DaughterofDante: I'm not sure Duo would be quite so eager to do that :P I hope you're liking the story :)
CircleKV12: Haha, no, I didn't expect anyone to be surprised, it was more a sarcastic question. Maybe they won't have a functioning relationship? *lips are sealed* It's late fall. I think it's said in an earlier chapter (or it should have been said) that it is the beginning of the school year. I don't want to give too much away, but to answer your question: No, the main story won't follow them through college (that might be epilogue/sequel material if people want more at the end of this). Thanks for commenting again, it's great to always hear from you :)
Ryoko Lamperouge: Well, it does take place over the course of twenty-four hours, and once he knows he knows, I don't think I could have stretched it out more than I have. Thanks for reviewing and I hope you will like this chapter :)
Cyn Finnegan: I didn't expect/need anyone to be :P
Snowdragonct: Thanks for the review, as always! I hope your luck has changed with regards to updating your own stories :)
Rin Yumi: Thanks for the comment! I'm so happy to read you are interested in "Dirty Job", I'm really enjoying writing that story, it's a breath of fresh air. Trust me, I won't forget about it, I long to write the next chapter :)
Jeangreymullinsjr: Thanks for the shout out! I hope you'll like this update :)
ToXicStArCaNdy: I'm glad you feel that way, that's what I was going for. I didn't want anybody to be surprised by it, that wasn't the point. Sorry about the slow updates but thank you so much for taking the time to leave another comment, it means a lot to me :)
Daphie: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it :) Here's the next installment!
Epifonia: Thank you very much, that is such a kind compliment. I'm happy you liked the scene. I hope you're liking the overall story and that you'll like this update!
Fred Freeloader: There is only one way that might enable me to update more quickly, which is to deliver shorter chapters. The reason this one took as long as it did, for example, was because I tried to make it longer and it just wasn't happening. If you prefer shorter, faster chapters, let me know and I can try to adopt that strategy, hopefully with success. Thanks for commenting!
ShizeKerstein23: Your English is perfectly fine, don't worry! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, that makes my night :)
Maeve Mauvais: I hope you'll stick around to see if Cameron gets his due :P Thanks for another kind comment :)
Pikeebo: Thank you so much for your comment! I hope you'll like this update :)
Belladonna Goddess Chloe: Yes, he's a twisted little fella :P Thanks for your review :)
RlyiehChosenOfBane: Unsettling as opposed to surprising was what I was going for, so I'm glad that came across. Thanks for another encouraging comment! :)
Author's note:
Woohoo! Chapter ten!
Confession: I could have uploaded this much sooner, but I was, at first, determined to make the chapter longer… that blew up in my face :S The chapters never give me any trouble until I hit the 5.000 word mark. I tried to struggle past it, but to no avail. A 10.000 word chapter is more work than the work for a 5.000 word chapter x2 (it's more than the sum of parts), hence: it takes a lot longer. Usually investing that extra time works out, but with this story... not so much. I fear I'm going to have to accept that. This chapter is a little over 6.200 words (excluding replies), I did my best guys.
Brothers
Chapter Ten
It took me a while to regain my composure. I knew I had to return to the house, honor the decision I had made, but the thought of having to face Cameron made me so nauseous I could barely walk. For hours I sat on a bench at the train station, watching the coming and going of people. Some of them looked at me, some of their stares lingered, I wondered if any one of them could see how broken I was. My skin was crawling, with fear, anger, resentment, disgust, worry, grief and guilt. The same feelings churned within me, deep in my stomach, mixing into a nauseating concoction. I felt that much worse when I considered my mother must have been feeling that way all those years; never being able to settle down, always running, always trying to escape it; always trying to escape him, but the thought of him must have haunted her everywhere we fled to. It was possible that even if I did manage to get Heero out of this situation, I would be haunted forever too, now that I knew, but at least I would have one thing to console myself with, that I didn't leave him here. My father may be a monster but I had to prove to the world and to myself, that I was not like him, I was my mother's son, not my father's.
When I managed to find my way back to the house it was almost completely dark. Cameron's expensive sedan was already parked in the driveway. With a thundering heart and shaking fingers I unlocked the door and stepped inside. Tabytha emerged from the kitchen, the smell of her cooking filled the entire house.
"You are awfully late," She noted.
"I'm sorry…" I paused to buy myself time to come up with an excuse. "I was watching the football team train."
"That's fine, dear. Are you thinking about joining the team?"
I shrugged. "Where's Cameron?" I blurted.
"In his office, why? If there is something you need you can just ask him, he won't mind, just don't forget to knock."
"No… No, it's fine."
She returned to her cooking, calling over her shoulder: "Dinner will be ready in ten minutes."
At the bottom of the stairs I stopped and gazed down the hall at the door leading into Cameron's home office. My sweaty fingers gripped the polished bannister. I didn't know how I could face him and pretend everything was alright.
I went upstairs to wash my face, brush my teeth and change into new clothes. I felt disgusting; I had been sweating and puking all afternoon. I wanted to take a shower but there was no time before dinner and being late for dinner was unacceptable. I had better continue to follow all the rules, any sort of altercation with Cameron would lead to me trying to throttle him, but I had little faith I would be able to overpower him.
Ten minutes later I headed back down with lead feet and an even heavier heart. I stopped halfway down the stairs when I heard his voice, trying control my shivers. I remembered how terrified I had been yesterday, in the car, when the tall man loomed over me threateningly. I could only imagine what Heero must have felt like, years ago when he was still a young boy, to have that intimating man stand over him. Those thoughts I desperately shook from my mind. I didn't want to go there, it was too disturbing to even think about.
"Right on time," Remarked Tabytha with a smile as I stepped into the dining room just as she came in carrying a casserole dish with pink oven mittens protecting her hands.
Heero was already seated at the table, his eyes widened with shock at the sight of me and his brows furrowed deeply as he tried to make sense of my presence after I had told him earlier that day I would be leaving without him.
Cameron was also there and as usual I was expected to sit right next to him. I stood frozen by my chair, staring at him like I was seeing him for the first time – and in a way I was, it was the first time I saw him while knowing what he really was; knowing what was behind the façade of sophistication and self-control.
"Duo," He started.
His voice sounded different to me now.
"Tabytha told me you were home late, today. Something about the school's football team?" He inquired innocently. He sat back to make room as Tabytha served him dinner.
"Yeah." I pulled out my chair and sat down slowly, distrustingly. For some reason I feared he could look right into me and see in my eyes that I knew the truth. And I feared he would reach across the table and choke the life out of me because of it. But he remained perfectly gentlemanly and appeared oblivious to my inner turmoil.
He chuckled and shook his head at my less than eloquent response. "Do you have any interest in joining the team?"
I shrugged and scrunched up my face when Tabytha deposited a large serving on my plate. "Maybe."
"You don't strike me as the jock." He was mocking me, it wasn't hard to tell. He was following-up on his display of force from yesterday, wanting to drive home the message that I would be powerless against him.
"You're right. I'm more the dark, angry kid that is going to end up stabbing somebody," I shot back and I wrapped my fingers around the handle of my knife.
He laughed at what he believed to be a joke. "Let's hope the principle never calls me to say you've stabbed your schoolmates."
I hadn't been referring to my schoolmates but it would be dangerous to correct him. I picked up my fork as well and started cutting my food, with no intention whatsoever to consume it. My stomach was way too sensitive to deal with food now.
"Speaking of school. Are you and Heero working on any more projects together?"
I could see my brother was about to tell him that we didn't have any assignments together for now for our Physics class, but I was quick to say: "Actually yeah, we're working on something."
Heero glared at me warningly.
"How is it going?" The perfect, interested father asked.
"I have hope that it's going to turn out well. For the moment we don't see eye-to-eye to though," I said ambiguously.
"Oh?"
"Yeah. I think Heero is wrong. I think Heero is very wrong."
Cameron scoffed. "Heero is hardly ever wrong," He defended matter-of-factly. "Heero is smarter than everyone in his class."
He didn't have to say it, I could feel the 'including you' in the air, hanging over my head. I didn't say anything, just spent the next twenty minutes pushing my food around without anyone asking me why I wasn't eating. Tabytha nor Cameron took interest, not in me and not in Heero, who also wasn't eating. Tabytha fulfilled her duty of filling the silence with her opinions on trivial matters and irrelevant people and Cameron fulfilled his duty of pretending to listen; offering nods and 'hmhm's' every once in a while
When the dinner-ritual came to a thankful end I hurried back up to my room. I was about to slam the door shut behind me but as I turned around to do so I saw Heero's angry face and his presence surprised me so much I flinched.
He pushed his way into my room and he was the one to slam the door shut. With his back turned towards me he took a minute. His shoulders were tense and his fists were clenched at his sides.
It took him to so long to look back at me that I started to get worried. I was about to gently ask him why he was in my room when he spun around and focused that close-to-lethal glare on me.
"Why are you here? Why did you come back?" He demanded.
I released the breath I had been holding. "I'm here for you."
"I'm fine," He insisted. "I don't need you here. I don't want you here."
"You are not fine," I shot back.
He snorted agitatedly. "You don't know me."
"I know enough."
He practically snarled: "You are only going to get us in trouble. Just leave, live your life. Let me live mine, the way I see fit."
I shook my head. "I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because my mom wouldn't want me to."
"Your mother is dead."
I reeled back, the cold statement was like a punch in my already upset gut. I tried to explain: "When my mom took me away from here, she didn't know he would replace me. The fact that someone had to suffer in my stead… She wouldn't wish what would have been my fate on anybody. I just want both her and I to be able to rest easy." I deflated, I felt so sorry and guilty, even more so when I stared into his cold eyes. "I want you to get the same chance I got, the chance to be safe."
He rolled his eyes, completely unaffected by my words or the sight of me trembling and nearly in tears. "You can't save me," He stated dryly, clearly implying he didn't want to be saved; felt like he didn't need to be saved. "But you can still save yourself. If he finds out that you know, he is going to make sure you keep it a secret."
I balled my hands into fists. "Maybe I should just go to the police."
Heero let out a single, dark laugh. "I wonder why that didn't work out for your mother back in the day. Maybe it has something to do with the fundraiser your grandfather organizes for the National Association of Police Organizations every year, or the weekly games of golf with the state senator, or the fact that Cameron was the mayor's best friend in college… He's bulletproof. Besides, if you are stupid enough to go to the police and let Cameron know that you need some 'disciplining', I'm going to tell them you are lying, because I am not going to let you get me into trouble."
I stared at him with a forlorn expression.
"Either leave, or leave me out of it." On that final note he spun around, ripped the door open and stomped out.
I stared into thin air, trying to make sense of him and trying to make sense of myself. I felt like I was setting myself up for failure, the case appeared hopeless.
Finally I took that shower I had been craving. I set the water on the highest temperature I could stand and started stripping out of my clothes. When the button-fly of my black jeans wasn't cooperating I got so frustrated that I gave up on the task and stepped under the spray still wearing them. Under the onslaught of hot water I undid my braid to prevent it from becoming a tangled mess. Steam rose and filled the bathroom, the heat surrounded me and was sucked into my lungs with each panicked breath. I was scared. Scared for my safety and for Heero's well-being. I had never been scared like that before, I had my mom to thank for that. I didn't know how to deal with it, I didn't know how to turn all these negative emotions into something useless, I was just left feeling utterly helpless.
With my hand against the tiled wall to keep myself balanced I sagged down to the floor of the bathroom stall.
I cried. I missed my mother. I realized that without her, utterly helpless was exactly what I was. That frightened me because I couldn't fail Heero. I had to help him, even though I had no idea how. If I didn't, he would be lost, if he wasn't already. It was a horror to imagine what Cameron must have done to him all those years for him to turn out the way he had. And he wasn't done torturing him yet, I had no doubt given the state in which Heero returned from the 'fishing trip'. Which begged the question if Cameron would ever leave him alone, the way Heero believed, the way he had to believe to keep himself going. Would going off to college really be the ticket to freedom as my disturbed brother imagined? I found it hard to believe.
I had to convince him that he wasn't 'fine', but the task appeared insurmountable with the way Heero had compartmentalized and rationalized everything. I wished I could just leave, it would be easier and normally I was all about doing things the easy way – I supposed Heero was right about that one – but I would not be able to live with myself.
For the time being all I could do was run interference, to protect Heero against his own will and that was exactly what I was going to do.
I got myself off on shaky legs and struggled out of my jeans to wash myself properly.
Before I went to bed I locked the door as I always did but I also pushed my dresser in front of my door, just enough to ensure it could not easily be forced open. What Heero had told me about 'our father' being untouchable was unsettling, especially because I believed every word. After all, Cameron had also managed to make the 'troubles' his son had had with the P.E. teacher go away and Ruby also mentioned that police wouldn't believe my mother when she tried to report him. It had me thinking that he could do anything to me and get away with it.
He could beat me and convince others bullies at school had gotten to me.
He could kill me and just tell the officials I ran away.
I didn't get any sleep that night.
The next morning I was so hungry that I felt like I could actually eat. Lying awake all night clutching my growling stomach, too afraid to go downstairs in the dark to get myself something from the kitchen, was a feeling and a memory I liked to bury underneath a pile of syrupy pancakes, or waffles with powdered sugar.
On the menu that morning: French toast.
That'll do, I thought as I greedily sucked in the smell, that'll do.
My stomach got knotted up a little at the sight of Heero and Cameron seated next to each other at the breakfast table hiding behind their newspaper sections of choice. If the situation wasn't so fucked up their shared interest in worldly events might have been endearing.
"Good morning, Duo, did you sleep well?" Tabytha placed a plate in front of me as I took my assigned seat.
"Fine." I dug into my breakfast, working it into my mouth with obnoxiously large bites. My cheeks were bulging as I struggled to chew while keeping my mouth closed like the proper young man I wasn't.
"Aren't you going to say anything about how Heero looks today?" She prodded unsubtly when she joined us at the table, by the time I had nearly finished my meal.
I looked up from the last bite left on my plate. All I saw was the recycled paper with small black script and Heero's fingers on either side, holding it in front of him.
"I convinced him to wear the clothes he bought this weekend. You have very good taste, Duo," Tabytha explained.
"Yes, Heero looks great," Cameron chimed in.
Just like that I didn't covet that final mouthful anymore. I pushed my plate away from me and washed down my hurried breakfast by gulping down the entire content of the glass of orange juice I had been served.
Heero lowered the newspaper just enough so he could glare at me, obviously resenting me for pestering him into buying those clothes, now that everyone was making such a fuss about it.
"You two should go shopping again," Tabytha continued "Duo, I'd happily put you in charge of putting together a whole new wardrobe for Heero. You have a real eye for it."
I caught Cameron's smirk and Tabytha's blush. Before she could apologize for the implication, I questioned: "A queer-eye?"
My brother slammed the paper down on the table. "Could we please stop talking about this? I feel silly enough as it is." He was indeed wearing the nicely fitting button-up shirt I had pushed him into purchasing.
"You shouldn't feel silly!" His adoptive mother assured him. "Clothes like this should make you feel confident, if you look as good as you do wearing them that is. People will look at you differently, you'll see. You'll like it." From her expression it was clear she was reliving her own glory days when she was revered for her beauty – a beauty she now desperately clung to and dulled with layers of make-up and pre-mature Botox treatments.
"I doubt it," He growled. "I'm heading out." He shot up from his chair and walked across the kitchen to retrieve his backpack from the cooking island.
I couldn't help but stare, even as I realized how horrible that was, looking at him like that, knowing what I knew.
"The concept is good, but the execution leaves to be desired. Here," Cameron got up and approached his son, "let me help." He started rolling up both sleeves to just above the elbow and then he reached down at Heero's waist, pinching the fabric of his shirt between his fingers, just above the hem of the tight jeans, and started pulling the shirt out – Heero had tucked it in again, like he had at the store.
My trembling, white knuckled fists lay in my lap as I watched. If I didn't know what I did, I wouldn't think twice about a father adjusting his son's clothes, but all I could see was Cameron starting to undress him. It was how all those haunting flashes that plagued me since the day before started.
He stepped back and admired his 'work'. "There, that looks much 'cooler'," He remarked glibly.
"I agree, much more age-appropriate," Concurred his wife.
"Thanks,"Heero grumbled. He shot me a look, a warning look, then he slung one strap of his backpack over his shoulder and headed into the garage to get his bike and head to school.
I wiped my mouth on a napkin, feeling sick again, with my hastily consumed breakfast making matters worse. "I should go too."
"Have a nice day," The couple said in unison, paying little attention to me as I scampered out of the kitchen.
I stepped outside just as Heero was mounting his bike on the driveway. "Hey! Wait up! We can walk to school together."
He scoffed and then pushed off, pedaling away.
I jogged after him, calling his name, but soon gave up, he was too fast.
I had no choice but to go to school and pretend that everything was normal, that everything was perfect. But the entire day I was in conflict with myself, wondering if I was making a mistake by not reaching out to anyone. Clearly I was in over my head, I had no idea what to do, I wasn't the best guy for the job. Yet every time the words threatened to burst out of me whenever a teacher would just look at me, I bit down on my lip and kept quiet. I didn't doubt for a second that it was in both Heero's and my best interest to keep this quiet – I trusted Heero's warnings and I trusted my own instincts. But it wasn't easy doing this by myself.
I didn't want to get Ruby too involved. I couldn't risk her rushing in with the best intentions and pretty much running face-first into the protective, impermeable wall Cameron had built around himself. My position as the 'inside man' was probably the best approach.
Care had to be taken that I wouldn't let Cameron poison me while I was focused on Heero. I may not be as easily manipulated as an eight year old, defenseless child, but I imagined monsters like my father had their ways of getting into anybody's head. The fact that he had gotten away with everything so far was testament to that.
For most of the duration of the gym class I was distracted by thoughts regarding Tabytha's involvement in and awareness of the matter. How much did she know? It was hard to believe she was completely ignorant of the abuse that went on in her own house but I didn't rule out the possibility that she was left completely in the dark. She wasn't the most observant, nor was she all that interested in the well-being of her child. Besides, there is a reason the saying goes: The wife is always the last to know. I could imagine the sheer, subconscious reluctance to see this horrible truth was enough to leave the eyes blind for all intents and purposes.
If she did know and she just let it happen… That thought made me start to feel sick again, so much so that I benched myself halfway into a competitive hockey game. How could anybody stand by idly and watch such horrors take place? It was unimaginable, but I knew the world was full of sicko's like Cameron and equally full of people who gave those kind of monsters the freedom to pursue their abhorrent desires.
At the end of the day – with quite a headache from overthinking the situation – I waited for Heero by the bike stands. He had made it perfectly clear he didn't want to talk to me, but part of my admittedly crude plan was to force my way in. At school was the best place for us to talk honestly, about as far away from Cameron as we could be. As more and more people came and went, the amount of bikes left in the stands thinned gradually, until Heero's blue bike was one of the only ones left.
I went looking for him, more so because I was tired of waiting then due to concern for him. His safety was in jeopardy at the house, at school he was about as safe as he could be as long as he refused to cooperate and just leave with me.
Several wings of the school building were already locked off. Most students went home already. Home, where they were safe, where they were loved, where nothing more was expected of them but to do their best in school and to honor the curfew.
I tried going upstairs to the classroom where I knew the chess-club would meet up regularly, but was ushered back downstairs by the janitor who was already sweeping the scuffed and faded red linoleum clean.
With a shrug I gave up and went back outside, walking past the bike stands. I had every intention of going back to the house but as I was halfway across the courtyard towards the front gate the site of Heero's blue bike being the only one left at that point gnawed at me and I stopped in my tracks.
Students may have fled home, but teachers would still be present in the building. Heero alone with teachers gave me an uneasy feeling. What if he had gotten another A-, that he was displeased with and sought to amend?
I had told myself I wasn't only going to try to protect him from Cameron, but from his own twisted judgment as well and that probably also meant preventing him from engaging in scandalous extracurricular activities. Perhaps I should pick my battles, but as long as I could make some kind of difference, I figured I had – from that point on – a moral obligation to try.
So with my responsibilities weighing down on me I headed back inside, grumbling under my breath. I didn't really look forward to 'walking in' on something.
On my way to the teachers' lounge I passed the opening to the hallway heading towards the locker rooms, indoor gym and storage and the sport fields out back. I heard laughter coming down the corridor and figured a varsity team of whatever kind of sport had finished practice and the rowdy bunch was showering and getting dressed. I continued along my way, but about twenty paces later I heard multiple sets of quickened footfalls and then echoing shouts:
"Get him!"
I looked over my shoulder and saw the flash of a figure sprinting out of the hallway leading to the fields and bursting through the double doors leading to the cafeteria. It was only a split second, but the blur was white and light blue and I instantly knew it was Heero, wearing the clothes I had forced him to buy. Chasing him was a group of three or four guys in varsity jackets.
With my black all-stars squeaking I pivoted on my heels and raced after them, through the cafeteria and through the long hallway back to where I had been before: the bike stands. Just as the door fell shut behind the group of – four – bullies I saw the quickest of them had caught up with Heero and had his arms wrapped around him, restraining him. Seeing that his white blouse was unbuttoned, his chest and abdomen exposed, infuriated me.
Without pause I threw the door open, catching all four of them by surprise.
"It's the other Maxwell!" One of them ridiculed.
It was the group of bullies I had encountered before, their leader, being a snotty jock called Brody.
"Why is his shirt open?" I seethed.
"We were just admiring Heero's pretty, pretty clothes when my friend noted they were so tight he might as well be naked," Brody quipped. "How did you put it?"
"It leaves nothing to the imagination," Reiterated the one holding my step-brother.
I gave Heero a quick once-over trying to judge if he was hurt, it struck me how calm he was, he wasn't even struggling in the near-choke-hold of the bigger guy.
"Right," Drawled Brody, approaching the captive. "No doubt a special outfit put together for a special occasion. Tell me, Heero, did you get another A-?"
Disturbingly it was that remark – the insinuation of him receiving a sub-par grade – that riled Heero up. He spat the bully right in the face when he made the mistake of leaning in too close.
He wiped his hand across his face, cleaning off the spit with disgust. "You fucking whore!"
I could tell he was about to hit him in retaliation so I stepped in and grabbed his arm. "Calm your shit, Cody," I said, purposefully getting him name wrong to antagonize him. It was better to get him to shift his focus to me.
Brody turned right around and hit me square in the face with his balled fist.
Unprepared, unable to protect or brace myself, I fell backwards onto the cold, paved ground and for a moment my vision was blurred as my left eye started to throb.
They laughed at me and one of them started counting like a referee at a wrestling match.
Brody decided they had had enough fun and instructed the other to let go of Heero. The group started to leave, but not before one of them kicked me in the side while I was still down.
"These faggots don't even put up a fight. It's no fun that way," Remarked Brody as they casually walked away.
With a grunt I propped myself up on my elbows and looked up at Heero who was buttoning up his shirt, glaring at me like I had done something wrong.
"You are even more stupid than I gave you credit for," He bit.
I sat up and paused, dealing with a swelling headache. Sarcastically I retorted: "You're welcome."
"Stop trying to help me, it's only making matters worse."
"Oh come on!" I argued, "If it weren't for me you would have been the one with a shiner, friend."
"This is all your fault to begin with. If you hadn't insisted on these clothes…"
"Oh, sure. I'm the villain in this story," I grumbled as I got up. I gestured dramatically. "Not the bullies. Not the predatory adoptive father! No, the step-brother who gives fashion advice, he's the bad guy!"
Heero walked away while I was still talking, heading back into the building.
"Hey, where the fuck are you going?"
"To get my jacket and my bag, you buffoon."
After heaving a sigh I trailed after him, much to his dismay.
"What are you doing?" He shot over his shoulder.
"I'm here to protect you," I replied, pausing for gravitas. "I get that you don't like that, but that is only because you won't even acknowledge that you need protection. If you saw things clearly, you'd realize I'm an ally, not an enemy."
"All you are is a complication." He turned around to fixate his cold glare on my. "I want you to stay away from me."
I balled my fists at my side as I stood my ground. "Tough. I don't care what you want. You don't see things clearly enough to know what is right for you."
"Leave me alone!" He demanded hoarsely.
"No!" I stomped my foot to emphasize my point. "We are going to be best-fucking-friends. We are going to spend every waking hour together, at school and at home!"
Heero scoffed. "You can't make me-"
"We are going to be attached at the hip and you are going to grin and bear it," I continued authoritatively. "If you avoid me, if you shut me out, I'm going to tell Cameron that I know everything. And I'm going to tell him that you told me," I threatened boldly in a last ditch attempt. My words seemed to have effect on him, so I continued: "That is going to unleash a shit-storm of trouble, but it's going to rain down on you just as hard as it will on me. I'm pretty sure you won't like that. I'm pretty sure you would like to avoid that."
Heero's eyes widened, nearly imperceptibly.
"Come on, Heero. You said you understood things come at a cost." Seeing his expression twitch as he struggled to deal with and hide his inner turmoil I felt horrible. I didn't want to further traumatize the kid and become another demanding figure in his life, but in the heat of the moment it was the only thing that came to me. I had to believe the end justified the means. If becoming Heero's shadow would prove to be a successful way to keep Cameron at arm's length I had to believe that that was worth that torn expression on his face and the fact that he would mistrust me the same way a child would mistrust shadows.
Rather than giving him the time to regain his composure, reject my logic and be ultimately unimpressed by my threat, I caught up to him. "Let's go get your jacket. And then we're going to walk home together and we are going to spend the entire evening in your room. Together." I headed back towards the locker rooms.
He trailed after me. "Why in my room?" He asked pathetically.
"It's more private. I'm assuming privacy is exactly why Cameron gave you the space over the garage." Was my matter-of-fact reply.
"Why do I get the impression you want to mark my room as your territory?"
"Because I do." I figured becoming part of Heero's personal space was a sound strategy to keep Camoeron out of it. Me being in Heero's room would communicate a new level of closeness in our relationship – even though it was still a sham – and I hoped that would make Cameron more cautious. I had every intention of bullying Heero into frequent, impromptu sleep-overs as well, to discourage Cameron from thinking of paying Heero a visit in the night, because he would never know when I would or wouldn't be there. I knew Heero claimed Cameron didn't sleep with him anymore, but I didn't believe him. How could a sicko like him stop? And what was the meaning of that fishing trip other than more privacy to do things I didn't want to think about?
My brother collected his things from the boy's locker room where the bullies had cornered him before. Walking next to his bike he stayed at my side as we headed back to the house. The atmosphere between us was uneasy at best but I couldn't let that deter me. This wasn't going to be pleasant for either of us but ultimately it would be for both our well-being, so he wouldn't get abused anymore and so I ease my own guilt and live with myself, knowing what I knew.
"Can I ask you something?"
He snorted. "Could I stop you?"
No, obviously. "Why did you run away from those bullies? Why didn't you just let them do to you whatever they wanted? You let Cameron do whatever he wants."
"I don't get anything in return for letting those bullies mistreat me," He answered plainly.
"Maybe… Although… Running away from them only aggravated them, which probably only made it worse. They might go easier on you if you don't fight back. So you could say you would benefit from just letting them have their way with you."
He gave me an odd sideways look. "I thought you insisted on staying here to protect me, yet now you are encouraging me to submit to those brutes?"
I shook my head. "I'm not encouraging you to do anything, I just want to understand."
"The difference between how they would treat me if I let them and how they would treat me if I fight back is negligible, so I might as well defend myself for the sake of my dignity."
"And what of your dignity with regards to Cameron?" I shot back.
He stopped to focus his impressive glare on me. "I don't understand why it is so difficult for you to grasp. It is a simple matter of weighing the pros and cons."
His monotonous, uncaring tone still frightened me. "But what he does to you-"
"Did," He argued.
"Sure, whatever," I dismissed, not believing him. "What he did to you… how could that possibly be outweighed by anything else? I would rather starve and sleep in a pool of my own waste than let someone do that to me."
His face contorted into a mean and disgusted expression. "You don't know what it was like. If you did, I think you would decide differently."
He started walking away so I followed him. "Then tell me what it was like," I challenged, "Help me understand."
"There is no point." He climbed onto his bike.
I jogged to catch up with him and grabbed the back wheel before he could speed off. "Fine, don't tell me, but let me tell you this: No matter how bad it was for you before you were adopted, it won't necessarily be like that again if you ran away. If we could get help-"
"I've made up my mind, Duo!" He yelled over his shoulder, "I know what I want out of this life and I know how to get it." He tried to push off and pedal away, but I held on.
"But that's the most fucked-up part! You don't know what you want, you can't possibly know what you want, or else you wouldn't settle for this. He has twisted your way of thinking. The most important things in life are not money, or a roof over your head, or a warm bed. Life is about finding love, self-worth and peace of mind."
He scoffed at my lecture. "You are such a child. If there is one thing I would have expected the death of your mother to teach you it's that we don't live in an ideal world. We have to make compromises or else we get nothing out of life."
"Not these kinds of compromises…" I pleaded. My entire body tensed up when he let out a chilling cackle.
"Stop pretending that this is the worst thing in the world. There are worse things than sex."
"But he doesn't have sex with you, he rapes you!"
"Not anymore!" He shouted back, getting angry again.
"Why do you keep saying that?"
"Because it's the truth!" He got off his bike and kicked it to the ground, exceedingly impatient with my lacking ability to understand and accept his logic. "Cameron hasn't had sex with me in years." He chuckled darkly at my perplexed expression as I realized he was telling me the truth but I couldn't make any sense of it. "Cameron likes young boys," He explained matter-of-factly.
A shiver ran down my spine.
"I'm too old for him and have been for a while now." There was a bitterness to his tone that made me tremble almost violently. He let out another scoff. "You don't know a damn thing. Stop meddling in business you know nothing about." Heero leaned over and picked his bike up from the ground and started walking along. After a few steps he stopped and turned around. "Are you coming?" He asked impatiently.
I stared at him with wide, shocked eyes.
"We both know you are just going to weasel your way back into my life again, no matter how often we fight. We might as well get it over with. It gets boring."
After a heartbeat's worth of hesitation I went after him, dragging my feet and letting my head hang low.
This definitely wasn't going to be pleasant.
Thanks for reading :) Let me know what you think of the story so far.
Also, what do you prefer for my other stories: shorter chapters (like this one) which might allow me to update more frequently, or my regular longer chapters, that take me more time to post? I get a lot of pleas to update quicker than I do, making the chapters shorter is the only way for me to realistically attempt to achieve shorter intervals between updates. Let me know! I really want to do my best to update quicker for you guys, but I don't want to disappoint people if they prefer the long chapters.