Chapter 10

A week later Quinn was finally on her "date" with Puck. She actually cancelled the week before because she couldn't wrap her head around everything she had learned about Rachel. Quinn finally decided to suck it up and go out with him. He kept talking about football and all of the Columbus hot spots he'd been to since school started. He threw in a little more sports talk before Quinn totally zoned out. She merely nodded her head and pretended to listen. He talked about classes. She responded at the right times. It really didn't feel like a date. It just felt like two friends walking on the boardwalk talking about pointless junk.

Quinn couldn't stop thinking about Rachel. She was trying really hard not to look at Puck differently. How could he just abandon Rachel like that when he was supposed to be her friend? How could they all do that to her? If Rachel forgave him though, Quinn should've been able to. It didn't even involve her. Still, she felt really bad about the whole thing and couldn't get the idea out of her head of Puck just throwing Rachel to the wolves.

A part of her wished she would've moved to Lima a couple years ago so she could've been there for Rachel. She would've stuck by the other girl. But would she really have stuck by her? Quinn was just as obsessed with her image in high school as it seemed Brittany and Santana had been. Quinn was the head cheerleader and only dated Sam because it was what her parents wanted. With her being captain of the Cheerios and him being the captain of the football team, it just made sense that they would date for popularity's sake. She had been just as shallow as the cheerleaders at McKinley. Would she really have been any different? Or would she have tortured Rachel just as much, if not more?

Then this whole Finn/Santana thing bothered Quinn way more than it should. She didn't even know them and she hated them. How could Santana do that to one of her best friends? How could Finn do that to his girlfriend who he supposedly loved? Sure he was hurt, but he shouldn't have let them torture Rachel. Shoving her? Ruining her clothes? Spray-painting 'dyke' on her locker? How could he just stand by and let the whole school treat someone he loved like dirt. No matter how hurt she would've been by something like that, Quinn couldn't image just standing by and letting anyone she loved be harassed in such a terrible way. Maybe Finn just really didn't love Rachel after all. Quinn figured that if anybody dated Rachel for a while they would have to love her a little though. She had only been on friendly terms with the singer for a few weeks, but the former cheerleader was painfully aware of how wonderful Rachel was. Rachel would give anything for Brittany, who had abandoned her in high school just like everyone else, whether it was her macaroni when Quinn wasn't there to trade or to give the clothes right off her back to the dancer. She was protective of Brittany and stood up for her when people said the dancer was dumb. Rachel didn't have to do that.

And the way Rachel put on a brave face when Puck took a jab at her in front of Quinn. Anything to prevent him from feeling pain. Rachel wouldn't want him to feel bad for making her feel bad…and he would. He wasn't some jerk. Brittany said he was just insecure about Rachel being too close to Quinn. Rachel was the only girl he ever really liked in high school. Quinn was the only girl he had liked since. He'd already lost Rachel and was terrified of losing Quinn. Quinn wasn't sure why he thought he would lose her to Rachel of all people though. Rachel was a girl and last time she checked, Quinn was still straight. Puck wasn't taking any chances for some reason.

Quinn was honestly trying to pay attention to him that night. She didn't want to fuel his insecurities but she couldn't help wishing she was back in her dorm. She wanted to talk to Rachel. She wanted to tell the singer she was there for her. She wouldn't hurt her. She could trust Quinn to be the kind of friend she had always needed. She couldn't be strong for everybody all the time. After watching Rachel lately, Quinn noticed that's exactly what she was trying to do. She was still broken but pretending to be solid for everyone else. Rachel didn't want Brittany and Puck to know she was still hurt by them. She didn't want Artie to know that she had felt abandoned by him as well even though they were never close in high school. Quinn wanted Rachel to let her all the way in. She could be that friend for Rachel.

"Q?" Puck asked, grabbing her attention finally.

"Hmm? Sorry."

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Quinn replied quickly.

"You're not having fun," he sighed sadly.

"No, I am…I'm just…distracted, I guess."

"Oh…I can take you back."

"No. You don't have to. I'll get it together," the girl promised.

"It's cool. I'm a little beat from practices and everything anyway," he smiled half-heartedly.

Quinn smiled gratefully as they called it a night.

Back at her dorm, Quinn was trying to unlock the door but the stupid lock was jammed. The door opened suddenly.

"Sorry. Did I wake you?" Quinn asked as Rachel attempted to adjust her eyes to the light from the hallway.

"I heard you jingling around out here," the brunette laughed. "I wasn't dead asleep."

"Obviously or else you wouldn't have heard me. If you can sleep through your snoring then I bet once you're out, you're really out," Quinn teased.

"Shut up and get in here. I'm missing precious moments of beauty sleep."

"You need it," Quinn chuckled as Rachel pulled her into the room.

It took a minute for Quinn eyes to adjust. She could barely make out Rachel's shape curled up in bed. Quinn knew the other girl wasn't asleep though because even though she couldn't see Rachel's eyes, she could feel them on her.

"Did you have a good time?" Rachel asked softly.

"Not really. I mean Puck's great but I just don't feel it."

"Then why go?"

Quinn began to undress and get ready for bed. She could still feel Rachel's eyes on her and it made my heart pick up a little. Quinn didn't try to cover up though. It wasn't like Rachel could see her clearly anyway. It was pretty dark. Quinn had a bra and underwear on so it could've been worse. She slipped on a tank top and shorts and climbed into bed.

"Quinn?" Rachel asked.

"What?"

"Why did you go?"

"Because I told him I would. I didn't want to back out just because I was drunk when I said yes," Quinn answered honestly.

The blonde almost asleep when she heard Rachel speak up again.

"Why did you say yes when you were drunk?"

"I don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time. He's cute. He's nice. We get along really well. I should like him. He's everything I'm supposedly looking for. Plus, everybody gets lonely sometimes," Quinn muttered through her sleep muddled brain.

"I don't," Rachel said softly.

"I don't believe you."

"I don't know if you've noticed but I get along pretty well on my own."

"I still don't believe you. Maybe you tried to convince yourself you don't need anybody but you're wrong. You've been hanging around here a lot lately. We hang out a lot. You have friends, Rachel. I know it's hard for you to accept that, but I'm your friend…and I'm not going anywhere. With me around, you don't have to be lonely anymore. It's ok though. I won't tell anybody that you actually need someone other than yourself," Quinn smiled into the darkness.

"I'm pretty sure the secret's out," Rachel's voice was becoming huskier as sleep started to settle in on her too.

"I'm here for you. You're one of my best friends. Not everybody is going to let you down, Rach. I promise I won't," Quinn whispered with conviction.

"You're so cheesy, Quinn," she teased but the blonde could hear the gratitude in her voice.

"And I am your cheesy friend. Be happy about it. And as far as dating goes, it'll fall into place, too. You've got friends and you'll find someone to date. It's a big college. This isn't Lima, Ohio anymore. There's somebody out there for everybody. You'll find her. There's a girl, or guy, or whoever for everyone," Quinn continued ignoring the singer's teasing.

"Finding a girl is not necessarily part of my ten-year plan. I need to focus on my career before I worry about finding a partner to settle down with. Not all of us need to find our soul mate. In fact, there are a lot of people who realize what a bunch of bull that whole concept is. I don't go searching for something that doesn't exist. I'm working hard to make a career and a name for myself. What's the point in getting lonely over nothing?" she asked, suddenly sounding almost hurt and not so peaceful and tired anymore

"Someday you're gonna fall so hard. You think you've got the world figured out because a bunch of close-minded idiots put it into your head that you're supposed to be alone forever. But I promise you this, Rachel Berry. Someday you're gonna fall hard for some girl and it'll be that fall that'll knock some sense into you," Quinn argued, no longer tired and unsure of what the argument mattered so much to her.

"Falling doesn't do that. Hitting the ground after the fall knocks sense into you. Someday you'll learn that."

"So cynical for someone so young."

"So naïve for someone so old," she teased.

They had pulled the age difference card. Things were getting tense and Rachel had pulled out the age difference. Quinn was being sincere when she said Rachel was too cynical for someone their age. The brunette was clearly done with the conversation and wanted to lighten things up.

"Maybe I am naive, but there's nothing wrong with having a little hope."

Quinn didn't know why she was so set on arguing with Rachel on this. They had used the age card that meant the discussion was over and they were supposed to go back to joking around and being okay. But Quinn couldn't let it go. It hurt her to think that Rachel felt she had no hope of finding real friends and a true love. That's what this was all about. It came back to all of those people who hurt her. It went back to Santana and Finn. It always came back to Rachel's insecurities and Quinn needing to be the kind of friend who wouldn't desert her, who wouldn't let her believe she was worthless or had no hope of being loved.

"Yeah, there's nothing wrong with hope…until that hope gets ripped away," Rachel mumbled quietly.

"I know you got burned or whatever but-,"

"Nobody burned me, Quinn. Who even says that? Burned? Realistically the statement holds no truth. You don't get burned in a relationship unless someone physically burns you, which would be an entirely different matter. That's a different kind of abuse. And nobody broke my heart and ripped it into pieces. I hate expressions like that. If you take them from a literal standpoint they hold no value," Rachel rambled.

"Fine, I understand that you got hurt-," Quinn started again, becoming annoyed with Rachel's endless diatribes about useless information.

"Nobody hurt me. I did that. I hurt them. I hurt Finn. Then I was forced to grow up. It's doesn't take some painful life-altering experience, only common sense. Some people in this world suck. I learned that early on with how my fathers were treated by the rest of the town. Some people are hateful and will do anything to bring you down. That's just the way things are. I have a lot of talent. I'm a great singer. I'm a great actress. I'm much bigger than the problems and issues of Lima, Ohio. I'm over it though. And now I'm tired and I don't want to talk about this anymore. I'm sorry your date with Puck sucked. I don't know how that made you decide you were the love guru but I don't want to hear it. I appreciate you being my friend, Quinn. Really I do, but right now I just want to sleep. So thank you but good night."

"Santana was an idiot for breaking your trust. They were all idiots and I'm sorry you had to get hurt. I'm sorry you're still not over it," Quinn whispered after a few moments.

"God you're annoying and I am over it. I'm going to sleep," Rachel growled. "And tell Brittany to keep her mouth shut. She doesn't know what she's filling your head with. I'm not the broken little girl I was last year. I'm over it. I'm going to be a huge star when I leave here and transfer to Julliard. Then I'll make my way from Broadway to television to movies and eventually snag my own Grammy. Then all of those so-called idiots from Lima who hurt me or whatever will wish they were friends with the famous and fabulous Rachel Barbara Berry."

"Good night, Rachel."

"Shut up."

"I'm sorry, Rach," Quinn said meekly.

"If I call you annoying, it doesn't mean I hate you or think you'll abandon me. I really do appreciate all of your attempts at this friendship. I just want sleep," she said lightly without the angry tone her voice had just seconds before.

"Then good night, Rach."

"Good night, Quinn…and keep the backbone. Despite seeming incredibly naïve, I do appreciate what you're saying and what you're trying to do for me…who knows, maybe someday I'll actually believe you."

Quinn could tell Rachel was smiling even though it was too dark to see her. Quinn fell asleep with a smile on her face. Rachel did too.

That's how serious conversations always went with Rachel. She was nice one minute then guarded and on occasion snapped the next. Just when Quinn thought they were past that stage, Rachel took four steps backwards, making Quinn even doubt if Rachel actually knew their friendship was real. But Quinn wasn't worried. She didn't make her way to head cheerleader by giving up easily.

AN: Its slowly developing...yay!