*deep sigh*
This is a sad chapter. The next chapter is also kind of a sad chapter. The one after that is as well. But that's okay. It'll get better :)

Even though over the past months I had acknowledged that Giroro might choose to leave Pekopon, had even begun to mentally prepare myself for it, when it actually happens I'm caught off guard. Even though it really is happening, we're at the train station with him right now seeing him off, it still doesn't seem possible that the corporal is actually leaving.

The others are talking to him, telling him last-minute things and saying goodbye and everything, but I don't participate. There are things I want to say to him too, things I need to tell him, but I just can't. I can't because I know that if I do, the lump in my throat will dissolve and I'll completely lose it.

As if through a dream, I hear Keroro ask Giroro where he's planning on going. The corporal replies that he's going to go and live with his dad and brother for a while until he figures out what he's going to do next.

The sergeant is beginning to get a little weepy, and by the time he's throwing his arms around Giroro and saying that he'll miss him, Dororo and Tamama are crying too.

While the others regain a grip on their tears, Giroro moves closer to me. I don't look up at him, but I swallow and then mutter, "Have a safe trip, corporal."

"Kululu," he says. I still don't look up.

After a few moments of silence Giroro holds his hand out, and I stiffly shake it. Once he has ahold of my hand, the corporal uses it to pull me into an embrace. I almost break down right there.

Quietly, so no one but me can hear him, Giroro asks, "Are you mad at me?"

I hesitate, and then say yes.

He pulls away, sighing, and then checks his watch. "My train leaves in just a few minutes," he tells us. "I need to get going."

Giroro boards the train and mere seconds later it starts moving. He raises his hand in farewell. I turn away.

"'Bye, Giroro!" Keroro calls. The sergeant pulls himself up into a salute and the others do the same.

But I don't.

When we get home, I descend to my room and settle down in my chair. I had tasks that I'd been intending on completing today, but now they seem pointless and I lack the motivation to do them.

I am angry with Giroro. But mostly I'm angry with myself.

I think he's being a coward and I'd like nothing more than for him to come back so I can bitch-slap him. But I also think I was a coward and that I missed the last chance I'll have to tell the corporal how I really feel about him. Maybe I'm the one who needs to be bitch-slapped.

I try and force those feelings down. They're stupid, and they aren't going to get me anywhere.

I don't care whether or not he leaves, I firmly tell myself.

Oh pl-ease, part of my mind mutters.

I do not care what the corporal does!

Stop lying!

Obviously this time I can't just tell myself a lie and make myself believe it. Perhaps it would be easier to believe if I wrote it out?

I bring up a blank file on one of my computer screens, and start typing.

"I don't care if Giroro goes or stays."

I read the text a few times, and continue.

"Why should it matter to me if he leaves?"

I try and cement the ideas I'm writing into my mind.

"I don't love him."

After typing out this phrase, I halt. I can't make myself believe that. It's just... wrong. Does that mean I do love him?

I'm still unsure of my feelings for Giroro, but now that I'm seeing it in writing somehow I know with one hundred percent certainty that the statement, "I do not love Giroro," is false.

In fact, it's so wrong that I don't even want to read it, so I hit backspace and erase everything I just wrote.

I start feeling oddly nauseated. Maybe I'm going to throw up? Yes. That definitely feels like what's happening. I shakily stand up and head towards my door. But I never reach it.

I sink to my knees a few feet away from the threshold and retch and heave until there's nothing left to come up.

And then I start crying.

Oh, Kululu, you poor sad sack.
Even though it might not seem like there's any way I could continue this fic/ship now that Giroro's gone, don't fear! I have a plan~