pass up the physical contact that you'd craved with him for so long. He goes back to Hala's tomorrow, with the new goal of being a gym leader in mind, and you hope this time he sticks with it.