Magic is Strange When A Vampire is Involved

by Crystal Draculura Bloodsucker

Title says it all, lol! But no seriously, this is a story about a female vampire running and hiding from the evils trying to find her. She stumbles into the Goblin/Fairy Forest and meets Marianne, Bog, and all their friends, who agree to help her stay in hiding. In return, she teaches them the wonders of the human world.

10. Christmas

Chapter 10: Christmas

"Deck the halls with bowels of holly, fa la la la la, la la la la. 'Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la, la la la la."

"Well, you're in a festive mood today." Griselda snickered.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Crystal smiled as she finished placing the last piece of tinsel on the tree. "It's Christmas season, my favorite time of year."

"Christmas," Bog frowned. "What exactly is that?"

"Yeah, you've been talking about it this whole month but you never really explained what it's about." Marianne agreed.

"Well, it's the season of giving and being thankful, and being surrounded by family." Crystal explained. "But most of all, it's about celebrating the birth of God's son, Jesus Christ. "

"God and Jesus Christ." Sunny sighed. "You keep mentioning them, but you never explain who they are."

"That's because I was saving the story for Christmas Eve night." Crystal giggled. "The story of the Nativity Scene, the birth of Christ."

"Well, that sure sounds interesting." Sugar Plum smiled.

"When is Christmas Eve?" Dawn asked.

"Tomorrow." The vampiress answered. "Be patient. For now, why don't you all think of gifts for one another while I hang up this mistletoe, since because I'm the only one who doesn't have anyone to kiss."

"What does that have anything to do with anything?" Marianne asked.

"Oh, well, the legend is that, if a man and woman stand under the mistletoe, they're supposed to kiss, and then, they fall in love." Crystal explained.

"How romantic." Stuff and Thang sighed.

Imp squeaked lovingly as he bended his tail into a heart shape.

"Well, you go on ahead then." Dawn nodded. "Just hope you don't run into you-know-who under that."

"Ugh, don't remind me." Crystal rolled her eyes as she walked off. "

….

Meanwhile, outside by the window, the you-know-who person was standing there, looking in at the vampiress, as always.

"Mistletoe? Is that all it takes!" Roland gasped. "I must get the two of us under that garnish!"

A chirp was heard behind the sparrow fairy, a few of them actually. It was Roland's squirrel, Chipper.

"How do I plan on getting us under there?" Roland laughed. "Oh, you'll see soon enough, old friend."

….

The next night, everybody gathered around the tree, with Crystal right in the center. Everybody sat down, waiting for the vampiress to start.

The moment was just right.

The fireplace was lit. There were presents under the tree. Nothing could ruin this.

Just as Crystal opened her mouth, there was a knocking by the window.

"What in the worlds?" She frowned.

They looked towards the window and gasped at what they saw.

It was Roland, looking into the room with a smug look.

"Roland!" Crystal growled. "What in Freddy Krueger's Dreamworld are you doing here?!"

"Freddy Krueger's Dreamworld?" Roland raised an eyebrow. "Wow. Never heard that one before. Anyway, I overheard that you were telling a story tonight. Something that has to do with this new holiday your teaching us?"

"You jackass! You were spying again?!" Crystal hissed, her fangs hanging down.

"I can't help it, babe. I just love you so much." He snickered.

Crystal turned her head and gagged, pretending to stick her finger down her throat.

"Melodramatic much?" Roland frowned. "Anyway, I was wondering, if maybe, I could join in on this little storyfest."

"Roland, I let you stay for the July performance. I let you stay for the Halloween party. But I will most certainly NOT let you stay for the Christmas story." Crystal told him.

"Aw, come on babe, I know you want me." He grinned.

"Say something like that to me again and I'll drink every drop of blood in your body." The vampiress threatened.

"Aw, come on Crystal, let me stay." Roland begged.

"Just go ahead and let him in." Marianne rolled her eyes. "He's not gonna leave unless you do."

"Fine." Crystal groaned. "Come in through the front."

Roland smiled and flew off. A few seconds later, he came into the room through the door.

"Sit down and keep your mouth shut." Crystal demanded.

"Of course, milady." He nodded as he sat down next to Imp, who hissed at him, baring his teeth.

"Down, Imp." Crystal snapped at her companion, who reluctantly sat back down. "Now, gather around to the awe-inspiring story of the first Christmas. Once upon a time a long time ago, there lived a carpenter named Joseph. And one day, Joseph and his friend Robby were hanging out together when this happened."

….

As Crystal told the story, her friends could visualize everything that she said.

Bog and Sunny were Joseph and Robby in the story, and right now, they were hanging out together.

"So, I went to see that new Oedipus play last week." Bog/Joseph said to Sunny/Robby. "Took my mother, talk about an awkward ride home. Barely got a good-night kiss."

"Hey, Joseph, check it out." Sunny/Robby pointed.

Bog/Joseph looked to where his friend was pointing and he gasped. It was Marianne, playing as Mary in this story.

"Oh, my God, look at that body." Bog/Joseph gulped.

"Can't you just imagine her standing on people's front lawns inside a cut-in-half bathtub?" Sunny/Robby chuckled. "You should go talk to her and see if she can talk."

JosBog nodded, dropped everything he was doing, and nervously approached Maryanne.

"Uh, hi. I'm, I'm Joseph." He nervously introduced himself.

"Oh, hello. I'm Mary." Maryanne smiled.

"Listen, um, I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime."

"Well, sure, that sounds nice."

"You know, there's a beautiful spot outside of town where they dump all the foreskins. You can sit on top and watch the sunset."

"Oh, great, and maybe we could slaughter a lamb and light it on fire so that it rains."

"Well, let's not go too fast." JosBog laughed.

"Listen, I'll see you later, okay? I've got to go sit in a circle with the other women and stare off into the fields." Maryanne chuckled before picking up her load of laundry.

"All right, you got a date."

"Yeah, I just hope it goes better than my last one."

As Maryanne walked away, JosBog let out a long breath he had been holding in. He chuckled to himself before walking back to Subby to tell him the whole thing.

…

That night, after a wonderful date, JosBog and Maryanne laid together in bed.

"Wow, Joseph, that was great." Maryanne sighed dreamly.

"Yeah, but I gotta say, I'm a little disappointed. When you said I could do you in your 'mudhut', I thought you meant something else." JosBog sighed disappointedly.

"And so Mary and Joseph began their courtship." Crystal continued in real life. "But even after several dates, Joseph couldn't get to first base. Not just because Mary was a virgin, but because baseball would not be invented for 1,800 years and nobody knew what the hell he was talking about."

"You know this is the same picnic basket we drowned my sister in." JosBog said to Maryanne on yet another date. "It was back when they were like, 'Drown all the girls', and then they were like, 'Don't drown all the girls', but she was born on a drowning week, so, you know."

Suddenly, JosBog coughed. He quickly covered his mouth and continued to cough. When he pulled the handkerchief back, there was blood on it.

"Oh, look at that, there's hardly any blood." Maryanne smiled happily. "You're very healthy."

"Well, I try to take care of myself."

"Joseph, this is the most fun I've had in awhile."

"That's good, that's good." JosBog smiled, before getting his serious face on. "Pull your pants down."

"What?" Maryanne cried, shocked.

"Come on, this is our seventh date. It's completely natural." JosBog whined. "Birds do it, bees do it, dinosaurs whom we live alongside do it."

"Joseph, I can't. People will talk."

"So, what? They'll talk in Aramaic. Do you understand that? I don't."

"Look, you're very sweet, but I have to save myself."

"For who?" JosBog screamed, throwing his arms up in the air. "There's only ten of us, and you're related to half of them. I can't believe how hard you're making me work."

"Well, I do have a very good virginity coach." Maryanne smiled, before turning serious. "Look, I can't explain it, but something is telling me to wait. Something deep, deep inside of me."

"Stop talking like that or I swear to God I'm gonna Pompeii all over this blanket." JosBog frowned.

"Oh, you're silly." Maryanne laughed. "Come on, let's just watch the show."

And so, Maryanne and JosBog laid on the blanket together, staring up into the stars, just enjoying the night. But JosBog couldn't help, but think about his feelings for Maryanne.

…

The next day, JosBog and Subby were in front of the pub, hanging out and working together again. They looked over and they saw a very beautiful lady, played by Dawn, dancing for the men.

"Wow, she's really getting it." JosBog commented.

"Yeah, I know that girl- that's Dana Magdalene, and her sister's a bigger slut than she is." Subby laughed.

"You know, we Jews got it right, working with our hands." JosBog smiled.

"Yeah, let those eggheads in Rome do the brain work, we Jews will do the brawn work."

"Hey, Italians, put a book down once in awhile."

"Yeah, yeah, right."

"Definitely, yeah. Put a book down."

"Hey, so, uh, you've been seeing that girl Mary for some time now." Subby smiled. "She's pretty smoking."

"Aw, man, she is so hot." JosBog agreed. "She's gonna go down in history as 'Hot Bitch Mary.' You know, I'm thinking of popping the question."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I figure I'm 14 now, I'm not getting any younger."

"Hey, look, it's the burning bush!" Someone yelled.

JosBog and Subby looked to where everybody was screaming at, and noticed Maryanne approaching.

"Hail Mary, full of guys." The men shouted. "Oh, come all ye face-full."

"Come on, guys, that's really dirty." JosBog frowned.

"Hi, Joseph." Maryanne smiled to her boyfriend.

"Hey, Mary, what's going on?" JosBog asked her.

"Oh, I just thought I'd take a break from pooping in the open street to come see you."

"That's nice."

"Listen, can you come by my house later? There's something important I have to share with you." Maryanne whispered.

"Okay, sure." JosBog nodded. "I'll come by around that part of the day when the sun goes away and we're all terrified it will never come back."

"Okay, bye."

"Wow, you're a lucky man, Joseph." Subby smiled to his friend when Maryanne walked away.

"I know." JosBog smiled back.

"So, what have you got going on later?"

"I think I might hang out in the town square. I hear an oracle from Greece is sending a funny message and I want to be there when it arrives."

…

And so, after the oracle, JosBog ran to Maryanne's house to see what the big news was all about.

"Hey, Mary." He said to her when he arrived.

"Oh, hi, Joseph." Maryanne smiled. "Come on in."

"Thanks, hey, listen I just got tickets to see Cher in Bethlehem. You want to go?"

"I guess, how close are the seats?"

"Row L-X-V-I."

"That sounds great. But, look, Joseph, there's something I have to tell you. I'm pregnant."

"From my finger?!" JosBog gasped.

"No, you don't understand." Maryanne shook her head. "God has blessed me with his child."

"You banged Kevin God from South Nazareth?" JosBog frowned.

"No, no, Joseph, I mean God. I'm carrying God's baby. He, he sent down an angel."

"So you're saying God got you pregnant?"

"Yes, Joseph."

JosBog was silent, and then he started to grin, and then he started to laugh all very cheerfully.

"Glory in the highest!" He praised loudly. "Well, if it his will, then his will be done, and I am but his humble servant. But I do have one question. Was he bigger than me?"

"Joseph, it wasn't like that." Maryanne frowned. "I felt nothing."

"Oh, little guy."

Maryanne frowned and rolled her eyes, unable to see anyway to make her love understand.

….

"Now, as our story continues, Mary and Joseph were on their way to Bethlehem." Crystal's voice explained in real life. "They thought it seemed like the very right place to have God's baby."

"Uch, look at that." JosBog rolled his eyes as they looked back down into their town they left. "I remember when this was all desert."

"You know, when the baby comes, we could probably homeschool him. I can count up to nine." Maryanne smiled.

"Yeah, hey, so tell me one more time how it is that God got you pregnant. 'Cause when you tell me the story, it sorta makes sense. But then when I tell the guys at work, they poke all kinds of holes in it."

Maryanne rolled her eyes with a smile on her face and ignored JosBog's request. Suddenly, their donkey that she was riding started talking, in the voice of Roland.

"So, you guys are going to Bethlehem, huh?" He chuckled. "I went there one time on a donkey's night out. Oh, my God, I got so hammered!"

JosBog and Maryanne glared at the donkey with a hateful stare, making Donkland feel uncomfortable. He dropped his ears and continued being the mute packmule he was supposed to be.

Somewhere else in the desert, three wise men, played by Stuff, Thang, and Imp, were standing around, tending to their sheep, when Stuff pulled out a scroll.

"And as Mary and Joseph made their way to Bethlehem, three wise men were preparing for a journey of their own." Crystal continued.

"Hey, what's this?" Stuff frowned as she read the scroll. "Hey, you guys, this says a King of Kings will be born in Bethlehem, and we are to go and pay tribute."

"Hey, let me see that." Thang took the scroll and continued reading. "This says, 'Three Magi or Resident'. I don't think they really care if it's us."

"Yeah, I don't want to go, either." Imp frowned.

"Hey, isn't your mother-in-law visiting tomorrow?" Stuff smiled smugly.

"We're off to Bethlehem!" Imp exclaimed quickly.

Stuff and Thang rolled their eyes before the three of them began following the North Star to Bethlehem.

Back with JosBog, Maryanne, and Donkland, the three of them had finally made it to Bethlehem, and they smiled at the beauty of the city.

"Wow, I can't believe we're really here." Maryanne gasped with delight.

"Yeah, it's amazing how small the world is now thanks to mules and camels." JosBog agreed. "You're anywhere, just like that."

"Oh, my! You can really tell we're in the big city now."

"Yeah, they got everything here. They got restaurants, they got museums. They even got movies."

JosBog and Maryanne looked at each other and smiled, happy to have finally arrived at their destination, and continuing to the Inn.

"Meanwhile, the three wise men were making their way across the desert." Crystal continued back in the castle.

"Hey, did you hear they're coming out with four more Commandments?" Imp asked. "Uch, all that stuff does is interfere with small business."

Thang took out a canteen and took off the cap, but when he tried to take a drink, nothing came out.

"Oh, no, we're out of water." He called. "We gotta stop somewhere."

"Look!" Stuff pointed.

Thang and Imp looked to where Stuff was pointing, and saw a huge, magnificent castle standing before them.

"That's King Herod's palace." Imp explained. "Maybe we can get water over there."

"Wow, look at that classy, Middle Eastern house with gold and marble." Thang whistled. "People will always want to live next to big Middle Eastern houses with gold and marble."

Stuff and Imp looked at each other, shaking their heads as they entered the palace. When they entered, they immediately saw the king, being played by Fairy King, sitting on his throne, being pampered by Fairy Cronies.

"Excuse me." Imp bowed. "We are three wise men on a long journey. Could we trouble you for some water?"

"Why of course." Fairy King Herod nodded. "Not quite wise enough to pack any, huh?"

He chuckled as he watched the wise men fill their canteens with the water from the fountain.

"So, what brings you to Judea?" He asked them.

"We're on our way to Bethlehem to see a magic baby." Thang answered.

"Magic baby?" Fairy King Herod frowned. "What is he, an Ethereal Fairy?"

"Nope." Stuff shook her head. "He's the Messiah."

"Yes, they're even calling him the King of Kings." Thang added.

"Huh. Okay, then how about this? I'm the King of King of Kings. Ha! New name! Called it!"

"Sounds like somebody's a little threatened." Imp smiled smugly.

"No I'm not." Fairy King Herod frowned. "Would a guy who feels threatened make sure all his advisors are shorter than him? Ha! You said it, King! That's telling him! Big guy! You know what? Still, just to be safe, I should probably kill that baby. Then Jodie Foster will love me."

Back in Bethlehem, JosBog and Maryanne finally arrived at the Inn. As they approached the Inn Keeper, played by Griselda, she smiled at them.

"Welcome to the Motel Shiksa." She greeted. "We won't leave the light on for you, because what, do I work for the electric company?"

JosBog and Maryanne looked at each other as Griselda laughed. After humoring her with a few short, nervous laughs, JosBog leaned to her.

"Yes, we were wondering if you had a room available?" He asked her.

"Sorry, we're all booked up, Cher's in town." Griselda sighed. "You won't find a room in the city."

"No room?" Maryanne gasped. "Joseph, what are we gonna do?"

"Don't worry. I got this covered." JosBog nodded before turning back to Griselda. "No rooms, eh? Well, perhaps you have a room for my good friend fistful of sand."

"Where's your money?" Maryanne asked with shock in her voice.

"I spent it on sand." JosBog answered before banging his head onto the table.

Maryanne groaned and placed her hand over her face, unable to figure out why her husband would do such an idiotic thing.

"I'm sorry, I can't help you." Griselda shook her head.

"But, ma'am, please, my wife is with child and about to give birth." JosBog begged.

"Sir, if you don't leave now, I'm gonna have to call IX-I-I."

"Yeah, we, we did one of those earlier. Yours is better, though. We probably should've waited for yours."

Suddenly, Maryanne gasped and clutched her abdomen as the sound of liquid hitting the floor was heard.

"Joseph, my water just broke! It's time!" She cried.

"Oh, my God!" JosBog gasped before turning back to Griselda. "Please, you've gotta have some place for us! We're desperate!"

"Well, there's a manger out back. You can stay there." Griselda offered.

"That's fine, that's fine! We'll take it!"

…

"So, Joseph and Mary were turned away from the inn." Crystal continued on with the story in real life. "But they were able to stay in the manger, exactly where the bible said God's child was born."

"All right, here we are." JosBog smiled as he looked around, before his smile turned to a frown. "This seems pretty gross."

"I can't believe my baby's gonna be the Son of God." Maryanne gasped with glee as she laid on the hay, getting ready to give birth. "Looks like all those years fighting off my own father's advances have finally paid off. What shall we name him?"

"Well, this is kinda like a barn. We could call him Barney."

"Yeah, maybe. Or I kinda always liked Tristan."

"Oh, my God, you want him to get the crap beat out of him? They will crucify him with a name like that."

"No, no, no." Said a voice in the manger with them.

They looked over and gasped when they saw an angel, played by Sugar Plum Fairy, floating there.

"What are you doing? How long you been there?" JosBog demanded to know.

"Those names are no good." Sugar Plum Angel shook her head, ignoring JosBog's question. "And besides, God has already chosen a name for the child. His name, shall be Jesus Christ."

"Jesus Christ." Maryanne let the name roll of her tongue. "I like it."

"Yeah, it's much better than any name we can come up with." JosBog agreed.

...

"So the three wise men set off again on their journey. Continuing to follow the North Star to Bethlehem." Crystal continued. "When they arrived to Bethlehem, they followed the angel's directions to the manger, where a doctor was ready to help Mary give birth to the baby Jesus."

"Hey, thanks for coming out on such late notice, Doc." JosBog thanked the doctor, who was being played by the vampiress herself.

"Oh, you don't have to thank me." Doctor Crystal smiled. "This is a big deal. It's not every day that God bestows a woman with his son."

Suddenly, at that moment, the three wise men entered the manger.

"Hello, we are the three wise men." Imp introduced themselves. "We came here following a star."

"Those two statements contradict each other." Stuff chuckled.

"We also come bearing gifts." Thang added.

"I brought frankincense." Stuff offered.

"I brought myrrh." Thang offered.

"And I brought gold." Imp offered.

Suddenly, Maryanne screamed, making everybody in the manger jump.

"Oh he's coming! Oh, it hurts so bad!" She cried.

"Oh boy, here he comes!" Doctor Crystal gasped before quickly setting to work, helping Maryanne give birth.

…

Back in the real world, the magical creatures leaned forward, eagerness in their eyes as they silently begged for the vampiress to continue with the story.

"And then, on that moment, a miracle happened." She smiled. "Baby Jesus, the son of God himself, was born in that manger. And that's the story of Christmas."

"Wow." They all sighed with amazement.

"That was a beautiful story, Crystal." Marianne smiled.

"Yeah, and I think I get it." Sunny nodded. "We give each other gifts on Christmas, because the three wise men gave them gifts at Jesus's birth."

"You are absolutely right, Sunny." Crystal nodded, before frowning at Roland, who was still with them. "And now that the story is over, it's time for Roland to leave."

"Aw, come on, do I have to?" Roland whined.

"Yes, you do." Crystal hissed. "I let you stay for the story, now that's it. You have to leave now."

Roland groaned as he stood up. Crystal stood up too, along with everybody else, as she ushered him out the door.

"Come on, out." She commanded, pushing him to the door. "Out, out, out!"

"Ok, I'm going." Roland shook her off of him when they reached the door frame. "But first, you might wanna look up."

Crystal frowned, confused at first, until she looked up. She gulped at what she saw… mistletoe.

"I, overheard yesterday, that if a man and a woman stand under this piece of fern, they're supposed to kiss." Roland raised his eyebrows at her.

"Oh hell no!" Crystal shook her head. "Hell no am I kissing you."

"But Crystal, it's the rule!" Dawn gasped. "You said so yourself!"

Crystal looked at Dawn with shock. She looked at all her other friends, who nodded with agreement. She looked back at Roland, who apparently was enjoying this.

"Damn it!" She growled. "Fine! I'll kiss you. But I will not allow myself to fall in love with you!"

"Of course, milady." Roland bowed.

Crystal rolled her eyes before she closed them and puckered her lips. Roland smiled and did the same. As they leaned to each other, the others watched in awe, before the two of them finally touched lips.

Crystal's eyes widened as electricity pulsed through her body from the kiss. She slowly closed her eyes again as the two of them wrapped their arms around each other, deepening the kiss.

Crystal had to admit, she was very skeptical about Roland when she first realized just exactly who he was. Before she recognized him, she remembered feeling a sort of passion for him, but it went away when he introduced himself. Now, as the two of them kissed under the mistletoe, that same passion returned, and she no longer cared about his traitoring past.

As the two of them pulled apart for air, they both sighed in amazement.

"Wow." They both said.

"I misjudged you, Roland." Crystal blushed. "You truly are the man of my dreams. Uh, no offense, Marianne."

"Please, none taken." Marianne laughed. "I had a feeling that you two would be right for each other anyway."

"So, does this mean something?" Roland asked.

"Well, that all depends." Crystal raised an eyebrow at him. "Ask me out on a date."

"Crystal Draculura Bloodsucker, descendant of Dracula. Will you allow me, to accompany you on a date two days from now?"

"Of course."

And as the night sky shone with magic in the air, they could all tell that it was going to be a new year, with a new start.

End Of Episode 10

A/N: Ha ha! Betcha you weren't expecting that, were you?! Yes, it is true. Now Roland and Crystal are together. Finally! Hope you enjoyed this Christmas Special. Merry Christmas everypony!