Chapter 10: Better to beg forgiveness…
Grace's voice sounds muffled, "Uncle Steve ... I ... Oh God!" Steve can hear the slight sobs. Worried, he gets up and asks, "What's wrong Gracie?"
"It's Grandpa.. Uncle Steve, he had an attack an hour ago ... He's dead!"
"Uncle Steve ... Danno didn't want me to call you ... But he's so sad! ... Please don't tell him I called ... " Suddenly, Grace's voice sounds like that scared little girl sitting on that garden bench, when he promised to her, once a few years ago, he would bring his father back, no matter how much it cost.
Trying to make his voice sound comforting, he says, "I think he'll find out anyway, Gracie, but don't worry, I won't tell him anything. Don't be afraid, kiddo. We're going to solve this, okay?"
"Okay ... Thanks Uncle Steve."
"You're welcome, Gracie. I love you"
"I love you too".
After finishing the call, Steve feels a deep sadness. He drops himself into the chair and starts looking for a contact number on his phone, a minute later, the man answers. "Heelanu ..."
"Doc ... it's Steve McGarrett ..."
"Commander, what can I do for you?"
"I need to travel to New Jersey, but I thought I should check with you ..."
The doctor hesitates, but, knowing his patient's stubbornness, asks, "Let's see ... How have you felt these days?"
Steve answers honestly, "Physically, fine. I have had some episodes of nausea during the first few days, but they have almost disappeared."
"And your mood?"
"In general, good. But I don't like inactivity... I've always been somewhat restless and, for now, I'm deadly bored."
The doctor laughs and asks, "I can understand that, That's why you want to make this trip?"
"No ... Listen, Doc, Detective Williams' father just died of cancer tonight. His family lives in Jersey."
"Oh! I'm sorry to hear that! ... Okay. If you have felt good, I don't see why you can't travel, as long as you take it easy. When are you planning to leave? "
"Tonight, it possible"
"Well, double the dose of the nausea pills, just for this time, and take the other medications in the usual way. Remember to take the letter about the emission of radiation with you, so you don't have problems at the airport."
"Okay, Thanks Doc."
"You're welcome, Commander. Please tell Detective Williams I'm sorry for his lost."
"I'll do…"
After finishing the call, Steve gets into the house and starts looking in his phone, the schedules of the next flights to Jersey. Quickly, he finds a direct flight to Newark, which departs at 10:10 pm. Before buying the ticket, he calls Eric.
"Hey, Commander!" The restless young man answers the phone.
Steve hesitates, when notices the boy's cheerful voice, "Hey Eric ... by the tone of your voice, I guess Danny has not called you yet..."
"No, why?"
"Gracie called me a couple of minutes ago ... I'm so sorry Eric ..."
The boy's tone changes "It's grandpa, isn't it?"
Steve says in a sad voice, "I'm afraid so ... Your mother or Danny should call you soon ... Listen ... I'm about to buy my flight to Jersey, but I thought you might want to go with me ..."
"Whoa, whoa. Are you sure of this? You're in recovery, man ... Maybe you shouldn't travel for now."
Steve smiles, noticing the adult tone in a usually unreflective Eric, "I just talked to the doctor and he told me there's no problem with that ... Listen Eric, let's not waste time ... we both know I've decided to go and it won't be very easy to convince me otherwise…"
The boy sighs and says "Yes ... I figured. Okay, I'd like to travel with you ... Thank you."
"You're welcome; I'll buy the flight tickets. The plane departs at 10:10 p.m., it would be better if you hurry up and I'll pick you up at 8:30, okay?"
"Okay, I'll see you then ..." Steve hurries to say. "Hey Eric ... Maybe it would be a good idea that, when Danny or your mom call, don't tell them I'll travel with you ... Danny might get a little angry."
Eric laughs and says "I understand ... it's better to beg forgiveness than ask permission, right?"
"Correct! ..." Steve answers.
After a brief discussion with Mary and Doris, who, of course, try to dissuade him from traveling, Steve goes up to pack some clothes. Twenty minutes later, he gives a brief hug to Doris and Mary, telling them "I'll be back in a few days ... I'll call you, okay?"
"You better, brother ..." Mary says, her voice is threatening.
Steve throws his backpack in the back seat of his truck, gets in and starts the engine. Saying goodbye to his family with a wave of his hand, he leaves, heading to Eric's house.
At 9:15 p.m., Steve turns off the engine of his truck, at the Honolulu International Airport parking lot. He and Eric take their backpacks and start walking towards the terminal. Half an hour later, they are sitting on the plane, after spending a few minutes at the checkpoint and showing the security guard the letter signed by Dr. Heelanu, explaining his radiation levels and the absence of risk to the other passengers.
Finally, after an endless flight of almost ten hours, the plane lands at Newark Liberty International Airport. Almost forty-five mintues later, they get into the rental car and Steve, guided by Eric, leaves the parking lot. The kid's phone has vibrated constantly with text messages, since the plane landed, "At what time is the funeral service?" Steve asks, after looking at his watch.
Eric answers, "Mom told me it's going to be at 3:00 p.m. Grandma insisted she want it be quick, the family didn't want to delay it any longer." Steve sighs, hoping the traffic will allow them to arrive on time.
That morning, time seems to pass in slow motion at Williams family home. Bridget and Stella are sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee. Their eyes are red and swollen from crying. They look up when they see Ted coming in, saying in a low voice, "Everything is ready ... As your mother asked, all the procedures have been accelerated and the funeral service will be at 3:00 pm, this afternoon. Stella pulls out her phone and says, "Eric must be still on the air, but I'll send him a message so he can receive it as soon as he lands ..."
At that moment, Danny gets into the kitchen and drops himself in one of the chairs. His face reflects a mixture of sadness and concern. When Bridget notices her brother's mood, she asks, "What's wrong, Danny?"
He sighs and says, "It's Grace ... I think this really affected her, so I'm worried ..."
Stella tells him, "It's normal Danny, it's about her grandfather, why are you worried?"
"She's sitting on her bed, with her look lost. I haven't seen her shed a single tear, and she doesn't say anything ... I tried to talk to her, tell her it's okay to cry, but ... the only thing she tells me is she's not a little girl anymore, and big girls don't cry".
Bridget nods sadly and asks, "Do you want me to talk to her?" Danny denies in silence. After a few minutes an idea comes to her mind and she asks, "Did you tell Steve... I mean, about dad?"
"No ..." Danny answers, shaking his head.
"I don't understand, Danny. Steve is your best friend, why don't you call him?"
"Because I know him, Bridget. And he would come without thinking twice. He's convalescing and can't travel for now ... I'll call him this afternoon, after the service." The two sisters shrug, but don't say anything else.
It's a cloudy afternoon in Jersey. When Steve and Eric arrive at the cemetery, the service has already begun. The priest speaks aloud, in front of a large group of people who have gathered around the coffin. Steve wears a navy blue suit without a tie and, despite the reluctance of the sun to lean out, a pair of sunglasses covers his eyes. He stays behind, resting timidly on the trunk of a medlar, which casts a faint shadow on the green carpet of freshly cut grass. Some early flowers adorn the lower branches, Steve cuts a small bouquet and holds it in his hands.
Eric walks further and stops next to the first row of chairs, where Clara is sitting, with Charlie in her lap, and with Stella and Bridget on both sides. Steve can see Danny, standing on the other side, holding Grace's hand.
Father and daughter wear black; Danny, the expected suit and tie and Grace a simple dress. Steve can't help feeling a twinge of sadness, when he sees Grace dressed in black, in vivid contrast to the cheerful colors she usually wears. Thinks, with anger, in the way death and loss take charge, inexorably to snatch step by step, the innocent happiness of a child.
Danny's face is contracted of pain and Steve feels his heart is broken for his friend. Sadness and impotence take over his soul. The noisy detective is the best man he has ever known and Steve feels a surge of anger at the thought of how cruel life has been with Danny in recent years.
He barely notices when the priest finishes speaking and all the friends and relatives of the Williams family stand up. Steve looks closely at the long line of people forming in front of Clara and her family, to offer their condolences. Slowly, people leave the cemetery, leaving Danny, his children and his family, alone in front of the coffin.
Without letting go of Gracie's hand, Danny approaches his mother and at that moment, everyone hugs each other. The women begin to cry softly, while Eric and Danny try to comfort them. Two steps away, a man Steve doesn't recognize, looks at them in silence, while holding two teenagers by the hand.
Steve stays there, under the tree, watching, not daring to interrupt the intimate family hug, but at that moment, Eric murmurs something to his mother, who turns to look at him. Stella approaches Clara, who also turns her head and starts walking towards him with a determined step.
When Clara comes close to Steve, he approaches and wraps her in a loving hug which lasts a couple of minutes, while she sobs softly. She finally moves away a little and says, stroking his cheek "Steve, you should have let us know you were coming ...!"
Steve shrugs, but says nothing. Stella is talking to Bridget and they both approach them. Bridget hugs Steve and says, "Stella, this is Steve McGarrett, Danny's partner." He hugs her briefly and says, "Nice to meet you finally, I'm so sorry for your dad..."
After chatting for a few minutes, the four of them turn to see Danny, who is standing, staring at the coffin, holding the hand of his two kids. They still haven't realized Steve is there, but at that moment, Gracie turns the head, sees him and makes a heartbreaking cry "Uncle Steve! ... " She runs to throw herself into his arms, crying disconsolately.
Steve hugs her tenderly, stroking her back gently, while kissing her hair. She tells him between sobs, "You came! ... You're here! Thank you so much!" He whispers to her ear "Shhh, I'm here Gracie. I couldn't be anywhere else ... "
When Grace's breathing has normalized, he lets her go and looks into her eyes, drying her tears with a handkerchief, and bends to lift Charlie who has embraced his legs. "Hey, Charlie. How are you, buddy?" He says, while he turns to Danny who is looking at him, standing a short distance away. Slowly, he places Charlie on the grass and comes close to his friend.
When he's next to him, Danny says, "I think I'll keep my scolding for later, because, really, at this moment, I'm so happy to see you here!" They approach and both friends hug each other tightly, while Steve says, "There's no other place I'd rather be, Danno!"
After a few seconds, Steve approaches the coffin and puts his right hand on it for a few minutes, with his eyes closed, then places the small bouquet of white flowers on it and turns around, returning with the family. At that moment, the clouds which, until now, have covered the sky, begin to move, letting the sun's rays illuminate the cemetery.
The endless parade of guests has finally ended. Only the family members have stayed sitting all together, around the coffee table. Steve is sitting on the couch talking to Clara, next to Grace, who has refused to be separated from him. Bridget and Stella are picking up the mess in the kitchen and Danny is standing, leaning against the wall with a glass of whiskey in his hand, smiling at his daughter who holds the hand of his best friend.
Clara asks at that moment "Are you okay Steve? You're thin and you look a little pale." He smiles and replies "I'm fine, don't worry." But she insists, looking at Danny and saying. "Maybe it would be nice if you show Steve, Mattie's old bedroom so he can rest a little before dinner". Danny nods and Both men go upstairs.
Upon entering the room, Steve leaves his backpack on the floor and sits on the edge of the bed, saying, "I'm not going to ask you how are you, because I'm sure you're not well ..."
Danny sighs sitting next to Steve, "No ... I'm not fine, but I will be, I guess... I hope! I miss my dad, but the hardest thing is to see my mother in this situation, believe me ..." He pauses and says, staring at his friend's eyes, "Steve, I appreciate you have flown up here, I do... but you shouldn't. "
"Of course I should be here, Danno! I suppose your mother and sisters have been leaning on you, but you also need some moral support, brother."
Danny shakes his head and replies, "Yes, but you're convalescent, and your strenght still fail you ..."
"Look, Danny. I talked to Dr. Heelanu and he told me I could travel, okay? Please understand, buddy. You're always with me when I need you. It's time to return the favor. I needed this, Danno, I had to be with you today" Steve leans over to take the bag of meds out of his backpack and starts taking out several pills. "By the way, I noticed Gracie very depressed."
"Yes ... but you don't know the good you've done with your arrival. Before she saw you in the cemetery, Steve, she had not cried ... she had been so absorbed in her thoughts, and she told me something that worried me."
Steve frowns and asks "What did she tell you?"
"She told me, she's no longer a little girl and big girls shouldn't cry."
"That's stupid!" Steve answers, as he begins to take the pills with the help of a bottle of water.
Danny nods and says "It's what I told her. I also told her she need to let off steam and cry, but she didn't ... until she saw you. Thanks, Steve, for loving her so much and for allowing her to love you."
"You don't have to thank me for that, Danno. I'm the one who is grateful. I'm glad she cried at last ... No, wait a second ... that came out wrong. It's not that I'm happy because Gracie is crying, but I'm because she knows she can cry with me."
"Well, superman. It's time for you to rest a little before dinner, if you don't, my mother will skin me alive for keeping you awake. Get some sleep and I'll come to wake you up for dinner, okay?"
"Okay, thanks, Danno!"
"Thanks to you, brother."
That night, after dinner, Danny and Steve sit on the terrace. Charlie has fallen asleep in Steve's lap, while he tells Danny about Doris's visit.
"Wow!" Danny says, "Catherine really has contacts, hasn't she? I thought locating your mother would be a little harder."
"Yeah, me too."
"Well, how did it all turn out?" Danny asks, taking a long sip of his beer.
"We talked a lot ... I guess we both needed it and Mary was, let's say, the referee. I told her that I didn't want to waste any more time on reproaches and accusations. Apparently, she agrees with that."
"I'm happy for you, Steve. The situation with your mother had been bothering you for years, I'm glad you finally took that weight off." Steve has no intention of having the rest of the conversation revolve around him, so he cautiously asks, "What will your mother do now? Have you guys, already thought about that? ... I mean, the girls are here and they'll take care of her, but I think it would be good for her to spend some time away from here. Maybe a couple of weeks in Oahu will cheer her up. Soon we will open the restaurant, and maybe you would like her to be there ... "
Danny draws a smile and asks, "You mean you think it's a good idea for your mother and mine to meet each other?" Steve opens his eyes a little more and says "Well, actually I haven't thought about it, and, to tell you the truth, I have no idea what Doris' plans are, but maybe they will get along. I mean, we've seen stranger things happen, haven't we?"
Both friends laugh for a moment, but Danny, who has been avoiding asking, and after looking uselessly for the right words, finally decides and shoots, "Why do I feel something else is bothering you?"
Steve denies with the head and says "We can talk about that, later". But Danny disagrees, "We can talk about that right now, too".
The expression on Steve's face changes suddenly. He has never really been good hiding his emotions from his best friend, quietly says, "I don't know, Danno. It's just ... I feel strange."
"Strange, how?"
Steve tries to explain, "It started when I spoke with Gracie and she told me about your father's death, and then during the flight, I had a lot of time to think."
"Think about what?"
Steve shakes his head and says "It's just... it's so unfair, Danno! Your father was a good man, he was a good father, he did so many good things in his life and still ... It's as if we can't control a damn thing... you see? He didn't deserve to die like that, instead I... "
Danny tries to anticipate the thoughts of his friend "You what? Steve."
"I survived ... I beat cancer, but... he... he couldn't..." Steve mutters and a lonely tear slides down his cheek.
"And that makes you feel bad?" Danny asks, incredulous. Steve nods, "It's just that... look at me, Danno. I've done really terrible things in my life. I have in my hands the blood of many people, regardless of the reasons for it. If you knew all the dark things I had to do during the service ... you probably wouldn't even talk to me ... Yes ... I know you're going to say I was following orders, and we fight to defend the greater good, but that doesn't mean anything, when I realize that your father deserved to live... much more than me."
Danny can't believe what he's listening. Puts his right hand on Steve's forearm and tells him, "Listen to me very well, Steven. Because I'm going to say this one time only and I don't want to hear you talk like that again. This is not about getting points, Steven, or about one person deserves to live more than another. Death is part of life; we all have to die, there's no option in it. The only choice we have is how we want to live. I know you have had to make difficult decisions, and often the duty came into conflict with what you would have wanted to do. "
Danny takes a breath and continues "For every life you took away, I'm sure thousands of lives were saved. I know this because I know you, and I know the reasons that led you to serve in the Navy and put your safety at risk, probably every day of your life. I've worked with you for eight years, Steve, and I know you're never guided by a petty interest. You're a good man. The best I've ever known. You're my brother, my kids favourite uncle and I'm sure there are countless people who love you or who, in some way, are in debt with you for all the good you've done. For your service."
Steve has closed his eyes, but he listens carefully to Danny's words, who ends by saying, "You deserve to live and be happy. Don't doubt that ever. There is no one who deserves it more than you ... "
AN: I want to thank all those who have read and reviewed this story. I feel very satisfied with the result. The next chapter is the last one, but at the request of some of you, I'm starting a sequel that focuses, mainly on Steve and Catherine and what their relationship would be like after Steve's recovery.