A/N: Three languages at one point, accents in abundance—hang tight! 'rgr' is the hard "r" sound the French make. It will be italicized even in Norse to help you understand. That being said, Norse is the only language that is not italicized. Uh...good luck with that.
Frenched
While not the first time Hiccup had been subjected to Toothless' crushing weight atop him, never before had it been used as discipline. After a lifetime of uncomfortable struggling, Hiccup settled, and concluded that if he ceased all reaction then Toothless would eventually get restless and move off; experience taught Hiccup that a lack of reaction ends torment much faster than fighting back.
Unfortunately for Hiccup, Toothless was still a creature of the night and therefore experienced no trouble sleeping during the day. This meant Hiccup's only revenge—and subsequent hope of escape—was to keep Toothless uncomfortable by being a bony and awkward bed.
Time passed slowly, each male too stubborn to say anything—neither apologizing nor willing to continue his argument. The tension of their quarrel left the air of their campsight charged and the silence stifling. Despite lying down, the environment made relaxation impossible.
He tried to remain alert, but Hiccup must have spaced out because at some point Toothless' substantial weight lifted from his back. The moment he recognized this, Hiccup cautiously pushed up from the ground, half expecting the dragon to pounce on him again. There was no pain as pulled himself to his feet. No stiffness in his ribs or legs.
Odd, for being lain on by a dragon. Hiccup was used to being roughed up by Toothless from time to time; the dragon was too strong to fully 'pull his punches' when they played. But this time it looked like Hiccup escaped and was unharmed.
Then he saw Gudrid sitting at the base of a tree, watching him, amused.
His face fell.
"Did I fall asleep?"
Her smile widened. "You did fall asleep."
"Dammit." He had been determined not to give in this time. He was still angry with the Night Fury.
"Though I may have pulled a bit on your conscious mind to get you here," Gudrid admitted. And all thoughts of Toothless flew from Hiccup's mind.
"You can do that?" he whispered, not realizing the stark horror expressed on his face. Could she do that while he was flying? Or—or—or bathing?
If she did that, would he arrive before her naked?
Gudrid continued to smile, perhaps understanding where his current thoughts ran, and patted the ground next to her.
"Sit."
Hiccup obeyed with caution. The dream-situation still confused him. She confused him. Only his supernatural understanding of Toothless affirmed his mind hadn't completely snapped.
Once seated, Hiccup was startled to scent linen and dill. He could smell her, as though she were in the physical world and he were not asleep.
And her hair... it looked so soft. The way it fell against her clothes... the way it shined in the dream's light, enticing him to touch it...
He wouldn't touch it, of course. That would be weird and inappropriate...
Then Hiccup's disobedient thoughts strayed to the kiss Gudrid had given him at their last parting. And now here he sat, in close proximity to the young woman, suddenly unable to keep his eyes from straying towards her mouth...the pink lips he remembered as supple and inviting and warm. Lips that parted and moved...
"Worried about Toothless?"
"Ahh—er—yes, yes," Hiccup floundered, darting his eyes up and away from her face in general. He coughed. "Very concerned."
What was wrong with him?
"He's mad," Gudrid stated and she seemed determined to keep the topic serious. Hiccup regained his composure at the sobering reminder.
"Yeah," he concurred, "he is."
Though he had been quite mad himself. At Toothless, at the things he said and they way he reacted, at his own guilt, despite not wanting to feel it.
Gudrid stroked the end of her braid and watched him in her unnerving way.
"You saw how the wyverns reacted to you," she reminded him. "And Toothless warned you about trying to make friends with beasts you do not understand. Yet you did the same thing again. Why?"
Hiccup shrugged, eyes trained on the clean stitching of his new shoes. He felt the heat of her stare against the side of his face and decided to answer.
"Well, it wasn't a wyvern," he defended. "I just... I had to try, I guess. I mean, I can't just treat every creature the same, and I can't expect they'll act the same..."
Not once during his brief stint as the dragon-trainee prodigy did Hiccup stride into the training arena with confidence. He always feared the dragon mint wouldn't work on anything other than a Night Fury, or that Nadders had a different pressure point than other dragons since their heads were so much bigger in proportion to their bodies. Every time, every day, he put himself out on a limb—with witnesses to spare—and hoped for the best. It was how he always preformed experiments; no one beside himself really cared if he came out unscathed or not...with the possible exception of Gobber and Stoick.
But they reacted to his misfortune in more of a "it's good for you" sort of way.
"Right," Gudrid said after a brief silence, perhaps she allowed it so he could collect his thoughts, or so she could review them herself. "You did as you felt you had to do. And you felt you had to give the sea serpent a chance."
Her agreement to his reasoning should have made him feel better. It didn't.
"But Toothless...he's never been that mad at me before," Hiccup said. He rubbed his arm, suddenly chilled. "Not even with the wyverns. Heh... I guess I got leniency that time for being ignorant." His eyes strayed back to his shoes. Now that the heat of the moment had passed and his indignation subdued, his previously, self-righteous standpoint felt surprisingly hollow. With eyes still averted, he continued in a softer voice, "He probably expected me to learn my lesson that time. And when I didn't...I could feel his...his..."
Disappointment.
Hiccup had to consciously keep himself from curling inward as he placemed Toothless' reaction. He should have recognized the expression when he saw it, having seen it almost all of his life. Perhaps he was too used to it only on human faces—namely his father's. And now he had given the one person who had ever believes in him a reason to doubt him.
No matter how far he flew, how high he climbed the skies, he would never escape Hiccup the Useless. It's who he was. Changing his name and clothes and location couldn't change that.
"He was scared," Gudrid said before Hiccup could work himself into a depression.
"He was—"
"Scared," Gudrid stressed. "His instincts were aligned with his emotions, and it may have amplified his reaction to seeing you face off with a sea serpent."
Hiccup shook his head and rubbed the heel of his palm into his temple.
"I don't understand..."
"Sea serpents and dragons are natural rivals," Gudrid explained gently. She perceived that Hiccup's own emotional distress had left him less inclined to work things out in his mind. "One rules the sky and the other, the sea. It has been this way since the beginning of time for them, long before Man walked Midgard. They have an aversion to one another that is ingrained in their instincts."
Hiccup furrowed his brow and asked, "That's just the way it is? They hate each other because it's natural? No other reason like...revenge or defense...or...?"
The vördr shook her head.
"No reasons that would arouse human wars, at any rate. Though it may have something to do with the 'all-eel' diet sea serpents tend to have," Gudrid said with a slight grin. Hiccup had to smile as well, his spirits slightly lifted.
"Yeah, what is up with that?"
"Eels secrete a toxin in their pores; its smell is noxious to dragons."
Hiccup wondered if Gudrid knew everything. If he had two sources of untapped, amazing knowledge.
He thought back to all the times Toothless encountered eel—the way he would jerk back, nose twitching, followed by sharp head shakes and a hasty retreat. He reacted much in the same way Hiccup would if he were confronted with the smell of a rotting corpse.
"Just the smell?" Hiccup asked to clarify.
"Just the smell," Gudrid reaffirmed.
"Interesting..." That was going in the journal, which was getting pretty full now that he thought about it. "So Toothless found his enemy with me and...what? Was it a jealousy issue?"
"He would have been far more angry and less scared if that were the case, do you not think?" Gudrid replied and Hiccup found he was inclined to agree. Toothless could be possessive and overprotective, but he wouldn't have a fit over something as trivial as jealousy.
"That sea serpent found a human who smelled like a Night Fury and was, well, boggled," Gudrid said with a shrug. "It showed an interest in you—enough to follow you across the English Channel—and to Toothless... that translated as an interest in killing a human who smelled like a dragon."
Hiccup sighed and knocked his head back against the tree trunk.
"So it probably would have killed me. Toothless was right...of course."
"Toothless is not right about everything," Gudrid remarked. "You are a human. Would you consider yourself an expert on every human's reaction?"
"I could guess pretty accurately," Hiccup said, thinking of how any human with a blade would react to Toothless. For the sake of the dragon's safety, Hiccup had to assume every human would treat Toothless as a Viking would.
More and more, he began to understand Toothless' actions as fear.
"So what's this all about?" Hiccup finally asked. He gestured to the replica setting of where his actual body lay. "It's not just to tell me about sea serpents, is it? Do I get another bond perk? The bond of loggerheads, maybe?"
Gudrid looked like she would very much like to smack him upside the head. Hiccup thought she might not be one for sarcasm.
Instead Gudrid sat straighter and crossed her hands in her lap primly.
"You are at a point in your journey where the decisions you make will have a greater and greater impact on your destiny," she answered.
"I thought that's the case for every decision in everyone's destiny?" Hiccup was quick to point out.
Gudrid nodded. "True, but your destiny is going to affect far more than most. I am going to help direct you to the right choices—but direct only, and with very little influence. You, Hiccup, already know the right decisions. You make them every day without realizing."
"I am in complete disagreement with you there," Hiccup said and he refused to be cowed by the hard look she responded with. He made one bad decision after another and he would be the first to attest to it.
"You felt that you could trust a sea serpent not to kill you," Gudrid said, her eyes brightening, her voice impassioned with belief. "You had never met one before, it scared you, but you felt you could communicate with it as a sentient being. After knowing why Toothless was so against you interacting with the sea serpent, does this opinion change?"
Hiccup frowned, but he took the time to find an honest answer. He could tell this meant a lot to her...
"No," he drew out slowly. "I understand Toothless, but...I still believe it didn't want to kill me."
Gudrid looked inordinately pleased.
"I know. Never stop believing in the good in others. It is often a danger, but most definitely a strength, Hiccup. Not a weakness.
Hiccup favored her with a wry grin. "I'll try to remember that when I get my ass kicked for being a sissy."
She giggled—one of the few times she did when he was being snide—and reached out a hand to brush his bangs away from his eyes. Hiccup was amazed to find he could feel the warmth she radiated. The tingle of her fingers against his brow.
Some dream.
"Your hair is growing longer," she mused. She pinched a lock of auburn strands, but she wasn't looking at his hair.
Hiccup tightened his jaw to keep from swallowing (anything to avoid revealing how nervous he felt), and focused on figuring out how she had gotten so close to his body rather than the clear, grey eyes that searched his face. They weren't grey like the clouded skies had been the last couple days. They were the grey that reflected off a wolf's silver back in the full moon's light, or the darkened glimmer of snow in the earliest light of the morning.
He felt her hand move from his hair to his ear, to his neck, and back up to his cheek. She turned it so her knuckles now brushed against the rough skin, chafed from cold and wind and sparse hair.
Gudrid sighed, somehow looking enamored and forlorn all at once.
"I fear you'll ruin me for all other men."
Hiccup fought the impulse to spring back, just barely keeping in contact as he gasped, "W-what?"
The vördr smiled that same, worldly smile she often wore for him. "I think you will find that, more often than not, taking the plunge will bring you to treasure. Keep your thoughts crazy."
Hiccup shook his head, though barely, for he didn't want to dislodge her hand. Was she going to kiss him again? Or was she just going to touch his face?
How sad was it that the farthest he'd gone with a girl was in his mind?
"Why are you so cryptic?" he mumbled. "Is it a warden thing?"
Gudrid giggled.
"It is a woman thing."
########
########
Hiccup jerked at the sound of metal clanging against metal.
It grated on his ears; helping bring to attention how annoyed he felt being awake, alone, and somehow left hanging.
Then he remembered that Toothless didn't make 'metal-on-metal' noises.
He pushed himself to his knees and wearily adjusted his gaze to his surroundings.
Apparently, Toothless had the ability to shape-shift into a dozen dispassionate looking Frenchmen—complete with ridiculously bright, yellow and red tunics (Hiccup fought the urge to squint), chain-mail head coverings, and lots of sharp, pointy weapons ripe for impaling.
That or Toothless was nearby, stooped silently in a tree and looking for an excuse to bounce some pompous Flemish butts against tree trunks.
Wow, Hiccup was actually surrounded by pompous, Flemish butts.
Hiccup banked on the latter. Despite feeling more exposed and vulnerable than he had in a long time, the former Viking sent silent thanks to the gods for Toothless respecting his wishes of keeping a low profile.
One of the men stepped forward; his tunic was adored with intricately detailed borders, the cross-like crest upon his chest more elaborate than the rest of the group's. He was clearly the richest, the leader, or both.
"DEBOUT! DEBOUT!" He barked, jerking his drawn sword upwards. "Une source sûre t'a vu donner des ordres à la Gargouille!"
Hiccup quickly scrambled to his feet, discreetly pressing his forearm to his side in the process to make sure he was still armed with his dagger. Not that it would do him much good in such a scenario.
"I..." He faltered, mind racing. He knew French—though his late grandfather, Old Wrinkly, had taught it to him and he hadn't spoken it fluently since the man's death, nearly a decade ago...
Hiccup tried to decipher the words.
Get up? Well, he did that. He was... seen? Heard? Something about a thing... heard with a... a thing...?
The colorful man heaved a loud sigh.
"Ugh, why argre you in my country eef you do not—ugh. No matter. Ehngleesh, eet is, 'o courgrse," he said in English, his face unchanged. "We argre hergre on the teep dzat you wergre seen convehrsing weedz la Gargouille."
Hiccup exhaled through his nose. The English would be just as hard...
"Tee vawter…monster?" he struggled. Perhaps Gargouille was the French word for sea serpent? His grandfather hadn't taught him that one...
The man, along with several others who probably understood English, exchanged looks. Hiccup found their faces all remarkably similar, and with their hair covered by the strange hoods, it would be hard to tell them apart if they started moving around.
With the exception of the rich leader. And his fancy cross.
"Euh. Not your fehrst language, Ees eet boy?" the leader asked, again in English.
If understanding English was hard when the English spoke it, it was harder when someone with a completely different accent spoke it. Hiccup squinted through the harsh 'r's and throaty noises.
"I v—er, Norse?"
The man rolled his eyes, exaggerating the gesture to convey his exasperation with having to deal with Hiccup at all.
"Feegurgres. I should 'ave known by dze shoes."
Hiccup blinked rapidly.
"You, uh, speak?"
The Frenchman looked as though Hiccup had greatly insulted his intelligence.
"O' courgrse I speak, you leetle fool. My grgreatest nehm-eh-sees speaks dzis language. And eef dzere ees one dzeeng I prgride mysehlf on, eet ees knowing dzy ehnehmy."
Hiccup swallowed at the intensity in which this man seemed to say anything.
"Oh...okay."
"I am Arnulf de Flandres. Per'aps you 'ave 'eard of meh?" Arnulf paused. Hiccup got the impression he was posing.
"Dze Count of Flandehrs?"
"..."
"Arnulf dze Grgreat?"
Hiccup's face remained blank. Arnulf tried not to look too put out.
"Euh. Well, you argre one of dzose savagehs, so I can undergrstand yourgr eeg-noh-rance," he dismissed.
Hiccup maintained his silent, though he felt the stirrings of irritation cross his face. This wasn't the first time he had been referred to unfavorably for being a Norseman, but that didn't help him tolerate it any better.
Arnulf cleared his throat, "Rgright, back to buzeeness. La Gargouille." He sheathed his sword, though it hardly put Hiccup at ease.
"What about it?" Hiccup asked shortly.
"You wergre seen speaking to eet."
Crap.
"I...that is...I can't speak to it. That's ridiculous. But it didn't eat me!" Hiccup chuckled nervously. "Pretty lucky there. Boy, was that a close call."
Perceiving no facial response from any other man in the group, Hiccup came to the conclusion that only Arnulf spoke Norse. The Count's eyes narrowed.
"Do not lie to me, boy!" Arnulf snapped. His outburst in aggression spurred his men to shift their hands towards their weapons. "Dze beast lets none leev! Now I know you spoke to eet—beh-weetched eet—"
"No," Hiccup was quick to deny. "No, really—"
"Argre you a soh-ceh-rgrerr?"
"No—"
"Any odz-eh-wohldly sway ovehrgr dze sea and eets mystehrgries?"
"No."
"Surgrely, you argre not a god!"
"What? No!"
Hiccup's annoyance with the man morphed into panic as the pressure mounted. Even after his talk with Gudrid, he couldn't keep silent the disparaging thought that, when stripped of his dragon bodyguard, he was still Hiccup the Useless. He couldn't handle the situation...
Arnulf continued to look at Hiccup like one would look at an annoying obstacle to a very much-anticipated goal.
"Why don't I tehll you a storgry, leettle boy?" Arnulf sneered, and Hiccup realized not even Astrid could perfect the expression as well as the Count had. "One about a vehrgry sought aftehr treasurgre. Eet was bhought to dzese seas many, many yeargrs ago by a vehrgry wehll travehlled pirgrate and dzen snatched from 'eem by dze maw of dze beast. Eet took dzis treasurgre to eets lairgr—a mageecal place un-heachable to 'umans—and still seets dzere to dzees day, photehcted by location and guarded by la Gargouille."
He fixed his eyes on Hiccup. They were dark, alighted only by greed. Hiccup shifted under the intensity and tried to bring himself some comfort by guessing at the direction Toothless hid in.
"Okay. Well...thanks for that story. It was a good one." He took a tiny step back. And then another. "One of the best."
Maybe he could make a break for the woods.
Arnulf's sword was out in a flash and thrust forward, just inches from Hiccup's Adam's apple. Hiccup stilled, both out of self-preservation and to listen for the sound of Toothless bounding through the trees.
"You weel geht me dzat ah-tee-fact," Arnulf commanded.
As much as Hiccup hated the situation of having a weapon at his neck, he hated being bullied more.
"How?" he growled with an attitude he never thought he could muster in such a situation.
"Conveence dze beast to rehleenqueesh eet." Arnulf countered. "Use yourgr powehrs of commune—"
"I have no powers!" Hiccup roared, slapping the sword from his throat with the back of his wrist. Arnulf responded with a quick step forward and a strong backhand. Hiccup staggered from the blow, but managed to keep his footing.
Stay Toothless, stay! He thought desperately.
His cheek stung, it would probably bruise, and Hiccup suddenly felt a new contempt for the French. Still, he didn't want to blow his cover just yet. He could get out of this without starting rumors across the land of the dragon-boy—he had to. Otherwise his dearly coveted freedom would be severely hindered.
Hiccup waited for the disaster of Toothless bursting through the trees—he waited for what felt like an eternity—but by the time Arnulf lowered his hand, Hiccup knew that Toothless understood the silent message.
Hiccup straightened, refusing to touch his face or show any such weakness. He scowled at the taller man.
"Give me to tomorrow," he bit out. The scathing he felt on his tongue helped keep his mind from his hammering heart. He didn't want anyone to know of his tension.
His priority was getting the French away. he needed to talk to Toothless.
Arnulf did not look joyous at the small victory. He seemed the type of man who wasn't asked to wait very often.
"And tomohrgrow you weel 'ave my treasurgre?"
Tomorrow he'd be halfway to Germany on the back of a dragon.
"Yes," Hiccup answered shortly.
Arnulf shouted something in French over his shoulder—again, too fast and accented for Hiccup to pick up-and snapped his fingers. A couple of men jumped at the cue and moved to grab Hiccup's pack.
The pack that had his notebook, his clothes, his harness—
Arnulf smiled at Hiccup's ill-concealed distress.
"Just to ehnsurgre dzat you do not dzeenk of rgrunning off," the Count explained. "Allons-y!"
The men began their unified march back to wherever they came from. Several cast Hiccup looks as they passed, all ranging from interest to disdain, before they disappeared into the trees.
Hiccup kept his feet rooted to he spot as his belongings were carted off toward the dirt road he knew to be several faðmr away. He'd get it back. Eventually.
Knowing this didn't stop him from feeling numb at the encounter. Numb and cold and powerless and useless.
########
########
A/N: Bet you all got excited by that title, didn't you? Dirty perverts…
I am truly sorry for the crossed eyes I may have caused during the Arnulf scene. Special thanks to Valvole for the French translations!
Next chapter: Make-ups, bonding, and more bromance-silliness on our boys' parts.
Translations: "Get up! Get up!" "A reliable source saw you give orders to the Sea monster!"