a/n: New chapter everyone! This is kind of AU if you consider Makoto being a sort of INTERPOL agent AU.
Prompt: Blood
One
The sticky liquid trickled down my arm and dripped into the water, turning into what looked like a grotesque red flower blooming in the water, turning the clear liquid into a murky red. The artistry of it all disgusted me. Why is it that something so horrible, so wicked must look so beautiful?
Two
More of it dribbled down into the cloudy red water. The silver metal felt so cool against my skin compared to the warm red liquid that continued to trickle down my wrist. It was relief. The cool blade felt like a relief, an escape from this terrible, abominable life. With this knife, I could escape. I could get away from all this. Blood continued to run and drip into the water in the bathtub. I lifted the blade again, to make another cut down my arm. Another one should do it. Then all I'd have to do is wait. My vision was already blurring, my body protesting from the lack of blood. A voice inside my head laughed, a cruel, cruel laugh. Just another cut and a few more minutes. Then it would be all over.
Thr-
"Sonoko? SONOKO!"
I inwardly cursed. The door. I forgot to lock the door! I stumbled, attempting to stand and make for the doorknob, muttering obscenities as my legs gave way from under me. The little voice inside my head continued to laugh. Oh, the irony! A few minutes ago all you wanted was to be able to destroy this wretched body, now all you want is it to work and give you strength. Blood continued to run down my arms and onto the pristine, white floor of the bathroom.
The fuzzy image of Ran's face came into view. "Sonoko! What are you doing?" Her voice seemed disconnected to my ears. "Sonoko!" She cried, looking at my arms. She looked behind her and yelled, "Shinichi! Shinichi, call the ambulance!" No! The coherent part of my brain seemed to scream. No! Let me die! Let me die! I tried to mumble out the words but nothing was coming out. "Sonoko!" Ran continued to say. "Sonoko, hold on, you'll be alright!"
No…nothing will be alright again…
I woke up to bleary lights and a white room. I had to blink several times before everything came into focus. Hospital. I was in a hospital room. I looked down at my arms wrapped in bandages. There was a throbbing pain at my wrists.
"Sonoko!"
I tilted my head to the left and found a concerned Ran looking at me. "Sonoko! What were you thinking? The doctors said that you were almost…that we were almost too late…you could have…"
I looked back up at the ceiling, at the ceiling fan spinning lazily. So close. So, so close.
"Sonoko, Makoto…he wouldn't have wanted you to…"
My head snapped towards her at the name. "Don't talk about him." I managed to whisper. "Don't mention his name. Ever." Ran fell silent, Shinichi putting his arms around her shoulders and whispering in her ear.
"Mr. and Mrs. Kudo?"
Ran and Shinichi both looked up at the doctor addressing them. "Yes?" Ran answered. "That's us."
"It's 9:30pm. Visiting hours are over. I'm sorry; we need you to leave so Mrs. Kyogoku can rest."
The couple nodded and left, Ran shooting a worried look at me. I paid no attention and continued looking at the ceiling fan above me as my thoughts began drifting away. Makoto. Makoto Kyogoku. The last time I heard that name was three days ago.
When I received word that he was dead.
He became an Interpol agent a couple of months after we got married. I had no idea what drove him to get the job – I was just so happy when he did. Whenever he was happy, I was happy. He'd be out for periods of time, but when he was with me, everything became alright. Life was perfect.
Until three days ago.
They came to my house at night, men in black suits knocking on my door. One of them was Dai, one of Makoto's best friends. He had gone to our house a couple of times before. He was the one who broke the news to me and held me as I cried. The news that my husband had been killed in action on some undercover mission. The news that my husband, Makoto Kyogoku, was dead.
I hated my life.
I should've been prepared. I should've been ready for something like this. I had always known to an extent that this was bound to happen. That my husband was bound to die in a situation like this. But knowing that it could happen and having it actually happen were two completely different things. And I found out that difference that night, sobbing on the kitchen table as Dai and the other agents tried to comfort me, offer their condolences.
I hated my life.
Shinichi and Ran moved in the next morning, to watch over me and help me cope. But I couldn't. I couldn't cope with the fact that he was dead. Gone. I couldn't live without him. So I wouldn't try.
That annoying voice in my head reminded me that now that I failed to kill myself, they'd watch over me even more intently than before. They'd watch over me like a hawk, and they probably wouldn't let me out of their sights. I waved the voice away. They couldn't stop me. They'd let something slip – a pair of scissors, a length of string, a little too much time in the bathroom…I'd find a way.
I sat up and looked down at my arms again. They'd wrapped it in bandages. Maybe…maybe if I removed them…I could possibly reopen the wounds… My left hand made to undo the bandages on the right…
"Don't."
I jumped at the voice. That voice…but that's impossible…
A figure stepped out of the shadows. I felt my heart drop to the floor. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped. No. That can't be.
He smiled, hands in his jacket pockets. "Hey."
"M-makoto?" I whispered. It was too good to be true. It was my mind, playing tricks on me. Cruel, cruel tricks. He's dead. I told myself. He's dead, he's dead, he's dead. I chanted over and over in my head, like a mantra.
I involuntarily edged backwards as he stepped closer to me. "Hey." He whispered again. He looked disapprovingly at my bandaged arms. "You shouldn't do this." He said, his fingers ghosting over the white bandages. "You shouldn't hurt yourself like this."
He's dead. He's dead! The voice was become less and less convincing as he squatted down beside my bed and looked at me, concerned. "You-you're dead." I managed to blurt out, trying to convince myself. "You're dead. Dai came to my house, he said you were dead. We had a funeral. You're dead."
He gave a wry smile. "Yeah, I'm supposed to be dead."
"Wh-what do you mean?" I didn't understand anything anymore.
He suddenly turned serious. "Sonoko, what I'm telling you now, you can't tell anyone else." He looked at the window, still squatting beside my bed. "Sonoko…Interpol pronounced me legally dead because my identity had been compromised on the mission. They needed me to work deep undercover, and with me pronounced dead I can go undercover easily. And they had to let everyone believe that." He looked at me again. "Even you."
My brain wasn't processing any of this. "So…who knows? That you're really alive?"
Makoto looked thoughtfully out the window once more. "Dai. He's in on it because he's my partner on this deep undercover mission. He'll help me keep my cover. Some of the prominent members of Interpol know as well. Shinichi figured most of it out with his deductive skills. Dai explained the whole truth to him, and the need for secrecy. I doubt he's told anyone, even Ran. And now…you know." He said, looking straight at me.
The small, sane part of my brain managed to make my lips say, "But you're not supposed to tell me."
He sighed. "I know. But…" He looked at my arms again. "Shinichi…Shinichi told me…he told me what you tried to do…" he whispered, running his fingers over my arms once again. "And I couldn't…I couldn't allow you to do this…I couldn't let you kill yourself…because you thought I was dead…" His voice trailed off. "I couldn't let you do that to yourself and know that it was my fault. I would never forgive myself if you had died because of me."
I stared at him, at a loss for words. "Makoto…" I managed to whisper. Suddenly, a light streamed in from the window of the room, and I squinted at the brightness. It flashed three times then went out. Makoto frowned. "Sonoko, I have to go."
"Wait!" I couldn't let him leave. I couldn't.
He stood up, cupped my face with his hands and kissed me, sending warmth throughout my entire body. When he broke the kiss he whispered, "I love you. I'll find a way to see you again. I promise." He gave me a small kiss on the forehead and jumped out the window, where Dai was probably waiting with a trampoline or some other silly Interpol equipment.
"I love you too." I whispered.
a/n: Yay! Two updates in a day! Hope this makes up for the long break I took guys! Please review!