A/n: Here, have a complete chapter. *Thwack*

A/n: 3k words to make up for the wait. Enjoy!

A/n: Also, Happy Christmas!

Eat Me

The bridge replica that Honker and Q had built seemed to Director Hooter to be as solid underfoot as the real one that he had driven across that afternoon.

Young Simon Bushroot traipsed along beside Hooter and they shortly reached the other end of the bridge. This certainly was a much shorter trip without the traffic, Hooter thought as he soon stepped off the bridge and back onto the dirt road.

The teenagers were standing by the last cement pylon.
"Well ... It's functional, that's for sure." Q was saying to Honker.
"But that's the point!" Honker sighed.
"I'm not saying it's a bad thing, Honker. I just think it needs more ... I dunno ... car chases."

"Houses, gates and bridges." Searching for an answer to this strange construction obsession, Hooter glanced back to the vacant bridge, before his gaze settled on Simon.
"I don't know either." Simon shook his head and then looked up to the teenagers. "Thank you very much for helping." He acknowledged Q and Honker.

"Sure, no worries, kid." Q answered absently and returned her attention straight back to her debating partner. "We really need to talk about this, Honker. This is the thing dad was talking about in his 'dangerous' voice." Q said, finishing with a sinister tone. Beneath the mild mannered teenager exterior, Hooter couldn't help recognising her as his friend and employee, The Quiverwing Quack.

Hooter scanned the landscape before them. It was wide open farmland, rolling hills and patches of what appeared to be giant umbrella groves of green, pink and red. In the middle of the view was a single grey building. Far above, the great Cloud City floated; a creamy-purple shadow in the swirling mixed-berry coloured sky. Hooter wondered what and who was up there.

"Wow, look at that big old castle!" Simon spurted with enthusiasm, pointing to the grey stone building. All at once the schoolchild was off with a bound, heading towards the castle.

Hooter followed, leaving Q and Honker behind to debate the nuances of the bridge. Now that Simon had pointed out what the building was, Hooter easily saw the turrets. The flags were purple, of course, with a teal pattern. "My word, I never had expected anything so medieval."
"In The Duck Ages there were lots of brave knights and they rescued princesses and showed lots of courage and honour..."

Clearly history, fairy tales, myths and legends were among Simon's favourite topics. Hooter let the child chatter on and followed in the sprightly boy's steps. As he walked and half-listened, Hooter mused on what a medieval castle was doing in a world otherwise populated by umbrellas, baseball bats and sneakers. It was true that Darkwing's interest in new technology had waned since he'd become a vampire, but would a castle truly manifest in the urban crusader's mental landscape?

"... Then there were selfish people too." Simon continued on, "Gypsy witches were pretty proactive back then, mum says. They'd travel from kingdom to kingdom and catch selfish people out. Then they'd turn them into frogs or ogres to teach them important lessons about human-itarianism ..."

Before they reached the castle drawbridge Hooter stopped the boy. "Simon, wait for me."
Simon stopped, turning to Hooter. "What's the matter, sir?"
Hooter reached Simon's side. "The unknown, Simon; it should be as concerning to you as it is to me." Hooter answered with a gentle smile. "The most terrifying thing in existence is the one that is yet to be conceived of." He gestured to the castle. "How do you propose we should proceed?"

Simon looked back at the drawbridge for a time and then back to Hooter once he had an answer. "We go in and say hello." The boy answered in a sensible tone of voice.
"The bold and brazen approach it is, then." Hooter took Simon's suggestion. "However let us go in together."

The two stepped along the drawbridge and inside to the castle courtyard. Bits of hay lay strewn across the deserted area.

Hooter looked around at the grey stone place they were in. "Hmm, I did expect something a bit more ..."

A ripping roar sounded overhead and Hooter looked up with a start. A giant red dragon was clinging to a wall high up, glaring at them and flexing its wings angrily.

"Oh, my gosh!" Simon cried out in alarm.

The dragon opened its mouth and aimed a great stream of fire at them. Hooter grabbed Simon's hand and they ran as fast as they could out through the back drawbridge.

Fighting for a breath, Hooter let Simon go outside the castle and looked back. The raging dragon had taken to the air. It let out another roar as it got ready to come swooping down at them. "Run for cover!" Hooter pointed the direction to Simon and they ran across the field for the cover of a nearby grove of umbrella trees.

Once they'd reached the trees and Hooter had taken a breath, he dared to look back to see what the red dragon was up to. It was circling the open meadow. No longer seeing them, the dragon at last gave up. It flapped its great wings and flew back to the castle through the swirling red, blue and blackberry coloured sky.

"Are you alright, Simon?"
"I ... I'm fine ..." Simon croaked, tears in his eyes.
"Simo-."

Thunder crashed down over their heads interrupting Hooter's words of consolation. Rain started bucketing down over the umbrella forest. The earth beneath Hooter's feet gave a tremendous heave and he lost his footing on the slick wet grass. Together he and Simon went slip sliding down the embankment and into the middle of a massive chessboard some twenty metres wide and landed at the hooves of a horse. The black horse reared up on its back legs, whinnying in fright.

Drink Me

"Whoa! Whoa, there!" The black knight got his horse to jump and they landed on a square further off. He'd barely had a moment to steady his steed before a giant red lobster came snapping its pincers at the knight. Swinging his blade, the black knight drove the red lobster back towards the other side of the board.

"Not a mind, sir," the knight called through his helmet, glancing back over his shoulder to Hooter when he got a free moment, "but if you two would be so kind as to move on back from my station. My tail feathers are feeling the breeze over here." Speechless, Hooter got up onto his feet and together with Simon they moved over onto the next unoccupied square. The knight on his horse immediately jumped back into place. "Mighty kind of you." The life-sized chess piece said with a genial note in his voice.

"Now what play is this?" The black knight puzzled, "What sort of pieces are you?"
"Oh, no, we're not chess pieces." Simon tried to explain. "We're people."
"People? You mean you're civilians? Civilians!" The knight let out a shrill whistle, "Civilians on the board!"

Hooter and Simon backed up to another empty space as the red pieces surged forwards in a wave. There were battle cries from both black and white bishops. Now that Hooter looked he saw two other knights; one white and a second black. Together this side of the chess board looked like a scrounged patchwork set. Both black and white were working to ward off the red pieces.

"Gosh if he wasn't loud about it they wouldn't have started fighting." Simon complained.
"We'd better get back behind the defence line." Hooter and Simon dodged the trampling feet and swinging swords and tried as best they could to get back and out of the way of the trouble.

"We're boxed in by the other pieces. We went the wrong way." Turning around Hooter saw a red piece also noticing their undefended side. "Oh, dear."
Simon saw the lobster coming for them too. "Director Hooter? Suddenly I don't like chess very much anymore."

Snapping its pincers, Hooter watched the red piece skittering unchecked towards them. "It looks like no chess piece I have ever seen before."
"It moves just like a pawn." Simon noted, growing in assertiveness.
"A pawn may take a queen!" Hooter reminded Simon firmly. "We must be on our guard."

Battle cries filled the air all around but somewhere in the midst of the war whoops and the clashing swords there called the magic words that Hooter was very glad to hear.

"I am the terror that flaps in the night!"

A fishnet flew over the top of the lobster and pinned it safely to the spot. A cloud of smoke appeared, blocking the lobster from view. "I am the monster lurking under the criminal bed!" The cloud disbursed to take a shape and Hooter double blinked. "I am Darkwing Duck!"

Now, Hooter certainly wasn't ungrateful, nor was he about to dispute over the effective rescue. However he did pause for a moment. Their rescuer was small; not even Hooter's size. Not to mention that although his voice was as bold and as confident as Darkwing Duck's should be, it was a few octaves higher than usual.

Darkwing Duckling turned, "Let's get you two out of the battle zone." He aimed his gas gun loaded with a grapple at a giant overhanging desk lamp. The three of them swung clear of the fight.

Hooter was glad to have his feet back on ordinary dirt however real or imagined. "Thank you for your help, Darkwing." He breathed in relief, "We were unfortunate to fall into the middle of that."
"No thanks necessary." Darkwing smiled broadly up at them from his diminished height, "I'm only here to help."

"I hate this place!" Simon suddenly cried out. "Oh, Justin, Justin, don't you recognise us at all?" He shook the other.
"Easy, easy! Calm down, citizen!" The caped duckling demanded and extracted himself from Simon's hold, "I don't know this Justin person but whoever he is he is certainly not me."
Simon hid his face in his hands. "Horrible. This is a horrible place."
"Crime in a city this big is like an iceberg." Darkwing replied, "Steer clear as best you can and keep your bill clean."

Hooter looked back at the chessboard, "it really is just a game, Simon, and an imagined one at that."
"No, it's not that." Simon looked up at him with tears in his eyes. "You don't realise it, do you? You can't know, can you? You can't even guess at it, can you?" He sobbed. "You know that dragon that chased us down here?" He said in a breaking voice.
"Yes?" Hooter answered, recalling the huge beast with a mouthful of sharp teeth and a fiery breath. "It was very good to get away from it."
"That was baby Catlyn!" Simon swallowed. "She didn't recognise us any more than Justin knows himself."
"My word." Hooter looked over at the miniature Darkwing Duck, observing him carefully winding up his grapple and rope and stashing it for later.

"I have heard children have very engrossing imaginations, Simon," Hooter reasoned, "and I have heard that it is also the case with healthy minded children that once the storytelling is over they do return to being their normal selves."
"I sure do hope so, Director Hooter." Simon swallowed, "but it seems very real to them right now."

"Well, still but it is something new we've learnt about this place." Hooter ventured, "Justin and Catlyn only see us as playing an adopted role in their games; that is true. But while Raya saw us as mere figments of her imagination she still more or less accepted our goals even as they diverged from hers. And while Q and Honker don't see what we see they readily interact with us. This surely means that once we find Drake and Morgana that we will have far more assistance from them."

Simon's face went a darker green and he shook his head. "No, I think you're wrong there, sir." He said unhappily.
"No, Simon? Why is that?"
"Because" Simon clasped his leafy hand around Hooter's arm and led him to the side of the chessboard.
From a safe distance Simon pointed. "That's Mr Mallard over there on that big white horse, see? He's just taken out that lobster and now he's crossing the board."

Drake dressed in black chess robes swung his white horse around the nearby white bishop, cutting down an extra red lobster opponent as he went. "Hold fast, soldiers," his horse reared up as he rallied the troops, "see the dawn is on our side!"

"Dawn." Hooter repeated. So this was the problem that Drake had brought him to the house to have a look at.
"You understand what's going on, sir?" Simon asked.
"I dare say there are many things that I do not understand here, Simon. Just as I do not understand why there are so many teddy bears in Raya's garden, I do not gather the significance of why it is that Drake holds both black and white pieces when his opponent has only red. But perhaps this chessboard situation is exactly what Raya was gallantly attempting to protect us from."

Simon sighed, "she says 'you can do it, Simon', believes it, and then worries anyway."
"Come now," Hooter petted his purple-petalled head, "If you had your own place here, Simon, would there be a fountain at the centre like Raya's or a fireplace like Catlyn's?"
Simon's green eyes went as wide as saucers at the question and Hooter chuckled at the chord he'd struck.

"Perhaps we should move on to find Mrs Mallard?" He petted Simon's head. "As she is magically the most inclined in this household I hope she might bring some sense to these proceedings." Hooter turned, glancing back at the battle on the board, "and at the very least we need to observe the puzzle in its full entirety before we can hope to solve it."

They returned to the miniature Darkwing Duck. He was standing against an overgrown coat stand tree with a smirk on his face and his arms folded. "I've been waiting for you to come back." He declared smugly, "two visitors and without a street directory." He tsked. "That sure spells L-O-S-T to me."
Hooter fumbled to answer him. "Uh, no, we've ... erm ... actually there is a mystery we're trying to solve here, Darkwing, and we were hoping you could assist us in finding the next clue."

The boy's face light up behind the purple mask. "Oh, yes?" The bewitched Justin acted casually, looking at his fingertips, "I do happen to know a 'little' about finding clues."
"Well, it goes like this." Simon ventured, "Can you tell us the way to Morgana's place?"

"Oh, sure, that's 'easy'!" The half-pint Darkwing bragged, "You go up this path right here, turn left at the spectrometer intersection, head up the back path till you get to the crockery hatchery, collect a plate, turn around, head back down the back path, turn left at the spectrometer, go up the front road till you get to a giant waterfall." He took a breath, "Go through the waterfall, battle the giant clown doll on the other side, then you'd better climb a tree because by this time you'll be on the gnomes' turf and that is not a good story because if you can see one gnome then there's about five fairy dive bombers on their way. Plus if you don't climb a tree to get away from them they'll try to chase you into one of their fairy rings. So then once you're up this tree you'll see the right direction to get to Infinity and you'll be right from then on."

Hooter blinked at the boy's impossibly complicated way of traversing the map, "good heavens, you are every bit your father."

"I think I've got all that." Simon decided and spun about on the spot ready to head off.
"Wait a moment, Simon." Hooter called him back, "I rather think you're missing an opportunity here."
"An opportunity?" Simon questioned, "In what way?"
"Well," Hooter smiled at Simon, "why not avail ourselves of Darkwing Duck's assistance?"
Simon frowned, "but he's already told us which way to go. That was helping, wasn't it?"
"But if we ask him a slightly different question, he might help us even more. The best solution is not necessarily the customary one."
Simon smiled broadly, "you're really cool, director." He announced and turned to the bewitched Justin. "Darkwing Duck, do you know a shortcut to Morgana's?"

"Do I know a shortcut?" Darkwing Duckling laughed, "Criminals live in fear of my timely entrances. Of course I know a shortcut. It's just over here."

Hooter and Simon followed Darkwing around the enormous crater. Between two giant wooden chairs yards and yards of red blanket hung like the curtain of a stage play.

"It's right through here." The boy gestured to the curtain. "Wait for me here. I'll make sure it's safe. Just in case."
"Oh, that is very thoughtful, thank you, Darkwing." Hooter replied and let Justin go first.
"If that's true we shouldn't let him go first!" Simon grabbed Hooter's sleeve, "he'll get hurt; he's only little."
"I rather think he'll manage." Hooter disagreed. "At this moment he believes unconditionally that he is Darkwing Duck and it was you who said this place works on the power of belief. Darkwing Duck knows the terrain and he knows the local creatures. He is the single most capable of us all. On Darkwing Duck we may rely."

In a moment Darkwing pushed his head back through the curtain. "It's safe. Come on, you two."