"Hello, Q! We brought you the broomstick of the Witch of the West! Will you send us back to the Enterprise now?"
Q's floating head glared down at Picard. "The Great and Powerful Q needs more time. Come back tomorrow, and I'll grant your request."
Any patience Picard might have had with his least favorite omnipotent entity snapped. "You had time while we were at the witch's!" Picard shouted back.
Picard faced Q's enlarged head with a determined expression on his face, and Geordi and Worf flanked him, equally incensed. But Data looked in another direction.
"Where is Commander Riker going?" he asked.
Everyone's heads turned to watch as Riker used his teeth to pull a curtain aside, revealing none other than Q, who dragged it shut again.
"Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!" the projection bellowed.
Picard strode confidently over to the curtain and yanked it aside. "How fitting," he smirked. "The Great and Powerful Q, whose bark has always been worse than his bite, is a humbug wizard!"
"I assure you, this is not my natural state!" Q protested.
"How did it become your state?"
Q worked his controls furiously, then sighed. "When the Q—the witches—rose to power, they enslaved some of the Continuum. You saw them as guards and munchkins. They tried to enslave me, if you can believe it."
"I can, but I suppose they didn't succeed."
"No, I have such an irrepressible personality." Q said, his old grin coming back at the mention of himself. Picard rolled his eyes at the ego. "All they managed to do was imprison me here and weaken my powers, but I was cleverer than them. I knew this couldn't be solved by Q acting directly, so I decided to bring you here, since you're the only human I'd trust not to botch this completely." He paused in thought. "I suppose Kathy would look good in a blue check dress, but maybe the sight of my mate would make her too angry to help. Anyhow, I thought of you first."
"I'm flattered," Picard said sarcastically. "So, Glinda actually was your mate."
"Glinda?" Q asked, then, as if he'd gotten a joke, he laughed. "Oh, yes, she was outside the Continuum when it began, so she hadn't lost as much of her powers. Did you like the Wizard of Oz analogy? My brilliant idea, of course."
"No doubt." Picard said flatly. "Can you send us back to the Enterprise?"
"Well, you see, Jean-Luc, that's the thing. I have very weak powers. Still infinitely more powerful than you, but—"
"I understand," the captain said, cutting him off. "Is there any way you can help us?"
"If you give me those caches of Q power," he challenged.
The captain sat down on an emerald staircase and slid the shoes off, handing them to Q along with the broomstick.
"Don't look!" The omnipotent entity tossed them into the air, and they smashed together and emitted a blast of blinding white light. He sighed in pleasure and snapped his fingers.
Another pair of red sparkly shoes appeared. Picard looked down at them in disgust.
"Wouldn't want your toes to get cold, would we, mon capitaine?" Q joked, and Picard put them on reluctantly. "Come outside."
Picard and his crew followed reluctantly into a courtyard, made of the same emerald material as everything else, but open to the sky. Q snapped his fingers again, and a crowd of people appeared. They shouted such phrases as "Great and Powerful Wizard!", "Eternal gratitude for saving the Continuum!", and "We love you!"
"Yes, yes, thank you, thank you," Q smiled, soaking up the attention and making his way (by clapping his hands and parting the crowd) to a podium in the center and stepping onto it.. The crew followed.
Q snapped his fingers again, and a bright green hot-air balloon emblazoned with the letter "Q" appeared on the podium with a flash.
Q got in the balloon.
"Fellow members of the Continuum! I am glad you appreciate my efforts!"
The crowd cheered, and Q bowed.
"But unfortunately, I cannot stay for long. I am an irrepressible entity, one that cannot be pinned down!"
The crowd cheered again.
"Oh, you do really want me to stay. Truly, I am gratified!"
"His 'modesty' is making me sick," Picard groaned.
"But I must leave you all! Good bye!" He waved his hands at the ropes and they untied.
"Wait!" Picard cried. He looked around at his three officers, then down at the ground. "Where's Riker?"
"Here, sir!" Riker said, fighting his way around the feet of the crowd, since Q had not parted the crowd for him.
"Get in!" Picard ordered everyone, then turned to see that the balloon was gone.
"Good-bye, Jean-Luc!" Q called from the balloon, soaring off into the into the air. "I'm freed from the Continuum! Free to explore the universe again! Free! Free!" His voice faded off into the distance, and Picard's optimism with it.
"I knew he wasn't going to help us." Picard sighed, putting his face in his hands.
"What's that?" Worf asked.
"What?" Picard looked up. "Oh, Q's mate. Glinda."
"An odd title, Picard, but I'll take it," she said as she materialized from the bubble. "As for a way out of the Continuum, you've had it all along."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Worf demanded.
"The shoes!" Picard, Riker, Geordi, and Data chorused.
Glinda-Q rolled her eyes. "Took you long enough."
"How do we use them?" Picard asked.
She rolled her eyes again. "You've used Q power before, Picard. The bucket of water."
Picard processed that while Lady Q tapped her fingers impatiently, reminding Picard of her mate and interfering with his thinking.
"It just…happened. Within the flow of the story! Everyone, link arms with me!"
They did so, and Data, who was on the end, scooped up Riker.
"There's no place like the Enterprise." Picard said, clicking his heels together.
"There's no place like the Enterprise." Geordi and Riker said with Picard.
"There is no place like the Enterprise." Data joined in.
"There is no place like the Enterprise!" they shouted, and the world spun around them, and they tumbled through blackness until the scene reformed into the bridge of the Enterprise.
"Captain! You're back!" Beverly Crusher said, getting up from the Captain's Chair and looking visibly relieved. "Everyone else too! Where have you been?" She glanced at their costumes. "Someplace interesting, I would guess."
"It's a long story." Picard said, by way of explanation.
"I look forward to hearing it," the doctor said.
A/N Q is so much fun to write.