Title: Scream Ferocity
Summary: "Those who hate most fervently must have once loved deeply. Those who want to deny the world must have once embraced what they have now set on fire" Leah finally snaps.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. This story is produced without profit. Opening quote is taken from the song 'I Will Find You' by Clannad. Poem belongs to Robert Frost.
Characters: Leah/Jacob/Ensemble
Genre: Angst/Hurt/Family
Rating: Older teen- Adult
Warnings: Dark themes. Non explicit violence, murder, sex.
Status: In Progress.
Archiving: Please PM me
Inspirations/Dedications: Dedicated to anyone who has ever had feelings.
Author's Notes: This is the edited version of this story.
~No Matter where you go I will find you. If it takes a thousand years~
War Wounds
For some reason that he can't quite pinpoint, Jacob has been watching TV for most of the night. The images blur and go all fuzzy but he never looks away. Why would he? You never know what you will miss if you don't look.
It is hard to sit still when there' is an animal going stir crazy inside of you. Run, run, run, it whispers in his ear, You'll never find what you're looking for here. Go!
Go where, he wonders.
The picture sharpens though the edges are still fuzzy. He still can't make it out though. Not quite.
"...fifteen year old, Lucy Beckridge, who was found dead last week."
Jacob doesn't even blink. He has already heard this story.
"Jason Stowson, who witnessed the murder has dis...,"
He knows that too.
"And in other news-Leah Clearwater is gone and she's never coming back."
He sits up with a start. This isn't right.
"According to reports, you should really stop looking for her because you'll never find her."
His eyes throb and the room begins to spin around him. Go!, he hears from deep inside. Just Go!
"Detectives believe, that none of you ever really gave a shit about her anyway."
His skin prickles and tingles; a sensation that is all too familiar. Let me go! the wolf howls.
And then they are running, with only one destination in mind. Where they are strongest, where they are most comfortable, where they fit...that is where you will find them. Home.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
Jacob pries his eyes open, still sticky with sleep and his heart still beating from the dream. It is not the first like it but they are steadily becoming more and more disturbing and strange. A shrill buzz has him wincing until he brings his fist down on the alarm clock. Daylight burns his eyes but he fights the urge to close them. He might never open them again if he did.
He knows from the instant he wakes that Bella is beside him, watching him sleep. He hasn't been able to hold a proper conversation with her since she tore that poor girl's throat open. Nobody ever thought Bella would lose her grip. She always seemed to be holding on so easily.
He commands his body to turn and the first thing he sees is bloody eyes, crimson just fading into bright red, staring at him intently.
"Anything new?" He asks, trying to sound normal.
Her eyes don't quite meet his. "No. Alice is still trying. This is all my fault," she says. It is all too familiar. Bella has always taken the blame for everything, something Jacob pegged as low self esteem before he realised it was actually self absorption. That is the thing about vampirism. It magnifies everything.
But this time she is right.
"Yeah, it is...but what's done is done." He wishes he could sound more convincing.
She nods uncertainly. "The thirst was just so strong. I felt like I had no choice but to give in to it. Her blood was so different..."
You never do have a choice, he thinks bitterly. Sarcastically. You didn't have a choice in love. In life.
He wants to tell her that she did have a choice. She just made the wrong ones. She chose to marry Edward, chose to become a vampire, chose to kill Lucy Beckridge but he can't bring himself to do it.
"I think she was my singer," she says thoughtfully.
He knows all about making the wrong decisions.
"They won't back down this time." Bella says, biting her lip. She is new enough that her human quirks haven't been forgotten, even if she would like them to be. Gone are the jeans and t-shirts, replaced by crimson gowns and over the top jewellery. Being a vampire is still romantic to her, even after all the pain and bloodshed.
"No, they wont." Jacob pulls himself up with a sigh. Everything aches. He feels old and so tired that he could just sleep forever.
But I have promises to keep
He looks around the spacious bedroom wondering just how he got here. His tiny little cupboard in his messy ramshackle house becomes more and more appealing the longer he is away from it.
If he could go back, would he?
Even after everything he can't answer that question. He wonders what Bella would say if he asked her the same. Is Lucy Beckridge's cold corpse a price worth paying?
They are all liars. Every last one of them. They won't tell the truth because they are not sure enough if it is justified.
Was it worth it, Sam and Emily? Would you do it again, Bella? Aren't you happy that you will have her forever, Edward?
His eyes flicker to the wall littered with maps and paper clippings and news reports. Leah told the truth and look what happened to her.
He throws the covers off before sleep succeeds in pulling him back under. There really aren't enough hours in the day.
"Renesmee has been asking for you," Bella tells him softly. "She would like you to go hunting with her."
The name sends a spike of guilt right through him. For a moment, he almost caves then he remembers the plan. He has been tracking Leah for months, talking to everyone from leeches to gypsies to bog standard criminals. He can't stop now. "I'm busy."
Bella's expression cools but she looks more disappointed than angry. "She misses you. You haven't really been spending much time with her."
It is the truth. He has always wondered what would happen if he ever had to choose between Nessie and one of his pack mates. He has always dreaded the answer too but this isn't the same...or at least that is what he tells himself. Nessie has Bella and Edward. And Rosalie and Jasper, Alice, Emmett, grandparents in the form of Carlisle, Esme and Charlie Swan. And a whole assortment of leeches who will jump to her defence either because she is a Cullen or something they have never seen before.
All Leah ever had was family who couldn't understand her and a group of morons who didn't try to.
"I have things to do."
And miles to go before I sleep.
Bella is silent for a moment. She twirls a piece of duvet cover between her fingers. Jacob drops back onto the bed and stares wearily at the ceiling. He knows what is coming and he really doesn't have the energy for it.
"Leah made her choice, Jacob." Even the soft melody of her whisper doesn't ease the bitterness it inspires as her words hit home. There is no anger, it just simply is, and that enrages him even more.
Leah is gone. So what? Lucy is dead. So what? That's life, but not Renesmee, not ever. Real life can't come to Renesmee. All she knows is love and blood and pretty dresses. He has to remind himself that Bella is her mother and that is what mother's do. That is what families do.
Protect.
If only he had really understood that back then.
He has to drag in a few deep breathes to control his temper. "We all make choices, Bella."
Her face contorts in pain and she closes her eyes. He wonders if she will try to defend herself like she did a few moments back. She doesn't. He turns his back and the next sound he hears is the click of the door and a whispered "I'm sorry."
All his anger dissipates with the last syllable. She is sorry, he knows that. He just wishes they would leave him alone and let him be sorry too. Dragging himself over to the mirror, he tries to anticipate what he will see. Every morning, he seems to wake up worse, like another day has succeeded in sucking the life out of him. Leeches don't have anything on stress. Stress will drain you quicker than any bloodsucker could hope.
He can already feel his hair, hanging limp, just a few inches above his shoulders. His chin is sandpaper rough. He is too busy to eat, too busy to sleep, too busy to shave. Too busy to live. That is how it feels sometimes.
Trying to find Leah has drained every bit of life he had him and now he has to try and raise some energy to fight. There is a sinking feeling in his gut that he might not survive this one.
Soon, the Volturi will come for Bella and that is about all any of them know. This time, there won't be any talking their way out of it. Everybody has to play by the rules and Bella has broken the most important of them.
It's not like Jacob gives a shit about the leeches and their ten commandments or whatever but, as a natural born leader himself, even he knows there is only one way this can end. Bloody. The Volturi won't run the risk of turning the vampire community against them. To ignore this misstep would weaken them. Accusations of favouritism would run rife, factions would form, leeches would rebel. There will be feeding in the streets.
All because of Bella.
Or maybe that is unfair. Maybe they are all to blame, him included. The Cullen's live in luxury and turn a blind eye to the fact that people are still dying, blood is still being shed.
And what about him? He saw the guests, he clocked their red eyes but he chose not to see it because they were there to protect Nessie and nothing is more important than Nessie. Not even a million dead. Leah had railed on him for that one. Even Seth had kept his mouth shut as she did and that is about as much a condemnation as anyone could get from him.
His first real test as leader and he had put their morals on the line. He had ruined all their reputations in the eyes of their people. They disrespected their elders and beliefs for his imprint and he didn't even notice as he pissed all over their duty and how did he repay them for their loyalty?
He was ready to turn tail and run, leave them to fight his battle alone without their leader.
How dare he?
It is funny how you can wake up one day and realise just how much of a fucked up scumbag you really are. All he can do now is fix it. He has to fix it. That is all he can do.
And miles to go before I sleep
...