Zombies
The clock ticked. Yoshiko lay on the couch, her limbs and the folds of her clothes jumbled and haphazard. Shikamaru took the image of her in and glanced at the clock. It was only nine in the morning.
"Yoshiko."
"… What?"
"What are you doing?"
"… I don't know. What am I doing?"
"That was a rhetorical question. You have to get up for a meeting in an hour."
"Hmm."
Shikamaru sighed. "You know, I'm supposed to be the lazy one."
"Hmm."
"Yoshiko."
"Hmm?"
"Are you alright?"
"Hmm."
"Yoshiko."
"I'm fine."
"No, you're not."
"Hmm."
No witty comeback. Crap. "Yoshiko. What's going on?"
"I don't know. What am I doing, Shikamaru?"
"You've said it over and over again, haven't you? You're doing the maximum good in this world."
"… Does this world matter?"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know. Nothing feels very real. Isn't it ridiculous how fast I can rise with basic knowledge and education?"
"Your education is very comprehensive."
"No, it's not." She paused. "Not by my standards."
"Your standards are ridiculous 90% of the time."
She cracked a smile. "They are otherworldly."
"… If this is about me saying you're a bad person, I don't actually think that. I mean, you're a bit weird but the children really appreciate you. I'm going to be a ninja and I'll probably make a lot tougher decisions than you for the greater good. You're not even sacrificing any lives or hurting people to achieve the maximum good. You're just… doing the best you can with what you have. That's what everyone does."
"… Are you happy? Doing the things you do?"
"There are a lot of ridiculous people you have to deal with but…" He sighed. "I'm only going to say this once but teaching the kids is the best part."
"… That's good."
"… If you're stuck in meetings all the time, you only see the numbers. Why don't you go out? Meet the people you've helped?"
She nodded slowly. "Okay."
"I'll… make space in your schedule."
"… Un. Okay."
The orphanage worker bowed her head and turned to the kids. "Say 'thank you'."
"Thank you, big sister," the kids chimed.
Yoshiko smiled and nodded back. "You're welcome."
They spent the next five hours playing with the kids and handing out food, clothes and toys. He kept a close eye on her and as the day wore on, her smile faded bit by bit and she moved somewhat sluggishly. Eventually, she excused herself and left. He followed her a few minutes later to the top of the roof where she sat, staring up at the sky as if it held all the answers to the universe.
"How did you get up here?"
She didn't bother turning to face him as he sat next to her. "The same way you did."
"By sticking your palms to the walls with chakra?"
"Hmm."
"… I will never get you."
"…"
"So, why are you up here?"
"… I could be doing something else. Something more productive. Something that would benefit the children more in the long-run. Handing out toys… I can hire someone to do that."
Shikamaru sighed. "You can't keep thinking like that. You're not a machine. You can't do thing perfectly efficiently. Sometime, you just need to roll about the grass and play with kids, okay?"
"Hmm."
"… We are really similar, aren't we?"
Yoshiko cracked a smile. "Hmph."
"… Do you think I'll be like you? In a few more years."
"I sure hope not."
"…"
"…"
"… You don't like yourself very much."
"I'm temperate towards most matters."
"That's troublesome."
"Hmm."
"… Then why charity? Why children? Of all the things in the world you could've chosen, why did you take the altruistic path?"
"… You are what you think. Peace comes from within. Live in contentment. Those are lessons I have always believed in and… still do. Yet I can never strike the balance. Am I doomed to imperfection? What a silly question. Of course I am and there is nothing to do of it though we would then get into the definition of perfection…" She smiled, paused, shook her head and sighed. "I'm still such a silly little girl, don't you think?"
"… I won't say that but… no one really knows anything."
"You're right."
"…"
"… I think I'm going to go vegetarian for a while."
"What's that, suddenly?"
"No, I just feel like it."
"… Really?"
"It happens sometimes."
"… Well, if you ever want to visit a temple… would your parents hold it against you?"
"I don't think so but… hmm… I think too much."
"That makes two of us."
"… Shikamaru, if you ever want to leave-"
"No."
"But-"
"No. Stop thinking. Now."
"… You're mean to me."
"I'm not mean. Everyone else is too gentle with you. And you're too gentle to them."
"It can't be helped."
"Yes it can be. Your lash batting is a calculated choice." He gestured to her. "Look at you now, sitting and look like that."
She blinked down, seemingly surprised at her sloppy posture and moved to correct herself but he grabbed her legs. "No."
"But-"
"No."
"…"
"I don't hide anything, Yoshiko."
"That's a calculated choice of yours."
"I really hate you sometimes, you know?"
"Well, thank you."
"…"
"…"
"… Who are you? Really?"
"Well that's a question."
"Yoshiko."
"Who knows."
"…"
"…"
"… That's just sad."
"It's that way for everyone."
"No. No, it's not. Not even close to the same level."
"For ninja-"
"No. Not unless you're a spy."
"…"
"… Did it have to be that way?"
"It's just how I've always been. Only the strong can change the world. The weak must bend to its will and I have always bent."
"But you're strong now."
"Brittle. At any point, all my power can be revoked. From my father, from my clan, from a stray kunai that slices my neck. The likelihood of those scenarios happening aren't discountable either. It'll definitely happen by the time I'm of child bearing age."
"… I could… marry you?"
"… Is that a question or an offer?"
"No, it's just… weird." He scrunched his nose. "I don't want a girl."
"Maybe in five or ten years you'll change your mind."
"Probably."
"…"
"… But what would actually change? We'll live together, eat together, talk about our day. Maybe we'll have to go to a few more events. I'd take care of all the clan politics and you'll produce a son. Aside that, nothing will be that different."
"Maybe you'll find a girl you love."
"What are the chances of that?"
"Who knows? These kinds of matters are hard to predict. But in case you change your mind, I don't think I'd mind if you spent your nights in the arms of another woman. Just don't make things complicated by getting her pregnant or getting the relationship tangled in politics."
"I don't like that."
"Why?"
"I don't know. It just seems wrong. Besides, I don't think I'd want you with another man."
"Hmm."
"… I feel like I know you a little more now."
"Really?"
"A little."
"I've done such a terrible job."
"… We're friends, aren't we?"
"Yes."
"…"
"… Maybe at home. At our office. Just sometimes. I don't know… I don't know how to… it's not a light switch."
"… Thank you."
"Ikeda Yoshiko… Ikeda Yoshiko… nope! No idea who that is!" Leo exclaimed spinning round and round on his spinning wheeled chair.
"This is her picture."
Leo snatched it and stopped spinning, causing his chair to slam his leg against the table. "Ow!" He rubbed his leg while flipping through the file. "Oh. It's Anoushka."
"You know her?"
"Yes, no, not really. So she does do things to get rich. I'd wondered. What food does she make?"
"Page 57."
Leo scanned over it and whistled. "What is this menu? It's all over the place! Wait, how many restaurants does she have?"
"Her businesses are page 7."
He flipped to the right page, slowly squinting as he ran over the information. "Why the hell are there so many schools on here?"
"She's big on charity."
"Charity? Her?"
"Yes."
Leo scrunched his nose up. "Hmm… maybe she's like Princess. I really don't get women sometimes."
"Men can give to charity too."
"No, no, no, that's not what I meant. I just… I dunno. I kinda felt she was more like me than Chrissy." He scrunched the paper and threw it away, folding his arms on the table and plopping his head down on them. "This is so disappointing. Why does she have to be a good person?"
"Most people are."
"Yeah, but not us!" He stamped his foot on the ground repeatedly before jumping up. "Disappointing! Disappointing! Disappointing!"
Hitoshi slowly backed away, grabbing a pipe from a shelf and tossing it at Leo. Leo half hopped, half stomped out into his puppy room.
Five hours later
Hitoshi cracked the door open. Leo was lying in a pile of puppies with a tub of gelato in his hands and other sweets scattered around him. Leo took a bottle of vodka and a bag of powder, dumped it into the tub of vanilla ice cream and mixed it up with a wooden mixing spoon. Hitoshi spotted around five tubs of ice cream off to the side with many more bottles surrounding them.
How was Leo not dead?
Just as Hitoshi was closing the door, Leo launched himself at him, wrapping his arms around Hitoshi's waist.
"Hiiiiiiiitoooooosssssshhhhiiiiii~~~~"
Hitoshi hesitated. "Yes?"
"I want all the gelato!"
"I will order more."
"Noooooooo!" Leo buried his face into Hitoshi's stomach. "I want all the gelato and all the cheesecake and all the chewy caramel and- and- I want everything! Everything!" Leo sobbed. "I miss my custards. I miss my churros. You think she could make them?"
"What?"
"Anoushka. You think she could make them?"
"Um… I don't know… she's successful in the food business but I don't know if she makes them-"
"She makes them. She makes them. Only she could make them. She makes tomyum and carbonara and pierogis and everything. The menu is from everywhere and anywhere." He squeezed tight and Hitoshi choked. "If she can make fucking macarons, she can make my churros, right?"
"I… I suppose?"
"I want churros. I want churros!"
Hitoshi sighed. "Fine, fine, I'll send her a letter, okay?"
"Kay!"
Yoshiko took the letter and flipped it over, pausing.
To Anoushka,
From Leo
"What's wrong?"
"This is from Leo."
Shikamaru jumped out of his chair and zoomed over to her side, snatching the letter and looking at both sides. "How do you know it's him?"
"The writing."
"He showed you his handwriting?"
"I know it's him."
"Do these symbols mean anything to you?"
"No."
"I'll hand this over to intelligence."
"I want to see it."
"No. Leo is an enemy of Konoha. You shouldn't be in contact with him."
"Can't you just say I realised it was him after reading the letter?"
"No. Besides, you have no idea what he put in the letter. It may have passed the standard checks but standard won't do it."
"…" Yoshiko's lips thinned. "… Fine. Go do your job, ninja."
"It didn't work?"
"No."
"…"
"What did you write?"
"I just asked her to make me churros!"
"Does she even know how to read your cipher?"
Leo paused. "Umm… I think so? I mean, if she changed her name to Lily, she must know English, right? Crap! I didn't think of that!" He hugged his bottle tighter. "Then again, my English isn't that good… but I'm good enough to ask for churros! I want churros!"
Hitoshi sighed. "So? What's your next brilliant plan?"
Leo absentmindedly swirled his ice cream around, seemingly mesmerised by the swirls of honey brown he was creating. "I just want churros."
"Is it really that important? She's always in Konoha so even if I want to send someone to convince her-"
Leo burst into a fit of giggles. "You're genius! Great! I have a huge backlog of jutsu I wanna try and I never really liked Konoha anyway."
"… Oh. Oh no."
It was a bright and sunny day in Konoha when huge rock suddenly blocked out the sun and fell from the sky. The reflexes of a few ninja split the rock into smaller pieces but the fragments still thundered down. As the dust cleared, a boar, cow and goose the size of the Hokage monument emerged, their limbs flailing about and sweeping men off their feet. The shockwaves of their footsteps ripped apart buildings and debris slammed into fleeing civilians.
Meanwhile, mobs of new attackers ran in from under their feet. Their skin pale and peeling, eyes dead and bodies scrawny, the child-like figures flung themselves at the ninja with an eagerness for death. At times, they clung to the ninja and self-destructed. Many were walking machine guns and they stood there lifeless as bullets left the holes drilled into their bodies and killed everything around them without discrimination. Others were batteries, chakra fuel tanks who served to power the main force and who died once their use was over.
Above them all was an army of pigs with angel wings, floating about the battlefield and fending of aerial attacks. Atop the biggest and pinkest one was Leonardo with binoculars.
"The zombies are working well!" He chimed. His eyes drifted to the top right. "Hmm… Where was her house again… eh? Oh, right! She would be in a shelter now!" He patted his pig's head. "Let's go, pink cloud!"
The pig crashed down next to the shelter. Surveying the dead civilians, Leo paused.
"Oh… Anoushka was a civilian, right?" He looked at his map. "Oh good! She's alive!" He ambled over to her location and fished her out of the rumble. Her clothes were ripped and there was a beam straight through her torso.
"Hi!"
She blinked back at him. "Greetings." She straightened herself and pulled the beam out of her torso, leaving behind a woundless stomach.
Leo eyed her health bar critically. "Geez, you really don't have much health, do you?"
"My level is high enough that I don't die from splash damage." She looked down at her ripped clothing, smoothing her hand over her thigh. The cloth covering it had been destroyed but her leg was unharmed. "I need new clothes. I look suspicious like this."
Leo shrugged. "Eh. Just say I ripped the clothes off you. Anyway, why didn't you reply to my letter?"
"It got seized by Intelligence. It looked like a weird cipher after all."
"… Oh. Right. I guess that makes sense."
"Why didn't you just write in Japanese?"
"I always use English when writing to fellow players."
She surveyed her surroundings. "And? Why did you invade?"
"Can you make churros?"
"… Yes?"
"Make me churros!"
"…"
"By the way, that wasn't a request. Make me churros. I can't invade your mind or cause you physical pain but I can kill your family, destroy all your businesses and umm… umm… oh yeah, I'm sure I have a few lolicons on my staff list somewhere… meh, I'll have to consult my old-fashioned director of suffering." Leo grinned. "Doesn't director of suffering sound like a fun title? So much better than 'head of the department of interrogation'. Bleh. She doesn't even really interrogate people these days. Names are fun!"
"Did you invade Konoha just to get me to make churros?"
"Well, you never leave the village and I had a few jutsu I wanted to field test. Konoha people are also super annoying. And rich. And serial hoarders of sweet, sweet jutsu. I've always wanted to kidnap a few of their heirs but they are soooo overprotective over them. So I invade and loot them for knowledge and a little gold on the side! Isn't it a wonderful plan?"
"So the churros thing is just a side quest?"
"No! The churros are the main quest. All those fancy jutsu are great and all but they can't beat churros."
"… I'm on your friends list. Why didn't you just message me?"
Leo froze.
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"… I… um… didn't think of that? I forgot I added you."
"…"
"…"
"… I sent you a message to ask about the letter too."
"You did?" Leo went through a few menus. "Huh. You did."
"And you replied."
"Yeah but…" He scrolled up. "Yeeeaaah, I was totally wasted. I can't remember it at all. Hey, look! I told you I wanted churros!"
"The message in question was highly disorientated. No reasonable person would look at that and think you were serious."
Leo looked at the message.
Leonardo: Chuuuuuuuurrooooos! I want churros!
Anoushka: Is that all?
Leonardo: I just want churros. Make me churros. I want churros. I want churros! I want- awww, Alma is so cute! Look at her lil' paws! She's- noooooo stop! You can't drink alcohol! Shuuuush. Come here. See! I have your favourite beef! That's a good girl. I love you so much. You're so cute! I wish you could eat chocolate. Chocolate custard! Can she make custard? Hey, can you make custard?
Anoushka: Are you drunk?
Leonardo: Yiiiiip!
Anoushka: Bye.
Leonardo: Kay, kay. Bye-bye!
"Soooo... can you make chocolate custard?"
"... I don't have the recipe."
"Ok, can you make the recipe?"
"Probably."
"Good answer!" He grabbed her and slung her over his shoulder.
"What are you doing?"
"Kidnapping you!"
"Why?"
"To bring you back to my lab so you can give me churros and custard!"
"I can invent the recipe at home. I have all the available equipment and help set up already."
"Don't worry about that! I'll build a new building for you if you want."
"I can do that myself. I'll text you the recipe."
"Yeah but what if I want you to make me churros?"
"You have the same eyes as me. You can see who has talent and I'm sure you have a few good chefs on staff."
"Yeah but they're not you. They're not from the old world. They'll never have that touch."
"I can train one-"
Leo swerved to the side. "Company~~~"
A group of three ninja surrounded Leo. "Put down the girl!"
New message from Anoushka
I will be playing unconscious. Please mention the letter and churros.
Enter chat
Leonardo: But why?
Anoushka: Our relationship is already suspect because of the letter. They will suspect I willingly went with you.
Leonardo: So?
Anoushka: They could seize my assets. You may not be able to come to my restaurants anymore.
Leo twirled around, holding her limp body into the light. "Nope! She's on my staff list now! She'll be stuck in the kitchen making me churros and custards and caramels and ice creams and gelatos and soft cream and frozen yogurt and sundaes and- and- and um... popsicles? Yeah, lots of things!" He threw her up in the air and caught her before hugging her. "If you really try and kill me... well, that's not possible with your levels. But you can definitely succeed in killing her. Wanna have a go at it?"
The ninja hesitated. "Why are you attacking?"
"Stalling for time? Sure! Cause I wanted churros!"
"What are churros?"
"The most amazing food in the world!" Leo frowned. "Actually, no... but it's still pretty amazing. And she can make churros so I'm taking her!"
"… So why did you attack?"
"Because I wanted churros!"
"Yes, but why did you attack?"
"Are you guys dumb? Churros! I wanted churros! She wasn't leaving Konoha anytime soon so I came to her! I even sent a letter beforehand warning her! So you see, it's her fault. If she'd just given me the churros, none of this would happen."
"…"
"…"
"… You attacked our village… for food."
"Yep!" Leo smacked her once. "Now I have my very own recipe generator! Happy times~!" He swerved his head to the side. "Ohhh, reinforcements! Hmm… oh, this one would be nasty. Bye-bye!" Leo hopped on his giant pig with her slung over his shoulder and flew away.
Four days later
To my most honourable Father,
Thank you for all that has been granted to me. Thank you for giving me a home and the ability to serve. Unfortunately, I am not able to repay you now but I have not given up hope. They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach and that has proven true thus far. My captor is besotted with my services and I hope to one day convince him to do the right thing. He is a careless and self-serving man but not inherently cruel. Don't worry. As long as I obey quietly, nothing too distasteful should befall me.
I may not be able to touch the lives of as many people here but there are still things that I may do. Many of his 'staff' are slaves. He has many buildings filled with the wives and children of desired 'employees'. I can't do much but I can give them food and company. In that sense, I am luckier than them. I will try my best to give him no reason but please stay safe.
I do not wish for all my work to be naught. Please. Until I return, hand all of my work to Shikamaru. He knows everything about my work and what I want. He has a good heart and I am sure he will continue my work. It wasn't easy to convince him to allow me to send this letter. Please.
Your daughter,
Ikeda Yoshiko
Three days later
"Are you alright, Shikamaru? Shikamaru? Shikamaru?"
Shikamaru slowly looked up at his father's face. "Yes." He picked up his chopstick and dug them into his rice. "I'll busy."
"You don't have to take up her work."
"She'll return."
"There's no such guarantee." Shikaku said.
"Yes." He chewed his rice. "If she's given up hope, she'll probably send another letter. But besides that… I don't know what I would do with myself if I stopped."
Shikaku sighed. "You've been caught by the work trap."
"Un."
"Chouji isn't happy about that. Chouza says he's rather upset."
"It can't be helped. I like him but… it's in a more distant manner. As in, I appreciate him but talking to him… I don't have anything to talk about with him."
"Well, that happens. Children grow up at different times and friends drift apart."
"I don't want Chouji to grow up."
"… Well, if this is what you want to do, I won't stop you. Just remember not to abandon your duties to the clan."
"I get that."
"…"
"…"
"… Even if she returns, she may not be the same person. I've seen what Reonarudo does to his slaves. We have to stop people from killing themselves in the interrogation sector. Some of them don't even look human anymore. It's likely she would return as a spy."
"I wouldn't be surprised."
"She is somewhat suspicious."
"The letter, right? It is strange that they would share a code."
"There is a connection."
"I wouldn't be surprised."
Shikaku looked at his son carefully. "How do you feel about her?"
Shikamaru stared at his rice listlessly and shrugged. "I… she's… she's always there but not really. She always looks at things as an outsider. Including me. Including everything. It's just… distant. It's hard to form a connection with anything inside that shell sometimes."
"So how do you feel about her?"
"I…" Shikamaru took another mouthful of rice and chewed slowly. "I… even though she's not always there… she's always there. No, as in, she's just always physically around. And she always lives in the back of my mind. I have to know her plans, her location and her associates. Always. I always have to pay attention to her. I always have to watch her. I always have to know her. And now, she's just… not there. And it's weird. And… I don't like it. I think about what she would do and how she would do things and what she would say and… and everything. I don't know."
"Son, you miss her."
"Well… I… she was always a major presence in my daily life. My entire job was literally to manage her life so… I'm back to doing not much. And it's getting weird."
"You miss her."
"… Yes. I miss her."
"It's a natural thing."
"I don't know. I just didn't think I would."
"…"
"… What are her chances of returning?"
"If she really has no affiliation with him? Slim. Once her use is done, she'll be killed or experimented on. Especially with that strange ability of hers. Her brain has probably already been cracked. The best outcome would be for her to get ransomed back."
"So she's screwed either way. If she doesn't come back… she's dead or worse. If she does, she's a spy and she likely will never reach the same level of influence in Konoha circles."
"Yes."
"…"
"Sometimes, life is about picking the option that screws you over the least. You can't always win."
Shikamaru shrugged. "I don't know about that. She always takes the dumbest situations and make it seem like she intended it all along with some sweet and flowery language. She likes this phrase… what was it… 'history is written by the victors'. As long as she wins the war, she can rewrite all the lost battles. I wouldn't be surprised if she made it out without an affiliation and I wouldn't be surprised if she was affiliated all along."
"If she makes it out, there's a high chance her mind will have been corrupted. Reonarudo is known to employ mind controlling seals."
"But there's a chance she wouldn't be."
"Slim. Very slim. Then again, according to our profile, Reonarudo is an extremely volatile character that changes plans on a whim. If she can catch him on a good whim, there may be a chance. But don't get your hopes up."
Author's notes:
This was a flashfire story so I'm surprised I even wrote this much. Either way, I will not guarantee further chapters but I do still have interest in this story. I don't like some of the first bits, as is expected. As a general rule, I do not like my work if it's more than a month old. I have some nice set pieces in my mind for this story so I'll try to write them out. I did have to skip some interesting scenes to get to this but so be it.