Chapter 10

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It was a week later and she had just gotten to work. She was in the ER looking at a patient chart when she heard Meredith's voice "Hey April, glad to hear you and Matthew have worked things out." She gave her a speculative look, but she walked past her as she was too busy to stay and discuss with her. She was wondering what had she heard, and she took a look around herself, trying secretly to not pay attention to the staff working at the hospital even though it was exactly what she was doing. There were some who gazed at her weirdly, so it was enough to tell her that there was gossip going around, again. She wondered what the gossip was since she wasn't dating him, they weren't together and yet from what she was hearing they were assumably a couple. This was a too small hospital, she thought. Doesn't people working here have a life?

"So I've heard you've gotten a bigger family." "That's good April." She heard Owen's happy voice and before she could reply to his absurd comment he was gone. Gone to talk to a family of a patient.

"He likes you." Arizona showed up suddenly and said with a voice like she was sharing a juicy secret.

"What? Who? Owen?" She asked as she didn't know what she was talking about. Who liked her? She gave a quick glance towards Owen and looked at him. He noticed her look and gave her a smile. Owen? No, he was like her big brother, she shook her head a little. This day was getting stranger by the minute.

"What? No. Matthew." Arizona cleared her meaning and she met her gaze only slightly because she already knew that. But how did Arizona know about it?

"April?" Arizona tried to talk with her.

"Supply room, now." She walked to the closest supply room and Arizona followed.

So once again she filled Arizona in on what had happened between them during Christmas and his big reveal that he had been there that night when Harriet came to the world.

"So I don't know what we are now, where do we start if we start? Do we go out on a date? Which would be weird since we've already been on a date, several dates. And what about sex? I mean he's not a virgin anymore, neither am I, although I never was that with him. And.. what.." She was letting out the thoughts dominating in her mind in her speed talking voice and Arizona stood there and just listened to her when she was walking back and forth in the room.

"You need to talk with him about this." Arizona said calmly and she looked at her. She knew. This was a conversation they needed to have. But when would be the right time for that?

"How did you know he liked me? Was it the gossip?" She stopped to ask.

"What gossip?" Arizona was puzzled but continued on. "I saw the way he looked at you the other day." Arizona explained and she was a little surprised about it, so his emotions were clear to be seen by others.

"April.. You two can't go back. You can't continue on from where the old April and Matthew left things. You're both different people now." "I suggest you two start from the beginning." Arizona gave her advice.

"Ask him out on a date. I can babysit Ruby." Arizona said.

"I don't know if it's the right time yet." She quickly added.

She didn't want to pressure him too quickly. She didn't want this relationship to fail, which she knew was a wrong way to think about it. What if after six months of dating she would realize it wasn't working? She couldn't stay with him just because she was afraid to hurt him again. She sighed. Arizona was right. They couldn't start from the past. They needed a new beginning. Not that they should entirely forget the past either, but they weren't those two people anymore.

He had called her that he was running late due to a emergency and asked her to pick up Ruby from daycare. Which to her felt even weirder that she was going to the daycare to pick up a child that wasn't her own when her own child was there, since it was Jackson's turn with their daughter, she thought to wait until he had picked up Harriet so she could go and pick up Ruby. She didn't want her own daughter to see that she was picking up another child and not her.

She was playing with Ruby on the living room floor of her apartment, looking at the little girl. Smiling at her, when she smiled at her. She needed to talk with Matthew, was all she kept thinking and not because of herself, but because of Ruby. What was she to her? Aunt April? Would she be her mother? Then it occurred to her that Ruby probably might think her as her mother since she is the only one that's been around her since her birth. Besides Matthew of course.

And then she heard her door open and Matthew came in. She glanced at him quickly. Wondering if she should push her luck about getting some answers?

"I'm sorry I'm late. Did everything went okay?" He asked as he came to sit beside her on the floor and greet his daughter. She smiled at their interaction, liking the warmth in his emotions towards his daughter. Seeing that he did seem happy.

"Did you know there is a gossip going on? About us?" She thought to mention about the gossip, perhaps it would bring them to the matter she wanted to discuss.

"Nicole told me. Does it bother you?" He met her eyes and she swallowed, hoping she didn't give away her uneasiness.

"Well.. we aren't exactly together nor dating so.." She tried to say without it coming out like she was trying push him for answers even though that's exactly what she wanted. To have some answers. As she glanced at him when she said it, she felt like he was able to see through her right then and there. Feeling the sting of guilt inside of her that she was trying to make him move on, when he wasn't ready to.

"I thought you were okay with waiting.." She heard his low voice and somehow she got the notion that he felt hurt.

"I was, I am." She tried to reply, but he got up with Ruby in his arms.

"I should get her ready for bed." He said and left her apartment. She didn't know what was going through his mind. And she felt just awful that she was trying to get him to a place he clearly wasn't yet. And it wasn't what she wanted to do.

She hardly slept that night, her thoughts going back to him and Ruby. What was the right thing to do? And in the morning she was ringing his doorbell since they were suppose to drive together to the hospital, but he wasn't answering and when she went in with her spare key, he had already left. So he was upset at her. Great, way to go Kepner, she thought.

She decided to just throw herself at her work and she was in the OR with her hands inside of a person when Jackson was taking care of the injuries on the lower limbs.

"So trouble in paradise?" She heard Jackson's voice and she gave him a tight look, which should have said 'back off' but instead he took it the other way. "I saw you come in alone this morning."

"You need to talk?" He asked and she paused to gather her thoughts in the moment. She needed to focus or else she would make a mistake. And why would he think she would talk with him about her love life?

"Can we please focus on the patient on the table?" She begged him and he remained silent for the rest of the surgery. "Wilson, suction."

Later the day she was sitting behind the counter in the ER and just staring at the screen in front of her, totally consumed by her thoughts. Suddenly coming out of her clouded mind when she felt someone breathing behind her neck.

"What?" She asked with an irritated voice glancing quickly at the person behind her. It was Jackson. What did he want now? Ask more questions?

He sat down on one of the chairs beside her and gave her a look. She looked at him and waited for his line.

"Just talk with him. Whatever the deal is, you need to talk with him." He said and got up.

"Don't avoid the problem." He added and patted slightly her shoulder as he left. She sighed. And then she saw Matthew in a distance as he had come in with trauma. Seeing that hurt face on him again. Perhaps the issue wasn't if he was ready to move on, perhaps it was her. If he could trust her again.