This chapter was completed much more quickly than I had anticipated so I thought that I may as well post it now! Thanks again to everyone for your feedback, it's invaluable to me. Please feel free to leave a review, they always make my day and let me know how I'm doing. This chapter is a little more angsty and darker than the others, but I'm quite pleased with how it turned out. Let me know what you think!
Dream lighting: Thanks for leaving a review! You'll have to read on now in this chapter to find out!
WillowDryad: What can I say? He's a man of many talents! If you read on I can promise you'll know if you were right or wrong!
He caught her easily as she fell back, his arms moving automatically to hold her close to him. It didn't take long for both his instincts and his training as a soldier to kick in and he picked her up and ran back to the castle. If only he had been more firm with her, damn it.
Edmund had been walking out to the gardens when he stopped short at the sight of his brother carrying an unconscious Anna towards him.
"What the-?" he began before Peter cut him off.
"Get Lucy and tell her to bring her cordial with her to the infirmary. Tell Susan to stay with the twins."
Edmund nodded and ran back to Cair Paravel, tearing through the corridors to where he knew his sisters would be entertaining their niece and nephew.
Peter ran through the halls, almost knocking over some servants and members of the court in his haste, who gave him startled, horrified looks as he passed by. He couldn't reach Arius quickly enough.
He found the healer in the infirmary, tending to a young kitchen maid who looked like she had burned her hand on one of the stoves. Arius looked up calmly when Peter burst through the door, breathing heavily and a wild look of panic on his face.
"She fell off her horse," he choked.
Arius whispered something to the nurse who had been assisting him with the kitchen maid, who then led the now further distraught girl off to one of the smaller rooms.
"Place her on the bed, Your Majesty," Arius instructed, Peter quickly doing as he was told and stepping back to allow the healer to examine Anna.
The nurse from earlier soon materialised at his side accompanied by another older, more senior assistant.
Edmund closely followed by Lucy soon joined them, but as Lucy approached with her cordial Arius held up his hand to stop her.
"I'm afraid it will not be of much use at this moment, Your Highness. I must first treat Queen Anna myself, but I will call for you if you are needed," he said calmly. "Now I would kindly ask your majesties to step outside-" he continued, but Peter interrupted him.
"I'm staying," he said firmly.
"King Peter, if you would like to give your wife and child the best chances of surviving then you would be wise to remain outside and allow me and my assistants to carry out our duties properly," Arius responded gently.
Peter was a little shocked at the healer's response, but he knew that he was right.
"Come on Pete, you can't stay," Edmund said quietly in his ear.
He glanced at Anna's pale form lying motionless on the bed, her body limp and barely showing any signs of breathing. Taking advantage of his hesitation, Edmund and Lucy quickly guided him from the room.
"Peter, what happened?" Lucy asked gently once they were in the hall.
"She wanted to go riding..." he began, his voice thick. "I tried to stop her, but something happened...and she-she got thrown off."
Lucy gasped quietly and pressed a hand over her mouth, her eyes filling with tears. Edmund leaned against the nearest wall, his head in his hands.
"I should have stopped her. I could have..." Peter whispered, more to himself than his siblings, but they had heard him regardless.
"You know Anna never listens to anyone Peter, she has a mind of her own," Edmund reminded him, but his words weren't enough to convince his brother.
"I STILL SHOULD HAVE STOPPED HER!" he yelled furiously, turning on Edmund who held up his hands in a placating manner.
Peter froze, horrified at his sudden outburst. He backed up against the wall and sank to the ground, covering his face with his hands as he sobbed uncontrollably.
'Please let her be all right. Let them both be,' he begged silently. 'Please.'
xXx
As the inky blackness began to subside I was now aware of the heavy, aching feeling along my entire body, and I could pinpoint exactly where each new bruise was forming. My head throbbed and I felt like someone had taken a very heavy and blunt object to it and hit me repeatedly with it. But there was a strange feeling that dominated everything else, like something was out of place or missing, but I couldn't locate exactly where or what it was.
I slowly opened my eyes, allowing them to adjust to the sudden intake of light. When my vision finally focused I was able to see I was in one of the private rooms in the infirmary. I could remember falling off the horse and passing out, so I must have hurt my head pretty badly. My instincts told me it was around mid morning, so I must have been out for at least a day because it had only been around mid afternoon when I had taken Destiny out.
With slow, cautious movements I managed to pull myself up into a sitting position, leaning my head back against the head board. From the corner of my eye I could see a figure seated in a chair next to my bed, and when I turned to see who it was I saw Peter sleeping soundly, his arms folded and the faintest hint of a frown on his features. The sight made me want to cry. Neither of us would be here if I had just listened to him.
I watched him for a few minutes, but when his frown deepened and he began to mutter something unintelligible I decided it was time to wake him.
"Peter," I whispered soothingly, reaching over and placing my hand on his cheek. He jumped and his eyes snapped open at the contact, but it took him a few moments to focus and register that it was me who had woken him.
He stared at me for a few quiet moments before reaching over and pulling me into a tight embrace. I gladly returned it, closing my eyes and listening to the steady beat of his heart against his chest. When we pulled away, he knelt down next to me and cupped my face with his hands, his eyes never leaving my face. I met his gaze easily, unable to stop the tears forming in my eyes.
"How do you feel?" he asked quietly.
"I don't know," I replied, that nagging feeling that there was definitely something out of place over powering everything. "I feel...strange."
"What do you mean?" he said, the frown returning and marring his features.
"Something doesn't feel right, something's different," I explained.
Peter froze at my words and I didn't fail to notice the deep sadness in his eyes. I felt sick, now sure that there was definitely something wrong.
"Peter, what is it?" I asked. I was shocked to see tears forming in his own eyes, but he fought to keep them back.
"When you fell..." he began, his voice thick with emotion. "There was a...problem...Anna...the b-baby." Peter couldn't finish his sentence.
But he didn't need to.
My hand flew to my lower abdomen, and where I should have felt the hard, strong curve of maternity, there was nothing more than a soft, slightly raised bump. There was definitely no baby. I choked back a sob as the tears fell freely down my face, making no attempts to stop them.
"But there were some...complications too," Peter added in a hoarse whisper. "There was so much damage that-that we won't be able to...h-have another child."
The only thing Peter could do for the next while was hold me as I wept for both the child I would never know, and the children I could now never have.
xXx
We called her Rose.
Later that day Peter and I, Susan, Edmund and Lucy all gathered in the rose garden to bury her. The coffin was tiny, easily carried by one person in their hands. We watched in sober silence as Peter placed her in the ground and stood for a few minutes in the warm summer sunshine. Susan and Lucy wept quietly on either side of me, but I looked on silence, the empty, crushing void in my heart dominating everything else. I would never forgive myself for this.
Never.
xXx
Three days later
"They're at it again," Susan commented despairingly as she sat in the nursery with Lucy and the twins, who were blissfully oblivious to their parents quarrelling.
"They've been at it for the past few days, Susan," Lucy replied as she helped Emma choose an outfit for her doll.
"I know," Susan sighed. "I just wish they'd stop."
"As do I," Lucy agreed. "But you know that they both blame themselves for what happened. Neither of them have exactly been the same since."
Both sisters paused for a moment as they listened to their brother and sister-in-law argue for what must have been the tenth time that day.
"I see they're at it again," Edmund said dryly as he entered the nursery. Susan and Lucy rolled their eyes at him.
"How did you know?" Susan retorted sardonically.
Edmund smirked and gave a humourless, dark laugh. "I'm fairly certain the whole of Cair Paravel can hear them."
"They'll stop in a day or two," Lucy interjected optimistically. "We all know they're crazy for each another, they just need a little time to grieve."
Edmund and Susan remained silent.
xXx
Two days later
"Why can't you just admit it was my fault and stop trying to be so bloody self righteous all the time!" I shouted at Peter.
I knew he was furious by the way he set his jaw and the flash of anger in his eyes.
"I'm not trying to be!" he yelled back. "You know as well as I do that I should have and could have stopped you!"
"Yes, because you all ways like to be in control, don't you!" I retorted angrily.
"That's not true and you know it!" he seethed.
"It's what you're doing now!" I pointed out.
"That's because I love you Anna, damn it! It's my duty to keep you safe!"
"And you've always done such a wonderful job at that, haven't you?" I replied sarcastically, but I immediately regretted the words and my hand flew to my mouth in horror.
Peter stopped and stared at me with wide eyes, his hurt and surprise registering in them. I wanted more than anything to swallow my pride, apologise and let everything return to normal again, but we were both too stubborn for that.
I turned away, running a hand through my hair in frustration as I began to pace the floor of our bedroom. I stopped with my back to him as I thought back to the message I had received yesterday.
"I've had a letter from Evelyn," I said quietly. Peter didn't respond, and so I continued. "She thinks it would be a good idea if I spent some time with her in Archenland for a little while."
There was a pause before Peter replied. "I agree. When would you go?"
He's not even trying to stop me.
"As soon as possible. Probably in the next few days."
"Would you like Susan or Lucy to go with you?"
"No. I'll be fine on my own."
"Then you'd better reply and tell her you're coming. I'll go speak to Oreius now and organise for one of the ships to take you to Archenland. Would this Monday be suitable?"
"Yes. Thank you."
I remained frozen in my position as Peter walked out the door. As soon as I heard the door close I collapsed on to the bed and buried my face in my hands, allowing a few tears to fall.
Dear Aslan, what have I done?
xXx
Monday
"Goodbye, and please be good for everyone. I love you both," I whispered to Emma and Josh as I embraced them for the final time, holding them tightly to me.
I didn't want to leave them, in fact I'd much rather take them with me, but I knew it wouldn't be a wise thing to do. I heard Emma sniffle and I kissed her cheek before turning to Josh and doing the same.
"Do you have to go mummy?" Emma pleaded, her wide eyes begging me to stay.
I gave her a small, sad smile. "I'll only be gone for a little while, and when I get back I promise I'll come and find you straight away. Ok?"
She paused, mulling over this proposition in her head before finally nodding.
"Good girl," I said softly before turning my attention to Josh.
"Will you be a big, brave boy and help your daddy?" I asked him.
Josh nodded enthusiastically in response, eager to please.
"I promise mummy."
I smiled down at him. "Thank you, little man."
I then said my farewells to Edmund, Susan and Lucy, embracing each of my siblings in turn and fighting back tears in the process. When it came time to say goodbye to Peter, they all quickly hurried the children back to the waiting carriages, promising that they would wait for him.
We stared at each other for a few moments before Peter leaned down and lightly kissed my cheek. I closed my eyes at the contact, and I couldn't help noticing how he lingered slightly next to me. But he soon withdrew and I opened my eyes to look back at him again.
"Be safe," he whispered before turning and walking to the carriages without looking back.
I watched him go until they had driven out of sight before finally boarding the ship that would take me to Archenland.