(New!) edit
New chapter 10 for DADbot
*peeks out of hole in the ground, glances around to check for predators and throws update while retreating to bottom of page*
...
He chanced a glance past the unconsciously wriggling Emil at the dark huddled mass on the other side of the bed. Matthias had claimed the edge closest the door on their return and curled up to sleep, leaving the mildly embarrassed Lukas wide awake and alone.
He lightly traced his own lips with his fingertips, part of him bubbling with fear, wanting to erase the sensation and memory. However, the other wanted to have stayed in that moment. Being able to hold and be held before his mind caught up with him. It had been 'okay', the word Matthias had pleaded for affirmation. Lukas didn't know what he would have called it. He'd practically crawled into the male's lap without a second thought.
He had liked it. All of it.
The kissing. The comfort. The affections. Everything he could never have with anyone. He'd felt safe, the hands on his back had anchored him to then, and nothing else mattered. And then the words began gnawing at the back of his skull, tugging him away from then to then. He had loved the grip on him, thumbs that had strummed along his ribs. He had loved tasting Matthias's half-formed words when he had stolen a kiss in retribution for the first. He had loved being, dare he consider it, loved.
And then it came back. He had jolted away without meaning to, comforting hands falling from his sides to brush his hands. Matthias had looked concerned until he'd uttered "Emil" as an explanation for his behavior, and the man had visibly relaxed at the name. Matthias had scooped him up and pressed a fervent kiss to his lips before shifting, Lukas's eyes had long since closed. The shade laid him on the bed carefully and melded to the wall as a specter, traveled across the ceiling in second dimension before pushing away from the darkness he traveled in to the other side of the bed.
It was wrong. Everything was wrong. Words from two different mouths played over in his mind, the tones the opposite of what the world said they should be.
The one that was meant to be loving spewed venom and scorn, the same deprecating snarl he'd heard for years... a voice he thought he would never hear again. Lukas pulled the pillow out from behind his head and held it over his face in an attempt to drown out his mind.
...
Emil was tossing and turning violently before settling with a foot on Lukas's bepillowed face. He then sat up and smacked the pillow with an open palm.
"Good morning, Emil." Lukas mumbled before being crushed under the gremlin's weight. The small boy pulled the pillow away to stare at his brother.
"I had a dream that a spider bit a hole in your belly and you died." He chirped matter-of-factly.
"That so."
"Yeah. You went like this." Emil explained and flopped back onto the bed with his eyes shut and tongue hanging out.
"... Breakfast?"
"Bekfast! ...gimme muffins Lukie! I wan' muffins."
"Let's just hope there aren't any spiders in the kitchen."
"Or you'll get eated." Emil added helpfully.
Lukas huffed and led the little beast giving him all of the details of his in-dream demise to the kitchen, only looking back once at the unmoving shade on the bed.
Pulling the heated tins out of the oven and bumping the curious Emil away from the metal, Lukas festered in a rather foul mood. As he set the paper lined treats on the cooling rack, Matthias slunk in with his board behind his back, ready to present it to Lukas.
'I'll protect you from the spiders.'
Beneath the words was a stick figure depiction of what he assumed was Matthias with a broom hitting a giant spider with himself cowering behind Matthias.
"Nice broom."
The shade turned the board and examined it himself before drawing an arrow to the broom and writing 'the great axe of spider slaying'.
"Um-Hm. Great." He sighed and tried moving past, wanting nothing more than to lie down and suffocate himself with a pillow for a few hours until the words stopped eating him so he could go back to not caring.
Matthias touched his arm, trying to keep his attention.
Doodle and words erased Matthias scribbled a question.
'Are you okay?'
"I'm fine." He deadpanned and brought Emil a cooled muffin, leaving an ambivalent shade behind him.
...
Lukas grit his teeth as he drove, contemplating driving in circles to other locations versus straight to the clinic. Emil would likely figure it out as soon as he parked anyways. He glanced back at the albino looking out the window waving at birds. Emil would hate Lukas after this.
He parked, calling Emil away from his daydreaming and led the narrow eyed boy through the structure to retrieve the copy of his shot record. He needed three vaccinations for kindergarten. Lukas carried him through to the clinic, squeezing his brother's thigh in the vain hopes that he would relax the muscles and would calmly sit on the table.
Emil was looking around him bewilderedly, hyperaware of where they were and what was likely to come. He glared at Lukas accusingly.
"Where we go now?"
"I need to talk to a couple nice doctors and then we go home."
He sat the agitated child on a chair in the waiting room and pleaded with the receptionist to quickly set up after lying that their guardian was in the restroom.
Lukas scooped Emil up and held him close to his chest so he couldn't see until being laid on the table. Lukas had been smart to grab the boy's wrists and block his sight because when the truth of the trip came to light, all hell broke loose.
"NO! NO! NO! BAD! NOOOOOOO!" The boy screeched before his voice broke and he writhed beneath his brother. Realizing Lukas would not let him up, he sobbed and kicked feebly at the tech pushing his shorts up and sticking him. Emil cried and Lukas died a little inside.
This was the one thing he made their mother do.
He would follow or take Emil anywhere as a child, except for shots. When his three month shots came around, Lukas had just began getting used to Emil by his side. He watched their mother lay Emil on the table, squirming softly and unaware. He'd nearly burst into tears himself when the blob cried. Even though he knew it didn't hurt that badly, and that the vaccines were to protect him- it still hurt. He'd never had to hold Emil down himself.
Emil screamed himself red in the face and glared at Lukas.
"Good job sweetie! All done." The tech swore, offering Emil stickers with a practiced smile.
Emil kicked and screeched, pushing away from everyone. Lukas composed himself, looped an arm around his brother's middle and carried the hell-child out of the building.
He managed to put the hysterical Emil in his seat and pull away from the building, desperate to forget.
Lukas managed to get them home in one piece, the driving easier when Emil stopped trying to shatter his eardrums. He turned the ignition off and sat in the car, hands still braced to the steering wheel. Emil seethed quietly in the back, fiddling with the blue Crayola bandage on his thigh.
"Meanie." He mutters to deaf ears.
Lukas was brought to attention with the whizz past his head and thud against the console. A little light-up shoe blinked on the passenger seat.
"Emil. We do not throw things." Lukas tried to be stern, but the rebuke sounded like a question.
"Lukie is a... DUM-DUM!" The silly insult was accentuated with the second shoe hitting the elder in the face.
Lukas turned and leaned forward until his forehead met the steering wheel, setting off the car horn. The blare of the horn proved a blessing and a curse for the two, engaged in a battle of noise. Yes, it was indeed immature, but Lukas was too aggravated to do anything else.
There was a tap on the window. Lukas unlocked the doors without a second glance at the shade and returned to blaring the horn. It lasted all of eight seconds before it eroded his last nerve and he snapped back in his seat. By then, Matthias had freed the miffed albino from his seat and shifted away with him.
...
...536...537...538...539…
The passenger door opened nine minutes later, Matthias slinking in beside him. The silence continued for a several minutes, Lukas staring down at his hands and Matthias's head cocked to the side at Lukas, almost patient for answers. The shade slipped an arm over his shoulders and leaned back in the seat, lightly encouraging him.
"Took Emil for his shots."
Matthias nodded but then tilted his head, communicating 'I know that's not all of it.'
Lukas shook his head. The shade's posture began hinting his annoyance as he undid Lukas's seatbelt and leaned so their shoulders touched. He reached over and pulled the key out of the ignition, holding it out to the smaller. Lukas reached up to take it when Matthias's hands clamped around his wrists, forcing him to face the shade. Mild alarm turned to the unsettled feeling in his gut when focusing on the blank 'face' Matthias bore. He had spent long enough phasing between the two homes, and Matthias's face had become Matthias's face. He didn't notice unless he was looking, as he was now, that Matthias didn't always look as he did in Lukas's mind.
The shade offered a hand for Lukas to grab as he moved his arm up from around the smaller's shoulders to brush his fingertips over Lukas's eyes to communicate shifting. Hesitantly, Lukas held on to Matthias. The air changes were the same, the odd rush and disorientation hit him as he clung to the shade. Gravity returned and he heard Matthias's feet crunch against the pale gravel. He opened his eyes slowly, doing his best to maintain equilibrium and stay on his feet. The crown of his head was met with light pressure every few seconds. Matthias had folded himself around Lukas, arms crossed over the other's back and resting his cheekbone against the other to replace the pressure. Lukas kept a fist clutched into the man's shirt and Matthias changed his stance, a foot planted firmly between Lukas's.
"'Alright?" He asked.
Lukas nodded and tried to take a staggered step away to stand on his own when Matthias's arms constricted.
"Not yet. We went farther this time, you haven't even opened your eyes yet. It'll be a bit more confusing but we have time to fix it. Just relax."
Clarity slowly returned to him.
"W-why did we go 'farther this time'? And we can't leave Emil alone in the house during the day, are you crazy?"
"..why would I leave Emil in the house?" Matthias said, looking genuinely confused.
"Where the fuck did you put my brother?" Lukas snapped.
"Hey. Hey. Calm down-" Matthias tried to soothe him and avoid the murderous glare he was receiving. "At least you're feeling a bit better."
"Matthias. Where. Is. He."
"First, calm down."
"Then let me go."
Matthias released him. Lukas took two steps back and curled a fist to throw at the Dane when he went careening to the side. Safely slumped on the unfamiliar ground, Matthias tutted at him.
"Ready to listen?"
Lukas stretched out on the ground and laid there for a few moments struggling to recognize the surroundings before nodding.
"Honestly, do you think I'd take him or leave him anywhere dangerous? I care about Emil too, ya' know. He's with Berwald in the kitchen last I saw, eating Oreos and Berwald was busting out the board games to play while we take a walk. When we reach the house then you can get all overprotective, but for now I guess you'll have to deal with me."
"You left him... With BERWALD?"
"What? Not like we have a list of babysitters you've interrogated-"
"Emil's never had a babysitter." Lukas cut in.
"Wait- really?"
Lukas nodded.
"Welp, he does now. So come on." Matthias laughed. "You go from annoyed to going to kill a bitch in about three seconds whenever Emil's mentioned."
Lukas glared at him from the ground.
The Dane's mouth quirked into a grin. "I didn't say it wasn't cute."
"It's not."
"I'd beg to differ cutie."
Lukas gaped like a fish for a few moments and sat up sputtering while Matthias chuckled and pulled him up to his feet.
"C'mon, babe."
"Don't call me that. Which way then?"
"This way, darling."
"No pet names."
The man rolled his eyes and lead his pet name-less 'friend' through the wastelands.
Eventually Lukas pulled his hand away in annoyance. The shade was insistent on humiliating him. Pet names and contemplating aloud if Lukas would've liked the 'date' more if Matthias had brought him flowers.
"I'm not a girl."
"I never said you were, love."
"Cut it out."
"Why?" The Dane had curled an arm around his shoulders.
"It's weird."
"How is it weird? It's a date, we're supposed to do stuff like this."
"Because it's not a date." Lukas said, slipping away from the man's grasp.
"Yes it is."
"No, it isn't."
"Yes it is."
"No it's not. Do you even know the what the definition of 'a date' is?
"A social or romantic appointment or engagement. So. Yeah, it is. A bit impromptu, but I'm calling it our first date."
"No. It is not a date. We are not on a date Matthias."
The Dane fell silent then, giving Lukas the space he'd been asking for and leading the way.
The twinge of guilt for his treatment of Matthias added on to the building mass eating at his conscience.
They walked in an edgy silence. He couldn't right everything, in fact the two gnawing on his mind were in antithesis with each other. Righting one would mean damning the other. It was impossible to sate both needs. So which did he need more?
Lukas quickened his pace to match the Dane's. He tried pressing his palm to the man's. Matthias did a double take at the touch and seized his hand with his smile returning.
"...half-date." Lukas mumbled.
"Hm?"
"It's not an actual date. So call it a half-date."
"First half-date then. Awesome!"
It was worth humbling himself to see Matthias cheerful again.
He gave in, accepting the kiss and the babble in stride. He hated to admit it, but Lukas liked the attention.
"I'm still not recognizing any of this Matthias." He reminded the Dane.
"I know. We're taking the secret tunnel."
"Secret tunnel?"
"Alright, it's not as cool as it sounds. We have two entrances into the house. We're going through the other side, through Berwald's workshop. You haven't seen all of the house yet so I think this could be good."
"And you swear Emil's safe." Lukas was getting antsy without his brother within arm's reach.
Matthias hummed and kissed his temple.
"He's just fine. You're too serious."
"Someone has to be."
"'Doesn't always have to be you."
"It usually is."
"I can be serious if I need to be. Lukas, you're just tensed up all the time. Worse than 'Waldy, and that's saying somethin'."
Lukas turned to glare at Matthias and slipped his hand away to cross his arms.
"Am not."
The Dane only smirked and weaved his arms around Lukas.
"Yes you are." He whispered breathily in Lukas's ear.
Lukas flinched at the air and nearly growled at the man.
"Are we going to stand here then?"
They were still in the middle of the gray.
Matthias gave a noncommittal shrug. "Maybe."
...
Feet pounding into the dust, Lukas loosed a laugh as Matthias skidded away again. Their feet had little purchase on the thin sediment and Lukas found himself at an advantage. He could change direction faster and safer than Matthias who would come barreling after him.
He couldn't quite remember what started the game of chase but he had to admit, it was fun. Lukas turned back to scan for Matthias and decide where to run next. The telltale susurrus from the dust alerted him of the danger coming in from the side.
Lukas bolted again, letting his feet sink into the sediment at each step. This slowed him down and Matthias tailed after him rather well, until he turned. He had figured out that keeping his foot under the surface and pushing into the pile that would build when he slowed acted like a spring while Matthias was left sliding and flailing.
He changed direction again and turned to laugh at Matthias's surprise and struggle to stay on his feet. A terrible idea in hindsight.
Matthias had managed the turn but hadn't stabilized himself. He flew into Lukas and knocked them to the dust.
Two things came to Lukas's mind: It didn't hurt as bad as he thought it would. The second came after they were safely on the ground, Matthias had fast reflexes and was currently crushing him.
The Dane had managed to wrap his arms around and reach a hand to cradle the back of Lukas's head.
"I won."
"How did I not win then? How many times did I get away?"
"Doesn't matter. No one gave in, and I caught you. So I win."
Lukas scowled up at the man braced on his forearms over him.
"So I get a prize right?"
"What are you talking about? There wasn't a prize."
"Can I have one anyways?"
Lukas started to explain that he didn't have any 'prizes' or whatever like he had to with Emil when Matthias kissed him.
"I win."
Lukas had to remind himself not to smile as he pushed on the Dane's shoulders.
...
The work shop was mostly empty, shelves stacked with everything from logs to bolt cutters out of his reach.
"Everything is really..."
"High?"
Lukas nodded and resisted the impulse to stand on his toes to see if he could reach.
"Berwald didn't want me getting into anything. Not like I couldn't get to it if I wanted to, it's just not worth the trouble." Matthias said with a shrug.
"Makes it sound like something I'd do." Lukas scoffed.
They continued their exploration of the workshop. A few tarps covered incomplete tables and chairs, the entire room reeking of wood shavings. Each area had lights strung on the ceiling and Christmas lights hung along the seams of the walls.
Matthias fiddled with something behind a table and suddenly they were bathed in light. Lukas hissed and tripped over a cord.
"Oh shit!"
The light seared his eyes and Lukas was stuck blind on the floor grumbling about the burning.
"Sorry! Didn't know he cranked it up from the last time."
Matthias hauled him from the ground and dusted him off apologetically before pulling Lukas into a hug.
"...Okay?"
"I'll answer when I'm not seeing flashes." Lukas muttered.
His eyes fucking hurt.
"I'm sorry."
Lukas sighed when Matthias kissed his eyelids.
There might have been something to the idea of a kiss making something better. Emil lying about falling down or "injuring" himself for Lukas's attention, whimpering only quelled with kisses and band aids.
They only stepped out of the embrace at the sound of an obvious cough from the doorway.
...
Oh sweet sons of machine guns how do I begin? Errrr...
OTL
It's wonderful to see you again.
Since I won't be very coherent in a minute, I'll type stuff about the story. Ready? Go:
- Emil's spider dream is based off of what my little brother told me a few weeks ago. A spider bit my belly and I died. Fantastic.
- ha, just when people started talking about wanting a cute little brother or how cute Emil is I show the true nature of the beast. Or something. Yeah, not all fun and cuteness. There's biting and screaming and messes (varies depending on the kid) as well as the cuteness.
-I don't really know what else to say here for this part. I'll be changing the summary next chapter so forewarning, it might actually make sense and not be pulled out of a chapter.
And so I send a thousand apologies for disappearing like that for the last... Over 3 months...
I'll leave it at 'life'. And I can't promise it'll get better.
I rewrote THIS damn chapter four freaking times. I had the first version being self-edited in June. First wave of hell. I lost all motivation for anything. Then it got bad so I returned to writing. I wrote other stories I've been refining to hopefully salvage some for posting.
And then I came back to chapter 10... I hated it. And the entire storyline changed itself. (Close to 15 written out chapters were trashed and became obsolete.)
However, The story has changed for the better I believe- stronger plot points and character development and pain, can't forget the pain.
The most immediate change that affects you guys but won't happen, I'm not going to kill Anders. I was. But now I'm not. Poor guys are/will/had been suffering enough already.
Berwald has a stronger role now and a cohesive background that makes sense. Matthias too.
Second chapter of the prequel "shadow of the day" is up. You should go check that out for me.
So anyway- rewrote second time. Depressing as hell, as I should not be allowed to write when I'm not, well, doing fine. And I don't consider it a rewrite but at one point I had typed out:
"The shade smiled at Lukas tucked safely in his arms. Lukas's breath caught as he watched the blood bead into the fabric of his shirt. And that children, is why you don't trust anyone
Drip. Drip. Drip.
He bled out, unmoving as the tendrils speared through his chest wove in between his ribs.
And I was totally going to post it, but I didn't.
Rewrote again. This time- still going nowhere and forced. By then, my brain had stopped and had given me at least 12 different stories to write.
Douchebag brain.
"oh, you want chapter 10 for don't be afraid of the dark?! Ha! Here's a few new ideas to make you cry at night. Oh, you still want a few dark trilogy chapters? Here's the last five for shadow of the day. Enjoy the heart rending. And I'll even throw in the first two for whispers in the dark. More? Okay, here's stuff you can't use for at least three more chapters."
Dammit.
So writing will be slower as I have lost most of my prewritten materials. The most I can do is salvage a few parts. Annnnd I'm writing other stories that I'm not posting until I feel like I have a strong enough supply of chapters to publish and if something happens, I still have stuff to give/ they would be finished and there aren't giant stupid hiatuses like I just did. But there is a silver lining in-midst the shitstorm.
School started. Structuring. Stress.
Because of my long commute and screwed up class scheduling, I have at the very least three hours a day to write and plan these fics. I'd be in the clear and not worry about class at all if it weren't for the AP classes and precalc. I did not sign up for Precalculus. I just got stuck in that class. Yay for high school.
For now though, I have a good amount of time to work on my terrible English skills. Any critiques and/or advice are cherished dearly.
As always, my many mistakes that I have spotted upon rereading the last 9 chapters are my own and AutoCorrect's fault. I'd go back and fix them but I want a steady schedule first before nitpicking over my unbeta'd crap. Please forgive my terrible formatting.
So, in closing and I put this at the end because it took the longest to type because I had to keep stopping...
Thanks for putting up with my absence. I went back and read the reviews the other night while trying to finish this. Thanks for making me cry guys, I thought I was done with crying… but apparently not.
Questions? Comments? Concerns? Critiques? Let me know.
-Waltz
Edit: PLEASE FORGIVE MY FORMATTING AND SPELLING