Shonen
A Yuyu Hakusho fic
by Chester Castañeda
Disclaimer: All characters used in this fanfic (save some others) are the rightful property of Yoshihiro Togashi, Shueisha, Fuji TV and St. Pierrot. Don't sue me please, I'm very poor.
This is the continuation of the yaoi parody chapter. As always, there is no real yaoi content.
Chapter 9: Taiyo
Kurama knew that his day wasn't going to start well after last night's latest perplexing dream.
"Aw. You didn't wear the hot pink number I bought you? But it would've looked good on you, and it complimented your red hair quite well!" Kazuma Kuwabara disappointedly pouted.
Kurama's aforementioned intuition was an understatement, apparently.
Kurama boggled as he froze. Just how many of these weird dreams did he have to sleep through in one night? He afterwards blinked as his ears were suddenly assailed by Kuwabara's chortling laughter.
The amused orange-haired boy amicably slapped Kurama's back as he wiped the tears off the edges of his eyes. "Gotcha! You should have seen the look on your face! Er, nothing personal... eh, Kurama?"
Kurama coughed as if he was choking. He waved Kuwabara's concern off as he recovered from his coughing fit. He idly noted that the boy was in his casual clothes instead of his usual blue uniform; something that he wasn't used to seeing. "I'm all right. Well now, why don't we go in the coffee shop, Kuwabara-kun? Let's wait for Yusuke in there."
"I was kind of wondering what this meeting is all about," Kuwabara contemplated. His features suddenly turned grim. "Is it about that fucking bastard Munashii?" The taller boy spat the words like venomous toxin.
It was in the same manner Hiei spewed out Kurama's name in his most recent dream.
Kurama decided that he had no time to meander about... that. 'Like I said to Yusuke, I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get there.' To Kuwabara, he offered a wan smile, revealing, "It's partly about him, if you must know."
Kuwabara just nodded dourly as he wordlessly followed the youko into the small restaurant. Kurama silently kept to himself in respect to Kuwabara's quiet reckonings.
"So what is the main topic of our little chitchat, Kurama?" the teen with the carroty-colored hair inquired as they finally took their seats, toothily grinning like the bastard child of a hyena and a shark.
Kurama noted that Kuwabara seemed to have already recovered from his brief bout of angst. 'My, my. Such a tenacious fellow you are, Kuwabara-kun.'
"We're not going to talk about your love life, are we?" Kuwabara sniggered. "So how is Hiei doing nowadays?"
'Too tenacious,' Kurama summarily concluded to himself. 'A bit of depression won't hurt him. It builds character, and it'll keep him quiet to boot.'
Kuwabara burst into laughter again. "I was just joking, Kurama! Don't get your panties up in a bunch." There was a moment of silence before the inevitable hilarity ensued-at least from Kuwabara's point of view. "I'm sorry! Hihihi! Oooh, my sides hurt."
Kurama just sighed as he browsed through the menu. 'Well now, Yusuke was right about Kuwabara not being too uncomfortable with... issues concerning alternative lifestyles. And at the very least he's not getting too personal.'
Kurama was aware of Kuwabara's occasional pokes at his manliness-in fact, ever since they met at the Four Guardian Beasts' tower, the rowdy teenager had always been like this. Kurama never took those jokes seriously, letting them slide down his back with a smile and a shrug. But with the unique situation he was in right now, he had to wonder: Did Kuwabara know him more than he knew himself?
The youko put such contemplations to rest after seeing said boy ogle over a couple of waitresses, drooling. 'Or I could be over-thinking things again,' Kurama mused.
"So what now, Kurama? Did you get any new leads on that bastard? Three months and we haven't heard a peep from Botan or from the brat." Kuwabara slammed his hands on the table in a show of enthusiasm. "We have to do something-anything! We can't just sit down and watch that jackass slowly wreck our lives! We need action."
"It isn't just about Munashii, Kuwabara-kun. It's about me." And Kurama left it at that.
Kuwabara merely sat there, mouth slightly agape, as he eagerly awaited Kurama's response. That, or he was looking at one of the waitresses again.
Kurama wished his next response would contain words that wouldn't have any humiliating connotations; an answer that wouldn't compromise his self-respect and dignity; an answer that wasn't so hazily ambiguous yet also wasn't so crudely blunt.
"Gay or not gay?"
That was a textbook example of straightforwardness. "W-What?" Kurama managed to sputter.
Kuwabara pointed at one of the waitresses discreetly. "She kind of looks... mannish, don't you think? She has muscles that I'd expect to see from Toguro."
"I... see." Kurama sweatdropped, not bothering to look at the direction Kuwabara was indicating. The youko knew that they were going nowhere with this kind of roundabout conversation, so he jumped the gun and queried, "Kuwabara, I know this may sound weird, but do I look gay to you?"
Kuwabara thought for all of three seconds before replying, "Of course you do."
Kurama breathed a sigh of relief. "That's good to... WHAT?"
Kuwabara nodded sagely. "And I finally understand the whole setup of this little date of sorts. Even though you invited Yusuke, I know what's really going on. Don't worry, it's all right for you to have a crush on me and everything, but I have to make it clear to you that I don't swing that way," he surmised in all seriousness.
"Oh," Kurama simply responded, not quite able to follow what was being discussed. He again found himself struggling for a much more substantial reply to Kuwabara's queries, but it was more of not knowing what to reply rather than how to reply.
"So what's up?" a voice from behind the two teenagers nonchalantly greeted.
"Urameshi! It's about time you got here! Sit down with us!" Kuwabara hailed friendlily. "Kurama just confessed to me that he's gay and that we're all on a date."
Kurama rubbed his temples as a headache assailed his sensitive youko senses. It was a welcome headache amidst the indescribable pain the situation at hand was giving his brain. He sighed as he attempted to correct some of Kuwabara's incorrect assumptions, feeling that somehow the day seemed to get longer, and longer, and longer.
"So," Kuwabara slowly started as he attempted to mentally digest everything Kurama had just related to him, thusly giving him the mental equivalent of heartburn, "let me get this straight... You're not?"
Kurama briefly wondered why he let Kuwabara join this impromptu meeting in the first place. Perhaps mental shock from last night's latest nightmare was to blame, but it was also due to the fact that he didn't want the homophobic Yusuke to feel too uncomfortable discussing the whole thing with just the two of them together. The thought also left him feeling a bit anxious, because his unease from last night hadn't quite left him yet.
"I wouldn't say that per se, Kuwabara-kun," Kurama calmly said as he quietly sipped his iced tea. How he wished that he felt as calm as he looked.
"..." Yusuke said.
"Well then, let's recap. You first dreamed about a girl. Right, Kurama?"
Kurama nodded, absently glancing at Yusuke. He sighed, knowing that it was probably in Yusuke's best interest never to know the fact that the girl he dreamt of was actually Keiko. "But I then realized that it wasn't really my dream."
"In other words, you didn't really like the girl romantically, right?" Kuwabara speculated as he lightly tapped his chin with his finger.
"No, of course not," Kurama almost automatically agreed, eyeing Yusuke warily as though the half-youkai already knew about the forbidden fantasy.
"..." Yusuke exclaimed, idly cracking his knuckles. Kurama almost flinched at the sleek-haired boy in trepidation until he saw the bored look on his face.
Kuwabara gave Kurama a curious look, noticing the strange way the demon fox was acting. He shrugged the feeling off as he continued with the conversation, stating, "That's before you dreamt about your manly love-love with Hiei, right?"
Kurama's left eyebrow twitched slightly. "We only shared a kiss, Kuwabara-kun," he calmly stated, mentally wincing as he hoped the statement didn't sound as damning as it did.
"No need to get catty. You can call it whatever you want," Kuwabara assured, making Kurama feel anything but.
"..." Yusuke affirmed.
Feeling Kurama's glare-hidden in a plastered, polite smile that somehow made it all the more scarier-Kuwabara hastily resumed. "You're now hoping that somehow that dream has a deeper meaning than closeted queerness... Ain't that so?"
Kurama rubbed his temples idly as he smiled enigmatically, making Kuwabara sweat and shudder. "Mostly right, Kuwabara-kun," the kitsune hissed through gritted teeth, smiling all the way.
Kuwabara rubbed his head awkwardly. "Well, I hope you don't hang me on a tree with your rose whip or anything, but all three of those dreams suggest the same thing: That you're a bona fide, whipped and tied...!"
"DON'T we have any other answers? Any other alternatives?" Kurama interrupted, still smiling sweetly. "I'm open to any suggestions."
"If I have any, I'll gladly tell you, man. But nothing comes to mind," Kuwabara admitted, shrugging his shoulders helplessly. "See here, you dreamt about a girl that you ultimately dumped, then you dreamed about Hiei twice in very suggestive terms. What else could it be other than... y'know... the 'g' word?"
Kurama nearly let out a feral growl, but he still caught himself. "You don't have to say it like that. I can take it."
Kuwabara whispered discreetly, "I said it that way for our mutual homophobic friend's sake. He's not taking things too well," glancing towards the sleek-haired boy's direction. The half-demon was finding his cup of cappuccino very interesting and exciting as he swirled its contents with a plastic spoon. "See what I mean?"
Kurama sighed. Maybe he shouldn't have asked Yusuke to come to this meeting in the first place. On the other hand, Kuwabara would have mistaken the gesture as something else. He shuddered at the thought. "I don't see what makes you so convinced that it's all about," he peeked briefly at Yusuke, "the 'g' word."
Kuwabara shook his head sadly, smirking. "Don't you see the painfully obvious, Kurama? Look at your clothes. Look at your hair. Look at that face. Your beauty rivals that of Botan and Keiko. Of course, you couldn't possibly be as cute as Yukina-san. She's beyond cute!"
Kurama pouted as he heard the words. 'Frowned! I frowned as I heard the words! I do not pout!' He addressed Kuwabara directly, saying, "My looks have nothing to do with anything. I can't help the way that I dress, my mother picks my clothes. And the hair... Let's not go there."
"Fine, fine! Fair enough. But let me ask you something, Kurama; just how many girls are you close with? I'm not talking about Keiko and company, I'm talking about the girls at Meiou," Kuwabara inquired, looking as if he already knew the answer.
"Well, actually, I'm close with a lot of girls in school," Kurama replied, not sure how this piece of information could incriminate him.
"And boys? Again, in school, not the Spirit World people."
Kurama shrugged. "I'm not close with many boys in school. My interests and their interests are completely different." He didn't know where the conversation was going. He thought that not being close to many boys was a good thing when trying to prove that you weren't attracted to them.
Kuwabara seemed to contemplate this carefully. "I see. And did you have any girlfriends at all? I'm not talking about friends that are female, I'm talking about the kind of Human World relationship that develops from courtship and usually results in either mating or matrimony," the robust teen chattered, mimicking Kurama's usual speech pattern for effect.
Kurama thought about Maya Kitajima briefly, but then thought the better of it. After all, he was the one that insisted that they shouldn't have a relationship. "No, not really."
"I knew it," Kuwabara remarked smugly. "Kurama, you're the classic example of a closeted, er, 'g' person."
Kurama narrowed his eyes, all pretenses of goodwill leaving him in an instant. "Explain."
Kuwabara once more put his hands up in surrender. "Nothing personal, Kurama, but you don't have any close male friends in school. From that fact, I presume that you don't have any actual sport you're interested in, unless gardening is a sport. Then you hang out with girls; girls you aren't romantically attracted to! You have the looks that can attract girls like flies to really foul-smelling stuff and yet you aren't interested in any of them! If that's not 'g', then I don't know what is!" he glibly elucidated.
Kurama wanted to rebut, to protest, and to retort, but he didn't have the grounds to do so. As much as he hated to admit it, Kuwabara had a point-also an oxymoron, but again, he digressed. He just never thought of it that way before. He knew that he acted far different from the people at Meiou, but not the sort of 'different' that would result to this kind of conclusion. Yet it didn't mean that he wouldn't try to rebut, to protest, and to retort.
"That's nonsense! I'm not attracted to boys! I'm fairly sure that I'm not attracted to either one of you two."
Kuwabara shook his head again, as if patronizing Kurama's answer. "Of course not. But how do you feel about Hiei?"
Kurama was shocked; shocked that out of all people, Kuwabara was able to throw his own words back at him. Again, he had underestimated the teen's debatable debating abilities.
"How do you feel about Hiei, Kurama?" Kuwabara prodded as Kurama remained silent, his face unreadable. "It isn't about liking boys in the plural sense. One boy is all it takes."
"It's not like that! I may be close to Hiei as a friend, but I don't-feel that way about him. I may... love him, but I love kaasan as well! This isn't about romance!" Kurama couldn't help but exclaim. "I don't like the fact that these... dreams are using half-truths against me, making me think things I normally don't think about, and feel things I don't usually feel! I'm not gay, Kuwabara!"
The redhead and the carrot top suddenly went silent as Yusuke slammed both his hands on the table, startling the both of them and a few nearby patrons.
"Uh-oh. You said the 'g' word," Kuwabara whispered to Kurama, not taking his eyes away from his agitated and homophobic half-demon friend.
"So your answer is still the same, Kurama," Yusuke declared fervently, pointing at the youko with equal passion. "But you don't seem to like simple answers, since you're such a complicated guy to begin with."
Yusuke unceremoniously grabbed his two companions, dragging them away from the cafe despite their mutual protests (mutual unsaid protests, seeing that a determined Yusuke was someone that shouldn't be messed with). "There's only one thing to do, Kurama. We'll have to make a true man out of you!"
"Eh?" Kurama blurted austerely. "But we haven't paid the bill yet, Yusuke!"
Kurama merely stared at the excited Yusuke as he entered the half-demon's room, with Kuwabara following close behind. He raised an eyebrow at the general state of the room; dirty laundry strewn all over the place, along with numerous other additions to the pile that hid the fact that the room even had a floor. "Where's your mom, Yusuke?"
"Wouldn't you know it, she's in a bar somewhere," Yusuke reported exasperatedly. "She claims to remain awake all night worrying about me during my month-long stay at Granny Genkai's, but once I returned home, it's now her turn to disappear, probably drinking to her liver's content at some bar! Parents just don't make sense at all!" he bemoaned before exclaiming, "Yeah! Here we go! The mother load!"
Kurama looked over Yusuke's shoulder in curiosity. "What did you find, Yusuke?" The youko afterwards blushed at the picture before him.
Yusuke was holding a glossy magazine centerfold photo of a girl in a tight-fitting black body stocking with holes at certain places that defeated its purpose of concealment. Kurama not-so-idly noted that the girl was... shaved.
"SU-WEET!" Kuwabara exclaimed as he drooled over the picture. "That girl is cute! She kinda looks like Keiko, though."
Thusly, Kuwabara was beaten within an inch of his life.
'He always does know the right things to say at the wrong time,' Kurama mused, feeling that he should somehow pity the boy, but couldn't find it in his heart to do so, especially with the treatment he'd gotten at the coffee shop earlier.
Surprisingly, Kuwabara quickly recovered from the savage beating, which was rather typical, really, since he was always at the receiving end of Yusuke's fists. "Sorry, man. I didn't know you'd be so touchy about it."
The curly-haired boy suddenly perked up as he leafed through the many stacks of magazines. "Wow, you were really collecting a lot of porno. This is literally a lifetime supply! So that's where you spent all the lunch money you've stolen since grade school!"
Yusuke nodded smugly.
"If you really have such a big collection, then you must have the 'must-have' issue of Tokyo Kuro!" Kuwabara proposed dramatically while Kurama just stared at the two excited little boys blankly.
"I don't have any idea what you're talking about, Kuwabara. You couldn't possibly be referring to the rare issue of Tokyo Kuro where the fan favorite, would-have-been pop idol Sora Iori was in, could you?" Yusuke supposed. "Here," he deadpanned as he casually tossed a mint condition magazine at Kuwabara's direction, smirking.
"I don't believe it. I've been looking for this for years!" Kuwabara choked in awe as he cried manly tears. "You really do have the most complete and comprehensive collection of porno from all the boys at Sarayashiki Junior High! You are a porno god!"
Yusuke laughed in a self-aggrandizing way. In other words, he laughed like he was really full of it, which he was. "Really now? Of course you'd say that."
"Umm, excuse me," Kurama ventured as he lightly tapped both of the boys on the shoulder. Eliciting a response, he continued, "It may be silly of me to say so, but I have to be frank. I don't see the point."
Both of the two Sarayashiki Junior High students mutually sighed in dismay. Kuwabara was the first one to respond to Kurama's admission.
"I can't believe that you'd disregard high-quality porno like these, Kurama! Rare celebrity nudes, panty slips, topless beach bitches-photos that you were never meant to see!" Kuwabara absently wiped the drool off his mouth. "This is a treasure trove you're flippantly ignoring!"
Kurama decided then and there that Kuwabara was a pervert. "But what about your 'noble' feelings for Yukina? Aren't you betraying her by looking at pictures of other naked girls?"
Kuwabara blushed in spite of himself. "I'm not! This is different." He adopted a tone that reminded Kurama of his kaasan whenever she was explaining some sort of weird human behavior to the youko. "Just because I look at other women doesn't necessarily mean I'm betraying Yukina-san! I think it's in a man's genetic makeup to look at other women. It's in our DNA to look at T&A," he concluded, nodding sagely.
Kurama mentally noted that the orange-haired boy's statement was a strange declaration to nod sagely to.
Yusuke slung his arm over Kurama's shoulder as he pointed at yet another magazine picture of girls in rather compromising positions. "Look at that, Kurama. How do you like them pretty, naked girls?"
Kurama soundly blinked, looking apprehensive. "Well, they are pretty naked."
Kuwabara picked up several other magazines. One was entitled "Barely Legal" while the other was headlined "Hot Mommas". He waved them at the youko's face excitedly, asking, "Do you like hot mommas with big boobs or cute li'l girls with equally cute li'l tits?"
Kurama swallowed in embarrassment. "That question is a little too crude for me to answer, Kuwabara-kun."
Yusuke exhaled dejectedly as he put the magazines down. "Okay, Kurama. What do you like about girls? I'm curious... I really am."
Kurama went silent for exactly one minute before he responded, "Um, I usually like a girl for her mind?"
Everyone fell silent for perpetuity contained within an awkward moment.
"I told you he was gay," Kuwabara informed Yusuke in a whisper loud enough to defeat its purpose.
The three Spirit Detectives, deciding that the stuffy environment of Yusuke's room-not to mention the uncomfortable discomfiture that was now associated with said room herewith-was severely delaying their little quest for Kurama's manhood, went out for a stroll in the park.
Yusuke gestured with his darting eyes at a woman jogger while Kuwabara stupidly grinned. Kurama, for the life of him, couldn't even follow what his friend was gesturing at, mistaking the gesture as a manifestation of some sort of human disease instead. These humans were truly queer creatures indeed. 'Strange. I meant humans are... Never mind.'
"Well, what do you think?" Yusuke asked subtly as he checked out the woman's retreating form, particularly her confectionary posterior.
"I'd give her a 7.5, give or take a notch," Kuwabara answered. "I particularly like my girls cute and innocent. She looked old enough to be your mom, Yusuke."
"Feh. You're just a Lolita perv. I bet you get off on little girls named Tomoyo," Yusuke contemptuously rejoined.
"I don't know about that. For one thing, I think your mom's quite hot," Kuwabara retorted nastily, which made Kurama wrinkle his nose in faint disgust.
"Up yours! Stop fantasizing about my mom, you jackass," Yusuke rejoined, revolted. He contemplatively added, "In fairness, she did have a sweet piece of-"
"Yusuke! How could you say that about your mom?" Kurama berated the errant Spirit Detective.
Yusuke intoned flatly, "I was talking about the woman jogger from before."
"Oh. Go on with your little game, then."
Kurama blinked as the two Sarayashiki Junior High students again sighed at him in unison. 'What'd I do this time?'
"Kurama," Yusuke started, perfectly mimicking Kuwabara's patronizing voice from before, "we know you're intelligent and all, but when it comes to things like this, you're clueless. You just don't see the big picture." Kuwabara just nodded affirmatively to everything Yusuke said, effectively outvoting the youko two-to-one.
"I don't get it, Kurama. You're a good-looking fellow; a pretty boy, in fact," Kuwabara chimed in, scratching the back of his head to illustrate his confusion. "But all indications just lead to one conclusion: with the way you can relate with girls and can't relate with boys, the answer should be pretty obvious."
"I for one don't see acting in what I consider as gentlemanly conduct for a human boy and respecting women's rights as... unmanly," Kurama interjected in his own defense, since not one of his so-called friends were particularly interested in defending his manhood. "And just because I can't relate to a majority of males doesn't mean that I'm unmanly. So I don't fit in; I'll be the first one to admit that. But it would be overkill to interpret the fact as a result of unmanliness in my part."
"Yeah, what he said," Yusuke bleated, not completely following everything that Kurama had said. Like the half-demon had mentioned before, the youko was a very complicated guy. "But I can see Kuwabara's point," he added, mainly because he couldn't understand Kurama's point for the life of him.
"You did at least have a girlfriend, right? Or maybe even a significant other? Someone you had a mutual understanding with? Anyone?" Yusuke asked the youko desperately. "There has to be at least one, right?"
Kurama had a wistful look in his eyes as he answered, "Yeah. Once. Though it didn't quite work out." He sighed. 'I couldn't say that you were actually my girlfriend, Maya-san; but you were definitely special to me.'
Yusuke nodded resolutely. "See, Kuwabara? He's not totally gay," the sleek-haired teen smugly boasted while Kurama inwardly groaned at the backhanded praise.
Kuwabara looked considerate for a bit before asking, "Did you dump the girl before or after you met Hiei?" He emphasized a certain word in that sentence as if he already knew the answer.
Kurama sulked. "You're not helping, Kuwabara-kun."
"Kurama's a pretty boy, Kuwabara. You said so yourself," Yusuke asserted determinedly, leaving his two other companions confused at how the contention could actually help in their little debate. Nonetheless, the half-demon persisted, "And from what I saw back there at Meiou when I visited-"
"You mean after you cut classes," Kuwabara and Kurama chorused to Yusuke in perfect unison, with most everything in the mutual act identical, right down to the monotone and their deadpanned faces.
"Whatever. Anyway, from what I saw back in Meiou, you were quite the heartbreak kid. Women were practically flocking you from all directions, calling you 'Minamino-sama' and stuff. It looked like they had an entire organization devoted to you! They were worshipping you like a god, Kurama! A god!" Yusuke grinned lecherously. "How many of them have you slept with?"
"I'm not that kind of guy!" Kurama protested.
"Hey, hey, Urameshi. You must be exaggerating," Kuwabara scoffed in disbelief. "He may look pretty, but how could an effeminate face like this... no offense, Kurama... be the object of many a girl's affection? I was running under the assumption that girls didn't want to get hitched to a guy who's much prettier than they are. Kurama, Urameshi's exaggerating, isn't he?"
Kurama's eyes darted back and forth, as if he was asked the 'g' question again. "Um... right. Sort of."
"Come on. Don't act like that. That sort of behavior is the reason why people think you're gay in the first place," Kuwabara declared as he patted Kurama's head deferentially. "So a few girls made a li'l fan club in honor of you. You should be flattered. Don't act as if you have a tree branch stuck up your butt. That's not another gay joke, if you have to ask. How bad can a few girls worshipping you possibly be?"
From there, as if on cue, a quirk of fate happened.
"This annual summer picnic for the Legion was a great idea, president!" a girl practically beamed at the gaudily dressed Chiho Sasae; that was, the official president of the 'Legion of Minamino-sama' was now even more gaudily dressed than usual since it was the start of the summer vacation and she didn't need to follow the strict and stiff rules concerning school attire.
"Of course, of course! A picnic of this proportion is no problem at all, because even if there's just a tenth of us paying for the club fund, we'll still have more than enough money to stage this event," Chiho declared, her pointer finger pointed up as she posed in a dramatic fashion. "Isn't that right, Midori-chan?"
Midori Ohya looked a bit distracted as she stared into the horizon, sighing thoughtfully as the midday sun glinted on her coke-bottle glasses. Chiho coughed once to get the attention of the mousy girl.
"Yes, we can get more money with just one-tenth of us paying the club fund compared to all the third-year classes' club funds combined. The fact that more than half of us are more than willing to pay for our club fund speaks for itself," Midori automatically stated without missing a beat, as though she was used to being asked that question; being that she was the unofficial secretary and treasurer of the club, it shouldn't come as a shock. She afterwards continued to pensively look into the horizon.
"That is so cool, president!" another girl exclaimed exuberantly. She was accessorized in the same manner Chiho was. Actually, nearly all of the girls near the Legion president, with the distinct exception of Midori, were dressed like the object of their fondness. "Everything you do is so cool! You're almost as cool as Minamino-san!"
"Now, now. Don't say such silly things!" Chiho tactfully berated her little doppelganger posse, sweatdropping. 'I hate to say this, but sometimes I could really relate to Minamino-sama's situation,' she thought as she daintily wiped the perspiration off of her brow, pouting elegantly.
"It's so hot out! We need umbrellas here! Can one of you please get an umbrella from the Minamino dress-alike people over there?" Chiho politely asked as she exquisitely waved a folding paper fan on her face, pointing to a group of girls who were, strangely enough, cross-dressing in Meiou's assigned male school uniform.
One of the members of Chiho's little 'fan club within a fan club' scurried towards the cross-dressers, a look of disdain apparent in her features and body language as she approached them. Chiho herself delicately wrinkled her nose in slight revulsion. 'Cross-dressing butches using the club as a means to come out of the closet; what is the world coming to?' But even Chiho had to admit that some of the cross-dressers looked kind of chic with their mannish threads. Chiho sighed as her mood turned contemplative.
The Legion; there was a reason behind the name. It wasn't just a moniker Chiho thought up for the hell of it. The club literally was a legion. They were groups within a large group, all unifying into one body, one organization. 'What were the different groups again?' Chiho wondered idly.
There were the aforementioned cross-dressers: people who liked the way Minamino carried his uniform, looking both fashionable and cool at the same time, carrying Minamino-sama worship to 'another level.' Then there was the freshmen group, composed of not only the first years, but several junior high students that weren't even in Meiou. Then there were the sophomores and the seniors, the Fashion Club which was Chiho's original club before it was inevitably 'absorbed' by the Legion, the J-Pop Club that desperately wanted to jumpstart Minamino's 'career' as a pop idol, the Yaoi Club that wanted Minamino to finally 'come out' and some such-Chiho personally liked that group-and even a Paranormal Club that kept on insisting that Minamino was actually a youko taking residence in the body of a human, of all the nonsense. Minamino's appeal apparently catered to even the lowest common denominator, it seemed.
It was tough work, but somehow Chiho had organized everything and everyone within the Legion, making them a formidable force to be reckoned with. There were times when Chiho wondered if the Legion was even bigger than Minamino himself; bigger than the very reason for the club's existence.
"Chiho-san, I don't mean to be rude, but it seemed to me that you were a bit harsh on Ayame-san yesterday. I think you should apologize."
The statement was mentioned so softly and quietly that the Legion president idly wondered if she were hearing things. "What was that, Midori-chan?" Midori repeated the statement more softly than before, making Chiho frown. By the third repeat, the flashy girl waved the gentle girl off flippantly.
"I heard you the second time, Midori," Chiho snapped, not bothering to put honorifics after the addressee's name. She frowned when it didn't elicit the desired reaction from Midori. "Well, I don't see what I should be so sorry about. Besides, she didn't even attend today's assembly-practically a Legion tradition! Now that's rude."
"True, but she just doesn't want to think about Minamino-san right now."
"That's not my problem. She knew that Minamino was going to dump her. She knew a relationship with him was doomed from the start. She asked for it, and now she's bawling her eyes out because of it. I warned her as a good friend, and then as the president of the Legion. She didn't even bother to listen. I don't see why I should further concern myself with her trivial problems. She should just deal with it."
Midori bowed her head low. "That's so cruel."
Chiho snorted derisively. "Tough."
There was a considerable pause before Midori spoke again, this time with such vehemence and spite that it startled even the usually unflappable Chiho.
"So the way you reacted towards Minamino-san after he dumped you is better? You knew you could never have him, so instead you created an organization dedicated to him so that you could cover up the fact that for once you didn't get what you want?"
Chiho looked at the gentle girl confusedly. "What has gotten into you, Midori?"
Midori carried on as though Chiho never spoke. "Then you even created a yaoi fixation to put yourself into further denial. You wanted Minamino-san to turn into an unreachable sort of ideal, to convince everyone of the fact. 'If I can't get Minamino-san, then no one can.' Was that your unsaid motto? Tell me, is your way of handling your rejection from Minamino-san any better than Ayame-san's?"
Chiho answered Midori's question with a resounding slap.
Midori's glasses tumbled on the soft grass as a stinging, bright red handprint formed on her cheek. Chiho looked like she was about to say something when they both heard an excited shout that put the rest of the Legion in frenzied realization.
"Hey! Isn't that Minamino Shuichi sitting on the bench over there with those two other guys?"
There was a shocked silence before chaos erupted that afternoon in the otherwise quiet park.
"Minamino-san! Who are those people you're with? Are they your lovers? Hey, Minamino-san!"
"Shut up! Minamino-kun isn't gay. Aren't you, Minamino-kun? MINAMINO-KUN!"
"Minamino Shuichi... No, Youko Kurama! Show these disbelievers in our midst your youko self by transforming into your true form right now!"
"Minamino-sempai, I'll be turning fifteen next week! I can now love you not just as a girl, but as a woman!"
"Minamino-kun, we love what you're wearing! What's the brand of your khakis?"
"Minamino-san, you're going be the biggest thing since L'arc! Can we have your autograph before you become famous?"
"Minamino-sama, stop! Stop in the name of love!"
"Get your filthy claws off poor Minamino-sama, you harlots! He should fly free like a butterfly! Fly, Minamino-sama, fly!"
"Minamino-kun! I love you! Marry me!"
Kurama thought that the last statement should have been the least disturbing of all the contending statements, but the fact that it was said by a formerly male teacher-meaning he was now a 'female' teacher-from his grade school had instead put the declaration in his "Top Ten Disturbing Things the Legion has said to me" list. But he had no time to think about that. In fact, he had no time to think about anything else other than running for his pitiful life.
"Kurama does have a lot of nutty admirers here, doesn't he?" Kuwabara understated as he 'wheezed' his way into a suburban road.
"Gee, ya think?" was the unstated statement of the two companions of the tall, brawny and... through unsaid opinions of the very same companions... dumb teen.
"Well, I guess that takes care of the gay issue," Yusuke concluded while he started to pummel several nearing students who were curiously in male school uniforms, despite the fact that it was already summer.
"Yusuke! Don't knock my schoolmates out!" Kurama yelped in protest.
"Hey! They were getting close! And I only punched those weird male classmates of yours that kinda look like you. I didn't punch any girls," Yusuke retorted as he hit another pursuer in the gut.
"Actually, those were some of my cross-dressing girl classmates," Kurama lamented quietly as he avoided the amorous advance of the teacher that proposed to him just moments ago.
"Oh," Yusuke mumbled as he looked at the person he currently held in a submission hold. He grabbed the person's crotch briefly before he sheepishly confirmed, "So she is," which earned him rather painful bitch slaps and colorful nicknames from the now-confirmed female cross-dresser. The Spirit Detective then had an idea as he rubbed his sore and scratched cheeks.
Yusuke, with a brief apology, shoved the protesting Kurama doppelganger towards the excited mob while he motioned for his other cohorts to follow him into an unseen alleyway.
The horde, thinking that the poor girl the half-demon pushed towards them was actually the real Kurama, gave chase to her instead and ignored their real object of affection.
The three Spirit Detectives remained mostly quiet for quite a while, the occasional pant, wheeze, and gasp the only noises breaking the silence. When they finally caught up with their breaths, Yusuke was the first to speak.
"Did you see that, Kuwabara?" he said through gasping breaths. "If a gaggle of girls chasing after him wasn't an indication of pure, in-your-face heterosexuality, then I don't know what is."
"On the other hand, Urameshi, the gay issue isn't necessarily over," Kuwabara quibbled, his constant wheezing almost bordering asthmatic. "Think about it. For these girls, Kurama is the most sophisticated, handsome, dignified, and righteous guy around. I bet he'd go out of his way to help any girl in need and do it on principle rather than as a way of trying to impress them and get into their panties. The fact that he makes himself openly and suspiciously unavailable makes him even more irresistible to some girls. Why do you think bishonen guys are so popular with girls?"
"Because they're good-looking, they have all that emotionality and sensitivity going for them and they're straight," Yusuke answered unwaveringly.
"No, they're not! It's because they do other guys, which is a turn-on for some girls, for some unfathomable reason!" Kuwabara insisted.
And so the conversation was reduced to childish playground drivel.
"Straight!"
"Gay!"
"Straight!"
"Gay!"
"Straight-Hey, Kurama! Where are you going?"
"Somewhere... anywhere else," Kurama spoke through tired tones. "I really appreciate all the... help you've given me, but I think I have had enough help for one day. Besides, it's getting dark. You two minors better get home before your mothers get worried about you."
"But Kurama..." the two teens whined, which made them sound more like preschoolers.
Kurama rubbed his temples, ignoring the two teenagers' protests. He easily leaped away from building to building, gliding through the darkening streets, his head clear for the first time since last night's dream. He smiled a little as he glanced back at the direction of the two teenagers. They were probably still debating over his supposedly questionable sexuality. He chuckled. He was tired, but in a good way.
Kurama's little impromptu marathon had taught him a valuable lesson. The different assortment of people chasing after him with all their weird and wonderful personalities clashing against each other-and even the way Kuwabara and Yusuke's opinions conflicted with his own-had shown him the wisdom of the ages, all contained within one phrase: "To each his own."
'I've been griping about this and that, not looking at the big picture. Yusuke's simple answer won't work for me because I'm not that simple. Kuwabara's answer won't work for me because his definition of masculinity is different from mine. The opinions the Legion hold about me are both half-truths and half-presumptions. No, these aren't the answers I'm looking for.'
Kurama's eyes suddenly glinted determinedly. 'I'll just have to find my own answer.'
Seconds ticked as Kurama stared wordlessly at the doorknob. He heaved a heavy sigh as he finally allowed himself to contemplate the situation, revealing his innermost insights.
'I should just open the door. Whether or not Hiei is there, the fact remains true: This is still my room. I'll understand if he hasn't come back yet. After all, he is trying to protect me from a soul-sucking nonentity. That warrants as a valid excuse for his extended absence.'
Kurama felt a strange sense of deja vu as he opened the door and went in his sparsely furnished quarters. He felt himself carefully avoid looking directly at the room, a fear of loneliness creeping inside his heart.
Kurama narrowed his eyes. 'It's the same dream; the first dream I had about... Hiei. Yes, the one where I kissed him. This is the one,' he thought without hesitation or uncertainty. He would not allow the dream to control him anymore. He would overcome this dream just as he had with his dream about Keiko.
"Hey, kitsune. What's with that pensive look on your face?" Hiei scoffed in his usual stoic voice as he idly polished his long and deadly katana, his mostly raven-black hair wafting through the summer breeze.
'And there he is,' Kurama thought as he took a deep breath, bracing himself for anything. Was there going to be a fight again, like in his dream last night? Or was it going to be exactly like his dream the day before? All he could do was prepare himself.
Hiei suddenly stepped down from his precarious perch on the windowsill and unabashedly held the youko at his arm's length.
'Here we go again,' Kurama determined as his heart palpitated, his unease nearly rising to panic. 'Remember, Kurama; there's a thin line between what's voluntary and what's involuntary here in this dream world. There are things you're responsible for and things you're not responsible for. Just relax and take deep breaths. Everything is going to be fine.'
"What the hell happened to you, kitsune?" Hiei demanded as he wrinkled his nose in distaste. "You look like hell. Your clothes are ripped in places."
Kurama looked at himself in shock and surprise. 'How did I get these lothes ripped? Something must have happened earlier. Or maybe it's something that happened in the dream. Maybe it's some sort of symbolism that totally went over my head. I can't be completely sure.'
Then Kurama looked at Hiei, who was in a similar state, except there were what appeared to be rope burns on his hands and bite marks on his neck. 'Bite marks? Rope burns? What...?' That was when a stray memory of one of Kuwabara's offbeat 'g' jokes came to Kurama's mind. Some joke about rope burn and bite marks.
Kurama boggled in spite of himself. Rope burns and bite marks; their mutually disheveled and ripped clothing; the fact that the youko couldn't remember what happened earlier. 'Oh, this dream just gets more and more perverted every time. Why? Why do I have to go through this?'
Hiei waved his hand curiously at the kitsune, his eyes wide and quizzical. "You're acting weirder than usual, fox. You didn't even seem surprised to see me. Were you expecting me?"
Kurama gave Hiei a token plastered smile as he shrugged helplessly. "Sort of."
Hiei let go of Kurama as another thought entered his mind. "Did Munashii do this to you? Don't lie. Never mind all your martyrdom nonsense, the puppet owes me a lot."
Kurama absently waved Hiei off. "Oh, no! No! Nothing of the sort happened. I'm fine." The youko felt like he had forgotten something important, but he just couldn't put his finger on it. 'Damn. What if it's something important? What if this dream world is blocking my memory somehow so that it can have its way with me? I can't allow that. Think: What did I forget?'
Hiei shrugged and snorted derisively. "Anyway, what do you think of my sword?"
"Why would you want to know what I think about your sword?" Kurama nearly yelped at the fire demon as he looked away, embarrassed. 'All these innuendoes will be the death of me. This dream is starting to become the worst of the lot.'
Hiei continued, unconcerned with the youko's outburst. "Do you have that human invention... paper towels? And perhaps some of that grease you put on your skin? I need them to polish my sword."
Kurama just stared at the floor, shuddering slightly as unbidden dirty thoughts entered his mind. 'Is this your divine retribution at work, Kuronue? Must you haunt me in this dream as well, old friend? You're not jealous of Hiei, are you? He's two feet shorter than you.'
"Kurama," Hiei beckoned, slightly perturbed as he unsheathed his long, metallic and slightly rusted sword. "You're dithering again." 'Oh. He really was going to polish his sword,' Kurama surmised numbly before realization struck him hard. His face turned almost as red as his hair in his mortification and embarrassment.
Hiei saw the way Kurama was intently staring at his sword, so he coughed once to get the youko's attention before he gave his explanations. "The human's blood from three months ago rusted this sword good. I tried to have it re-tempered in the Demon World, but I suddenly ran into a couple of my old... acquaintances."
Kurama nodded in understanding as everything suddenly made sense. His ripped clothes were the Legion's work, not Hiei's; and the so-called 'acquaintances' the jaganshi mentioned were probably responsible for his disheveled state. So this 'dream' he was having wasn't actually a-
Kurama seemed to blank out for a bit as his whole world suddenly spun around him, the voice in his head suddenly becoming a murmur, his room a swirling blur.
"What's this about?" Kurama asked as he came to, startled. 'Can't believe I blanked out like that. What happened?'
"Humph. Just shut up." Getting his desired response, Hiei seemed to brace himself as he seemingly tried to collect the courage to say something. Finally, he spoke.
"I'm sorry."
Kurama blinked several times before responding. "For... what?"
Hiei growled audibly as he struggled with his words. Talking, after all, wasn't his strong point. "I'm sorry that I've taken you for granted for so long."
Kurama nodded slowly in understanding. Then, a flash of an naughty grin formed on his face before it melted into an expression of innocence and wonder. "Taken me for granted...?"
Hiei fidgeted a little as he avoided Kurama's beautiful gaze.
"You're teasing me, fox!" Hiei exclaimed, but it came out more like a whine, to his chagrin. "What do you want me to say? That I was worried when you were nearly rendered mindless by Munashii? That I had never been so scared in all my life at that very moment? That-"
"I love you too," Kurama declared before silencing the diminutive youkai altogether with a soft, fluttering kiss.
"Fox? Fox! What the hell happened to you? Kurama!"
It was Hiei's voice. The blurred image that suddenly came into focus was definitely him; he with the pointy, gravity-defying hair that looked like a large, black fireball amidst Kurama's blurry eyes. The youko also heard other voices; voices from his immediate past.
"Gay or not gay?"
"So your answer is still the same, Kurama. But you don't seem to like simple answers, since you're such a complicated guy to begin with."
"So I did this. Instead of living in my dream, I'm here to live my dream."
"Kurama-san can only be Kurama-san. Kurama-san can never, ever hurt the people he cares about the most. He never has any selfish reasons behind is motives... because Kurama-san is nice."
Kurama subsequently heard his own voice; his own words.
"What am I supposed to realize?"
"I could never do this. I could never hurt him in this meaningless, brutal, and impetuous way. I could never hurt someone I love so much like this."
And things suddenly made sense to the youko as he opened his eyes and kissed Hiei.
"Mmmmmph!" Hiei protested as he pushed the youko away.
Kurama looked up at the scandalized and outraged fire demon, a hurt and offended look in his eyes. "Are you really this cruel, Hiei?"
"Wait, fox! I didn't mean to...!" Hiei started to apologize before he caught himself in mid-sentence. His features darkened as he ominously inched towards the youko, waving his glinting-albeit rusted-sword. "What the HELL am I supposed to be apologetic about? What the hell did I do?"
"You pushed me away!" Kurama cried, his eyes shimmering.
"You... you... you... you... kissed me!" Hiei sputtered in an outraged manner, absently wiping his mouth.
"Oh. That I did." Kurama blinked cutely; a fact that unnerved Hiei to no end. The youko afterwards laughed daintily as he sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "I'm sorry, Hiei. I thought that I was still dreaming; that this was one of my fantasies about you."
"..." the jaganshi sermonized, before altogether ending the silent statement with, "Good-bye, fox," as he made his leave. He could have decapitated the damn youko right then and there-he really could-but right now he was just too... traumatized to be angry.
Kurama mutely watched the fire demon leave before he plopped into his bed. And, with no further contention nor disputation in the way, he laughed. He laughed long and hard. He laughed like a lunatic, a raving madman. Even after he assured his mother that everything was fine, that he wasn't going crazy, he still laughed. He laughed through the pillows he stuffed his face on, just so his kaasan could get some sleep. He laughed from late evening to early morning, like he'd just listened to the funniest human joke he had ever heard.
It was the best damn laugh he ever had in years.
"Let's recap again: You kissed Hiei for real and not just in a dream. And that makes you straight how...?" Kuwabara confusedly inquired.
"I hate to say this, but I agree with Kuwabara," Yusuke confessed worriedly. "You can tell us the truth. I can handle it. I did promise you that I'll deal if ever you confirmed you were queer... um, I mean of another persuasion... or something."
Kurama chuckled candidly. "Relax, you two. I was just teasing Hiei. Nothing more. Though I doubt he'll ever want to visit me by my windowsill anytime soon." The youko guffawed some more.
Yusuke and Kuwabara looked back and forth at each other and at Kurama before they both put their hands on the youko's forehead to check if he had a fever of some sort.
Kurama sweatdropped at the two teens before he altogether smiled enigmatically. "Maybe I am gay," he whispered secretly.
Kurama mischievously grinned at the dumbfounded teens. "I'm just full of gaiety."
To be Continued...
Next: Midori's Inquiring Mind
Note that I put in the title Shonen not Shonen-Ai. Shonen-Ai (male-male relationship) and yaoi are just not my cup of tea. But I must note that, due to the nature of this chapter, there is now some undeniable and inevitable Shonen-Ai parts in the dream sequences. This is dedicated to Chimamire Kitsune for giving me the inspiration to write this fic. Wherever you are, this is for you.
Ja!
Abdiel