Chapter 10

Killian

I had never imagined that Emma would come to find me after two hours of being with her. It surprised me how interested she seemed to be in me, Now that she had seen our family, my fear was that I blew it with her. The pain of betrayal and disappointment that was in her eyes when I chased after her made my chest ache with agony. I exhaled as I made my way to my apartment door and entered. I could still hear Hope crying.

I closed the front door behind me and was greeted by everyone's looks of dismay and sympathy. Regina was still holding Hope, who wailed like she was in pain.

I frowned and reached for my daughter. Regina placed her in the cradle of my arms. I murmured to hope, "It's alright little love, you'll see." I bounced her gently. She gazed up at me and burst into another set of cries.

Snow said, "I take it Emma's upset?"

I nodded at Snow and furrowed my brow. "She didn't want to hear anything I had to say. I'll give her time to cool off. But at the moment, I'm really worried about Hope."

"As soon as Hope saw Mom, she stopped crying and didn't stop staring at her," said Henry. He was seated on one of the sofas next to David. "I stand by my previous theory."

"Henry is probably right. Hope seems to be in pain though," said Regina. "Nothing is soothing her. I say we take her to a pediatrician." She shrugged. "Although it's Saturday."

"I don't think we should wait," said Snow. "I'm sure Hope recognized Emma, but I also think Regina's right. She has something wrong with her." She was managing to smile but her eyes were full of trepidation.

Hope continued to wiggle in my arms and stretch out. Her face was red and her strangled sobs grew louder. I sighed. "Shall we take her to the hospital, just in case whatever is bothering Hope is serious?"

Regina replied, "Yes, the ED I would say. It could be something from our supernatural world, you never know. I could say we should take her to Emma but I doubt Emma would want to help at this point. Unless you want to hurry up and convince your wife of who we are, I'm thinking we should head to the ED." She said as she nodded once at me.

I kissed Hope's forehead. "We're going to help you get better," I whispered to her. Her cries made me nervous and I wished there was a way I could tell Emma right away the truth, then perhaps she could help Hope. I walked over to Snow and moved Hope towards her so she would hold her. Snow cradled her in her arms with an optimistic grin.

"Neal had this too, but he didn't cry like this." Snow said. She sat on a sofa and laid Hope down on the sofa next to her, keeping her hands on either side of my baby. Hope whined and shrieked harder. Snow rubbed her stomach soothingly but Hope didn't desist in her crying.

David fetched a bottle and offered it to Hope, holding the nipple next to hope's mouth but Hope moved her mouth away. "Here Hope," David said.

"Poor thing," Said Henry empathetically as he watched his sister wriggle in Snows arms.

I felt immediacy to speak to Emma. Even if she pushed me away, I couldn't waste any more time. I was scared for my daughter just in case she was in real agony. I knew nothing about babies. But if Regina and Snow couldn't soothe her then something was very wrong. Even if colic was painful and hard to remedy, I still couldn't stand to watch Hope cry. What was worse was that I couldn't even soothe her. No one could in this room.

Regina paced closer to Snow to observe them. Snow had Hope over her shoulder and patted her back, but Hope wasn't appeased. She looked around the room and moved her little fists around her face, clearly not comfortable. Her teary eyes roamed around. Almost as if searching for Emma.

I felt useless. "So shall we take Hope to the ED?" I suggested.

Snow nodded. "I hate to do that, but we've tried everything else."

Regina lifted an eyebrow at me.

David said, "I will stay here with Neal if you four want to go."

I managed courage within and turned to the front door. "I'm going to go speak to Emma. I could give her more time to calm down, but I have a feeling that may not happen."

"We will wait for you," said Snow. "I'll keep trying to soothe Hope but if she doesn't in another half hour or so, I think we should just take her to the ED." She looked at me solemnly.

"Alright. Time to face Emma. I have my phone on me." I pulled my cellphone out of my jacket pocket, as I left the apartment.

The small screen on the closed phone indicated that I had a text message. I opened it. I had a text from an unknown phone number and it was no doubt from Emma. Her text said that I could go to her home. It was from earlier, before she came over for a surprise visit.

I headed for her front door and knocked on it. I waited for about ten seconds and knocked again. Still no response. I waited and then knocked again. When the door didn't open, I said aloud, "Emma? Emma please open the door, I need to speak to you."

I waited about two minutes and sighed, realizing she wasn't going to answer. If she was even inside. I opened my phone and hit the reply button. I texted her with my one hand:

Emma. Im so sorry that I didn't tell you about my family. I want to explain everything if you would please let me.

I hit send and waited for about five minutes or so. I leaned against the wall near her front door, but she still didn't answer her door or her phone.

I could hear Hope wailing from here. I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer, wishing Emma would talk to me. After another few long minutes, my phone buzzed. I held it up in delight. It was from the same phone number that was Emma's:

I dont want to see you.

My eyes teared up. I hit reply and texted:

I beg you, please Emma. I care about you so much. If you only know the truth…please give me this last chance.

I stared at my phone screen and then her front door. At least she was responding.

I had waited about ten minutes. I added her phone number under the name Emma Swan, wanting to tack on Jones, after Swan but I didnt. I thought about the way her eyes had teared up when she looked at me after she had seen our family in my apartment. The way she whirled around and ran away from me. But I had been through this before with her. I couldn't be patient anymore. Persistence was key with Emma.

My phone buzzed in my hand again. I inhaled sharply in excitement, as I read her text:

Fine. Meet me downstairs. Im in my car.

I hurried to the elevator as relief washed over me. I was optimistic that I had another shot at this. It shocked me that she was willing to talk to me.

The elevator doors opened with a ding, and I raced outside the entrance doors, and made my way down the sidewalk. I walked to the left and ran down to the spot along the street, just outside of the apartment building where she always parked her Bug. When I saw it I exhaled, feeling blissful that she hadn't shoved me away again.

She was sitting in the driver's side, glaring out at the front windshield with her hands on the wheel, ready to go.

I walked to the passenger's side and opened the door. I slid in and looked at her. Her eyes were red. She had been crying. I had to refrain from wrapping my arms around her like I always had in the past. I couldn't breathe for a second at the sight of her. The turmoil she had been through recently, and what she must be feeling from realizing I hid a lot from her. I swallowed hard as she started the car and drove down the street and hung a left, the way she had riven us last time we went out on our first date.

Her expression was stone cold. She didn't look at me or so much as acknowledge that I was inside of her car.

"So, uh, where are we going?" I asked in a gentle voice. I tried to catch her eye but she stared straight ahead as if ignoring me.

She drove in silence. I started to wonder why she invited me into her car in the first place.

When I gave her long enough to respond, I said softly, "Emma. Please forgive me. I swear I was planning on telling you about them. I regret that I didn't tell you before this. But I wasn't in any way trying to lie to you."

She didn't reply. She guided the car to an empty parking lot in front of the park we parked at on our first drive together. That night she kissed me. We were parked under a line of full maple trees. Our view was of the vast green trimmed grass and the canopy of green trees, acting as a roof top of leaves. She killed the engine and yanked the keys out. She got out and shut the car door and looked at me earnestly. "Follow me. And then we can talk." Her tone was low and crisp. I felt she was still fuming at me.

I walked beside her anyway. She led us to a lonely bench that faced a circle of a bed of snapdragons and lilies and other colorful flowers. She plopped down in the stone bench and stared at the flowers. Her expression was grim and cold.

I sat beside her, closer than I should but she didn't seem to mind. When she didn't begin the awkward, serious conversation, I whispered, "Emma I know I hurt you." I paused and took in her beautiful face, her light eyes and the way she frowned at the flowers, not making eye contact with me.

The silence was disturbing. I exhaled, tired of this silent treatment. I turned to her and said, "Bloody hell, please just talk to me. I said I was sorry, I don't know what else to do to help you to forgive me."

She finally turned her head and looked at me. Her eyes were full of torment. She parted her lips to speak and swallowed hard before she spoke. "Do you have any idea what I've really been through? I've told you my history. My ex-boyfriend left me. He had lied to me and deserted me. I was deceived, after all of the trust I put in him. And now you hide things and expect me to just forgive you?" She threw her hand in the air. She glowered at me and sighed as if feeling badly for her outburst. She looked away and shook her head. She let out a long breath. "I don't need any more heartache Killian. I can't handle it." She stared at me, but this time her eyes were moist and softer. As if her fury had ebbed.

I wanted to reach out and pull her against me. I licked my lips and nodded and sad gravely, "I know Love." I slowly reached for her hand and stroked the front of it with my finger. She simply stared down at our hands.

I leaned closer to her and whispered, "I don't want to lose you."

She sniffled and looked in the other direction. She yanked her hand away and held up her head. "Then why the hell did you hide the fact that you have a baby? Parents? And….a son, or sister or whoever they were?"

I gazed at her until her eyes met mine.

She lifted her eyebrows to prompt me. "You wanted to explain, now's your chance Killian." Her expression hardened. "And this time, don't leave anything out. I need to know the truth. Were you just screwing me for fun, and have a wife somewhere?"

I sighed and shook my head. "You may not believe me. It is one of the reasons I haven't told you anything about them yet." I paused and gazed into her eyes. Hers were warm now and full of hope.

It was time to unload everything on her, but I was afraid she would run away again, but I had to chance it. I pursed my lips, choosing where to start. "Emma…this is difficult for me to explain so please listen to it all."

She dipped her chin and replied, "I'm listening."

I heaved a short sigh and swallowed the lump in my throat. "Look, I'm not going to make sense to you. But…I'm not with any other woman. Hope's mother was lost. But I believe I found her." I paused as her brows etched with confusion and then fury. I caught her hand in mine before she bolted way or yelled at me again. I continued, "I don't mean anyone else. You see, the couple you saw in my apartment, are my wife's parents. The young eighteen year old, is Henry, my wife's son. And Regina the dark haired woman that held my daughter, she's a friend of our family's. With all of that said, my wife…she lost her memories. She doesn't know who I am. She doesn't know any of us." I stopped and took in her perplexed expression.

She blinked in shock and glanced away as she considered what I said. She locked gazes with me. "So…you're saying you're married but you're not with anyone but me? So you've split up, because she doesn't know who you are?" she assumed. She frowned and stared straight ahead, nonplussed.

This was it, the moment to tell her. I softly touched her arm and tenderly stroked it. She faced me, her eyes curious and uncertain all at once.

I nodded once. "My wife…is you."

She blinked in shock and inhaled sharply. Her mouth opened as she gawked at me incredulously. She exhaled sharply and looked down at the sidewalk in front of her. She didn't speak for awhile. She slowly shook her head and finally looked into my eyes.

"What makes you think we're married?" She stared at me oddly as if I offended her. "Killian, I know you've been through something traumatic. I get it, you want me to be yours and you want me to replace your wife but I can't. I'm not her."

I slowly shook my head. "I'll just be blunt Love. You've lost your memories of me. Of your parents, your son and our daughter. We came to find you and now that we have, I'm trying to gain your trust." I held her shoulder and looked deep in her eyes. She didn't say anything.

I took another leap of courage and whispered, "Something evil stole your memories of who you are. That you have a happy life with me. That you are not an orphan after all. Because you found your parents." I paused and studied her stunned face. I went on: "Your son you gave up for adoption eighteen years ago, Henry, found you years ago. Regina had adopted him. You and I met and we fell in love."

She had a look of shock on her face. She stared at me in fear and confusion. I waited for her to respond. After a long, brittle silence, she let out a short sigh and blinked her eyes wildly as if waking up from a nightmare. She looked away and then at me, flummoxed. She whispered, "You expect me to believe that? You're crazy. Not me."

I closed my eyes for a second and exhaled. "No, Emma, you just don't remember."

"How in the hell is that possible?" She said under her breath. She glared at me and pointed her finger at herself. "I'm eighteen. There's no way all of that happened."

"Yes. There is." I reached for her hand and lifted it and closed my fingers around her fingers. I said lovingly, "Something took you from me. It stole you and dropped you here, in the past. And I found you. Please believe me, it's true, Love."

She retracted her head back as if I had bit her and yanked her hand away. "You're insane. Do you know how crazy you sound? You've got a fantasy about me, and now, its bleeding into your reality of who I am. I'm half your age and I only had one child I gave up."

"No, it is reality. Look at me, use your superhero powers, and tell me if I'm lying."

She shook her head in disbelief. Her widened eyes explored my face. She clenched her jaw. "But that's impossible Killian," she whispered. "Even if you believe it. It isn't true."

My eyes teared up. I was losing her. I knew this would be very difficult. "Why would I risk telling you this if I was about to lose you? And about to gain your trust?"

"Which you lost my trust already." She said harshly. Her expression was hard.

"Please Emma." I pleaded with my eyes. She leaned away from me. I couldn't bear to lose her again. I murmured, "You're my wife and that's the truth."

"You need psychiatric help. And I need you to leave me alone," she said, her eyes icy and wild with fear. She stood up.

"If you don't believe me, ask anyone in that apartment room upstairs. They will tell you the exact same things as I have." I pointed in the direction of our apartment building.

She stared at me with uncertainty. She sighed and swallowed hard. She faced me and held my gaze. She seemed worried, but she also seemed interested. She averted her gaze for a moment as if considering this, and shook her head slowly. She whispered, "I want to trust you Killian. I really do want to believe this story. But I can't." She lifted up a shoulder apologetically.

I shook my head in frustration. "It doesn't make sense to you because you don't believe it. That's the key. If you believe in what I'm telling you, you will remember."

She narrowed her eyes with a careful once over as if searching me for more answers. She frowned and folded her arms. "How can I?" she asked dubiously.

I held up my palm to stop her if she walked away. I had the benefit on my side that she was listening to me. "Alright Love, ask me things about you that no one would know if they didn't know you."

She arched an eyebrow and let out an unsteady breath. "Fine. What one item was discovered with me when I was a baby and abandoned by my parents?"

"It was a white blanket, with purple crocheted letters that spelled out Emma."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Okay. Didn't see that coming." She took a step forward and searched my eyes as if ensuring herself that I was not lying about any of this. She whispered, "I have a keychain with a swan on it. How did I get it?"

"Your ex-boyfriend, Neal, he stole it for you." I said gravely.

She raised her eyebrows, stunned. "Okay, this is creeping me out, but I'll ask you another question." She lifted her chin almost proudly. "How did I obtain my last name, Swan?"

"You ran away from one of your foster homes as a little girl. You had a book about the Ugly Duckling and you chose the name swan when your friend encouraged you to turn yourself in." I had the pleasure of watching her swallow hard. Her eyes expanded. She looked away, baffled.

"How in the hell would you know all this? Really?" she whispered as she took a couple steps toward me.

"Told you Love, I know you," I said tenderly. I lifted an eyebrow. "You can keep asking me questions all day, whatever jogs your memory Swan."

She cracked a small smile and then her face straightened. "Okay fine. I'll play again. This one is very tricky. Who was the person that helped me to become who I am with my profession now?"

"Her name was Cleo Fox."

Her eyes were warm now as she gawked up at me in disbelief. "Why do I wear a red leather jacket?"

"Because you consider it your armor. It keeps your emotions at bay and keeps you strong." I whispered. I wanted to kiss her. I knew I was shocking the hell out of her.

She closed her eyes in acknowledgment. "Final one and if you get this one, I'll try my best to believe your delusional story." She tilted her head back confidently. "How did I obtain my yellow bug?"

I sighed, confident that I had her after all. "You stole it and your ex boyfriend Neal Cassidy was inside of it, he had stolen it too. You ended up with it. Do you believe me now, Swan?"

She stood in amazement, her lips parted. She was amazed. She moved her lips to speak but nothing came out. She was caught off guard. After a precious moment of glee that I felt from the triumph of passing her quiz, I smirked and murmured, "Told you, I now you quite well."

"There is no way you could have known all that personal stuff unless you…researched it." She trailed off, knowing there was no other way to know these facts.

"No, I didn't research anything. Your name is Emma Swan-Jones now. I have a photo to prove it." I pulled out the glossy picture of her and I and handed it to her.

She took in a sharp breath and ogled at it. She slowly lifted her eyes to me and slowly shook her head at me. She pressed her lips together and dropped her perplexed gaze to the wedding photo. Her finger traced all over it. "That is me." She looked up at me and I knew she believed me now. I nodded once. "Told you the truth Swan."

"This can't be…" she whispered as she studied the photo again closer this time.

"But it is. We have to help you to remember Love." I reached out and stroked her hair and moved it behind her ear. She looked up at me. Her eyes were wide with wonder.

"How…?" she whispered.

"We don't know that, but I am here for you. To help you remember." I said. I caressed her cheek with my fingers, hoping she would respond.

Her eyes trailed up to me from the photo in her trembling hand. Her eyes were glossy and red rimmed again. She exhaled quickly and whispered, "I just don't understand…This is when?"

"This was taken at our wedding, about a year and a half ago. I found you, and I can't lose your again, Love." I said with passion in my voice.

She gazed at me skeptically without speaking. I could tell she was weighing the facts, the timing, and all of the knowledge I had about her.

"Are you alright?" I asked her as I inched closer to her until our arms were almost touching. She admired the photo again and blinked rapidly. "I'm incredulous about this. About the future, us being from it. How the hell am I here, younger, and you're older." She waved the photo at me. I sensed she was still frightened of the entire revealed truth I had dropped on her.

"It's quite complicated. All we know is that you were kidnapped by something. A demon possibly."

She grimaced. "Demon?"

"Watched it take you from me. From Hope. We don't know why it left you here, in the past. Someone we know brought us here to find you."

She seemed petrified, yet still inquisitive. I was stunned that she was still standing here.

She blinked her glossy eyes and cleared her throat. "It's very hard to process this." She shook her head and looked up at me.

"I know it would be. But I'm here to help you, to comfort you…" I let my fingertips sweep over her elbow and then her arm. I rubbed her forearm and slid my fingers up her arm. She pulled away. I sighed, feeling crushed again. "You don't want this?" I gestured a finger between myself and her.

"Look, Killian, I'm going to need to let this sink in. I want it to be true, I do." She said as if confessing a deep secret. She held the picture and dropped her hand. She didn't offer it back to me.

"Really?" I asked, hopeful. It was significant that she wanted to believe.

"Just give me some time tonight, to let this sink in." She said under her breath. I detected something new in her eyes. Hope? Or love?

I lifted my head and closed my eyes, wanting to just embrace her and kiss her and everything to be alright. I felt a pang in my chest. My eyes stung but I wouldn't show how disappointed I was. I understood she needed to process what she had just learned. I averted my eyes to hers and nodded reluctantly. "Of course, Love. I'd wait until the end of time for you."

She held my gaze and slowly nodded. A flicker of a smile tickled the corners of her mouth. "You mind if I keep this?" she asked. She flourished the photo in her hand.

My heart skipped a beat. A beat of hope and confidence that she wasn't cutting our ties just yet. I dipped my chin downward. "Of course. But on one condition."

She raised her eyebrows in response.

I took another step toward her. She had to crane her neck to look up at me. I whispered, "That if I've scared you away, just tell me now. Or if you do still want me, please just tell me." I smoldered my eyes at her, hoping she would do what she usually did and kiss me. I waited for her to do it, or to reply.

A soft sweet smile flickered across her beautiful face. Her eyes seemed happier and not full of fear and anger anymore. "If I wasn't interested in you, I wouldn't have even brought you here." She waved the photo at me with a hint of a smile on her lips. She still seemed incredulous and her eyes were wary, but at least she was considering everything.

I smiled down at her. That was enough to satisfy me. I held her gaze and said, "Can I ask you a favor?"

She shrugged. "I'm going to give you a ride home, don't worry." A glint of sarcasm was in her eyes.

I smirked. "Thanks Love. But what I need is…if you wouldn't mind helping me with Hope for a bit right now?"

I was still afraid for our daughter, and I still planned to take her to the hospital but I wished to avoid that if I could.

"She won't stop crying. She's been inconsolable for…a day and all night. I wonder if you might…come hold her for me?" I asked humbly, knowing it was a long shot, especially after our serous conversation.

Realization dawned on her face. She stared at me contemplatively and said earnestly, "What's wrong with her?" her eyes were rounded with concern.

"I don't know. It may be colic. I was about to take her to the ED." I glanced back at her Bug. "I don't wish to do so though. I'm a bit nervous over her constant cries."

Worry crossed her face. "That's…pretty serious." She pressed her lips together thoughtfully, as if uncertain but delighted at the same time. A light smile spread across her lips. "I could try. I wouldn't want her to go to the hospital. It's no place for babies." Her tone was grim, but I could hear it in her tone that she seemed to care about Hope, if she would come over to a baby she didn't know (or remember), especially when she had just learned about Hope. The fact that she was willing to help Hope warmed my heart and encouraged me that perhaps Hope and I could help Emma remember.