One of my reviews for the last chapter made me laugh~ Because I know the dreaded curse of being online on the PSP xD It DOES show me that you have dedication to reading this, Zack! LOL


Haku sighed quietly, miserably uncomfortable for the first time ever in the old worn car. They were in front of the tall brick building with all the windows, Zabuza's apartment, but neither of them had moved to open the doors and get out.

He shouldn't have cried. He knew that. But it's not like he could control his bodily functions. And he had never known anything more tragic than what was happening to him now. "I'm sorry." He finally said. "You don't have to tell me anything."

Zabuza's eyes glared down at the floor mats. He had known this would happen. He would end up hurting the sensitive boy. He had known it was a certainty, just like he hurt everyone else that he had gotten close to. Or even just attempted to get close to. God, it was fucking unfair. He supposed it was just karma getting him back for all the wrongs he had commited, making him fall for a dark-eyed beauty that he couldn't possibly make happy. They could never be together, not in the way he wanted. "Haku, it's not that, ok?" He finally snapped. He knew he was being harsh, but what else could he do?

"Then what is it?"

"You wouldn't understand." The man said. As far as he was concerned, everyone around Haku worked tirelessly to make his life a shining crysallis of gentleness and happiness and bright joy. And he could ruin it in an instant.

"I would if you just tell me." Haku answered. He knew he shouldn't push it. It was obviously upsetting the man, whatever this was. But. . . How could he make Zabuza happy, if he wouldn't let them get close?

"I can't put my job in jeopardy." He said icily. Haku's eyes got huge.

". . . Is that really just what this is?" He asked, immensely hurt. "I'm really just a job to you?"

"No!" Zabuza snarled. "No, you're more than a job to me. But if I hurt you, and you can't stand to be around me, it's going to make my mission pretty fucking difficult."

"There's nothing you could tell me that would stop me from wanting to be around you." He whispered.

Zabuza sighed again. "Come with me." He said, sliding out of the car and slamming the door. When Haku got out and shut the door, he slid his hand back into Zabuza's, but frowned when the man stiffened slightly.

"You don't want the people you live around to see you with me?" Haku asked, the idea dawning on him. He pulled his hand away immediately, putting it behind his back. "I'm sorry. I didn't think of-" His words were cut off when he was grabbed roughly around the shoulders. His startled gasp was muffled when Zabuza's mouth clamped down on his, the man's fists bunching in his hair, leaning his head back roughly. Haku let his arms fall limp to his sides in complete surrender as his mouth was plundered, the older male's tongue assaulting him, leaving not a single inch of the wet cavern unexplored.

He could never get tired of kissing, Haku realized. Kissing Zabuza was. . . Hot and wicked and sexy, and made his body tremble and ache.

When his bodyguard finally pulled back, his teeth biting down on the boy's bottom lip nearly hard enough to break the skin, Haku gazed up into his eyes, which were narrowed and looked intense.

"I don't give a shit what the people I live around think about me and you." He said. Haku nodded wordlessly. "Now come on." He said, yanking the boy up the stairs roughly, hurrying toward his door. When they reached it, Zabuza pulled him inside and slammed it, twisting the top lock into place, and then the bottom on the knob as well.

Haku looked around again. It was the same as before. Small, but it seemed perfect for just one person. Or a couple, he thought, shivering. "I really like it here." He admitted. ignoring Zabuza's scoff.

"Yeah it's a regular Taj Mahal."

"I mean it." Haku said defensively. "It's small, but. . . It's nice. I can see myself waking up here every morning."

Zabuza shifted. He couldn't. He couldn't see the beautiful teenager waking up on his god awful mattress, with the spring poking up out of the left top corner, or going into his miniscule kitchen and getting something to eat from his ancient refrigerator. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." He hesitated. "I can see myself waking up anywhere as long as I was beside you."

"Why would you want that?" Zabuza heard himself ask before he could stop it.

"Why wouldn't I?" Haku asked, eyes lowered, pink rising to his cheeks.

"Gee, I don't know." Zabuza said sarcastically, arching an eyebrow. "I'm almost 30 to start, I can barely afford to take care of myself, I'm an asshole and I don't know how to be sensitive to other people's feelings and needs. I'm not particularly good-looking, or intelligent, and I don't have any skills except being able to shoot someone from pretty fuckin' far away."

Haku waited until he had finished, then wrapped his thin arms around his guard's strong neck, nuzzling his face into the hard muscles, kissing softly. "Do I get to respond to all that?" He asked, feeling his heart flutter when the man's arms wrapped him up, lifting him easily off the floor and bundling his compact body against his chest.

"If you'd like." Zabuza said agreeably, walking steadily into his bedroom, laying down on the somewhat tough mattress, cradling the boy's body against him. The scent of Haku's hair had gotten into him again, making him think of the forest and sweetness. He wondered if the boy might like a nap, and what sort of dreams he might have with his face firmly pressed into long, long black hair.

"28 isn't almost 30. I bet I'll be 18 before you're 29."

"How soon are you-"
"Let me finish." Haku whined. Zabuza snorted, shaking his head. Taking that as assent, the boy continued. "Barely being able to afford to take care of yourself isn't that much of an issue. I have a trust fund. I get it on my 18th birthday." He didn't tell the man how much it was for. But the number had a lot of 0's. "You're nice to me, you always have been. And you make me happy, and you make me feel good. You make me feel. . . Warm. Nobody else can do that, Zabuza." He paused, looking up into the man's dark eyes and smiled. He still wasn't speaking, which was good. Haku wanted to get this all out at once. "I think you're good-looking. You're handsome." He added, giggling when Zabuza rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. "It's true!" The teenager laughed, kissing his escort's cheek sweetly. "And you're intelligent, and. . . I don't know what kind of skills you have, but whatever you can do, whatever you like to do, I want you to do it. Because it makes you happy. I want to make you happy."

Haku could make him happy. Zabuza knew that. But could he make the boy happy in return? He doubted it. But the way Haku was gazing up into his eyes, radiating fuzzy warmth and love and trust was making him somehow think, even for just a second, that maybe they could be normal. Maybe they could really make it as a couple. Maybe- He froze, rewinding the words in his head with a sick sort of dread. Love.

"Are you in love with me?" He blurted out. And could cheerfully have sliced his own throat after the blunt words fell from his lips. Lovely. Very tactful, Momochi. You always were a smooth one.

"I. . ." Haku stuttered out another sound, but choked on the words in his throat. He felt his face burn hot as his hands shook, and his lashes fluttered down. "Zabuza." He murmured helplessly. It was all he could say.

"Haku." He answered, his hands raising to gently cup the boy's pretty face. "You can tell me."

"It scares me." He whispered, breathing shakily. There were no sounds, total silence when Zabuza's lips sought his, in a kiss almost more gentle and chaste and sweet than anything he had ever experienced. "I am." He finally said, hiding his face in the crook of the man's arm, burrowing it, so he didn't have to see Zabuza's eyes widen in shock, or frown.

"You're in love with me?" He asked again, as if in disbelief.

Haku nodded slowly. His heart was pounding so hard he was surprised it didn't simply burst through his chest and land quivering in Zabuza's hands.

The man felt as though he had taken a rather sharp swipe of a blade through his chest and stomach. "Do you hate it?" Haku whispered, his breath hot on the older male's skin.

"No." He answered without hesitation.

Haku was terrified, peterified to ask him the real question he wanted to ask him. Do you love me back? "Do you. . .?" He stopped, unable to continue. But when he looked up into those dark eyes again, he was sure Zabuza knew what he meant.

"There are things that need to be said." He answered quietly. "Things you need to know."
These must be the things Zabuza had been talking about, Haku thought. The bad, horrible things he thought would make Haku hate him forever, and never want to see him again. "Tell me everything." He said. Zabuza nodded, and planted one perfect kiss against the full mouth he had come to adore, before he began speaking.

"I was born in the inner city. Not this one. But one a lot like this one. My parents. . . Well, my mom. My dad didn't hang around too much. He didn't think I was his. I guess my mom fucked a lot of guys all at once, because I don't think she really knew if I was his either. He sort of drifted in and out of our house and our lives whenever he wanted."

Haku's eyes widened a little at Zabuza's cruel words, but didn't respond. He supposed Zabuza wanted to get all this out at once. "My mom didn't want kids. She never wanted kids. The only reason she had me is because she was too afraid of an abortion."

"Don't say that!" Haku cried, before he could stop himself. He had wanted to be silent, but. . . There's no way the man could be telling it right.

"She told me that herself." Zabuza answered coldly. When Haku didn't respond, couldn't, he went on. The look of pain in the man's dark eyes broke his heart. "Anyway, when I was 13, I remember coming home to find one of her. . . Clients or boyfriends, whatever the fuck he was, in our living room, on our couch. He had a syringe, and he was shooting up. Heroin." He paused a moment, and stroked a hand down Haku's long, soft hair. It smelled so sweet, it nearly made him forget the stale, damp smell of the places he had been. The smell of vomit and blood and death, of rotting garbage in an alleyway where he sat up against a brick wall, sating himself with whatever drug he could get his hands on. When the boy didn't shudder or pull away, it was like soothing balm to his fears. The fear that Haku would be repulsed by him after knowing what he had been through.

Haku leaned forward, kissing him again, their lips melding together perfectly. Zabuza had to repress the urge to just stop. To shut up and not tell him anymore. Let him go on thinking he was some kind of romantic figure, and just keep kissing him forever until they couldn't breathe anymore. "I asked him what he was doing. He told me 'escaping'. I told him it must be nice, I'd give anything to be able to escape. He asked me if I had any money. I had some. I learned to pickpocket when I was 9, and I often did it. For the satisfaction of it, and for the money."

"He told me I should start out with little shit. Pot and coke. I smoked pot every day, all the time. And kept a black wallet in my pocket all the time. With a little mirror, a razorblade, and a straw." Haku didn't know a whole lot about drugs, had never been exposed to anything like that. But he did know how people used cocaine. "By the time I was 15, I had done. . . Everything." He said, gesturing with his hands. "My favorite was heroin. When you use heroin, Haku, it's. . . Seductive. You feel heavy and hazy and dreamy, like you're in some kind of wonderland. Until you come down off it."

"Come down off it?" Haku repeated, tilting his head a little, not really understanding the wording.

"Yeah, when. . . When your high is ending. When it stops feeling good, and starts feeling horrible." He raised a hand, his middle finger and index finger spaced wide apart. "Look between my fingers." Haku did so, squinting. There were tiny scars, miniscule holes that obviously were made by the man. . . Well, he hadn't been a man then, but by Zabuza carelessly plunging a needle into his skin.

"Why do you do it there?" Haku asked softly, and humbled Zabuza beyond words by kissing the open palm of the man softly. As if he loved every part of him completely.

"So people can't see the holes, of course." He thought a moment. "If you looked, you could probably find some more in between my toes. A few between my bellybutton and my cock." He said honestly.

"I didn't see any when I was. . ." Haku trailed off, blushing. Now wasn't exactly the time to be thinking those kinds of thoughts.

"It was dark. And they're small. You have to look close." He said dismissively. "Anyway, I did a lot of heroin. A lot." He repeated. "One day, I was pickpocketing, and somehow, I stumbled across some tourist. A lady." He specified. "She was naive, she had no idea leaving her purse hanging on the back of her chair would pretty much cost her all the money she had. And she had a lot. Almost $1000." He recalled. "I took all of it, and hightailed it out of there before she could even notice. That night when I went to my dealer. . . I spent it all."

Haku's eyes widened again, but he didn't say anything. Could only snuggle into the man's chest, listening closely to every word, and loving the strong, steady heartbeat that pulsed against him. Zabuza's arms came up around him, holding him tightly, and he kissed the crown of Haku's hair.

"My mom had been ignoring me completely for about a week, after she had told me that I was good-for-nothing and that I should just go get out of her life. She wished she had gotten the abortion." He said, and shrugged. "So I went away from my house. I walked to a slummy alleyway, full of whores and drug dealers, and sat with my needle and my drugs. And I speedballed." He vaguely remembered the white and brown powder mixed together on the huge spoon, the lighter heating it until it was bubbling, and filling the syringe with it.

"Speedball?" Haku repeated.

"It's heroin and coke mixed." The man explained. "I barely remember it, but. . . I did too much." He said. "I remember screaming. It felt like an orgasm, only. . . Only stronger. And scarier." He didn't often talk about the times he had been scared or weak, but it didn't bother him too much with Haku. "I could feel it bursting through my blood and my body. I was so hot I wanted to explode. Then I heard police sirens."

He paused another moment, searching Haku's face for any sign of repulsion or nausea or contempt. When he couldn't find any, he continued. "The police just happened to show up, to arrest a few of the hookers and dealers. They found me, writhing on the street. They called an ambulance for me."

"They sent me to rehab, to get clean." Zabuza felt cold, suddenly. So terrifyingly cold it was as if he was back in the wretched place, the hardest, most painful thing he had ever done. He squeezed the boy tighter, nuzzling his face in the soft hair, reminding himself he was grown now, not a teenager in a rehab clinic. And someone was in love with him. All of that was in the past. "It was so hard, Haku. Sometimes I screamed. I cried a lot. I would get so bad when I was detoxing they would have to belt me to the bed, bind my arms and legs so I wouldn't hurt people. I would get hysterical." He remembered the torment well. They would leave him alone for merely 10 minutes at a time, and he would scream. He was sure the red-eyed monsters he saw at the foot of his bed would slash him open and spill his guts all over the clean bed. His throat would be raw and sore by the time a nurse could hurry in.

". . . How long did it take?" Haku asked quietly. There was so much fear and rage and bitterness Haku could practically feel it seeping out of the man's pores.

"6 weeks." He answered. Haku felt hot tears burning his eyes again, but was scared to shed them. He couldn't imagine Zabuza as a teenager, a miserable teenager. A screaming, crying teenager whose body had been abused by needle after needle, drug after drug. When the first one slipped over his lashes and down his cheek, fat and wet, Zabuza scowled.

"Goddamn it. I'm sorry, Haku. I didn't mean to make you cry." He said helplessly. "I'll stop."

"No!" Haku said quickly, shaking his head. "I don't mean to cry, Zabuza. I want to hear it. All of it." He added.

"It's upsetting you."

"Not you." Haku explained. "Just. . . It must have been so painful. I don't like to think of you in so much pain."

"I deserved it." Zabuza said coldly. "I was a fucking idiot, thinking that I could just do drugs and never have to pay retribution." Haku was afraid to disagree with him. He didn't want the man to stop talking again. "After 6 weeks, I was clean. I didn't have anything left in my system. And they sent me to a shrink to make sure I didn't have any kind of emotional trauma or whatever."

"I guess I didn't, because they let me stop going after a little while." He sighed. "I had fucked around with gangs and shit like that for years before. Knew how to use a knife and a gun. And then I met Gatou. He's a fucking asshole. But he took care of me, paid me for jobs. Illegal shit I shouldn't have been doing, but a job nonetheless. The third assignment he gave me. . ." Zabuza paused again. He was tired of talking. He just wanted to lay beside Haku's slim body and sleep for an hour. To wake up to bright brown eyes and delicate hands and hot kisses. But he was almost finished. "Someone had betrayed him. He told me to 'take care of the traitor', and he showed me how to kill clean. I did it, and I was good at it. Gatou called me a natural." A natural killer. The phrase sent a chill down Haku's spine, but he firmly ignored it. "I've killed a lot since then, among other things, of course. Every once in a while, I get an easy mission where I have to protect a pretty boy."

Haku blushed in pleasure, before a creeping thought crossed his mind. ". . . Have you ever. . ." He trailed off.

"Ever?"

"How many boys have you. . ." He paused again, blushing madly. Did he really want to know?

"Fucked?" Zabuza said bluntly, eyes narrowed.

"Yeah." Haku whispered.

"I've fucked men." He said slowly. "But never a boy. I'm not some kind of chronic pedophile." He snapped. "You're the only one, alright?"

"I'm barely a boy." Haku said softly, laying his head on the hard shoulder, trying to comfort and soothe. "I'll be 18 in less than 4 months."

"That's good." Zabuza replied.

"You never answered my question."

"God, I don't know, Haku." Zabuza sighed. "A lot. I'm old, remember?"

"You're not old." Haku whined. But his mind was racing. ". . . More than 5?"

"Yes."

". . . More than 50?"

"I don't fucking know." Zabuza said again, loudly. When Haku's eyes lowered under thick lashes, he groaned. "If I had to guess I might say around 10."

Haku didn't know what to say. 10 people had lain with his Zabuza, had experienced those hot, wicked kisses that made him pulse with desire. Made him want to rip his clothes off and throw himself at the man. He wondered if all of Zabuza's lovers had gotten light-headed and dizzy with need every time their skin had touched. It made him jealous, but he knew he couldn't dwell on it. ". . . 10 is kind of a lot." He said weakly.

Zabuza scowled. "Not if you average it out with the years since I first started having sex." He had always considered himself not much of a sexual being. Sure, he liked sex, who didn't? But he didn't obsess over it. He didn't have to have some tight hole to pound himself into all the time to keep him from going insane like he knew some guys did. Until he met Haku.

". . . How old were you when you, uh. . . Lost your virginity?"

"16." He answered. He sincerely hoped the teen wouldn't want to delve into his past lovers. "But none of that shit is important now. You're the only one I think about, Haku. Since the first minute I met you."

The boy's hearted melted sweetly, like sticky chocolate, turning molten over heat. "I thought I loved you before, Zabuza."

The bodyguard's heart stopped. Sweat prickled his skin, and his blood turned to ice. Loved? Haku's arms came around his neck, holding him tightly. He pressed their mouths together firmly, kissing him for several seconds before pulling back. "But I know I love you now." He finished.

Zabuza shuddered, broke. His strong arms came around and enfolded the beautiful boy, holding him so it nearly hurt. His hard mouth took the comfort Haku offered. The man never wanted to let go, to cling to this one beautiful, perfect being in his life that had been full of pain and imperfection and ugliness. Haku was a shining light, rays of sun shining determinedly through ink-black darkness, chasing away the shadows.

"I don't know what I'd do without you now." Zabuza said quietly. "I can't lose you."

"I'm not going anywhere." Haku promised.

"You know I'm supposed to be your bodyguard for a long time."

"Yes." Haku said. "I guess that means it will be easy for us to be together all the time."

Zabuza smirked. "Maybe. But it also means that your family might be paying more attention than we give them credit for." He nibbled the teen's full lips seductively, sampling the sweet honey flavor with the tip of his tongue.

"So?" He sighed dreamily, the kiss deepening before Zabuza drew back, a teasing glint in his eyes.

"So we don't want them to figure too much out."

Haku pouted. "Yeah." But he doubted any of them paid him enough attention to be able to figure out any personal goings-on in his life.

"Haku?"

The boy smiled serenely. He loved the way his name sounded in Zabuza's gruff voice. "Yes?"

"Nothing I told you. . . bothered you?"

Haku hesitated. "Zabuza. . ." He didn't want to bring the dark mood back. It was scary, and he could tell the memories hurt the man. "I love you. Isn't that enough?"

"That means it did."

"I know you made mistakes in the past. It's okay. You're. . . You're good now." He said firmly.

"I kill people for a living." He said flatly. Again the words made Haku's skin crawl, but he brutally ignored it. It was like swallowing down vomit.

"Only sometimes!" He said indignantly.

"Often enough."

He didn't want to hear it. He loved Zabuza, and could accept anything he had done. But he didn't want the details. "I know. . . It's alright. I love you."

"I know." Zabuza said. "I. . . " He hesitated. Haku tilted his head, eyes owlish. "I don't know how to say it." He confessed.

"Haven't you ever?" He breathed.

"No."

"But. . . Do you feel it?" Haku asked, his hands spreading on the hard chest.

"Yes." He did. He was sure. He had never felt more of an intense feeling for anyone or anything. "Look, I know it's only been a few days. Other people would think we were fucking nuts, but. . . Haku. I'm crazy about you."

"I love hearing you say that, Zabuza." He said, nuzzling the man's warm neck. It was time for complete and total honesty. "It does scare me that you. . . You're an assasin." He said, smoothing over the word killer. "But I understand it's what you want to do. And. . . It doesn't make me feel any less for you."

"I'm glad you made me tell you everything."

Haku smiled. "I didn't make you. I can't force you to do anything. You're bigger than me."

"Hmm. Thanks for reminding me." Zabuza pretended to mull it over in his mind. "I guess that means I could take advantage of you pretty easily."

"Oh please no." Haku pretended to be shocked and disillusioned at thought of the man 'taking advantage' of him. He bit his lower lip, fluttering his long lashes, tossing his hair behind him. It was a move that he would have been mortally embarrassed for Zabuza to find out that he had practiced in the mirror.

"Don't tempt me, you little cocktease." He said shortly, his hand smacking the boy's ass with a little more force than was necessary, and Haku's jaw dropped in genuine shock this time.

"Cocktease!?" He bristled, eyes glaring hot daggers into the man. "I'd give anything to sleep with you, you're the cocktease, Zabuza Momochi!" He crossed his arms over his chest, as if daring the guard to disagree with him.

Zabuza laughed hard, throwing his head back. It felt wonderful to be happy again, without the need of drugs or anything else. Nothing but the person he loved. Before Haku could even register the movement, the older male had tackled him onto the mattress, mouth against mouth, still laughing when his strong fingers tickled the boy's sensitive ribcage, forcing Haku to burst out in laughter along with him.

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