Basically, the following chapters will only be the letters. There will be no short introductions, or Elizabeth's reactions, because it's all going to get rather same-y and boring. And I can't be bothered. Sorry.
Dear Miss Elizabeth Bennet
Hopefully your father noticed this enclosed in Mr Collins letter and duly handed it to you without too much fuss. I doubt he would have done anything different – he is now entirely under my control... I feel so evil. I think I ought to have a big furry cat to stroke, but unfortunately I'm stuck with a skinny black cat called Molly who keeps jumping onto my keyboard. Yesterday she made the laptop shut down. I was pretty annoyed.
I'm sure that your whole family is in a bit of an uproar about Mr Collins, and quite understandably too. I wouldn't take it personally, if I were you, Mr Collins is merely the tool of a far greater person to demonstrate something to do with inheritance and male-dominated societies. Or something like that, anyhow. I probably ought to know. Just shows how much impact this education has had on me.
Aside from that, just in case you hadn't realised, Mr Collins is the character that I do so dearly wish to tear apart. Just look at him. He's so funny. And so is your mum. I just said your mum. Please ignore me. I'm being silly and quite immature.
Anyway, on the subject of your mother – have you ever met a more ridiculous woman in your life? I really cannot comprehend how your father put up with her for quite so long. He must have the patience of a saint. Actually, I imagine that even a saint would not be able to put up with your mother for too long. I would just laugh at her, to be absolutely honest with you.
Have a fun time with dear Mr Collins, Lizzy – one of my favourite scenes of all time is about to crop up. It's jolly good fun. Perform well for me. Although, I admit, your father does make the best comment I've heard in a long time. Very witty man, your father. You and he can be witty together.
Yours &c
I wouldn't really mind a review, but don't feel obliged. At the time of putting this chapter up, I have 55 reviews. That's more than I can count to with my fingers and toes even if I used each one twice. So I'm eternally grateful, and I don't really need any more. But thanks, anyway.