Second Chance

Chapter 10-What I've Done

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. It belongs to Eric Kripke, the WB, and the CW.

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Sam's POV

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"This is why you've changed your M.O.? You don't think Dean will find you in a honeymoon suite?"

"Ruby, he doesn't understand," I said, pacing back and forth. "He thinks he can detox me of it…"

"It'll kill you," she said. I looked at her oddly. Of course I thought that was the case when I was in the panic room, but I didn't know it was a fact. "Without it…it'll kill you."

"And you didn't tell me?" I said sharply. I could feel her blood pulsing through me. "You don't think you could have mentioned this to me?"

"Hey, you made this decision," Ruby said defensively. "You had a chance not to get involved."

"Because in the beginning I thought I was doing this for a better future!" I snarled. "You said it would help everybody in the long run!"

"You are-" Ruby said, backing away from me.

"All this has done is caused the people around me pain," I hissed, walking towards her. "My brother doesn't trust me, thinks I have taken everything he's done for granted. Because of you the only woman I have truly loved in a long time has left my life, carrying my child. I almost killed her because of this damn curse, and you decide to now tell me that I'm going to die if I don't keep it within me? What were you hoping, I'd kill Lillith and become your demon bitch?"

"You'll only die if you don't kill Lillith!" Ruby said, still backing from me.

"So I have a choice of dying or becoming a demon?" I basically yelled.

"You made this decision, Sam!" Ruby snarled. "You and you alone!"

"But you knew and didn't tell me! You used me!"

"I used you?" she retorted. "Who's been surviving off my blood?"

I advanced towards her and she tried to run, only at the same time the door burst open revealing Dean. Ruby took this moment of distraction to try and run, but I lunged toward her, grabbing her arms behind her back as Dean drove her own knife into her stomach.

"I'll see you in hell," I snarled as she gasped, her skull and skeleton lighting up as the knife penetrated through her, sending her soul back to hell. Dean extracted the knife and I released the body, letting it fall to the floor.

I looked down at what used to Ruby, then up at my brother. Dean looked at me and nodded. "We can check that off the 'Demons to Kill' list," he said.

"I'm sorry," I blurted. He looked at me oddly. "For everything. Not listening to you, for making you think I wasn't trustworthy. I'm sorry for hurting you and Alayna…I'm sorry."

He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Simultaneously, we briefly hugged. "Come on," he said, looking behind him at Ruby's body. "Let's get out of here."

I nodded and grabbed my jacket, pulling it on before shutting the door. We got back to the Impala and headed onto the interstate. "How much did you hear back there?" I finally asked.

Dean glanced at me. "You were telling her all she's been responsible for…me not believing you…Alayna leaving…"

"God, Alayna…" I mumbled, putting my head in my hands. "The things I put her through…I almost killed her."

"You couldn't control yourself, Sam," Dean said. "It was that bitch Ruby's fault."

"Still…I have to see you…I have to make she's okay," I said.

"That may be harder than it looks," Dean said. I looked up.

"What do you mean?"

"She's gone off the grid," Dean said. "Only Bobby and Ellen know where she is…and they're not talking. I…tried to get them to tell me. I thought if we can find Lillith, send her evil ass back to hell, that you two could work things out."

"It'll be too late," I said softly.

"What's that supposed to-"

"You heard Ruby, Dean," I said. "Either I die from the blood poisoning, or I kill Lillith and become a demon."

"Sam, demon's lie," Dean said. "Ruby could be lying to you."

"She wasn't," I said quickly. "I could tell…she was afraid of me when she told me. She knew it would piss me off enough to get me to kill her."

"Sam," Dean started, but I cut him off.

"So, we'll go after Lillith," I said finally. "I'll use this curse for something good, then after she's dead-" I paused and sighed heavily. "You'll have to do it. You'll have to fulfill Dad's final request."

"No," Dean said, pulling off the side of the road and killing the ignition. I looked at him as he turned to me. "Sam, we'll find a way out of this. I'm not killing you. Screw what Dad said…I'll find a different alternate."

I shook my head. "There is no alternate," I said quietly, hanging my head. "I've made myself like this…and now…I'll pay the consequences."

"Sam, don't talk like this," Dean said. "We'll get you out of this."

"Dean, no," I said, shaking my head.

Dean looked at me with wide eyes. "Do you want to become evil?" he said disbelievingly.

"No, I don't," I said. "But you have to promise me that…you'll kill me."

"Sam-"

"Promise me, Dean."

Dean gave me a hard look, before starting the car again. "No," he said finally. "I can't make that promise, Sam."

I sighed as he put the car in drive and got back onto the road. I pulled my cell phone out and went to my contacts, finding Alayna's number and hitting call. I let it ring until it went to her voicemail. I fell silent as I heard her message and disconnected the call. I sighed and looked at the picture of the three of us on my background. It was months before all this started, when our life was as normal as it could get for us.

"You miss her, don't you?"

I looked up and glanced at Dean, who was glancing at me and at the road. "Yeah, I do," I said quietly. I sighed and put my phone back into my pocket. "I guess I've screwed this one up pretty bad, huh?"

"Just a little," Dean admitted. "But we'll stop this whole thing…we'll stop this war, send Lillith back to hell…and get you two back together before this baby is born."

"I wish it could be that simple," I muttered, looking out the passenger door window.

Dean sighed. "Damn it, Sam," he started, but his phone began to ring. I looked at him as he struggled to get it out of his back pocket. Finally pulling the devise out after a few curse words, he flipped it open and stuck it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Dean?" Bobby's voice echoed through the car and Dean yanked the phone from his ear. Apparently he hit the speakerphone button again. "Did you find Sam?"

"I'm here, Bobby," I said before Dean could take the speakerphone off.

"Ruby's dead," Dean said. "Turns out she wasn't as trustworthy as Sam thought."

I ignored Dean's comment as Bobby spoke up. "Well, good news aside, you may find this good and bad."

"What?" Dean and I said at the same time.

"Lillith. I know where she it."

Dean looked at me before pulling off the side of the road again. "Where?" he said.

"Oddly enough, the place not too far from where you were buried," Bobby said. "Pontiac, Illinois."

"Great, we'll head that way," I said quickly. Dean gave me a sharp look.

"I'm heading that way too, but how in the hell are you going to kill her?" Bobby asked.

I closed my eyes momentarily. "I know how," I said finally.

"You're not going to do anything drastic, are you?" Bobby said. I could hear a hint of concern in his voice.

"I can't make that promise," I said quietly, quoting Dean earlier. Dean groaned and ran his hand over his face in aggravation.

Bobby sighed. "See you idgits in Pontiac," he said, before disconnecting the call. Dean snapped his phone closed and looked at me in annoyance.

"You're not doing this, Sam," he said forcefully.

"Do you have a better idea?" I snapped.

"We have the knife!"

"Yeah, and how do you suppose we use it, sneak up behind her and slit her throat?" I said angrily. "Lillith is smarter than that, she'll never expect that I'm powerful enough to do this!"

"Sam, I'm not killing you, damn it!" Dean shouted, his eyes pleading. "I won't."

"You're going to have to," I said softly. "Please Dean, I don't want to become one of them…but if it kills Lillith…if it keeps up safer a little longer…it'll be worth it."

Dean sighed angrily and didn't respond. Instead he cranked the Impala and turned the car around, heading for Pontiac, Illinois.

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"I figured it out."

I looked back at my brother and lowered the flashlight, Bobby doing the same. We'd found Lillith's hideout, which had been her host's home before the demon had taken over. I began to fill a strange sense of déjà vu, thinking back to when we'd been searching for Lillith the night Dean was sent to hell. We had taken out her "army"-or the demons she had around town waiting for us. Now the only one left was Lillith.

"What did you figure out?" Bobby said.

"I know a away to kill Lillith with the knife and keep Sam alive!"

"How?" I said monotonously, knowing already that it wouldn't work.

"Well, you can use your powers to trap Lillith, right?" Dean said. I nodded, not seeing where Dean was going with this. "Well, you can trap her, and then I can come in and stab her with the knife! That way, you use your powers to kill Lillith, and you stay human!"

I looked at my brother with a painful expression. I wanted to point out his major flaw…that I had to kill Lillith with my powers, not just use them, but I couldn't. Instead I subconsciously nodded. "Okay," I said forcefully. "We'll try it."

Dean face relaxed and seemed relieved as he took lead going into the house. I couldn't let Dean try. For one final time, I had to disobey Dean's order…to save him.

We snuck into the house without any trouble. Splitting up, we each took a floor; Bobby the second, me the first, and Dean the basement. Once scouting the area and finding nobody in the house, we met up in the living room.

"No one," Bobby said, coming down the stairs.

"Yeah, nobody in the basement either," Dean said.

"Like I expected her to hang around knowing we were after her," I said.

"You see…that's where you're wrong," said a snide voice behind us. Together we turned, seeing Lillith. She smirked and before I could do anything, Dean and Bobby were on opposite walls. "Hello, Sam…long time…no see."

She wasn't in the little child's body, or Ruby's old body, but in a woman's slender, long body, strawberry blonde hair with bright white eyes.

"You're not escaping this time," I said. She laughed and took a step towards me.

"Really?" she said sadistically. "I'd like to see you try."

I smirked and raised my hand, feeling the powers within me begin to take over my body. Lillith's eyes widened when I pushed her back to the wall, releasing Dean and Bobby.

"No," she gasped. "It can't be!"

"Sam, give me the knife," Dean said. "Let me finish her off."

"No," I said, my powers now in full speed. Lillith began to scream as my powers gripped her soul, torturing it within her.

"Damn it, Sam, we had a deal!" Dean yelled.

"It has to be this way," I said, blocking out anything Dean said afterwards. My powers were enveloping my veins with its poison as I pushed them farther, ripping Lillith's soul from the host's body. With a final ear-shattering scream, the smoke disguising her true form pouring from her mouth and through the floor, well on its way back to hell.

My powers didn't stop there. I felt the demon inside me…my personal demon Azazel placed in me all those years ago begin to take over. I struggled within myself as I shakily grabbed Ruby's knife and held it out to Dean.

"Do it…Dean…" I gasped. "I can't keep it at bay much longer…destroy it…before it destroys everything."

Dean took the knife, tears in his eyes. I lost the battle within me, and my inner demon finally took over.

I knew no more of the old Sam Winchester.

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Dean's POV

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I took the knife from Sam reluctantly, knowing I had no alternate. I looked at Bobby, who was in awe that Lillith was dead, but pain filled his own eyes as Sam handed me the knife.

"Do it Dean," Sam said weakly, falling to his knees in front of me. More tears spilled down my cheeks, but I didn't care. I couldn't slice my own brother's throat. The more Sam pleaded, the more I thought about it. We'd always killed the demon by the throat, which left the host dead. But…

Sam yelled in anguish, and it snapped my mind to the present. Sam's body arched upward and his eyes went completely black. Without thinking anymore, I drove the knife into Sam's stomach.

Sam screamed again, ripping at my heart. "I'm sorry, Sammy," I said quietly. "I'm so sorry."

The inner demon of Sam's…the demon that Azazel put in my baby brother…the inner demon Ruby had manipulated into make it take over Sam's mind flashed like lightning through his body. The knife fulfilled its purposed. The bronze blade canceled out the demon within, leaving Sam leaning heavily on me.

Breathing deeply, I gently as I could pulled the knife from Sam's body and dropped it to the floor. Gathering my baby brother into my arms. I finally broke. "I'm so sorry, Sam," I sobbed softly. "I'm sorry."

Bobby knelt down beside me and I gently laid Sam on the floor. The wound in his stomach began to seep blood and I noticed something. The more I stared, the more I saw it.

Slowly and very shallow, not very visible, Sam's chest was moving.

"Sammy?" I choked. Bobby looked from me to Sam in disbelief. I grabbed his wrist and searched for a pulse. It was there, but very weak.

"Bobby…call an ambulance, quick!" I said. "He's alive!"

Not asking any questions, Bobby ran out of the room and found a phone. Blocking out Bobby's plea for help, I began to put pressure on the wound.

"Hold on, Sammy," I breathed. "You're not dying on us now."

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Le gasp! Sam is still alive!! What will happen next? Find out when I get the next chapter typed up!!

Okay, I'm aware that in season 4 Lillith caused the apocalypse. However, my fic doesn't follow season 4 entirely, so no apocalypse in my story. No Lucifer, no Dean not trusting Sam, no vessel drama…any of that.

Thought I would clear that up.

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