CHAPTER TEN

Paul's POV

Sam and Jared were out patrolling when I got in, so I exchanged a few words with Emily and then went to my room. I couldn't seem to stop smiling and once I got into bed I couldn't keep my hands off of myself either. I jacked myself off vigorously and wondered with amusement if Embry was doing the same thing. He had been just as aroused as I was when we kissed and I could imagine him doing it. The thought only excited me even more and I finished much quicker than usual.

There was only one thing about the evening that was making me kick myself and in fact had been bothering me since it happened. After my altercation with Dad it had been instinct to go and hug Embry, wanting to let him know it was ok and knowing that holding him would make me feel better, but I had been so close to phasing - my temper barely restrained, the heat in me rolling up through my body to the point where it was ready to explode out of me. Dad had seen that and backed off, but I had been stupid. If I hadn't managed to push it back down I could have hurt Embry, even killed him. I couldn't afford to be that careless again. Emily carried three terrible scars on her face from when Sam once phased too close to her and she had been lucky.

Well, I had gotten away with it; I had held it back and I hadn't hurt him; I just wouldn't let that happen again. I relaxed and smiled again in the darkness, wondering if there was any chance I would sleep while I was counting off the hours until I could see him again.

I opened my eyes hours later and found it was approaching six-thirty on Saturday morning. I was instantly wide awake and I sat up and grabbed my cellphone, the immediate longing to at least text Embry overpowering. He was probably still asleep, but what the hell.

'Miss you, can't wait to see you, x,' I typed and sent it before I thought I probably sounded too eager.

'Miss you too, last night was awesome, x.' His reply arrived in seconds and I grinned stupidly. He had either been waiting for me to contact him or was considering whether to text me first.

'Meet me on the beach at eight?' I typed. Might as well make the most of the time we had. I wondered if eight was too early, but he replied at once to say he would be there. I jumped out of bed and headed for the shower, beating Sam and Emily who weren't even awake yet. By the time they rose I was drinking coffee and trying to decide whether to force some food down my neck, but excitement had diminished my usual appetite.

"Couldn't you sleep?" Sam asked, yawning widely.

"Not after six." I smirked and gulped some coffee. "I'm going out soon."

"You know you can bring Embry here when you want," Sam told me.

"Yeah, I know. Maybe next week." I knew that when he came over he would learn about us and I wanted to put it off, just for a little while. Maybe if he really fell for me first, what he learned wouldn't put him off me. I didn't know if that theory would actually work or not, but I was stupidly nervous about telling him anything. He liked his vampire movies, but would he really be able to make the leap from the silver screen to reality? Would it be too much for him to accept he was dating a werewolf? The idea would have sounded ridiculous if it wasn't painfully true and I had already seen him scared of me once; I didn't want that again.

By the time I left the house at seven-forty I was virtually aching to see him, my chest hollow and painful and I sprinted to the beach, guessing I would probably have to stand there and wait once I got there, but it was better than pacing around the house any longer. However, I had been there about a minute when Embry appeared, apparently as keen to see me as I was him. Well he would never be that due to me having Imprinted, but close enough. I grinned as he came towards me and grabbed him in a hug, then planted my mouth on his before he had a chance to speak and kissed him until we were both breathless. When I drew back, his cheeks were flushed and his eyes sparkled and I didn't want to let go of him. I wondered how I would have felt without the Imprint - would I still want him this much? Care for him this much? Even love him? I had to admit I probably would; it may just have taken a little longer for me to feel that way and may have been less intense.

"Paul?"

"Yeah." I realised I was just staring at him, almost drowning and I pulled myself together quickly. "What do you want to do today?"

"I don't care," he said. "Anything."

I knew what I wanted to do - I wanted to take him somewhere and do all the things I thought about when I was getting myself off last night - but we were lacking a place to go unless Sam took Emily out some time and with neither of us yet able to drive we couldn't even borrow Sam's truck. I backed off reluctantly and suggested we get the bus into Forks and have a huge late breakfast in a diner.

We made the meal brunch - bacon, sausage, eggs, hash browns, beans, biscuits and gravy and a heap of pancakes with maple syrup. We ate enough between us to satisfy a family of four, although I guess I ate much more than half myself. Once he was with me and I was no longer empty and aching, I was starving. Embry stubbornly refused to let me pay this time and I gave in rather than argue.

Afterwards we wandered around town window shopping and then returned to La Push to spend a couple hours on the beach. The couple hours quickly turned into four or five as we sat on a patch of dry sand sheltered by rocks, cuddling and kissing and whispering to each other, until we were interrupted by my cellphone ringing insistently. It was Sam, demanding I go home and get myself ready to patrol. I dragged myself away with great reluctance and that night I knew I irritated the hell out of Sam and Jared when as usual I was unable to keep my thoughts to myself.

"You know, things will be a lot easier when Embry knows about us," Jared pointed out. "He could be sitting at home right now with Emily and Kim waiting for you."

He was right and I would have liked nothing more than to run home, phase outside as we always did before going inside to find Embry there. I would bring him to see Sam I thought determinedly. In just a few more days.

I spent most of Sunday with Embry again and then had to content myself with sitting next to him in class at school and studying with him a couple hours each evening at Jake's house. Jake and Quil were gradually beginning to accept my presence although I knew they still expected me to kick Embry in the teeth again, even though I guess I made it pretty obvious how I felt about him, cuddling him, holding his hand, kissing his ear, playing with his hair and so on until I made him blush and push me away while Jake and Quil occasionally rolled their eyes or frowned at me.

Friday, Jared was planning to take Kim to the movies and I finally invited Embry back for dinner that night. I was actually dreading it, convinced he would either think it was some elaborate story made up to get rid of him because I changed my mind, or else he would believe it and be afraid of me. I couldn't even make myself consider a positive outcome and I had to force my share of the meal Emily cooked past the lump in my throat so I didn't make it obvious anything was wrong. Sam helped Emily with the dishes afterwards and Embry and I went into the lounge. I sat down at one end of the sofa, grabbed Embry and pulled him down onto my lap, hugging him tight.

"Hey, they'll catch us in a minute," he protested.

"I don't care." I lifted one hand to touch his face and tipped my head back to kiss him; a warm and gentle kiss. I wanted him to know what I was feeling, but would he think it was too soon? Would I sound desperate? I felt desperate. "You know how I feel about you, right?" I murmured. "Em, I..."

"Either of you want coffee?" Emily asked suddenly from the doorway and then giggled as Embry leaped off my lap quickly and sat next to me instead, his face red. Damnit.

"Um...no, thanks, we're good," I said.

"Ok, I won't bother then, Sam doesn't want it either." She came into the room and curled herself up in the armchair opposite us. Sam came in a moment later and I reached out to take hold of Embry's hand, mainly to reassure him when Sam started talking, but partly to stop him running away. I was convinced it was all about to go horribly wrong.

To his credit, Sam told the story pretty well and I guessed if I was of another tribe and knew nothing of Quileute history, I would have believed every word. When he started talking about our ancestors, Embry was clearly interested and listened keenly, putting in the odd question here and then. Right up until the point where the word 'shape-shifter' came into it. He carried on listening, but his eyes narrowed slightly and he glanced at me a few times, as if he were wondering if I actually believed it.

"Is this true?" he asked eventually, when Sam got to the part where he first phased himself last summer.

"Yeah, it's true. I guess this must all be pretty hard to take," Sam said.

"A little, yeah. It sounds like something Stephen King wrote." He looked at me then. "What has this to do with you? Are you going to tell me you're one of them?"

"Yes," I said. "Jared was second to shift, right around the time he was out of school sick for a week before Christmas. For me, it was during the holidays."

"And you're saying you all turn into actual wolves? I don't know...I kind of believe it, because you're all sitting here so serious...even you, Emily." He looked at her and she smiled back at him. "But it's...impossible."

"Not so impossible," Emily said. "Look at the world we live in; there's something impossible in everything we see every day. Before our tribes were made to live on reservations, who would have thought we would fly around the world or go to the moon, or even drive a car? Nature and legends are just as unbelievable, but it doesn't make them any less true."

"Yeah, I guess. You know, when you put it like that, I suppose it's not all that weird after all," Embry said, although he still sounded doubtful.

Sam talked some more, finishing the story and eventually the doubt left Embry's face and he looked interested once again. I heaved a huge sigh of relief. I still didn't think he was going to just accept things, but it all went a lot better than I hoped. When I walked him home later, we continued talking about it.

"Does your Dad know about...what you are?" Embry asked.

"Yeah, Sam talked to him, but he already believed the legends. Remember last week when he saw us at the bus stop? That's why he backed off so quick when I yelled at him. He thought I'd change and hurt him."

"You were burning up," he said.

"Yeah and I put you in danger, that's why I said sorry. I should have kept away from you until I was calm. You've seen Emily's face. Sam did that. It was an accident, he was too close to her when he shifted and he's been eaten up with guilt over it ever since."

"Shit, isn't she scared to be around him?"

"No, she's nuts about him and she's his Imprint too, so he'll never leave her or let anyone hurt her or..."

"What's an Imprint?" interrupted Embry and I mentally kicked myself. Sam had left that part out for me to add later, but I hadn't intended to blurt it out now. He had enough to swallow already without me dumping that on him.

"It's...um...it's kind of like fate or something; it's hard to describe. It's supposed to be where a shifter selects their mate, but you don't choose, they're chosen for you. After the first time you phase, when you see that person the first time and meet their eyes, it's like they're all there is. Suddenly they're your whole world and nothing else matters. After that, the most important thing to you is that you make them happy." I babbled on, reliving the moment in the canteen where I looked across the room at him and it happened, even as I began to realise the more I said the worse I was making things for myself. Embry slid his hand out of mine and wrapped his arms around himself instead, walking slower and slower until he stopped altogether.

"You sound like you're talking from experience; so you Imprinted on someone?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"But you said it selects a mate for you, so it must be a girl, right?" he said in a small voice.

"Not this time," I said. "Sam was surprised, but I guess there must be a reason. I Imprinted on you, Em."

His eyes widened and he stared at me in shock. "When?"

"That day in the canteen when I looked at you and then jumped up and knocked my chair over." I knew I should have kept my fucking mouth shut; the colour was leaking out of his face and he was trembling.

"Em..." I reached out to touch him and he stepped out of reach.

"It was only after that you wanted to talk to me," he said. "That day after school and then the next you asked me out." To my horror his eyes filled with tears. "You asked me out because you Imprinted? Because you didn't have a choice?" he said.

"No! It was nothing to do with it. I always liked you; I know I fucked it up after the damned school party but..."

"How can you know that?" Embry interrupted. "How do you know you would still have wanted this...this last week...if fate hadn't made you feel like that? How can I know it's real?" A tear spilled over and trickled down his cheek and I felt a crushing pain around my heart. I took a step towards him again, but he backed away further.

"I know it's real," I said. "I'm crazy about you, I..."

"Isn't that what's supposed to happen though? If fate or whatever the hell it is picks your mate for you, then you have to like them."

"I felt like that long before this happened," I repeated. "I tried to talk to you on the beach, remember? You told me to leave you alone."

"I was hurt." He scrubbed a hand over his eyes as another tear escaped. "I'm still hurt! I don't want this, Paul. It was bad enough having to hear all that stuff Sam told me. I believed it, but it scared the shit out of me. And now you tell me you're crazy about me, but you never did anything about it. Until you Imprinted you didn't even try to speak to me again."

"I was trying to deal with the fact that I was a fucking wolf!" I exclaimed. "It wasn't something I wanted and I couldn't control the rage and everything else that comes with it at the beginning. Jared had to stay with me practically every minute to stop me going off at every little thing."

I shut my mouth, realising I was only making things worse and the fact that he was hurting was like a punch in the stomach. I ached and it was becoming difficult just to suck air into my lungs. Now my pain and desperation had made me bark at him and he looked more upset than ever. Consequently the agony in me increased and my temperature rose. All I wanted to do was reached out to him again, wrap my arms around him, but I was in the same state I had been when I saw Dad and I couldn't see how I was going to calm down this time. I backed away a few steps.

"I have to go home," Embry said shakily.

"Please, just talk to me. I thought you were ok about the wolf thing." I had no idea what to say now to put things back to the way they were. If only I hadn't told him about the Imprint, but I had to go blurting it all out like a fool.

"I was...am...but the rest...it's too much. I can't do this, Paul, I need you to leave me alone."

"Em, don't do this, please," I begged. He was going to break up with me because I couldn't prove I had really felt anything for him and at that moment I hated what I was.

"I'm sorry. I don't think we should see each other any more," he sniffed and turned away as a flood of tears began to pour down his face.

"Em!" I shouted in anguish and rushed after him, grabbing him and making him look at me again. I gripped his arms, too hard in my desperation and he flinched and groaned. I let go quickly, mortified. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know you didn't, but you keep on doing it one way or another," he choked. "I'm going home. Leave me be, I just want to be alone."

He turned and began to run away from me and this time I stayed still simply because I had to. It was one other thing Sam had told me about Imprinting; that you had to do what your Imprint asked you to do, whether you liked it or not. He wanted me to leave him alone and I had to. I couldn't even make my feet run after him again; it was as if some strange force was holding me back and I stood there, crushed, watching him disappear. I loved him - Imprint or not - I knew I did. He was all I wanted; all I had ever wanted, and the fact that he didn't want me back killed me. The pain brought by his rejection of my Imprint was like a knife through my soul and I stood there shivering and burning up at the same time, knowing I was going to phase any second and not even trying to calm myself. It was dark now and the beach deserted, so I let the heat flood through me until I was rolling forwards, my body swelling and changing shape, my clothes ripping off of me in small pieces as I landed on all fours, snarling.

I began to run in the opposite direction to that Embry had gone, racing along the sand and up the path towards the far end of the reservation behind Sam's house until I reached the forest, then continuing along one of the paths through the trees, my paws flying, ears back, letting out repeated growls of pain and fury as I put as much distance between myself and everything that was wrong as I could. I finally halted in the mountains and lay down beneath a tree, doing my best to make my mind go blank as I picked up on Sam and Jared's thoughts when they began to patrol.

"Where the hell can he be? He was only going to walk Embry home," Sam voice said.

"How did Embry take it? Maybe they had a fight," Jared suggested.

I shut them out quickly and stayed quiet and closed off, my head hurting with the effort. I don't know how long I lay there, but I watched the moon rise and the stars come out and noticed frost appearing on the foliage around me. I knew I would have to go back eventually and as the night slipped by, I got to my feet and began to make my way back down the mountain. I could no longer sense Sam and Jared and guessed they must have gone home and phased back.

It was dawn by the time I reached the house and I phased by the back porch, finding a pair of shorts there waiting for me. I pulled them on then sat down on the steps, shaking. Now human, the pain which had diminished somewhat in wolf form now hit me again with more force than before. I burst into tears and sat there sobbing until I almost made myself sick, not knowing how I could possibly recover from this. I couldn't even talk to Embry again, try to make him see how much I loved him, because he had asked me to leave him be. All I could do was try to find a way to deal with the anguish and loneliness which now threatened to suck me down and hope that somehow, Embry would change his mind.