Severus turned to see Hermione standing blankly in the doorway. She turned with the wet clothes and walked out of the room, not saying a word. Severus followed behind her, closing the door to. The mood between them had changed and it made him nervous; her quiet was like a siren announcing a danger. He wasn't sure if he should stay or go so he stood watching her move from one part of the house to the other, finally moving to stand in front of the large window, looking out into the snowy darkness.

"She didn't mean it, Hermione, she was asleep. She won't even remember saying it in the morning if that's what you're worried about," he said breaking the silence.

"She may not have meant it but it doesn't mean she doesn't want it," she said aloud, continuing to stare outside the window. "I don't think you should spend as much time with her," she stated.

Severus felt this was his only opportunity. "Hermione, why was this Emiline's first quidditch game?"

She sighed heavily. "I think you know the answer to that, don't you?" she asked.

He said nothing, waiting for her to continue. "I suppose you've put enough of it together by now that nothing I tell you will come as any surprise." She paused to collect herself before continuing.

"That day in the kitchen, when I told you it had been a long time. I didn't mean a couple of weeks or months. No one has held me like that since before Alexander was born," she admitted.

"You mean it's been-" he started before being cut off.

"Almost twelve years," she finished. "I suppose the first thing you have to understand is that the soul living in Ron's body now is not the same one from Hogwarts. Once he put on that locket, it changed him. In the forest and even after, it was never the same. It was like it tapped into some kind of latent darkness in him and it took hold. I've always thought that we all have that piece of us deep inside, that darkness, but most of us can suppress it, but for Ron, once it was unleashed, it could never be put back inside. Once the war was over, we fell in together, circumstance maybe, I don't know if it was love, but it was comfortable and we were all hurting."

"He never asked me to marry him. He never wanted to get married. But soon after the war ended, the Prophet ran that article. Do you remember that? The Heroes and Lovers article?" she asked.

"I do. I read it while I was in hospital," he told her.

"It wasn't true. But they announced that we were getting married. There was so much excitement. It was like everyone needed something to hang onto, something to celebrate and we just got whisked into it. He didn't want it and I was too confused and shocked to say anything. So, we got married."

"I got pregnant with Alexander very quickly and Ron was furious. He said I was trying to trap him just when his career was getting started. He had just been recruited to play quidditch in Bulgaria. I told him that sometimes potions fail. I took that contraceptive religiously but, there I was, pregnant. There was this anger, I'll never forget it and when I started to show, he left. He bought a place in Bulgaria and I didn't see him for weeks, months at a time. When he came back, I still remember the way he would look at me, so disgusted, even though I was carrying his child. I went into labour early and sent an owl for Ron. I remember laying there in the bed in hospital, terrified only to see the door open and Harry walked in, a bit sad. He said Ron was very ill and couldn't be there because he didn't want to get us sick and asked Harry to go. So Harry held me and coached me when Alexander was born. Ron didn't come to see us until Alexander was almost six months old."

Severus moved closer to the window but let her continue.

"Molly somehow got wind that Ron wasn't living at home and she guilted him into coming home to be with his family. He made arrangements to come back once a month. He would arrive on Saturday morning and leave Sunday at lunch. He was so cold. He didn't want to be there but he wanted his family off his back, wanted them to think he was doing it for us. He never touched me after I told him I was pregnant so when Alexander was two, I stopped taking the potion altogether, there was no point. I tried to make things as uneventful as possible when he was home, never wanting to set him off but his anger was just growing and growing. One Friday night, I was giving Alexander a bath, he was maybe three or so and Ron came home dead drunk. He was screaming and yelling, I couldn't understand anything he was saying. And then, for the very first time, he hit me, right here," she said, drawing her hand up to her cheek.

"He looked stunned for a moment, like he couldn't believe he did it and then did it again. It was horrifying. There was no reason, nothing, he was just angry. I remember just sitting, rattled, in the hallway. I had quickly rushed Alexander into his room and then he just reached out with both hands, like this," she demonstrated, "and down the stairs I went tumbling. And then he left. I didn't see him for months."

"There were rumors, had been since he was recruited, about his, shall we say, extracurricular interests, it was so humiliating. Everyone knew he was out and about, shagging his way around the world and there I was at home with Alexander. I started writing books, researching, doing work from home to keep myself busy but I was so terrified that something was going to happen to Alexander. So, I made arrangements that on the weekend when Ron would come home, Alexander would be there in the morning until the afternoon then he would go to Harry and Ginny's for the afternoon and evening. They thought we wanted time together, I assume and never asked. And this was our life until Alexander was eight, almost nine, it was a month before his birthday." She stopped for a moment to collect herself.

"Alexander had been sick. We were sitting on the couch and I was reading to him when Ron came home. But he came home early, I wasn't expecting him. He came in and saw the two of us on the couch and he went straight into the kitchen. I put Alexander to bed and stayed with him until he fell asleep."

"I knew something was wrong so I went into the kitchen to find Ron. He poured himself a drink and was so quiet. I could feel it in the air, that sounds silly doesn't it? But I knew something was going to happen. I muffled the room to be sure and he just exploded. He kept telling me how I had ruined his life, that I had trapped him, just on and on. When he walked over, I reached for my wand but I just wasn't fast enough. He was out of control, saying how he couldn't believe his own wife would pull a wand on him. I expected him to hit me but he took me by the shoulders and threw me down to the floor. He-" she drew a hand up to her mouth and shook her head.

Severus moved to stand beside her. He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her gently towards him, "did he force himself on you?" he asked in shock.

She nodded at him. "And, then there was Emiline."

"My God, Hermione, why did you stay?" he asked.

She looked at him seriously, "You know the answer to that, Severus."

And he did. The laws of the wizarding world gave very few rights to the wife. She could petition for divorce but if she petitioned, she would lose her children, that's just the way it was. She had to wait for him to dissolve the marriage or her children would be taken away and granted immediately to the father.

"I knew I had to do something. So I started researching. That's when I found out that many years ago, Hogwarts had let one student start their first year at the age of nine. He was very advanced. I petitioned the Board of Governors, brought Alexander here for testing and all but begged Minerva to allow him to start. He turned nine in June and in September, he started at Hogwarts."

"I didn't realize," he told her, "I just thought-"

"That his mother was an insufferable know-it-all with something to prove? Pushing her child to start school early? So did everyone else but I knew I could keep him safe here. He is clever and I didn't know how much longer I could protect him. After that night, I didn't see Ron for a year and a half. I owled Ginny when I was in labour with Emiline, told her Ron was in negotiations but the truth was I couldn't find him, I didn't WANT to find him. And then, he showed up one day, Emiline was about nine months old and he just looked at her. He has never held either of his children. When Minerva offered me the position here, I leapt at it. I was tired. It's an unending life, never knowing what's going to happen to you, trying to protect people you love. But you know about that don't you?" she said offhandedly.

"I do. Indeed, I do," he told her.

"I have tried, so desperately," she began to cry, "to love them, hold them, make sure they know how much they're treasured and wanted but it's not enough. Alexander knows something is wrong. Emiline knows. She sees how Harry is with Albus and Lily and I know they both want that. I have failed them, I have failed them miserably." She cried harder, covering her eyes with her hands.

Severus looked at her, standing in the moonlight, tears streaming down her face. Her drew her into him and wrapped his arms around her, letting her cry out her tears on him. When the sobs had died down to whimpers, he drew her chin up.

"You have not failed them, Hermione," he said, looking into her tear ridden eyes, "they adore you. You are a wonderful mother."

There was a silence between them, one that could only be ended in one way. As he leant down to her, her eyes closed gently and he pressed his lips against hers.

At first there was no response, and he moved to pull away, thinking he had indeed finally gone too far but then she responded with a fever. The love starved witch put her hands in his hair and leaned into the kiss with passion. He pulled her closer, lips and tongues fighting for contact. She began moving them toward her bedroom, never allowing a space to develop between them. He followed her, drunk in euphoria. He closed the door behind them and they made their way to her bed. She pushed his robes off and pulled his shirt from his trousers. Kissing her passionately, he paused only to lift her jumper over her head and guide her down to the bed. She clumsily unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off of him. Gliding atop her, he began to kiss down her jawline, down her neck, on her collarbone, kissing the swell of her breasts as they moved up and down to the ragged rhythm of her breathing. She drew her hands into his hair and felt as if she had been set on fire. He kissed his way back up to her neck and ear as she stretched her neck to give him more access. She reached for the button on his trousers and he heard her whisper, "Severus." He stopped his kisses, placing his forehead against hers.

"What's wrong? Did I do something?" she asked him.

"No, no, Hermione. We can't do this," he said with his eyes closed tightly.

"Why?" she asked him panicked.

"You are still married," he told her.

"Does it really matter?" she asked, "it's not like these vows mean anything to Ron."

"Yes," he agreed, "but you're not him. If we do this, the guilt will cripple you."

"I want this," she implored.

"I want this, too, more than you can imagine, but I want to do this right," he told her.

Tears began to spill out of her eyes. "Please," she begged, "don't do this, don't go. I haven't felt like this in so long."

"I know, I don't want to stop. It's taking every ounce of self-control I have not to make love to you," he said.

"I feel so trapped," she said defeatedly.

"We're going to figure a way out of this, Hermione, I promise. And when we do, I am going to make love to you with a passion you have never before experienced. I am going to worship you the way you deserve and treat you like the smart, beautiful, kind witch that you are. I am going to give you so much more, but we can't do this."

She nodded. She knew he was right but it didn't stop her from needing the contact. "Will you just lay here with me, just put your arms around me, and lay here?"

"Hermione, I don't know if I can," he said honestly.

"Please, just don't leave me like this. I don't want to feel-"

"I'm not abandoning you," he finished for her. "You are worth more than slipping around at night. You're better than that. I promise you, I will help you find a way out of this where your children will be safe and you can be happy."

She nodded. He lay beside her and she moved herself into the crook of his arm, her head resting on his bare shoulder. Severus felt her fall asleep, her hand placed over his chest and he gently stroked her warm, soft skin. He would have to leave before he fell asleep but for that moment, he was going to lay there and enjoy the moment.