Mention of suicide attempt, no violent descriptions.

Ashley leaned over and retrieved the spare key from under the mat by her door. She let herself into the apartment and walked back to her bedroom. She stripped off her uniform shirt and pants and folded them on the bed. She grabbed her favorite pair of jeans and walked to her closet looking for her favorite sweater. She pulled out a pink cashmere sweater with a silk lining. She hugged it to her chest feeling the softness against her skin. She walked down the hall and took a hot shower using her favorite soaps she reserved for special events. She loved the way they smelled and made her skin feel super soft. She only used them on days when she desperately needed a pick me up or had a special event. She dressed in her jeans and sweater, dried her hair and applied her make-up. She stepped back into her bedroom and looked at her reflection in the full-length mirror. Even she had to admit she looked very nice. She slipped on her shoes and put some money into her back pocket.

Ashley walked back into the bathroom and opened her medicine cabinet. She reached up to the top shelf and moved aside a package of band-aids. She removed two pill bottles. She looked at them briefly, she had been in an auto accident nine months ago and had been prescribed pain killers and muscle relaxers for the stiffness. She opened each bottle and dumped the remaining pills into her palm. She removed the valium bottle from the second shelf and dumped the muscle relaxers and pain pills into the bottle and shoved the bottle in her pocket. She stopped in the kitchen and removed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. She left the apartment, stopping just briefly to put the key back under the mat.

She walked outside and smiled at the cab waiting at the corner. It must be fate, she thought to herself as she hailed the cab. There were never cabs in this area. "263 Wabash," she told the driver, she closed her eyes as she leaned back in the seat. Sunrise would be here in just about an hour; she knew right where she wanted to be.

E

Mike paced around the dayroom like a caged tiger. He kept looking toward the phone waiting for Tim's call. He checked his watch for the fifth time in the same amount of minutes.

"Mike, you need to sit down," Captain Stanley snapped, the pacing was starting to get on his nerves.

"Cap, I need to go look for her," Mike said approaching the table where his Captain sat drinking coffee.

"I'm sure she just went home, she knew her time here was done. I can't have anyone behaving so recklessly. She put her life and Johnny's life on the line with that stunt." Captain Stanley was still angry.

"Cap, I just know something is wrong. I can feel it in my gut. I NEED to go find her." Mike said pacing over to the phone and then back to his Captain.

"Why? What is it about her that makes you feel like you need to be responsible for her, Stoker? From the few things I have seen that girl has the ability to be serious trouble, you'd be smart to keep your distance," Captain Stanley stood up and walked over to his Engineer who was still pacing.

"I owe her, Cap, it's my fault she's as screwed up as she is," Mike said miserably glancing again at the phone.

"Mike, I've known you a long time, and I think I know you pretty well, it can't be your fault that she is so irresponsible."

Johnny and Roy exchanged looks wondering what Mike would say, Johnny knew what had happened when he tried to have this conversation with Mike several weeks ago.

"Cap, you don't understand," Mike ran his hands through his hair and blew out a frustrated breath. He could feel the tension building inside of him. His heart was racing and he felt like he needed to throw something. He clenched his fists as tight as he could, desperately wanting to punch the wall.

"Then explain it to me Mike," Captain Stanley turned his voice rising, "because I don't get how a thoughtful, dedicated, conscientious man like you could be mixed up with someone like her."

Mike spun around to look at his Captain, surprised by the intensity of his tone. He looked around at the guys in the room all staring at him. Mike felt himself reaching his breaking point; and tried to take a deep breath to calm down.

"Yeah, Mike, what is it about her? You've been on edge since she got here," Marco chimed in.

"You would normally never put up with someone breaking the rules like she does, why does she get special treatment?" Chet asked.

Mike felt his anxiety level increase, every minute they sat here Ashley could be in trouble. The guys asking him questions about why he was so worried about her a constant reminder he couldn't hide from this any longer.

"C'mon Mike, what gives?" Johnny asked from across the room.

Mike felt himself losing control, his fear and anger overwhelming the self-control he so carefully maintained on a daily basis. "I killed her sister!"

"I killed Maddie," Mike's voice broke as a sob tore through his throat. Mike looked like a tire someone had let all the air out of. He dropped down in a chair, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

No one moved; their eyes fixed on Mike and everyone's mouth hanging open. Of all the things that had run through Johnny's mind the day he and Mike had talked at Ashley's apartment nothing like this had crossed his mind. Johnny finally came to his senses enough to look at Roy. Roy looked up and their eyes met, disbelief reflected in both their gazes.

The phone rang and Mike jumped up to answer it.

"What do we do now," Chet whispered as the men drew together to form a tight circle. "Do we call the police?"

"No, we don't call the police, Chet," Johnny snapped back keeping his voice as low as he could through his irritation.

"Look, Gage, he just admitting to killing a woman. That's serious," Chet whispered back looking around the group.

"This is Stoker were talking about," Captain Stanley said running his hands over his face.

"Cap, Tim can't find her. She's been to her apartment, but she's gone now. He used the spare key to let himself in; her uniform is folded on the bed. Cap, there are two empty pill bottles in the bathroom for pain killers and muscle relaxers. I've got to go find her Cap, please," Mike's eyes begged him.

Johnny took a step toward Mike and the Captain, "Did he say anything about finding a bottle of valium?"

"What?" Mike asked.

"I noticed them in her medicine cabinet when we were at her apartment that night. She had a bottle of valium on the second shelf." Johnny looked over at Roy and then back at Mike.

"I don't know, he didn't mention anything about valium," Mike ran both hands through his hair. Suddenly he stopped moving, turning pale and looking at his Captain. "Oh my God," Mike grabbed his Captain's arm. "Cap, I think that's where she went. I think she went back to that building. I think she's gonna kill herself. I've gotta go," Mike turned to head out to his truck, but Captain Stanley grabbed his arm.

"Wait a minute, Mike."

"Cap, I can't. I have to stop her, I have to," Mike pulled against his Captain's grip desperate to get to Ashley.

"You're not going to do her any good alone. I'll call in a still alarm," Captain Stanley started moving toward the microphone. The chairs scraped against the floor as the men of Station 51 slid back their chairs and made their way to their positions in the squad and on the Engine.

Captain Stanley moved to the radio. "LA, Station 51, we have a still alarm, possible suicide, 263 Wabash, cross street Nichols."

A voice responded, "10-4 Station 51, time out 5:53, do you need additional assistance?"

"We will notify once on scene, KMG 365," Captain Stanley took his seat in the Engine as the squad pulled out of the station.

E

The cab driver turned to Ashley as he pulled up to the unfinished structure at 263 Wabash, "Miss, are you sure this is where you wanted to go?"

Ashley leaned forward handing the driver enough money to cover the fare and a very large tip. "I am absolutely positive. This is exactly where I need to be."

"Are you gonna do something with this building? It was such a shame it never got completed."

Ashley smiled at him. "Thanks for the ride."

Ashley got out of the cab and headed toward the cliff where she had stood with Mike earlier. It was still dark outside so the water was just vast blackness in front of her. It seemed to stretch like a sea of loneliness and she half wondered if she should have just gone to the beach and walked into the ocean, letting the darkness embrace her. She remembered the peaceful feeling she had up on the beam and made her way over to the freight elevator. She flipped the switch to activate the power and stepped into the freight elevator.

Ashley sat on the floor overlooking the horizon waiting for the sun to rise. It was too dark to walk out onto the beam just yet. Was she doing the right thing, she wondered? She could feel the anxiety starting to build in her chest, her breathing becoming irregular. No, this was the best thing for everyone; all she did was fail people. She had failed Maddie, she had failed to save Tom, and she had failed Mike. She fished the pill bottle out of her pocket, dumping all the contents into her hand. She opened the bottle of water, dropped some of the pills into her mouth and took a big drink swallowing them down. She repeated the process a couple of times to get all the pills down. She knew she'd have to get out onto the beam before the pills took effect. She turned behind her and saw the beginnings of light as the sun began to rise. It would only be a few more minutes before there was enough light to move to the spot she wanted. Ashley looked back at the darkness in front of her.

E

"Roy, what do you think about what Mike said? Do you really think he could have killed Ashley's sister?" Johnny asked as the engine raced through the dark streets.

"I don't know what I think, none of it fits with the Mike we know. What I know is that Mike feels he needs to save Ashley to somehow make amends for the past and we are going to do whatever we can to help him." Roy paused, "And Ashley, she's been through a lot."

"One other thing happened, Roy," Johnny looked down remembering the harsh words he had spoken to Ashley as they sat on the picnic table. "I was angry about her kissing you. I confronted her outside and called her a monster. I told her people would be better off if she was just gone," Johnny looked out the side window, "Do you think I caused this?"

"She tries to portray this strong, independent woman, but there's something very fragile about her," Roy said, an image of Ashley crouching down, shaking on the floor in the locker room flashing through his mind. "I think that is what I notice about her the most. I can't explain it, but I feel this need to protect her. I know I didn't handle it the best, but I swear to you Johnny, there wasn't anything sexual between Ashley and I. When I think of her, I'm not imagining going to bed with her; I just feel this need to protect her. In some ways she reminds me so much of Jennifer," Roy thought of his little girl that was always trying to pretend she was as grown up as her older brother, but still wanted only daddy when she had a bad dream. "Does that make any sense?"

"I'm not sure anyone can protect Ashley from this," Johnny said as they passed the last of the trees on the driveway and the headlights picked up Ashley standing on the beam of the building, she was stepping around the corner beam as she had during their call.

E

Ashley had heard the vehicles before she saw the headlights, how had they found her, she wondered. Mike was smarter than she gave him credit for, she thought as she sat down in the spot where she wanted to be. She straddled the beam and leaned her back against the corner support. The sun had come up enough that she could see the water, there was a fog hovering just above the surface and the sky was lightening from black to a deep rich blue. Ashley leaned her head back and took a deep breath, she could feel herself starting to relax, the tension leaving her muscles and her breathing was starting to slow. She wondered briefly if it was the magic of this spot, or simply the drugs starting to take effect.

The men jumped out of the vehicles, life belts, ropes, and medical equipment were quickly gathered and the group headed to the freight elevator much as they had done less than 24 hours earlier.

Mike approached the edge of the floor, making sure he was standing where Ashley could see him. "Ashley," Mike called to her, but she continued to look over the water. "Ashley, please look at me."

Ashley slowly turned her head and looked at Mike, "Please don't do this," he begged.

"Mike, you're better off without me," Ashley took a deep breath. "I'm just messing up your life. Everyone is better off without me. I am a monster, ask Johnny, he can tell you," Ashley shook her head and looked back over the water. The sky was starting to turn a beautiful shade of blue. The streaks of clouds looked like a deep purple with hints of orange and pink around the edges. She thought this might be the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. "Everyone will be better without me," Ashley said quietly. She could tell the pills were starting to work, her body was starting to feel heavy and she had to concentrate to speak.

Mike shot Johnny an angry look, "What did you say to her?"

"Ashley, you are not a monster," Johnny stepped forward. "I'm sorry, Ashley. I was upset, about," Johnny paused not wanting to say anything in front of the other guys.

"My kissing Roy," Ashley finished for him turning back to look at Johnny and Mike.

Everyone turned to look at Roy who felt himself blush. "Ashley, you were upset. You had just relived a very traumatic event. No one is mad at you for what happened." Roy said trying to make her feel better.

"Johnny is, your wife would be," Ashley looked at Roy and shook her head. "Johnny's right, I'm horrible, everyone will be better off if I'm gone," Ashley felt tears start to stream down her cheeks. "I just keep failing everyone. I failed you, I failed in the rescue yesterday morning, I failed M-Maddie," Ashley leaned forward on the beam her body shaking as she sobbed.

Mike's anxiety level rose, along with his confusion, as Ashley started to sob on the beam. She was barely secure just sitting there, crying increased the chances of her falling. "Ashley, what are you talking about, you didn't fail Maddie."

Ashley moved her head so she could look back at Mike. "She was turning around to come back for me because," Ashley paused, her mind not remembering why Maddie had been coming back for her. She was having trouble talking; her brain was getting fuzzy.

In the background, Johnny was putting on his life belt and Roy, Chet and Marco were setting up the lines to guide him out onto the beam.

Something about the way she said the words made Johnny look up. Her words had slowed down and it sounded like she was having difficulty getting out the sentence. Ashley was slumped against the beam, he watched her eyes blink, but they stayed closed for several seconds before slowly opening again. She turned her head to look back over the water. Johnny's eyes darted around the platform and then he saw it. He moved to the side and picked up the pill bottle. He opened the bottle and found it empty.

"Ashley," Johnny moved over to Mike. "Ashley," he called louder when he didn't get a response.

She turned her head slowly and blinked as she tried to focus on the two men now in her line of vision. "Johnny?"

"Ashley, how many of these did you take?" Johnny held up the empty bottle of valium.

Ashley shook her head.

"Ashley, a police officer checked your apartment, he found empty bottles of muscle relaxers and pain pills. Did you take those along with the valium?" Johnny asked. He could feel himself getting nervous. From the way she was moving and the fact her speech was slowing down and seemed to require a lot of effort he already knew the answer, she had taken all three types of pills.

"I d-don know. Enough," Ashley said slowly. Her words slurring slightly.

Johnny and Roy exchanged worried glances. "I've got to get out there, Cap. She loses consciousness and she'll fall for sure."

Johnny moved toward the beam, but Ashley caught the movement out of the corner of her eye. "No!" She shook her head and pointed at Johnny, the action almost causing her to fall off the beam.

Johnny stopped moving and shot Mike a look. Mike knew he needed to distract Ashley so Johnny could get out to her.

Mike started trying to talk to Ashley, but she kept her eyes on Johnny. Johnny moved back over to Roy, Marco, Chet and the Captain. "There's a ladder over in the corner. If you can keep her distracted, I can get up on the beams above her. They guys can lower me down once I am on top of her. She's getting groggy enough she may not notice me that way."

"Do it," Captain Stanley said. "I'll help Stoker keep her occupied."

Captain Stanley moved over to Mike as Chet grabbed the ladder moving it into position. Johnny climbed up and started moving along the beam above the floor.

Ashley's eyes were now closing for longer intervals on each blink. She could hear Mike and Captain Stanley speaking to her, but their words were not making sense to her brain. She looked out over the water; the sun was glistening like diamonds on the waves. The sky was turning light blue and the clouds were streaks of gold. She was pretty sure if she reached out she could touch the clouds. She tried to raise her arm to try, but it felt so heavy.

Her brain registered the fact that someone was trying to tell her to stay awake and not move. She wondered why they would want her to do that, she was so tired, why wouldn't they want her to sleep. Sleep was a good thing.

Johnny lowered himself off the beam, just a few more feet and he would have her. The guys were slowly lowering the line. Mike and Captain Stanley were calling Ashley's name, Mike's voice was rising louder as the panic set in. She wasn't responding to him. He couldn't see her face, didn't know if her eyes were still open, if she was still conscious.

"Ashley!" Mike screamed lunging forward as she slipped from the beam. Captain Stanley grabbed him to keep him from falling off the platform.

Johnny's line jerked and the men pulled back as Ashley's weight was suddenly added to his line. "Get me down as fast as you can, my hold isn't great," Johnny called out.

Captain Stanley moved to replace Roy on the line. Roy grabbed the drug box and defibrillator as Mike grabbed the oxygen and they moved to the freight elevator.

Johnny tried to tell if Ashley was breathing on the way to the ground, but couldn't. He had a tenuous hold on her and didn't want to move at all for fear he would lose his grip.

Mike and Roy met him on the ground; Mike took Ashley from Johnny's arms and laid her on the ground. Roy started checking her vitals while Johnny removed the belt and stepped out of the ropes. Johnny bent down and started hooking up the biophone.

"Rampart, this is squad 51, how do you read?"

Dr. Brackett had just walked into the hospital and stopped at the nursing station to say hi to Dixie. "Go ahead, 51," he responded.

"Rampart, we have a female, 23 years old, who has attempted suicide. Patient took a combination of valium, pain pills and muscle relaxers approximately 30 – 40 minutes ago. Patient is unconscious. Stand by for vitals," Johnny turned to look at Roy, taking out his small pad of paper and removing the pen from his pocket.

"Pulse is 60, respirations are 12, irregular and shallow, bp is 80 /55." Roy said removing the stethoscope from his ears.

Johnny relayed the information to Dr. Brackett.

"51, see if she responds to a verbal command or pain stimuli," Dr. Brackett's voice came over the biophone.

Roy took Ashley by the shoulders, "Ashley, Ashley it's Roy, can you hear me? Ashley, if you can hear me I want you to open your eyes," Roy watched but saw no movement. Johnny leaned over and ran his hand down her leg and tugged at her achillies tendon. She moaned softly.

"Rampart, no response to verbal commands, feeble response to pain," Johnny said looking at Mike as he spoke on the phone.

"51, establish an airway, start an IV with lactate ringers and transport immediately."

Johnny looked up at the Captain who was just approaching them, "Ambulance is on the way," Captain Stanley said knowing what Johnny was about to ask.

"10-4 rampart," Roy was already removing the tube to establish the airway. Mike handed Johnny the IV.

They could hear the sirens for the ambulance in the distance. Captain Stanley looked at Mike. "Chet can return the Engine to the station if you want to go with Ashley."

"Thanks, Cap," Mike looked up at his Captain briefly, but then looked right back at Ashley. He would not look at Johnny and Roy, fearing what he would see in their eyes.

The ambulance pulled up and they brought the stretcher over. Johnny and Roy lifted Ashley and got her situated, Johnny climbed in first, followed by Mike. Roy closed the door, hitting it twice to signal it was clear. The ambulance pulled away from the scene. Roy got in the squad to follow them to the hospital, the rest of the guys loading into the Engine.