Disclaimer: I do not own "Strawberry Panic."
Author's Note: It has been forever since I last updated this story. For those who have been waiting for an update I do apologize. While my interest in this story has wavered that doesn't mean I won't finish it. I'll do my best to see this project to the very end. With that said enjoy the chapter!
It was still dark when Nagisa woke up wide eyed and panting.
The stillness of the room was apparent with only the soft snores from Tamao breaking the silence. Looking over with tired eyes Nagisa frowned to see that it was five thirty in the morning. Her first class wasn't until eight and even the cafeteria wouldn't be open for another hour. Despite how weary she felt Nagisa could not get fall back asleep.
Sighing in annoyance the red head tiptoed silently into the restroom and gently closed the door so as to not wake her roommate. She turned the light on and nearly yelped as the glare blinded her for a few moments. Once she had recovered Nagisa turned the shower on and soon stepped in when the water temperature was to her liking.
It was a chilly morning and the warm droplets of water beating off her skin were soothing to Nagisa. Closing her eyes she bent her head down as she let her thoughts drift.
Tamao instantly came to mind and caused Nagisa to unconsciously frown. Her relationship with her best friend had taken a nosedive and the times they were alone together were awkward. Nagisa had tried to make small talk with Tamao about harmless subjects but it seemed that the blue haired poet was only listening with one ear. This disinterested behavior was unusual for Tamao and Nagisa didn't like it.
It was funny now that Nagisa thought about it. She had felt embarrassed, even annoyed when Tamao constantly doted on her. Now her best friend was giving her the cold shoulder. It made Nagisa realize that she had taken Tamao's amorous behavior for granted.
The situation became more complicated when Tamao entered a relationship with Yaya.
Nagisa initially pushed Tamao to get into a relationship with the mischievous Spican girl. Yaya had gone through pains similar to that of Tamao and could relate to her better than anyone else. Despite the apparent kindness of her act Nagisa did have a selfish motive. She wanted Tamao to stop harboring affections for her. It still pained her to know that she hurt Tamao by not reciprocating her love but that didn't mean that she was going to feel guilty forever. Her heart belonged to Shizuma and it was with the former Etoile that Nagisa was happiest with.
Did that make her a selfish person to pursue her own happiness instead of fulfilling Tamao's?
Nagisa felt that way but her decision was made and when Tamao had pushed too hard she had to put her foot down. She didn't enjoy having arguments with Tamao but if it was the only way to get through to her then so be it.
But when she happened to see Yaya and Tamao share such a passionate kiss with one another she felt a sting of envy. She had been the sole recipient of Tamao's affections for so long that to see her best friend sharing that same affection with someone else was alien, even wrong.
Nagisa clenched her fists tightly.
This isn't right. I shouldn't be feeling jealous of Tamao-chan now that she has found someone to share her love with. But why does the thought of Tamao being intimate with Yaya-san make me so bitter? This is what I wanted, right?
It's like my brain and my heart are fighting each other and they are both at a stalemate and I'm left clueless.
The night of their argument Tamao had not returned to their room and Nagisa knew then that she had slept over at Yaya's dorm. Even now Nagisa turned red thinking of all the lewd things that could have occurred between Yaya and Tamao. Nagisa had wanted to ask if Tamao had slept over at Yaya's dorm just to confirm her suspicions but Tamao had looked surly after the student council meeting and she decided to not press the issue.
Sighing Nagisa soon switched off the shower and dried herself with a nearby towel. Opening the door slightly she saw that Tamao was still asleep. Quietly she stalked through their room and took out her uniform and took into the bathroom to get dressed.
It didn't take her long to dress up and seeing as it was only six in the morning Nagisa soon opened the door from the dorm room and exited.
As she was walking down the hallway she wondered where it was that she could go to. The cafeteria was still not open nor was the library. The sun was barely rising. It was then that Nagisa realized that it was normally at this time that Hikari would go and watch Amane practice her rounds with Star Bright at the corral. Nagisa smiled as she thought of how dedicated Hikari was and suddenly felt like talking to her.
Having been in a similar situation Nagisa was sure that Hikari could help her mend her bridges with Tamao. With a mission set in mind Nagisa soon made her way to see Hikari.
The sun was already up by the time that Nagisa got to the corral. She could hear the sound of Star Bright making his rounds the clopping of his hooves echoing out into the morning wilderness. There she saw Amane directing him but there was no sight of Hikari. This was unusual and already Nagisa felt her hopes drop. She really wanted to talk to Hikari and now found that the girl was not here.
Amane sensed that someone was watching her. She turned around and was surprised to see Nagisa at the corral instead of Hikari. A slight blush appeared on Amane's face. She had always thought that Nagisa was really cute and had inadvertently made a move on her last year during summer break. This was instantly squashed as Shizuma had appeared and rebuked her for attempting to get near Nagisa. It was that point that Amane realized that Shizuma had an interest in the red head and from that time on had respectfully kept her distance.
Now that Nagisa was here Amane felt her curiosity overcome her sense of caution and soon rode forward. There was no harm in a little small talk after all. It would be alright.
"Aoi-san what brings you here to the corral so early in the morning?" hailed Amane as she came riding forward toward Nagisa.
"Good morning Amane-sempai! I was actually here because I wanted to talk to Hikari. I know that she comes to watch you every morning and thought to find her here." said Nagisa.
"Well I'm sorry if you're disappointed but Hikari got sick yesterday. Ever since her confrontation with Nanto-san her health suddenly turned and during the meeting yesterday she could hardly keep awake. It wasn't until then that I noticed that she was running a fever now she is bedridden. She won't be going to class for the remainder of the week but hopefully she gets better soon."
Nagisa frowned when she heard this. She really had wanted to talk with Hikari and now that she was sick she couldn't help but feel a twinge of disappointment. It wasn't Hikari's fault but even so Nagisa really needed to get the weight off her chest. She knew that going to Hikari in her compromised state was inconsiderate and sighed in disappointment.
Amane noticed Nagisa's mood change.
"It must have been really important for you to come out of your way to speak to Hikari. If you would like we can visit her later and you can talk to her then."
"There is something that is bothering me and I felt like Hikari could help me. I still want to visit her and take some fruit or flowers to cheer her up but I won't stress her with my worries. That would be rude." replied Nagisa.
Amane smiled as she put her hand on Nagisa's head and ruffled it softly causing the red head to blush.
"You really are a kind girl Aoi-san. I'm sure Hikari would have no problem talking to you even though she is sick but you're right. Causing her to worry about something that she is physically incapable of addressing would do more harm than good. But if it is something that is really bothering you Aoi-san I have no problem listening to you."
Nagisa immediately waved her hands frantically before her.
"Oh I couldn't do that! You're the Etoile and you are in the middle of practice. Your time is very valuable and shouldn't be wasted listening to me." said Nagisa.
Amane's reaction was immediate as she leapt off her horse and vaulted over the corral effortlessly. She stood before Nagisa, tall and proud.
Amane-sempai always looks so cool and dashing.
Wait a second why am I thinking these thoughts of Amane-sempai?
Before Nagisa could compose herself from her thoughts she felt a calloused hand place itself on her cheek. Amane had knelt down and stared deeply into Nagisa's eyes.
"Never say that my time spent with you is a waste. I do not know you very well Aoi-san but you're a good person and I enjoy your company. I consider you my friend even if you don't feel the same toward me. So don't feel like you can't talk to me because of my status of Etoile. That title means nothing compared to you Aoi-san."
Nagisa was blushing furiously over the words that were spoken to her. She was in the grip of Amane's gaze and she couldn't help comparing it to Shizuma's.
Shizuma's gaze was hypnotic. It bewitched the senses and stole the person's will causing them to be a slave to her desires.
Amane's was full of intensity and earnest. Nagisa felt safe and warm like she had an invisible blanket wrapped around her. She suddenly felt like she could talk to her and everything would be alright in the end.
"A-Amane-sempai..."
The horse rider found her breath hitching when she heard her name spoken in such a manner. Often times in their moments of intimacy Hikari would utter name in a very similar manner but to hear Nagisa say it like that made her head spin.
Amane then found herself being captivated by Nagisa's eyes. They were like the brightest rubies she had ever seen. Her eyes trailed down to Nagisa's lips and the urge to kiss became too much to bear.
Amane pulled herself away from Nagisa before she made a mistake that would result in disastrous consequences.
That was a close one. Any longer and I fear that I might have actually kissed Aoi-san.
Even so this is a problem. I don't feel this way towards any other girls except for Hikari and even then it is not this intense.
When Hikari stares at me with her eyes I feel an overwhelming need to protect her, to nurture and care for her. It is like she unconsciously knows that she is in need of someone strong like me. It is because of that need to keep her close that I love her. I will always protect her no matter what.
Yet Nagisa possess an innate sensuality that is borderline frightening. She probably isn't even aware of the effect she has on her peers. If she has affected me this much then I can't imagine how torturous it must be on her dorm mate. If Nagisa really wanted to she could seduce anyone she wanted. Then again her innocent disposition makes her all the more desirable. She is a walking contradiction and it is playing havoc with my feelings.
Taking a deep breath to regain her composure Amane pulled away causing a slight frown on Nagisa's face.
Why do I feel so disappointed? For just a moment I thought she was going to kiss me. She was so close that I could feel her warm breath on lips. I was sure that my heart was going to burst.
But I should only feel like that for Shizuma not for Amane. Now I'm all confused.
First I get jealous of Tamao for being intimate with Yaya-san and now I'm expecting Amane to kiss me? Has all the attention I have been getting the year before starting to get to my head?
Before Nagisa could answer any of her own questions she felt a calloused hand grab her own as Amane gently led her toward the fence railing of the corral. There she leaned against it. The now rising sun reflecting the small beads of sweat from Amane giving her a fine sheen. Nagisa blushed harder.
I can't help it. Amane-sempai looks so cool. If I had met her before Shizuma would I have fallen for her instead?
Without even knowing it Nagisa found herself staring at Amane. The older woman noticed that Nagisa was staring as well.
"Is something the matter Aoi-san? You have been staring at me for a while now. I know that I don't look my best after a hard practice but I would hope it isn't that bad." said Amane with a smile.
Nagisa wanted a big hole to form in the ground and swallow her up.
W-Was I staring at her! Oh no! I must have come across as so rude now I think Amane-sempai is going to hate me.
"I-I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to stare at you or anything. I know you're probably offended but honestly I couldn't help it. I just think you look really cool and I...couldn't take my eyes off."
Nagisa's voice had diminished to a whisper toward the end but Amane had heard it and the effect was profound as it was her turn to blush. As she saw Nagisa biting her lower lip and gazing at the ground like a chastised child the urge to hold and kiss was beginning to take hold again.
Why am I feeling this way toward her? Is my dedication to Hikari so weak that I would fall for Nagsia's charm? Sure it isn't intentional on her part but that's what makes her all the more alluring.
Perhaps it was a bad idea to entertain Nagisa.
Steeling herself Amane forced herself to regain control. She found that Nagisa was still looking embarrassed and soon spoke to calm her worries.
"You're not the first girl who has told me that Aoi-san. Sometimes I wonder if I should have been born a boy. Many of my interests run contrary to what most girls of my station would consider proper. I was never interested in etiquette or dressing up or going to balls. My passion was for the outdoors and to ride horses. When I was a child I would often take my favorite gelding and ride about the estate for hours at a time. I couldn't stand to be inside. For some reason this made me attractive to other alongside my androgynous appearance yet it was never my intention to attract women. That being said I will take your comment as a compliment so there is no need to feel so embarrassed."
"Why is it that you are telling me all this Amane-sempai? Sure I'm glad that you're not offended by my staring at you but aren't these things better said with Hikari?" asked Nagisa curiously.
Amane's face darkened slightly as she heard this but soon recovered and gave a small smile as she spoke her response.
"I love Hikari but there are some things that I am not able to talk to her about. Hikari is about as girly as you can get. She enjoys dressing up and going to tea parties and other stuff that I find boring. More often than not I find myself acquiescing to her desires despite my not wanting to be there. I do this to make Hikari happy but whenever I invite her to ride with me she refuses to do so. She is frightened of the horses and of getting hurt while riding despite my assuring her the contrary. Eventually I have stopped asking Hikari to come out with me but it still hurts. It's like she doesn't trust me to keep her safe from harm. Even more is that I find that it is a bit selfish of her to have me do things she wants to do but refuses to do the same for me. She doesn't understand why I enjoy riding. Sure she watches me in the mornings but I would love it so much more if she were riding alongside me. Tell me Nagisa am I being selfish for asking her of this?"
Nagisa wasn't sure what had prompted Amane to open up to her like this all of all sudden. As far as she knew Hikari and Amane were the perfect couple but here she was beginning to see that it was not everything was going smoothly in Paradise.
"It isn't selfish Amane-sempai. When I first heard Shizuma play piano all I wanted to do was be next to her and play. So I practiced every chance I had in order to be able to play with her. Sure I'm not a good pianist but I learned one song well enough to be able to play with Shizuma. I knew that it made her happy that I was willing to go out of my way to enjoy something that she loves. In return Shizuma has never balked in trying to bake cookies with me even though she is completely hopeless at cooking. Even so I'm happy that she goes out of her way to do something with me that I enjoy doing."
"Honestly I do think it is kind of selfish of Hikari to not try riding with you at least. Just like how you go out on dates with her to try on clothes or go to tea parties she should at least give riding a shot. Maybe she'll like it. If she did then that would be one more thing both of you can do together that you can cherish. I'm sad that she isn't willing to do this for you Amane-sempai because I think you deserve that much at least. Hikari is my friend and, if you want, I can try and talk her into riding with you one of these days."
Amane's eyes widened when she heard this. She was beginning to understand why Nagisa was so desirable. It went further than just her innate sensuality but also her willingness to help others. She was a genuinely kind person and would always blame herself first for anything that went wrong.
"You would do that for me Aoi-san?" asked Amane in shock.
"Call me Nagisa. We're friends aren't we Amane-sempai?"
"Of course Nagisa-san."
"That's better! Of course I'll help you! It seems like this problem has been going on for so long and it has been causing you a lot of distress."
"Thank you. Maybe if it is coming from you she'll come around. I don't know perhaps she'll hate riding. But at least I want her to give me one chance. That's all I ask for. "
It was then that Amane suddenly remembered the reason why Nagisa was here in the first place.
"I'm so sorry Nagisa-san! You came here to talk about what was bothering you and instead I have added to your burden by dumping my problems on you." said Amane sadly.
Nagisa shook her head.
"It's not a problem. To be honest I feel kind of better now that we have talked."
"But you still have that weight on your chest."
"Yeah..."
The sound of the morning bell rang clearly across Astraea Hill. It signaled the start of a new day and, unfortunately, classes. Nagisa frowned knowing that she wouldn't be able to speak with Amane any longer.
"Listen Nagisa-san I really appreciate it you listening to me today. If you like we can meet at the dorms after class. I'll be waiting in the main lobby. We can visit Hikari and then you can talk to me about what has been bothering you. Will that work?"
A blush made its way on Nagisa's face when she heard this.
Why do I feel like she's asking me on a date? Is it because I want it to be a date?
I can't be thinking of thoughts like this!
"I'll be happy to Amane-sempai."
"Great. See you after class then."
With that Nagisa soon made her way back to Miator. As she did she couldn't help but feel like a pair of eyes were staring at her the entire way back.
The majority of the day went by without much occasion. Tamao looked distressed the entire day but whenever Nagisa tried to approach her the blue haired poet would make herself scarce.
In the end Nagisa could not get through to her best friend and soon resigned to leaving Tamao alone. Instead she focused on her meeting with Amane and that brought a little light on her otherwise gloomy day. She even went to the garden and picked out a few flowers that she would give to Hikari during her lunch break. At the end of the day Nagisa made her way back to the dorm rooms and found Amane waiting at the lobby.
There was a gaggle of girls that were nearby staring at Amane but the androgynous girl paid them no attention. Instead she turned and smiled as she saw Nagisa who had a small bouquet of flowers with her.
"I hope I'm not too late. I had picked these out earlier and tried to get them together. Normally I would go to Lulim and have Minamoto-san help me out but I knew that I didn't have much time. I hope they don't look too messy."
Amane eyed the bouquet of flowers and though the job was somewhat rushed she could tell that a lot of thought still went into it.
"Hikari will love these. Come now before you get any more hostile stares than needed." said Amane.
"What do you mean?" asked Nagisa before she happened to look around and find that the girls were looking at her enviously. Nagisa gave a silly smile and soon followed Amane toward the special dorm room reserved for the Etoile.
"If I wasn't getting enough attention before now that I'm the Etoile things have gotten worse. Even as my Cadette Hikari still gets picked on by some of the older students. Mostly from Kaname Kenjo and Momomi. I swear those two are always up to no good." muttered Amane.
It wasn't often that Amane was upset about anything considering how yielding she was. She wondered how much longer both Kaname and Momomi could continue their harassing behavior before Amane completely lost her fuse.
"Is this sort of thing normal? Why hasn't Tomouri-san done anything about it?" asked Nagisa.
"Because both Kaname and Momomi belong to families very closely tied to Tomari-san's. It is because of this connection that they are in the position that they are at now. Unfortunately Tomari-san doesn't have much leeway in controlling their behavior. I don't like to resort to physical confrontation but I did threaten Kaname such a thing if she were to continue her harassing behavior toward Hikari. For a while it seemed that she backed down but it seems that she has regained her courage. Either that or Momomi is spurring her on with something that is outweighing Kaname's fear of physical confrontation with me. I wouldn't be surprised."
"Y-You would actually hit Kenjo-san?" asked Nagisa in surprise.
Amane sighed.
"I'm not a brute but even my patience has its limits. I don't know if you knew this but Kaname sexually molested Hikari last year."
This revelation hit Nagisa with the force of a truck as the air was forced out of her lungs. She couldn't even wrap her head around something dreadful like that happening in Astraea Hill.
"B-But how is she even in school? Didn't anyone tell the Sisters?" asked Nagisa in shock.
Amane gave a sarcastic laugh.
"The Sisters wouldn't be able to touch Kaname Kenjo. Her family is far too important. They would gladly pay a handsome settlement in order to keep everything quiet. Money is power and the Kenjo family have a lot of it. Thankfully my family is just as affluent, if not more so, then Kenjo's so I can get away with striking her and not suffer too harshly."
"Has this sort of thing always been going on around here in Astraea Hill?" asked Nagisa solemnly.
Amane frowned. She really didn't want to bring certain, ugly truths about the school into light but now that the subject was up she might as well answer Nagisa's questions.
"In this school there are unwritten rules regarding one's standing. Most of this depends on your family's status. The higher your status the more you can essentially get away with. It has gotten to the point to where Astraea Hill becomes a breeding ground for these wealthy sycophants to practice their cunning before going out into the real world."
"I don't understand." said Nagisa in slight confusion.
"Okay think of it this way Nagisa-san. Had Shizuma wanted to she could have raped you and there would have been nothing you could have done about it. It would have been your word, a girl with a humble background, against Shizuma, who commands an elite status due to her family's affluence. Why you would have been accused as a liar, a mere trollop for trying to besmirch Shizuma's name. Thankfully Shizuma is not the kind of person and it was because of her affection toward you that you were protected, for the most part. Her declaring her everlasting love for you was the final nail in the coffin. No girl in this school will dare touch you now."
A sick feeling was coming onto Nagisa's stomach as she heard Amane speak of these things. She didn't want to believe it but then again she knew that Amane was telling the truth.
She says that yet Tamao forced herself on me. Was it because she knew that I wasn't from an affluent family that I would not be able to retaliate effectively? That wouldn't make sense because Tamao isn't affluent. She did that because she was desperate, plain and simple. But then what is it with Hikari?
"If what you're saying is true then what makes Hikari such a target then?" asked Nagisa.
"It is because Hikari, like you, is a transfer student. She isn't from a wealthy family. Even so she was mostly left alone until I started to have feelings for her. When it became known that I had become infatuated with Hikari the Spican student body didn't take that very well. If there is one thing I will thank Nanto-san for is the fact that she repelled most of the threats towards Hikari. Nanto's family is fairly affluent, more so than most of the students in Spica, and for that Hikari was mostly shielded by her best friend. But some threats, like Kenjo, were too much for even Nanto to handle. Even now I feel guilty that I have cast this giant spotlight on Hikari by falling for her. If I had just left her alone maybe she wouldn't be suffering as much." said Amane sadly.
This was too much for Nagisa as she ran forward and grabbed Amane by the hands. There was a fierce gaze coming from her ruby eyes which commanded the utmost attention. Amane found that she couldn't move.
"Listen. I may not know the entire history of what has happened between you, Hikari-chan and Kenjo-san. But I do know this. Hikari is happy with you and would rather suffer by your side than not having loved you at all. Don't blame yourself for what has happened to her. Blame Kenjo-san and the other girls who are jealous of her relationship with you. You have the power to protect Hikari. You know this now you have to believe in that! Don't let anybody dictate your own happiness!"
Amane laughed softly to herself. The red head did not take kindly to this as she pouted.
"I was being serious you know!"
"Of course! I don't mean to make fun of you but really your mindset is such a breath of fresh air. For some people happiness is never theirs to choose. Rokujou Miyuki is one such case. Her husband is a kind man who treats her well but he could never make her happy not when her heart belonged to another. Thankfully I will not suffer the same fate as her but even so I will take what you say to heart. I will cherish my relationship with Hikari regardless of what the other girls think. Speaking of which we are now at our destination."
The dorm room for the Etoile wasn't any different from the other dorms. It was a bit larger but that was all that Nagisa could see. Hikari seemed to expecting them as she was sitting upright on her bed. Her hair was tangled and messy and her pajamas wrinkled but she held a smile that could light up the entire dorm.
"Nagisa-chan! I didn't know you were going to visit!" said Hikari happily.
"Here Hikari-chan for you." said Nagisa as she handed the bouquet of flowers to Hikari.
"These are beautiful. Are these Carnations?"
"Most of them are...I think." said Nagisa with an unsure smile.
"Nagisa-chan! You do know that Carnations are used for funerals, right?" said Hikari with a piercing gaze.
"Umm...really?"
"I hope you don't mean that I should just die now would it?" replied Hikari sarcastically.
"No! I didn't mean that! I just knew that your favorite color was pink and thought you would like these flowers. I'm so sorry I didn't mean to hurt you or anything!" said Nagisa in a panic.
Hikari soon started to crack up when she saw Nagisa panicking. Amane shook her head as she took the flowers from Hikari's hands and placed them on a nearby table.
"It seems you have picked up on Nanto's sarcasm. That wasn't very kind of you Hikari even if you were kidding." said Amane with slight reproach.
"Oh I know but I couldn't help it! I have been bored out of my mind stuck in here all day. I'm sorry Nagisa-chan if I poured cold water on your efforts. The flowers are beautiful. Just make sure that you don't give Carnations to anyone else who is sick. They might take it the wrong way." said Hikari.
Nagisa breathed a sigh of relief knowing that Hikari was only kidding. Even so she filed away that important piece of information. She would be sure that she didn't make that mistake again.
For the most part the three spoke of mostly harmless topics such as the weather, the upcoming competition that Amane had proposed and classes. It amazed Nagisa just how different things were run over at Spica. The more she heard the more she was glad that she was in Miator.
It wasn't long before both Amane and Nagisa finished their visit. Amane had told Hikari that she needed to wrap up a few more errands before coming back for the night. Hikari nodded in understanding and before long they were soon done with their visit. The sun was setting as Amane and Nagisa made their way toward the central area of the dorms. It was here that they both sat on an empty bench just as the sun had set and the sky darkened overhead.
Nagisa couldn't believe that she had spent so much time with Amane today. While she had always considered her as a good acquaintance it wasn't until today that she truly felt that Amane was her friend.
"I'm happy that we have spent the day together like this Nagisa-san. I feel like we have become much better friends." said Amane with a gentle smile.
"I do too Amane-sempai. Just yesterday I felt like my life was beginning to crumble but after today I feel much better. Even so that doesn't mean my problems have gone away."
"Does it have anything to do with Suzumi-san?" asked Amane.
"She is a big reason. I know that she is upset with me because I refused to reciprocate her love for me. I had known that she for a long while that she had feelings for me. I know that I have hurt her because of my decision to be with Shizuma. She confronted me two days ago about it and when I put my foot down she...forced herself on me."
Amane gasped softly when she heard this. She could see that Nagisa was trembling from recalling that memory. Instinctively she put her arm around Nagisa to comfort her.
"I-I didn't even think Tamao-chan was even capable of doing something that despicable to me. I managed to repel her but I was left feeling numb. So I went out to the lake front to get my mind off of what had happened only to see Tamao-chan kissing Yaya. I felt betrayed and envious at the same time yet I don't know why. If I truly wanted Tamao's affections I would not have pushed her away and yet here I am getting jealous at Yaya for kissing Tamao-chan. Now Tamao-chan is ignoring me."
"I don't know what to do Amane-sempai. I just want Tamao-chan to be my friend again but I feel like at this point it isn't going to happen. She expects me to love her when I don't and yet, at the same time, I can't stand to see her with anyone else. What is wrong with me?"
It was then that Nagisa started to break down into tears. Amane had a stern look on her face.
I can see why she had wanted to speak to Hikari about this. Hikari had gone through something exactly like this last year with Nanto-san. Then again I'm not sure if going to Hikari would have been the best course of action.
There was that debacle with Nanto-san not long ago during our anniversary where Hikari basically made out with her. That didn't make things better. If anything that hurt their friendship more than it helped. Nanto-san has it in her mind now that she won't accept anything out of Hikari other than total and utter devotion and love. What a selfish girl.
Now I'm hearing that Suzumi-san is putting Nagisa-san through the same ordeal?
Wait a second.
Nagisa-san did say that Suzumi and Nanto are in a relationship with one another. Since when did that happen? I know that she had said that she spied them kissing at the lake front but it could be that they have been in a relationship longer than that.
I'm sensing a correlation between the confrontation between both Nanto and Hikari had a few days ago and the one that Nagisa had with Suzumi just two days ago. And what a coincidence that now both Suzumi and Nanto are in a relationship despite them both loving someone else. Are they plotting some scheme in order to separate both myself and Shizuma from our prospective partners?
I really hope I'm wrong here but I can't help but feel that there is more to this relationship than meets the eye.
Amane gently placed a hand beneath Nagisa's chin and pulled up to have Nagisa meet her eyes.
"Listen. What you're feeling is not unusual. Believe it or not Hikari holds some sort of attraction to Nanto even though I hate to admit it. It could be that you are feeling the same. When I think about it both Suzumi and Nanto respectively showered the both of you in affection and now that you are bereft of it you don't know what to do. I can't tell you what choice to make Nagisa-san because I don't know exactly what it is that you are feeling. However if you truly love Shizuma then you will push past this jealousy that you have of Suzumi's relationship of Nanto and leave her be."
"B-But I still want to be friends with Tamao-chan..."
"Nagisa-san you have to understand that by being in a relationship with Shizuma you may have ended your friendship with Suzumi. In Hikari's case Nanto refused to be anything less but her lover. To me Nanto is being incredibly unreasonable and selfish but that is the consequence of Hikari's decision. Her choice to be in a relationship with me has now left her estranged from Nanto. It could very well be happening to you."
"I don't want that though Amane-sempai! Why can't Tamao-chan just go back to being my friend? Why is that so difficult for her?"
"Let me put it to you this way Nagisa-san. If Suzumi-san were in a relationship with Shizuma but you loved Shizuma with all your heart could you stand still being her friend?"
Nagisa stopped her tears for a moment as she thought about this situation. While she assured herself that she would still be Tamao's friend she couldn't help but feel that same nasty, jealous feeling well up all of all sudden. The more she tried to ignore it the more she felt jealous. With all this envy in her could she truly keep a straight face and still be friends with Tamao if she were going out with Shizuma?
"I-I keep telling myself that I would but I can't help but feel so angry and jealous when I think about it. Something tells me that I could do it, for a while, but I would eventually get too angry."
It was then that the light bulb shone over Nagisa's head as she suddenly realized why Tamao was so upset at her.
"I get it now. Tamao-chan has always loved me from the first day we met. I knew that she had held feelings for me for a while but now that I think about it she loved me at first sight. I-I can't imagine just how angry and jealous she must have been feeling every time I mentioned Shizuma around her. I don't think I could have lasted as long as she did. I would have lost it far sooner than she did."
"Now you're beginning to get it Nagisa-san. Sometimes in order to understand a situation you have to put yourself in that person's position. Now that you know why Tamao is so upset at you a decision has to be made. Is fulfilling your own happiness more important than fulfilling Suzumi's now that you have an idea of the pain she's going through? I know that you told me before that no one can dictate your own happiness. Well you're right. The only one that can, in this case, is you."
There was never a time that Nagisa felt so lost. It seemed that no matter what decision she made someone was going to get hurt.
"Why does this have to be so difficult? Why can't everyone be happy?" said Nagisa sadly.
"Because that is reality Nagisa-san. If we lived in a perfect world then everyone would be happy but we don't."
"W-What would you do then Amane-sempai?"
Amane looked down to see Nagisa staring at her once again with those ruby colored eyes. They shone with unshod tears and Amane started to feel herself getting pulled into them once more.
Without even thinking Amane held her arm around Nagisa's supple waist and held her close to her. Nagisa didn't resist.
"I am the wrong person to be asking Nagisa-san. Even now in the clutches of sorrow you look so beautiful. I wonder if somehow my heart misconstrued its affections."
"Amane-sempai..."
Again those words said in such an innocent yet sultry tone. Peering down she could see Nagisa's lips and Amane wondered how many times Shizuma had claimed those lips for her own. The thought of Shizuma made Amane scowl.
Shizuma isn't here now.
Without another word Amane dipped down and kissed Nagisa deeply on the lips. She could hear the red head gasp softly from beneath her but did nothing to stop her advance. Amane placed her hand behind Nagisa's head and pushed her deeper. With this Nagisa responded as she parted her mouth slightly. Amane accepted the invitation as she took in the entirety of Nagisa.
Unlike Hikari, who was hesitant and even a bit fearful when it came to their intimate time, Nagisa had no problem meeting with Amane's desires. She kissed with no fear despite her innocent disposition. There was a sense of arousal that Amane had never experienced before as she growled carnally as she tried to taste as much of Nagisa as she could.
Nagisa's mind was in a blur.
I shouldn't be doing this. I love Shizuma not Amane.
Yet why does this feel so right?
No...This isn't right.
It's not right...
It's...not...right!
Nagisa's eyes widened suddenly in clarity as she realized what it was that she was doing. With all her might she pulled away from Amane and stood up as she breathed heavily.
"W-Why did you kiss me Amane-sempai? I-I thought you loved Hikari-chan..."
The realization of her actions hit Amane hard as guilt started to gnaw at her insides.
"I-I do..."
"Yet why?"
"I don't know Nagisa-san. It seems that whenever I'm with you the thought of Hikari suddenly...disappears."
Nagisa took a step back when she heard this.
"First Tamao-chan and now you Amane-sempai?"
It was then that Amane stood up and placed her hand on Nagisa's cheek. The red head gripped at Amane's wrist roughly.
"What does Hikari mean to you then Amane-sempai?"
"Everything...except when I'm with you."
Nagisa couldn't take it anymore as ran back toward her dorm leaving a distraught Amane behind. Her guilt was hitting her full force as she realized the stupidity of her actions and how it could affect not only her friendship with Nagisa but her relationship with Hikari as well.
Nagisa didn't stop running until she got to her dorm room. There she was met with a concerned looking Tamao.
"Nagisa-chan what's wrong? Why are you crying?" asked Tamao in concern.
There was sarcastic laughter coming from Nagisa as she heard the question.
"You go on ignoring me all day and now you're suddenly concerned? Has it occurred to you that perhaps you're one of the reasons why I'm like this right now?"
"If this is about that argument then I'm sorry. I just couldn't face you until I was ready to apologize. I'm sorry if I ended up hurting you more." said Tamao sadly.
It was then that Nagisa closed the distance between the both of them and kissed Tamao deeply on the lips. She pushed her onto the bed and straddled her as she continued to ravage Tamao's mouth while groping at her breasts at the same time.
Tamao tried to push Nagisa off but to no avail as Nagisa pinned Tamao beneath her.
"Isn't this what you wanted Tamao-chan? To be able to kiss and touch me like this whenever you want? To be in a relationship where you can express yourself to me in a more intimate manner? Look at me! Is this what you want?"
As Tamao looked over at Nagisa she could see her bloody red eyes and the tear stains on her cheeks. Nagisa looked like she was in great pain.
"No...Not like this. Not when you're in pain Nagisa-chan." said Tamao sadly.
It was then that Nagisa's face softened.
"You do know that if I were in a relationship with you that that would be me. I would not show it all the time but I would always be sad? Why? Because I love Shizuma. My heart belongs to her. I know how much pain you're going through right now Tamao-chan. It took...a very rude awakening to realize it but I now do. You told me that you let Shizuma have me because you didn't want to cause me pain and yet not long ago you succumbed to your selfishness and retracted your words. Let me ask you again. Is fulfilling your happiness worth my pain? Will you continue to bear your own pain to see that I'm happy?"
"Why are you asking me this Nagisa?"
"Because tonight I'm putting everything on the line Tamao-chan. I'm giving you exactly what you want. If you want to be in a relationship with me then all you have to do is say 'yes'. If you do not only will I give myself to you Tamao but I will break up with Shizuma by tomorrow. Sure I will put her through great pain and no doubt you'll be hurting Yaya-chan for breaking up with her as well but you'll get to finally be in a relationship with me. But understand this. I will never be truly happy with you. I'll try my hardest Tamao-chan, I really would but I know that I will never be completely happy with you. But at least you'll be happy. Is causing so much misery worth your own happiness? That's your decision to make. I'm waiting."
Tamao didn't know what it was that caused Nagisa to behave like this but she knew that Nagisa was serious.
Now that the decision was on her hands Tamao suddenly didn't know what to do.
Could I do that to Nagisa?
Will I be so selfish as to have her break up with Shizuma and cause both of them so much pain just for me to be happy? More than that it means I will have to break up with Yaya. Despite our argument yesterday I still care for her very much.
I remember now the reason for our argument. She insisted to know what I would do if Nagisa were to offer herself to me. At that time I couldn't make up my mind so I turned the question on Yaya instead. She answered instantly in which I knew that my answer was the same as well.
However now that I'm in this situation can I truly go through with this?
"Nagisa-chan you would really be that miserable being in a relationship with me?" asked Tamao sadly.
Nagisa felt guilty now that she knew that she was hurting Tamao...again. Even so she felt that this had to be done. There was no more beating around the bush. She had to draw the line.
"It has nothing to do with you or your character Tamao it's just that-"
"I don't compare to Shizuma yeah I get it." spat Tamao harshly.
"I'm sorry but I won't hide the truth." said Nagisa.
From sadness came a sudden anger. It was like something inside of Tamao woke up at that moment in defiance of her love.
Why do I keep insisting that Nagisa is the key to my happiness? All she has ever done is hurt me.
Yet I continue to follow after her like a pathetic little puppy hoping beyond hope that she would love me in return.
I'm tired of being second fiddle to someone else. If I'm going to be in a relationship with someone it is because they genuinely love me not because they pity me!
Tamao met Nagisa's gaze with harsh intensity. Nagisa did not back down as she met her gaze right back.
"Have you come to a decision Tamao?"
"I have. My decision is that I won't get into a relationship with you but it is not for the reasons that you are thinking. Despite your attempt in guilt tripping me the biggest reason why I'm not willing to go out with you is because I'm fed up. I'm sick and tired of it all already!"
With that Tamao broke down as she started to cry.
"You think you're miserable Nagisa? How many times have you gone back on your promises, recanted on your words or trampled on my heart Nagisa? Yet I kept pining after you like some sick masochist! Now here you are giving me the one thing I want but outright telling me that I will never be good enough? I'm just Tamao Suzumi, the stupid second hand best friend that can be a convenient pillow to you whenever you want! My love means nothing to you and it never will be! All you can think about is how being in a relationship with me is going to pale in comparison to Shizuma's!"
"But you know what? I'm tired of all this already. I'm tired of my happiness being dependent on you. I'm tired of being second best. So officially, as of today I'm breaking my chains off of you!"
With that Tamao shoved Nagisa off of her roughly causing Nagisa to hit the floor below with her bum.
"All I have ever wanted was for us to be friends again Tamao-chan." said Nagisa softly.
"Could you ever go back to just being friends with Shizuma?"
Nagisa didn't answer.
"I thought so."
"Listen Tamao-chan I-"
"Shut up already Nagisa! You have hurt me enough for today. Just leave me alone...please."
With that Tamao hurriedly packed her uniform as she took off from her dorm room leaving Nagisa alone to stew in her own misery.
It didn't take long for Tamao to get to the dorm where she wanted to be at and knocked on the door. Yaya answered as she looked at Tamao with slight annoyance.
"What are you doing here? If I remember correctly I'm still mad at you." said Yaya sternly.
"Please Yaya let me stay."
It was then that Yaya saw how Tamao was barely holding herself together. Any kind of anger she had toward the poet went away instantly as Yaya went to the aid of her girlfriend.
"Oh my god Tamao what happened to you?" said Yaya in instant concern.
"N-Nagisa, she...she..."
Yaya ushered Tamao into her dorm room. Tamao had all but thrown her uniform to the side before collapsed on Yaya and started to sob heavily. Yaya gently led her to her bed where she laid Tamao down on her lap and started to stroke her hair softly in an effort to comfort her girlfriend.
"Why Yaya? Why does Nagisa insist on hurting me like this? She makes me feel so worthless. Nagisa offered to get into a relationship with me but only after she told me that I would pretty much not be good enough? I'm always being compared to Shizuma and made to feel inferior in every way. I will never be good enough and I hate that she makes feel that way. I write poetry big deal! Nothing in comparison to the piano prodigy that is Shizuma! It's like no matter what I do it doesn't even matter. I'm tired already! I'm tired of Nagisa hurting me over and over again and feeling like I'm never good enough. Tell me Yaya am I really worthless?"
Yaya's heart started to break when she heard Tamao cry out her insecurities to her like this. This was exactly how she had felt when Hikari had decided to get into a relationship with Amane. Only at that time she was alone with no one to comfort her. She would do her best to make sure that Tamao didn't go through that.
With that she held Tamao tightly to her and started to rock back and forth gently. Tamao started to cry harder which caused Yaya to tear up as well. It hurt her to know that her girlfriend was in so much pain but she kept her tears at bay. Yaya knew she needed to be strong right now.
"You listen to me Tamao. You're not worthless! There was a time that I felt exactly as you were feeling now but you know what? There was one person that pulled me out of that hole and that was you! Nobody gave a shit about me or the pain I was feeling but you came to me like a guardian angel. I resisted at first. Like you said I was so used to misery that perhaps I was even beginning to like it. So I pushed you away again and again but you still stayed by my side."
"Since our argument I have been doing a lot of thinking. Why is it that I allow Hikari to be my sole source of happiness? I mean that's kind of stupid now that I think about it. But like you we were hopelessly in love and we were made to feel our inferiority by seemingly perfect competition. I always asked myself how I could ever compare to the likes of Amane just like you're asking how you can compare to Shizuma. The simple answer is that we don't but not out of inferiority but because we are simply different."
"I refuse to feel inferior to Amane any longer. I know that my love for Hikari is much greater than hers and it always will be. I'm sure you feel the same about Nagisa as well. But now you were given a golden opportunity and you didn't take it because you refused that affront to your pride. Maybe it may not sound much coming from me but I'm proud of you. How dare does Nagisa get the idea of getting in relationship with you but tell you straight up that you are never going to be good enough to fulfill her happiness? What a bunch of bullshit. Nagisa can go and fuck herself."
"You're beautiful, intelligent and kind Tamao and in my honest opinion you're too good for Nagisa. You don't need to put up with that kind of abuse any longer. Damn it I'll do everything in my power to make you happy. My guardian angel now cruelly ripped of her wings. But I'll stitch them back one feather at a time."
With that Yaya kissed the top of Tamao's forehead gently before stroking her hair once again as Tamao continued to cry softly.
Author's Note: I feel like I'm kind of bashing both Amane and Nagisa right now but whatever. Probably more hate going to go on for Nagisa until later on in the story. Lots of fun there! If I'm feeling particularly devilish maybe just have Amane and Nagisa have more trysts and really ruin Hikari and Shizuma's day as well. In any case next chapter should be featuring Momomi since I do want her to become a more important character. Maybe use her to make Amane's life miserable bwahahaha! Anyway let me know what you all think. Hope you all enjoyed the chapter.